Once Upon A Time, Season 2, Episode 11 “The Outsider”

Or better title, "Because Of You, I Crossed The Line"

I'm so excited! The Outsiders is one of my favorite books!!! Is Matt Dillon making an appearance?

 



Dallas is coming to Storybrooke!
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A big ole' Pontiac pulls up to Storybrooke's town limits.

We know it's the boundary because the dwarfs spray painted a bright red line....the vandals.
 

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Mr. Gold takes Bill Smead out of the trunk and unties him.

We know it's Bill Smead because he's wearing the obnoxiously, obvious red cap. Bill begs not to be pushed over the line since he'll lose his mind just like the pharmacist (Sneezy).

Bill has about 150 lbs on Mr. Gold, plus Mr. Gold uses a cane to walk. Can't he just punch him of something?

Mr. Gold whacks him in the knee with his fighting stick (the cane). He takes the obnoxiously obvious red cap and sprinkles it with magic liquid. Bill tells Mr. Gold the hat is special because his grandmother made it for him.

Mr. Gold kicks Bill over the line. But Bill doesn't go crazy, in fact he remembers everything.

The experiment works! 

Mary Margaret gives the eulogy for Dr. Hopper—who is actually bound and gagged in Hook's ship. The Dalmatian wines.

I thought dogs were super smart when it comes to fake bodies in your master's coffin.

Hook interrogates Dr. Hopper about Rumpelstiltskin's greatest weakness. This is a cue for the next scene.

Belle enters Mr. Gold's shop where he's waiting to give her some exciting news. He explains to her— and us—that by sprinkling the liquid on an object you hold most dear, it becomes a talisman that allows you to cross the town lines while still keeping your memory. He's ready to go looking for his son, Bellfire.

That's going to be confusing isn't it? Belle and Bellfire?

He opens a safe and shows Belle, Bellfire's (see it's already confusing) shawl. It's the last thing he has of his son.

Wow! I hope Hook doesn't find out about this.

Mr. Gold tells Belle that he only has enough potion for one object.

Wow! I hope it doesn't get wasted. Geez, there is so much to chance.

Belle enjoys a pint of grog at the local Ale House. The townsfolk are in a tizzy about a dangerous beast they're hoping to round up and kill. Grumpy, who is still Dreamy at this point, tells Belle he's super excited to be secretly eloping with his true love, Nova the clumsy fairy.

Where is Nova, anyway?

Dreamy thinks it would be giggles and fun times if Belle joined the hunters to take down the beast. Belle looks pained and explains that she prefers books—besides she already hooked up with a Beast and it didn't end so well.

But he convinces her because his positive attitude is contagious. Before Belle leaves on her super fun adventure, Dreamy gives her a sack of fairy dust. She's hesitant since magic turned Rumpelstiltskin all crazy and mean. Dreamy insists she take it because good magic is different than dark magic.

Thank you, Captain Obvious.

Belle struts down Main Street and opens Storybrooke's library by pulling on the door and walking in. Hook startles her. She tells him the library isn't opened yet. And by closed she means the door isn't locked. 


Don't think about the absurdity too much, just accept it and move on.

When Hook steps out of the shadows, she recognizes him from when he visited her cell in the Queen's castle. He explains that he's after Rumpelstiltskin, but her death will do nicely as well.

Belle manages to easily turn over a bookcase, making it crash on top of Hook. She enters the wacky elevator that leads to the dungeon, where the dragon is rotting from when Emma killed it last season.

I bet it smells bad.

She calls Mr. Gold, but the reception is so bad he has no clue that she's being attacked by a one handed pirate.

Belle studies a book while the hunters tease her about reading and letters and stuff. In fact, she happens to be reading about the very beast they're hunting. She also happens to be wearing a low cut tunic. She tells them to go to the lake, and then the hunters kick her off the waggon.

Right. 'Cause men HATE having a good looking chick with her boobs popping out of her shirt.

But getting kicked off is part of Belle's plan—the beast actually lives in the mountains. And it takes her two minutes to find it's lair. Armed with a book, a dagger, and about three feet of cleavage, Belle enters the beasts cave.

She steps on a stick, the silly goose. The fiery beast comes out! It's so ferocious it roars at Belle, and then runs away. Mulan shows up all pissy because Belle's loud stick spooked the beast just as she was aiming her arrow to kill. It took her a month to track it down, damnit!
 

Mulan doesn't like Belle, her book, or her cleavage. She stomps away in a huff.

Mr. Gold rescues Belle and listens with gritted teeth while she tells him about Hook.

As everyone snacks on egg salad sandwiches at Mary Margaret's apartment, Henry is totally bummed about his adoptive mom killing Dr Hopper. Grumpy brings up the topic of returning to the enchanted forest. And what would happen if someone from the real world decided to pay a visit?

*cough* foreshadowing *cough*

Belle tries to convince Mr. Gold not to kill Hook. Mr. Gold explains how his wife, Mila ran away with Hook, breaking his heart, and Bellfire's.

Of course he left out the part about him ripping her heart out.

Pfft. Details. Who needs them?
 

Mr. Gold finds his shop has been ransacked. The safe is empty. Hook watches from a roof top as Bill Smead hands over Bellfire's shawl. Now Mr. Gold is trapped in Storybrooke.

Belle wants to exert her independence and help Mr. Gold hunt down Hook. Instead, Mr. Gold convinces her to wait it out in the library...with a gun.

Overdue charges has a whole new meaning.
 

Belle is bullied at a local waterhole by the hunters she tricked.

Mulan shows up and pulls a Princess Xena, knocking out most of the men and scattering the rest. She gets a flesh wound, but shrugs it off. Mulan wants to find the beast and she knows Belle's book will lead the way quickly. “You track it, and I'll kill it,” she tells Belle.

Let's order pizza for supper instead.

Belle cleans up the library and finds a knotted bit of rope. She flips through a nautical text and finds the same knot.

Books are the answer!

She keenly deduces that Hook came to Storybrooke on his ship.

Sure...or a million other possibilities.

Bill Smead is packed for a trip out of Storybrooke when he's confronted by Mr. Gold. Mr. Gold does the Darth Vader invisible choking grip as Bill confesses that he gave the shawl to Hook. Mr. Gold changes him into a rat.

Scabbers!

Fifty points for Gryffindor!

Belle stands on the wharf looking for a pirate ship. Seagulls perch in mind air. She takes a few steps and breaks through the invisibility shield.

Hey, where's Cora during all of this?

Belle finds Dr. Hopper! It was so convenient how his gag had slipped down so he could scream. Belle tells him to run and give the latest to Mr. Gold while she stays on the ship—there may be some books on board.

Poor Henry is still sad. Emma bursts into Mary Margaret's kitchen with the Dalmatian who still hasn't lead anyone to the ship yet.

Henry is instantly cured of his sadness. Mary Margaret applauds Emma's motherly instincts, but suggests they start to look for a bigger house. She'd like some private sexy time with David, and that's hard if there are no walls.

Belle is caught snooping by Hook. He holds Bellfire's shawl, and snatches away her gun.

How does he even know how to work a handgun?

Belle and Mulan move through the night forest. Belle's book of answers has led them to the beast's latest site of carnage (although the trail of fire was a hint as well). Mulan's wound is making her weak. Belle has to be the one to kill the beast.

Belle stands up to Hook and engages him in a conversation. Hook gets all sentimental over the shawl since Mila had made it. When Belle refuses to budge on her opinion of Mr. Gold, he tells her that Rumpelstiltskin killed Mila by ripping out her heart.

Wow! That will teach Mila a lesson.

Belle preaches that Mr. Gold has changed...blah, blah...and that his heart is true, no matter how many women he's killed, or people he's beaten or maimed.

Dear ABC,

You've sent the women's movement back by thirty years.

Belle uses a loose board to hit Hook, and she escapes with the shawl. But he's so sneaky, he manages to block her off on the deck. And guess what? Mr. Gold is there too, with his fighting stick.

Belle gets the attention of the fiery beast by yelling, “Over here.” Luckily the beast understands English. It follows her and gets caught in her booby trap. No, not that booby trap. I mean the big thing of water that spills over him.

The beast begins to melt! He scrawls calligraphy in the dirt. He's human! 

*Closes eyes and prays, "Please be the huntsman.*

Belle takes out her sack of fairy dust and sprinkles it over the dying beast. Poof! Up stands a fully clad Prince...Prince Phillip!!!

He thanks Belle and says an evil witch cursed him to keep him from finding his true love, Aurora.

As Mr. Gold bludgeons Hook with his cane, Belle plays the 'there's good in you' card, and he finally stops. Leering into Hook's bloodied face, he tells him to leave Storybrooke forever.

Yeah, right. Like that's going to happen.

Again, where's Cora?

And where's the Mayor?

Henry tries to convince Emma that they should start stalk piling weapons in case the Mayor comes after them next. Before you can say, “Kill a loved one! Who do you think she is, Mr. Gold?” Dr. Hopper arrives to tell them the good news that he's alive, and that Cora was his kidnapper, not the Mayor.

Mr. Gold drives up with Belle to the town line. He tells her how much he appreciates her helping him. Belle does her usual, 'I'll never give up, you're worth fighting for. I believe in you...'

Belle introduces Prince Phillip to Mulan. She turns down their offer to make it a threesome (dirty minds) instead, she takes her book and says she needs to face another beast. But as she reaches the crest of the hill, the Evil Queen is waiting. And Belle is taken prisoner.

Belle wraps Bellfire's shawl around Mr. Gold. He crosses the town line and looks dazed for a moment. Then he turns and says her name.

Hooray! I hope he cleaned the blood off his cane for his big trip to the city.

Belle gives him a kiss and promises to be waiting for his return. There is a gun shot and Belle falls across the line into Mr. Gold's arms.

Hook stands behind them looking satisfied. Belle has lost her memory. Mr. Gold is frantic.

Suddenly, a car's headlights come out of the darkness. Mr. Gold pulls Belle off the road. Hook gets hit and the car spins out of control, coming to a stop against a rock.

The Pennsylvania license plate refers to Florida.

*cough* Emma's ugly faced boyfriend. *cough*

Stuff I Liked About This Episode

Mary Margaret's outfit at the funeral.

The Prince Phillip story line.

How Mulan kicked those dirt bag hunters butts.

The ending with Hook showing up, plus the car thing.

Stuff I Didn't Like About This Episode

Bill Smead's cap (it makes me sneeze).

How Belle keeps forgiving Mr. Gold, even when he beats the crap out of everyone.

How there's not supposed to be any magic, but there is.

Sheriff Graham STILL did not return.

Who do you think is in the car from Pennsylvania?






 

Once Upon A Time, Season 2, Episode 9 “Queen of Hearts”

Or better title, "Logical Headache"

Belle isn't impressed with her rescuer.
hypable.com

Inside the castle of the Evil Queen, a hooded figure walks up the steps with a meal for the prisoner, but he's stopped by the guards. A wild sword fight breaks out and is over two seconds later. Captain Sexy Eyes throws off the cloak and bursts into the cell. He frees Belle from her shackles with his hook. But he's only there to get information about Rumpelstiltskin and how to defeat him. When he realizes Belle is still loyal to Rumpelstiltskin, he knocks her out.

Harsh much?

onceuponatime.wikia.com

The Evil Queen comes in looking like a cross between Grace Jones and Prince. She tells him about her plan to take everyone to a land without magic. When Captain Sexy Eyes gives her a shrug, she entices him with an image of his hook slicing through a powerless Rumpelstiltskin. In return, she wants him to make sure that one person doesn't follow them...Cora.

Grace Jones

Prince

 

The Mayor and Mr. Gold pace the floor while David remains in his magical coma in the back of the shop. Mr. Gold plays devil's advocate and tells the Mayor they should destroy the portal since Cora is so super bad and amazingly evil that there's no way Mary Margaret and Emma can defeat her. Plus, if they somehow DO manage to beat Cora to the portal, would it be so bad for the Mayor if Henry only had her left?

He's slick that Mr. Gold. How can the Mayor resist his logic?

Mary Margaret, Emma, Mulan, and the heartless Aurora, go to Rumpelstiltskin's cell, in search of the bottle of powerful squid ink. All they find within the cavern's cracks is a scroll with Emma's name written over and over.

Jinkies! A clue!
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Henry reads his only book to a sleeping David. The Mayor walks in and gives an Oscar worthy performance telling him that she and Mr. Gold are going to prepare the portal for Mary Margaret and Emma's arrival.

And by prepare the portal, she means destroy it.

She and Mr. Gold enter the mine and find all the diamonds the dwarfs just leave unguarded for anyone to take.

That makes perfect sense to me. Definitely no loop holes with that logic.

Mr. Gold takes out a wand and casually mentions a dead fairy and fills it up with the magic from the diamonds.

Remember the Cinderella episode when he killed the fairy godmother? 

The Evil Queen hexes Captain Sexy Eyes' hook so that he can remove a heart and enchant it at the same time. However, he can only do it once.

Let's file that bit of info for a later episode.

She shows Captain Sexy Eyes, Jefferson's hat and tells him he has to enter the land where her mother has been banished.

Guess who's going to Wonderland? I believe this is time to do some gloating. Click here.

Why the ear thing, anyway?
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Captain Sexy Eyes arrives in Wonderland under the watchful gaze of masked courtiers and pays respect to the 'elephant-thing' that is Cora.

Thank you! *bows*

He thrusts his hook into her chest but she only laughs.

She has no heart, dumb-dumb! She's hiding it somewhere special. Hmm...like maybe in a chest in the bottom of the sea? *Cough* Davy Jones Locker *cough*

Where is her heart? Ask this dude.
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Cora turns the tables and grips his cardiac muscle. Gasping, he confesses the Evil Queen was the one who ordered her death.

Emma stares at the scroll with her name as the others keep searching the cell. Mulan finds an empty ink bottle. Just when things can't get any worse, Cora and Captain Sexy Eyes arrive and close the bars, trapping the girls in the cell. Aurora grabs the compass from Emma and tosses it to Cora's waiting hand. The others are baffled until Cora gives Aurora's heart a good squeeze.

Emma tries to make a deal with Captain Sexy Eyes, but he only teases her by dangling his dried bean in her face. Sorry, I mean the last magic bean taken from the giant, which I'm assuming he'll rehydrate or something.

No matter, the chicks are totally screwed by the end of this scene.

Grumpy and Ruby discover that all the magic diamonds are gone. They alert Henry since he's the logical choice, being the only nearby ten year old who is busy reading to his comatose grandfather.

Henry is so upset that the Mayor has lied to him about trying to be good that he ALMOST slams the book shut, gosh darn it!

Emma tries to break through the bars but it's useless, so is the whining as everyone tries to take blame for the mess they're in. Emma, in particular, complains about not fulfilling her end of the prophecy. Mary Margaret will have none of it, and leads the gang in a cheer about good versus evil.

I wonder when they'll realize the magic ink is already written on the scroll. Oops, that would be logical. Better let things evolve at their own pace.

Cora and Captain Sexy Eyes head to the magical lake that restores what was once lost.

Thank God, because this plot needs to find some logic.

No worries when you've got magic.
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Cora doesn't even raise an eyebrow at the dried up desert. She merely raises her hand and a geyser erupts—and by the looks of those awesome special effects, the magical lake will soon be full.

Back in time in Wonderland, Cora let's Captain Sexy Eyes live. She convinces him that she's the only one who can help him kill Rumpelstiltskin. In return, he promises to get her close to the Evil Queen to rip out her daughter's heart.

Captain Sexy Eyes shows the Evil Queen Cora's body, just like he promised. She leans over the coffin and...holy spray tan!

She's supposed to be dead, not on an outlet shopping spree bus tour.

The Evil Queen weeps and apologizes to her mother. She says love is her weakness, and that she had to kill her because her love for her is too great. 

And that, of course, logically speaking, would make Cora her greatest threat...you know, because she loves her so much.

*Brain explodes*

Let's not forget this is the girl who ripped out her father's heart to complete the curse.

It's not eyeliner, it's face paint for guys.
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Cora slips out of the coffin and explains to Captain Sexy Eyes that she no longer plans on killing her daughter. Since she still has a place in her heart, she's ready to do a little waiting. They stand on an island in their little corner of fairy tale land, protected from the curse that sends everyone else to Storybrooke.

They discuss how they'll spend the next twenty-eight years while they wait for the Savior and blah, blah, blah...and then their quest will resume. Cora knows that Regina will lose everything, and that's the time when she'll need Mommy Dearest the most.

Mr. Gold and the Mayor walk through the forest and stop at the well.

Mary Margaret finally makes the connection that the squid ink is on the scroll. She blows over the paper (just like she used to spy Regina doing) and the magic cloud opens the cell. Aurora asks Mulan to tie her up because she can't be trusted.

Whoa, things just got kinky.

Cora and Captain Sexy Eyes stand at the edge of the magical lake that Cora magically made. He sprinkles in the ashes from the magical wardrobe, and a magical whirlpool appears...as if by magic or something.

Mr. Gold uses the fairy Godmother's wand and summons a dark cloud. A bolt of lightning pierces the well. He tells the Mayor (and us), that no one, not even super smart and magical Cora, can survive coming through that web of electricity.

Cora hands Captain Sexy Eyes the compass, but an arrow slices through the air, knocking it out of his hand. Emma and Captain Sexy Eyes do a little sword fighting while Mulan and Mary Margaret deflect Cora's fireballs. She vaporizes into thin air, leaving the bag that holds Aurora's enchanted heart falling into the whirlpool.

Captain Sexy Eyes reaches out and snags the bag. Mulan manages to grab it from him. He and Emma roll around on the beach as they continue to dual. He ends up straddling her, and says, “When I jab you with my sword, you'll feel it.”

Dear ABC,

Seriously? No really...seriously?

Emma has an amazing stroke of luck and realizes she's lying on top of the compass. She distracts Captain Sexy Eyes long enough to push him off and give him the face punch the writers deserved for that last line.

*Cough* 50 Shades of Grey *cough*

Ruby and Henry arrive at the well to confront the evil doers. Mr. Gold responds by throwing Ruby across the woods, knocking her unconscious. He turns to Henry and calmly explains that Cora will kill them all if she gets through the portal.

Can't Henry see the logic?

Emma and Mary Margaret battle a newly re-appeared Cora. Cora is ready to take Mary Margaret's heart but Emma, that silly klutz, does it again and jumps in, making Cora's fist go through her own chest. But Cora can't take out her heart! Why???

Well, in Whoville they say, her heart was too good, and too full of love. Plus her blond hair totally kicked the evil Barbara Hershey with her Botox and fillers.

*cough* Harry Potter *cough*

Dear ABC,

If the key to deafeating Cora was finding the ink, why would Mary Margaret waste all of it opening the door of the cell? Shouldn't someone have yelled out, "Hey, don't use all the powerful ink! That's the only thing that will help us defeat Cora!" 

Mary Margaret and Emma hold the compass between their hands and jump into the magical whirlpool.

Their only hope is that they pronounce Diagon Alley, correctly.

Don't think too hard, just trust my logic.
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The Mayor and Henry battle scruples. Henry reminds her that she's supposed to be good, and that she needs to have faith and blah, blah, blah. The Mayor can't take any more of his logic. She puts her hands over the well and sucks up the electricity...or something logical like that.

Emma and Mary Margaret climb out of the well and they have a tearful reunion. Mr. Gold limps off before Ruby wakes up. Henry says the Mayor saved the day.

Hooray! Wait, what? Boo! Booooooring. I want the old evil one back.

Mary Margaret hurries to Mr. Gold's shop and lays a big wet one on David. The dwarfs gather around to watch. David wakes up, and they make out even more.

Mr. Gold puts the fairy Godmother's wand away...right beside a golden ball. Emma confronts Mr. Gold about creating the curse and making her the savior. He says he had no part in creating her, she's the product of true love.

*barf*

Mulan holds the enchanted heart and presses it into Aurora's chest.

Gee, I hope it's the right heart.

Aurora excitedly tells Mulan her new plan to get Prince Phillip's soul back from the demon (Dementor knock off) and reunite it with his body. Mulan is super keen on this plan since she had the hots for Phillip as well.

Cora has a heart on for Hook's magic bean.
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Captain Sexy Eyes stands by the magical lake and shows Cora his dried up bean. He dangles it right in front of her face! She looks unimpressed until he suggests they do a little gardening with the magical waters.

Henry hugs the Mayor and says he's happy she's really changed.

And guess where they're going to celebrate? Yup, the pub/diner/laundromat. And guess who's not invited? Yup, the Mayor.

It's perfectly logical for Henry to exclude the Mayor from the celebration since she was the one who took away the deadly electrical trap that allowed his mother and grandmother to return safely.

Yup, completely logical.

Mr. Gold puts a little salt in the wound, and I have to say, that's the best way to make the Mayor want revenge.

I guess she's lost everything. Who can help her now?

Oh, look! On the horizon! It's a pirate ship.

Predictions for the next episode

#1. ABC gets sued by that 50 Shades of Grey chick for stealing all her lines.

#2. Captain Sexy Eyes tries to lure a mermaid out of the magical lake with his dangling, dried up bean.

#3. The Mayor starts wearing white and black again because colors just aren't working out for her.

#4. Rapunzel shows up demanding equal representation.

Once Upon A Time, Season 2, Episode 8 “Into The Deep”

Or better title, "Sleepy Heads"

Not exactly the gang from Sex In The City.
afterellen.com

Cora greets Captain Sexy Eyes at the base of the beanstalk, furious he doesn't have the compass. He says he has a plan, and that their revenge themed trip to Storybrooke is still set. But Cora isn't charmed by his steely gaze, (or hook) and she leaves in a purple cloud of smoke.

She reappears at the safe camp, and makes an army of zombies with her enchanted hearts.

*Cue the music to Thriller*

Aurora confirms that the boy in her dream is Henry. Mary Margaret recognizes the fiery room from when she bit the cursed apple and fell into a deep sleep. The girls come up with a plan to communicate to Henry that Cora is back in power.

Henry wakes with a start and tells David and the Mayor the good news that Emma and Mary Margaret are all right.

Hooray! 

Then he follows with the bad news about Cora.

Boo!

Psst...my money is on Cora and her tribe of zombies.

At Granny's pub/diner/laudromat, Belle and Mr. Gold are enjoying the hamburger platter special. The date is broken up when the Mayor walks in with news that Cora is on her way to Storybrooke. Mr. Gold isn't concerned since he taught her all she knows, and he easily defeated her the last time. The Mayor leans in closer and motions to Belle. She tells him things are different this time because he has someone to lose.

Emma, Mary Margaret, Aurora, and Mulan trek through the forest and come up with a plan.

This is the super sophisticated plan—they set up another camp again! and prepare to let Aurora sleep... again!

Why did they leave the last camp?

When Mulan discovers Aurora is burned, she tries to convince her to stop. Aurora pulls away, adamant that this is her time to help the others—plus she likes all the lines and close ups she's been getting.

"We could run faster if you didn't have all this fabric!"
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Henry prepares to fall asleep under the watchful gaze of David and the Mayor. Mr. Gold tells Henry a bedtime story full of special clues.

"Prince Charming and Snow White defeated Rumpelstiltskin by tricking him into using a quill full of magical ink from a octopus deep in the water, which was retrieved with the help of a mermaid."

*Takes deep breath*

Did you get all that?

I'm guessing it was cheaper for Mr. Gold to just say it instead of ABC hiring more actors and building an elaborate underwater set.

Zzzzz
tvshowsforme.wordpress.com

 

Emma paces worriedly as Aurora sleeps at the latest camp site.

These girls have set more fires than the dudes from Fahrenheit 451.

Among the roaring flames, Henry tries to yell the instructions about the ink, but the fire is so loud Aurora can't get the whole message. Aurora wakes up and finds herself in the middle of a zombie attack.

District 12 rules!!
fanpop.com

Mary Margaret does her best Katniss impersonation to fight Cora's undead henchmen. Mulan has another plan and takes Aurora away speedy quick. But the zombies easily catch up, and kidnap Aurora.

For zombies, they move pretty fast.

Henry wakes up with a burn on his arm. David and the Mayor exchange a look that can only mean one thing—it's too dangerous for Henry to return, that or they're accusing the other of silent farting.

Aurora is kept prisoner in the pit. Cora brings in a meal and promises that she can bring Phillip's soul back. But Aurora is plucky with a capital 'P'. She refuses Cora's offer...and her plate of linguine with clam sauce.

A crow lands on Mary Margaret's shoulder with a message from Cora. Through the magic of inter-species dialect, Mary Margaret tells Emma and Mulan that Cora will kill Aurora if they don't bring the compass by nightfall. Mulan is indebted to Prince Philip, and has sworn to protect Aurora. But Emma isn't budging. Mary Margaret comes up with another plan—if she falls into a deep enough sleep, she can access the room.

Mr. Gold cures Henry's arm. David refuses to let Henry return to the room, and offers to go in his place.

Hook 'em, Danno!
fanpop.com

Captain Sexy Eyes wakes up Aurora and helps her escape the pit. She's suspicious, but he tells her that she must find Emma, and once he steals the magic fairy dust from Cora, he will help them get back to Storybrooke on his ship.

The Mayor makes the sleeping potion for David. Henry enters while she's mixing and boiling, and they talk about how she hasn't been using magic...well, except for that time when she killed her dead lover. She promises Henry to never, ever, ever use magic again...well, right after this potion is done.

Mulan finds a poppy to crush into a sleeping potion for Mary Margaret.

The Mayor puts a drop of her potion on a spinning needle for David—I guess fairy tale characters like to do things the old fashioned way.

Mary Margaret takes the poppy concoction, expecting to meet Henry in the burning room.

Mr. Gold tells David that since this is his first time going under the sleeping curse, he won't wake up in the room, but will need to find it on his own. David wakes in a dark room lined with mirrors

Oh! He's in the Hall of Mystery in the basement of the Ministry of Magic. Ten points for Gryffindor!

Mary Margaret stands in the middle of the 'disco inferno' calling out Henry's name.

Bombs away!
fanpop.com

David takes his sweet slow time staring at all the mirrors. Finally, like three years later, he realizes the floor is hot to the touch. He breaks through the tile and falls down through the ceiling of the burning room.

Suddenly...all at once...without warning...as if by magic, he and Mary Margaret see each other at the very same time. But the flames won't let the tragic lovers touch.

“You found me!”

“I will always find you!”

Blah, blah, blah...give the message already, freaks.

David tells Mary Margaret the jar of ink in Rumpelstiltskin's cell is powerful enough to defeat Cora. Mary Margaret realizes with horror that David has put himself into a coma on purpose. The only way to save him is with—say it with me—true love's kiss.

Hold on, wasn't he asleep for twenty eight years because of the curse? Whatever.

Mary Margaret wakes up and goes all blubbery as she tells Emma she has to get back to Storybrooke speedy quick to kiss David.

Um...that's the plan anyway, right?

Emma calms her down and reiterates the above logic, but uh-oh...where's Mulan?

Running through the forest to trade the compass for Aurora, that's where!

Is that a heart in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
examiner.com

Cora enters the pit and sees Captain Sexy Eyes. She prepares to pierce his heart with with his own hook, but he tells her there is a special gift for her inside his leathery man pouch.

*giggles*

Cora puts her hand inside his pouch and looks impressed. He's smug and tells her she can get everything she wants.

Gracious! This just turned PG-17. Damn that lucky, Barbara Hershey.

Mary Margaret finds Mulan and tackles her, but Aurora shows up before any hair pulling can begin. She tells them Captain Sexy Eyes let her go and can be trusted...

Cora holds an enchanted heart and mouths the words that Aurora speaks.

*Gasp*

Hook, that sexy fella, got her heart...like literally. And now Cora controls Aurora.

Predictions for the next episode

1. David makes less stupid mistakes while he's in his coma
2. Belle enjoys her hamburger and decides to get a tattoo
3. Cinderella and her Prince have worked enough back shifts at the cannery to put a down payment on an RV and they go camping at Storybrooke beach where the new lifeguard keeps running back into the water, insisting she's a mermaid

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Once Upon A Time Episode 6, Season 2, “Tallahassee”

Or better title, "That Damn Puppet!"

It all started with a magic bean...
photo credit, hypable.com



Knowing they need the magic compass to get back to Storybrooke, Emma, Mary Margaret, and Mulan stare up at the sky scraping bean stalk while the ever silent, Sleeping Beauty...well, just stares.

Captain Sexy Eyes gives the girls (and us), a brief history lesson about how giants used to grow magic portal beans. Big monsters declare war on humans all the time in fairytale land, and the human army was led by a shy farmer named Jack. After an epic battle atop the famous bean stalk, one giant remains.

Really? I would've bet on the giants.

Captain Sexy Eyes shows them his special glowing bracelet that will allow him to climb the enchanted vine, but here's the twist, he only has one more bracelet since it was supposed to be used by Cora.

Um...couldn't she just fly up or something?

We see Emma with a pony tail and glasses—this is clearly, pre-Henry. She steals a yellow bug—yes that yellow bug. A guy pops up from the backseat making her scream.

Backseat driver.
photo credit, examiner.com

Hey! It's the guy from the useless prologue from the first episode. What is Bellfire doing in Emma's yellow bug? *Reaches for Tylenol* 

He starts to flirt with her, which should be the first red flag, and asks her out for drinks. It's soon apparent this guy is smitten, and not the owner of the car.

Wow! What are the odds the car you've stolen has already been stolen? Pretty basic first date so far. It also happens to be the way I met my husband.

Emma convinces Mary Margaret to let her accompany Captain Sexy Eyes up the bean stalk. Mulan gives her a sack of poppy seeds to use as a powerful sleeping potion. (Well sure, if you're going to have Frankenstein, you might as well in corporate The Wizard of Oz).

Emma makes Mulan promise to chop down the vine if she's not back in ten hours, and...psst, make sure to get Mary Margaret back to Storybrooke.

They start to climb, and I'm thinking ten hours was a generous estimate. 

Hello! You're climbing into the clouds!

Captain Sexy Eyes takes this opportunity to flirt with Emma. With his usual confident swagger, he teases she has the look of an orphan, so similar to all the Lost Boys on Neverland. He can tell she's never truly been in love.

A very pregnant Emma, and her car stealing boyfriend, enter a convenience store and practise their shoplifting skills. They run out with Emma's fake tummy full of pop and Twinkies.

What kind of criminals are they? Shouldn't they be doing something more than pocketing gum?

Anyway, the nameless boyfriend gets all sentimental and convinces Emma that it's time to settle down and start eating real food. She closes her eyes, points to the map and chooses...Tallahassee.

Mulan makes a sundial and schedules sleep shifts. Mary Margaret convinces Aurora—yes! I can finally stop typing 'Sleeping Beauty'—to catch a few winks as well, but she whines that her nightmares keep her up. That plus the fact she's been asleep for like a hundred years...

Emma and Captain Sexy Eyes finally make it to the top and find a derelict castle looming in front of them. He administers some first aid to a cut on her hand, but Emma is so head strong and tough she's immune to his charms.

He takes off his manly pirate scarf, wraps it around her hand, and then knots it off with is teeth. All the while giving her a hypnotic stare with those terribly, sexy eyes. Then he leans close...so close I can count his eyelashes and smell a faint taste of rum off his breath.

Er...sorry. Right, ahem.

It's not eyeliner, it's face paint for men.
photo credit, tvfilmnews.com

Emma sees his tattoo of Melana's name on his arm and she figures out that Mr. Gold took more than his hand. But the pirate has no desire to talk about his feelings either, instead they discuss the best way to attack the giant.

Emma's boyfriend confesses he's in hot water for a bag of stolen watches, and the cops are looking for him. He breaks the news that Tallahassee is out, and he needs to escape to Canada...alone. But Emma has been picturing days spent at the beach while pickpocketing tourists. She convinces him to let her retrieve the watches from his locker at the train station...or something like that.

It doesn't matter, we all know it's not going to end well.

This dude looks LOST.
photo credit, tumblr.com

As per some elaborate plan, Captain Sexy Eyes makes a lot of noise to summon the Giant. The big curly haired dude, from Lost shows up. While Captain Sexy Eyes distracts him, Emma throws the whole bag of poppy powder at his face. Within seconds Hurley falls.

Mulan checks her sundial and the ever helpful Aurora has a nightmare. She tells Mary Margaret she was trapped in a room with burning curtains. There was someone else with her, hiding in the corner, but all she could see were his eyes. Mary Margaret soothes her back to sleep and this scene was such an obvious info-dump it isn't even funny.

Captain Sexy Eyes keeps pocketing golden treasure while Emma impatiently prompts him to hurry up. They stumble across several booby traps and more flirting continues—Emma's 'tough girl with a heart of stone persona' is an interesting challenge for the pirate.

Emma goes to the train station and easily retrieves the stolen watches. She jumps into the yellow bug, where her guy is waiting. He puts one of the watches on her wrist, takes the rest to sell speedy quick, and then they're Tallahassee bound, baby!

Gee, I hope nothing bad happens.

Lover Boy doesn't get very far before he's attacked....by August Wayne Booth. He wastes no time in playing the magic card, and blurts out that Emma has a destiny. And here's a hint, it has nothing to do with Tallahassee. In order to convince him, August walks him over to his motorcycle and shows him something in a box.

It must be one hell of a good trick, because the boyfriend doesn't even bat an eye when August proceeds to tell him everything.

Hands up!
photo credit, theexaminer.com

Emma is arrested after being told she was set up by her lover boy.

The giant wakes up and runs into the castle, causing such a ground shaking disturbance, that Captain Sexy Eyes is trapped under falling rocks.

Dear ABC,

Please, please, please, stop killing off the hot guys.

August and lover boy meet up in Vancouver, CANADA!!! Emma will be in jail for eleven months. Lover Boy is upset that he can't have any contact with her. He hands over the keys to the yellow bug. August promises to watch over Emma.

We know how that turned out the last time, right?

Lover Boy begs August to send him word when it's safe to see her again.

Giant Hurley picks up Emma and starts to crush her, apparently he has some unresolved issues over the whole 'humans whipped out my species' thing. Emma is brilliant under pressure and she bites his huge thumb with her tiny teeth. This causes enough searing pain for him to drop her.

He runs after her and she springs one of the booby traps. With a poisoned tipped sword aimed straight for his eye, Giant Hurley gives Emma the magic compass, snarling that all humans are killers. Emma walks away without harming him, and he smashes out of the trap. But, instead of crushing her or making soup with her bones, he helps dig out Captain Sexy Eyes.

Hooray!

Emma quickly shows him the compass but refuses to let him have it. Then she handcuffs him to a post, saying she has trust issues and just needs a head start.

Zzzzz.
photo credit, examiner.com

Mulan checks her sundial, and realizes that ten hours have passed. She starts to cut down the bean stalk causing Mary Margaret to freak out and attack her. Meanwhile, Aurora stands and watches. Yup, she just stands and watches.

Emma jumps down from the air, breaking up the fight. Mary Margaret gives her a lecture about death wishes and tells her the only way they go back to Storybrooke is together.

Emma sits in prison with her positive pregnancy test.

Henry wakes from a nightmare, and is quickly consoled by David. He describes a room with burning curtains and a girl who just stands there and stares at him.

Hmm...standing and staring? Does that sound like anyone we know?

Predictions for next episode

Emma starts drinking rum and keeps Captain Sexy Eye's scarf close to her heart.

Lover Boy arrives in Storybrooke and is surprised to see that everyone, even the dwarfs, are better looking than him.

David furrows his brow, then looks longingly into the camera and once again wishes there was magic so he could make a portal to fairytale land.

Once Upon A Time, Episode 3, Season 2, "Lady Of The Lake"

Or better title, “How To Abandon Your Kid...In Style”

This is how the horror movie starts...
photo credit, popcitylife.com

Snow White and Prince Charming lean over a crude map, discussing the latest tactics in their war against the Evil Queen. Red arrives and tells them of an approaching beast called the 'Leviathan'— the Dementor knock off from several episodes ago.

The rebels spread out to find the Leviathan. Prince Charming and Snow White split up and plan to meet in two days time at his Mother's cottage.

Psst...this will be Snow White's first time meeting her future mother-in-law—loosely based on the movie Cabin In The Woods.

In two seconds Snow White manages to get kidnapped by Sir Lancelot.

Emma and Cora have a heart to heart in the dungeon, discussing how much they miss their families. Soon, Mary Margaret wakes and recognizes Cora as Regina's evil Mom.

Henry tells David (aka Grandpa) about operation Cobra, hoping they can use magic from Jefferson's hat to enter fairy tale land and save Emma and Mary Margaret. David looks all sad and confides that Jefferson is useless due to the fact that he's loony and his hat is no longer magic.

Henry is convinced the magic only needs to be restored but David reminds him that magic comes with a price. For his own safety he should go to school and leave all the hard stuff to Grandpa to fix. Henry agrees but skips school anyway.

Mary Margaret gives Emma the heads up that in fairy tale land being a Sheriff with a gun isn't such a big deal. They're taken to be questioned by one of the camp leaders.

It's Lancelot and he knows Snow White! He rushes over and greets Mary Margaret warmly; the short hair hasn't fooled him (like it has everyone else). This is super lucky because if you're cool with Lancelot, then the whole camp thinks you're totally rad.

Lancelot and Mulan secretly make fun of stupid Princesses
photo credit, fanpop.com

However, Sleeping Beauty watches with disgust. She views Mary Margaret as the reason her lover's soul is now permanently trapped inside the Leviathan's medallion...or something like that, click here. Mulan chastises her and says it's dangerous to confuse vengeance with justice—especially if you have a lisp and can't spell correctly.

Lancelot tells Mary Margaret that their island is the only safe place in fairy tale land since the ogres have taken over the enchanted forest.

Does anyone else notice the silver key around Mary Margaret's neck? Sorry, moving on...

Mary Margaret pleads with Lancelot and explains they need to reach another porthole. Lancelot orders Mulan to be their protector, causing Emma to role her eyes and say, “OMG, Mom! I own a frickin' gun!”

Lancelot takes Snow White to Prince Charming's old castle for a little drinky poo and chit chat with The King (aka Charming Senior). Except he's not actually his dad because he bought the twins from Rumpelstiltskin, who in turn got them from a woman who lived in the woods...never mind click here for all the details.

The King has a huge royal chip on his shoulder, and has somehow deduced that since his first son died,

Prince Charming must be made to suffer a loss as well.

Dear ABC,

This logic makes my head hurt.

Snow White looks at her cup fearing she's been poisoned. But Charming Senior is more sinister than that and he drops the bomb that she's been cursed, and therefore unable to give Prince Charming any heirs.

Henry finds Jefferson sitting alone on a bench clutching a missing person's poster from his daughter, Grace.

*waves* Hi, Jefferson! Love the scarf.

He's wrought with guilt at leaving her with the neighbors, while he helped the Evil Queen journey to the land of hearts where she retrieved her father's heart and tricked him into staying trapped...oh never mind, click here for the details.

Looking good, Jefferson...looking good.
photo credit, fanpop.com

All hope is lost because there's no magic to fix the hat. Jefferson mumbles at Henry to ask his mother about her vault. Then he runs away—like he always does.

The Mayor is packing up her office...and she's wearing a blue shirt! Color? Could this be the start of a nicer Mayor?

Let's hope not.

Henry calls and invites her to lunch. The Mayor is super excited and rushes out to meet him at Granny's pub/diner/laundromat. But as soon as she's out the door, he sneaks in and steals her ring of skeleton keys.

Emma feels useless compared to Mary Margaret's re-emerging battle skills, and Mulan's impressive knowledge about ogres and general enchanted forest trivia.

Lancelot confesses to Snow White that he had no idea the King was going to curse her. Trying to atone for his mistake, he warns her that Prince Charming's mother, Ruth, is about to ambused by the King's Guards.

Quite frankly I can't keep all the evil Kings and Queens straight.

Prince Charming makes it to the cabin first and enjoys his mother's company for ten seconds before the King's Guards arrive in long capes. He still manages to fight off a dozen of these guys with Jackie Chan like choreography. Soon the ground is littered with bodies.

If this were The Hunger Games I would totally bet on him.

But Ruth isn't so lucky, she stumbles from behind a bush, clutching an arrow to her chest.

Dear ABC,

None of the King's Guards carried a bow and arrow.

Sleeping Beauty tries to attack Mary Margaret but she flips her over, and has her pinned faster than Hulk Hogan. Emma fires her pistol in the air to stop the fight. Mary Margaret scolds her silly daughter; apparently ogres have great hearing. An ogre bursts through the tress hungry for some pretty lady kabob. In a scene straight out of Jurassic Park, Emma is forced to freeze while the blind Ogre roars so loud, her golden tresses are blown straight back.

Mary Margaret puts an end to the mucus shower by shooting an arrow into it's eye. She gives Emma a 'next time listen to your mother' kind of look.

Speaking of mothers...where's Cora?

Prince Charming decides the best way to help Ruth is to venture back to the lake where he can get healing waters...click here for all of those details.

Snow White journeys beside Ruth, trying to keep her comfortable. Ruth starts to talk about grandchildren and pulls out a pendant that can supposedly predict the sex of Snow White's child, even before she's pregnant.

This is pretty typical chit chat for a first meeting with your future inlaw.

The pendant is motionless and Snow White cries that she can never have children. But Ruth doesn't even bat an eye! 'Hey, dummy,' she says to Snow White, 'we're on our way to the healing waters, right?'

What can go wrong? Oops, the lake has dried up. I guess when Prince Charming killed the siren that lived there, the water dried up.

Holy crap, I can almost hear Mr. Gold remind us that 'magic always comes with a price'.

Henry enters the vault hidden under the tomb, and uses the skeleton key to open a dusty old chest. Two cobras spring out—these guys look like the ones who bit Snow White's dad.

David suddenly slams the top shut, saving Henry. He convinces him he'll let him help save Emma and Mary Margaret, but they need to do it together. And since David has accomplished nothing so far, he can use all the help he can get.

Lancelot manages to find a snail shell full of water. Ruth tries to convince Snow White to take it, but she refuses.

And honestly, I can't blame her, it would come up every Thanksgiving.

Emma, Mary Margaret, Sleeping Beauty and Mulan enter Hogwarts castle and find Emma's nursery that where she never got to spend any time. Mary Margaret gets all melancholy at missing out on Emma's childhood, but Emma blocks her out, only caring about returning to Henry. They examine the wardrobe that Gepetto made and wonder if it has enought magic to get them back to Storybrooke.

Ruth takes a drink but she doesn't recover. She knows she's dying and wishes she could only live long enough to see Snow White marry her son. Everyone agrees a wedding should take place speedy quick.

Not only does Lancelot have time to erect an arbor and an inpressive wild flower bouquet in the middle of a barren desert, but he also has wine for the marriage cup which both Snow White and Prince Charming drink from.

Lancelot suddenly arrives in the nursery, surprising Mary Margaret. He looks at the wardrobe with fascination. Mary Margaret realizes he knows too much, including Henry's name. She pulls a sword and he melts into Cora.

A battle ensures and Emma sets the wardrobe on fire, preventing Cora from getting to Storybrooke and thereby canceling out any chance this episode had of becoming EPIC.

Snow White and Prince Charming bury Ruth. He tells her his mother wanted to pass on her pendant. Snow White starts to protest but then the necklace starts to move! Prince Charming is so happy, he's inspired to get all the rebels together and take back the kingdom from the Evil Queen..."in style".

Snow White confronts Lancelot with her suspitions. He confides that Ruth insist he put the magic water into the marriage cup.

In the middle of the ransacked nursery, Mulan proposses thet form an all girl posse and go after Cora...in style.

Emma sees how much Mary Margaret gave up to save her—just like she gave up her chance to be with Henry by burning the wardrobe. Emma cries real tears.

Humf! She didn't cry when Schmexy died.

Cora waits until the posse leaves, then she rematerializes from thin air, and takes a beaker of ash from the wardrobe.

*Insert evil laugh*

Jefferson waits by the school bus and calls out to his daughter. Instead of throwing apples and being angry with him, Grace runs into his arms.

Hi Jefferson! You can totally pull off eyeliner!

photo credit, ksitetv.com

Henry watches the reunion from Emma's yellow bug feeling a little jealous. But David shows up with wooden swords and tells him it's time for his Princely fighting lessons to start.

But Henry isn't the only one hiding in cars and spying on families, from across the street, the baby buying, Princess kidnapping, cursed potion giver—Charming Senior watches...in style.

Predictions for next week...

1. Sleeping Beauty finally gets a real name.

2. David gets a splinter from the wooden sword and spends the whole episode looking for tweezers.

3. The Mayor gets cray and adds a teal blazer to her wardrobe.

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