Thursday, 3 December 2015

Once Upon A Time Season 5 Episode 10 "Broken Heart"

Or better title "Hook Becomes A Total Arse"

Let's clear the air, when Hook didn't know he was the Dark One he had zero issues with good and evil, however, since Emma spilled the beans about making him immortal so he wouldn't die, he's gone completely cruel and totally jerk face boyfriend.

Plus, he's the one who cast the 'oh my god, not again' purple curse to get everyone back to Storybrooke, murdering Hot Merlin in the process.

Why does this show keep killing off the hot guys?

Hey, I get it, Once has a plot like a wad of hangers all tangled up at the back of the closet, but why would they make it so easy for Hook to go bad...and really bad. He has one line in this episode that made me cringe while holding back vomit—we'll get to that.

Meanwhile, Emma, despite doing magic so dark she brought two men back from the dead, has it together enough to patiently sit through her parents trying to understand why she saved Hook if it meant making him immortal.

Now that Hook is evil his first matter of business is to race over to the pawn shop and challenge Mr. Gold to a duel to the death to finally exact his revenge. Because instead of killing him on the spot, it makes more sense to orchestrate a fight for later.

When Mr. Gold finds Emma and lets her know of Hook's somewhat pathetic revenge plan, David rushes into the room announcing that all the dreamcatchers Emma hid in the shed have been stolen. Not only that, but Belle suddenly remembers there's a set of books called the Dark Chronicles in the library that no one has thought to look at, even though Storybrooke has had two Dark Ones in the last few months.

This makes no sense. That's okay, we all gave up on this show making sense. In fact, I watch it for the senselessness of it all.

Hey, where is Lily the dragon by the way?

Meanwhile back in Fairy Tale Land, a freshly resurrected Hook reunites with Emma, who is no longer wearing her white velour robe, but now the black leather Dark One ensemble we know so well. But Hook is distracted by visions of Rumplestiltskin urging him not to trust Emma.

Back in Storybrooke, Merida was left to guard Emma while Mary Margaret and David leave to save the day (as if). Hook shows up and makes it clear he's not so into Emma anymore. He makes fun of her hair, calls her an orphan and also an anchor.


Because he's a Dark One and he hates that she did this to him. Confusingly enough he also loves being a Dark One. Again, I'm dumbfounded by Hook's sudden transition into jerk-wadness based solely on becoming a Dark One.

In other news, Zelana shows up at the hospital to claim her baby where it's the same nurse who also works the psych ward and the long haired dude who is always mopping the floors. Anyway, Regina is there and tells her that even though "Baby Hood" is now with Robin, she'll let Zelena see the baby since people with legitimate abandonment issues should get snuggle therapy.

Zelena was like, "I gave birth two hours ago, don't mock me."

Meanwhile, after her fragile ego was crushed by Hook, Emma manages to track down Henry and after a heartfelt talk, he forgives her for (whatever) and takes the No Magic cuff off her wrist. They decide to go find the dreamcatchers since no one else in town is doing anything except reading books upside down at the abandoned library.

Back in Fairy Tale Land Hook is still lamenting to Emma about how she should have let him die (yeah, I'm starting to wonder that myself) he would have much preferred to die.

Emma is all "I am so so sorry I have control over you. But I'll never try to control you ever again. Here, take the sword. It's yours. This is how much I love and trust you. And don't forget I'm so so sorry. Can we make out now?"

Hook is all for that, but it was only a trick so they would go back to Granny's and kill Hot Merlin and cast the purple curse!

On a personal note, I cannot believe Hot Merlin was killed off instead of bumbling Merida or useless King Arthur.

Back in Storybrooke, Mr. Gold arrives at the Jolly Roger for the above mentioned duel. Hook reminds us all this moment is strictly for the revenge of Milah, his true love and also Rumple's wife. By some miracle Mr. Gold defeats Hook. Perhaps he became all riled up when Hook referred to Milah as 'soiled'.

*cringe, barf*

Seriously? Soiled? I understand we're doing a lot of time travel each episode but this was straight out of the dark ages. Gross, OUAT.

He could have said, "...your wife would have returned to you, still in love with me and my love making skills." Or maybe "She'd go back to you, but the smile would be from memories of our nights together." Anything. ANYTHING other than, 'soiled.'


Light on his feet, Mr. Gold quickly goes to the well where he arranged to meet Belle if Hook didn't turn him into a kabob. He told her earlier, "I have a pure heart to offer you now. Please, give me a second chance." If she was there, it meant she was ready to love him again.

She's there!


Oh-uh. But then she tells him, "I have to take care of my own heart." And she leaves him broken hearted in the forest.

Whhhat? This is more confusing than the evil Hook storyline. Now that he's the man she always wanted him to be, she's walking away?

Across town, Emma and Henry arrive with the dreamcatchers they found in the clock tower and gives them to her family, choosing to trust them. Even though she is the Dark One she makes positive choices in regards to her loved ones happiness—which Hook is incapable of.
Then we're treated to this scene. Brain sucking dream catchers.

Emma is like, "Oh crap. I remember what Hook is planning now! He's going to open a portal to hell!"

A portal to hell?! At last.

The camera's whisk to the lake where Hook and the Rumplestiltskin hallucination wait for the arrival of a boatload of Dark Ones. Nimue (Merlin's true love) is both the original Dark One and the ferryman to hell. She's brought all the Dark Ones back "in the flesh" to snuff out the Light.

Vague much?

Even though Hook seems to be slipping further into TAT, total asshole territory, a battle of Dark Ones against Emma, Mr. Gold, Regina and perhaps Zelena seems promising. And hopfully, Hot Merlin will be resurrected somehow.

Who was the MVP?

#1. Baby Hood

#2. Hot Merlin's heart

#3. The dude mopping the hospital floor

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