Monday, 23 January 2012

Once Upon A Time, Episode 10, 7:15 or better title, Nothing Much Happens

She is the key to finding Schmexy!
Little Red Riding Hood is going through the blue woods! Hooray, Ruby finally gets some air time. We all know she has a wolf in her story. Who else has a special connection to wolves? Yes, Schmexy! I'm so excited.

The episode begins with a close up of the strangers mysterious suitcase. Henry is curious about this new development and begins a polite but intrusive interrogation. The stranger says he came to Storybrooke because there's something he needs to do here.

Easy on the details, man. I can only type so fast.

It begins to thunder. Storm's a comin' folks. A-ha! The box is a weather maker. 

Mary Margaret rushes from her apartment to wait at the pub/diner/laundromat with a book. She glances at the clock. It's 7:15.

Ahhhh. Ooooh. Something happens at this time that is very important or else the writers wouldn't have given this episode such a lame title.

Enter David (Prince Charming). He orders two coffees and notices Mary Margaret pretending to read. He tells her he's on his way to his job at the animal shelter. Yes! Go talk to the wolf about Schmexy.
They smile and look goofy at each other for a few minutes. She watches him take a coffee to his wife, patiently waiting in the car.

Ugh. Oh yeah, Catherine.

Emma shows up and says she's acting like a stalker. Mary Margaret confesses she comes in everyday at the same time, because that's when he regularly gets his coffee. She looks pitiful and says love is the worst and wishes there was a magic cure.

Did somebody say wish?

Snow White is hiding in the bushes with a bow and arrow about to take out a peacock, but she's no Katniss Everdeen and before she can fire a shot, the bird gets frightened away by Little Red Ridding Hood (Ruby/Red). Really? Not Scarlet.

Anyway, Red has a basket of goodies for her friend, Snow White. Can you guess what I'm thinking? Yes! Where's the big bad wolf that will lead us to the Sheriff and a compelling plot?

Red tells Snow White that Prince Charming still plans to marry King Midas' daughter. Snow White is visibly upset and wishes she could forget her true love. Red looks uneasy and tells her there is a man who grants anything you wish for, but she is scared to tell his name.

Snow White reminds Red, “I helped you when no one else would.” I have a feeling we should remember this little tidbit for future episodes. Let's file this away. Click. Done.

Phantom of the Opera.
Snow White rows a wooden dory in a dark and gloomy swamp and meets Rumpelstiltskin on what looks like the set of Phantom of the Opera. He declares she really is the fairest of them all. She asks him to cure her broken heart.

He gives her a vile of swamp water infused with one of her hairs. Ew. If she drinks the potion, she'll forget Prince Charming. He tells her love has killed more than any other disease.

Um..I thought it was high blood pressure.

He asks for one of her hairs in return. Again, lets just file this away for later. Click. Done.

Mary Margaret bumps into Catherine at the corner store as she's buying a pregnancy test. Oh dear. That means Prince Charming has been giving her the royal treatment. While Mary Margaret fights the urge to not have a temper tantrum in the aisle at the unfairness of life, the Mayor sneaks around a gum display and warns her to be discrete because their lives are private.

What an annoying witch/busybody! I hate her.

Prince Charming stands on the balcony looking for Lauren. Sorry, I mean he's looking 'forlorn'. The King confronts him about his love for Snow White. As future King, Prince Charming has to forget her and marry Midas' daughter and to love only her. The wealth and safety of the kingdom depend on it.

Yeah, because every royal wedding has been steeped in true love. *rolls eyes* 

But Prince Charming has a plan. He sends a letter with a dove. Dude, you killed a Dragon! Take your sword and ride into the night and find her.

Mary Margaret walks along the forest—Storybrooke is covered in trees—she finds a dove ensnared in a trap. Since she is a friend of all birds, except peacocks apparently, she drives directly to the ANIMAL SHELTER!

Excellent! Find the wolf with the freaky eyes. He will lead you to Schmexy.

What? A girl can dream, right?

David is standing beside an empty fish tank (it's an animal shelter not the dentist office!). The vet, in an obvious metaphor on the writers part, explains the dove needs to find her own flock she has migrated with or else she will die alone.

Mary Margaret is determined to return to the forest and reunite the dove with the others, who unbeknownst to Mary Margaret, ditched this dove on purpose. David reminds her (and us) there's a storm a coming. She says the dove doesn't deserve to be alone and leaves humming, Beyonce's "Put A Ring On It."

Emma has traded her leather jacket for rain wear, and is packing enough gear into the trunk of the police car for a rescue at sea. The Mayor asks about the mysterious stranger, citing there's something familiar about him. When the Mayor mentions he was chatting up Henry, Emma gets all mother bear and promises to check him out.

Snow White is about to drink her own hair tonic when a dove miraculously delivers the hand written note from Prince Charming. Like the owl post in Harry Potter! He asks her to come to him if she still loves him, and he will marry her instead.

Why not send a message back with the dove?

Mary Margaret is driving in a horrible rainstorm to deliver the dove back to her migrating flock. Stupid.

Snow White sneaks into the castle but is caught by one of the guards and thrown into the dungeon. Desperate to go to her true love, Snow White tries unsuccessfully to scale the rock wall only to be laughed at by another prisoner.

It's Grumpy! As she tries to pick the lock, Grumpy tells her he was in love and worked at a diamond mine but got framed for stealing jewels. His true love left him and he went to jail.

Fear not, because everyones favorite dwarf arrives to save the day. Of course I'm talking about Stealthy. Stealthy? There is no dwarf named Stealthy. What is this, the Smurfs?

Stealthy is true to his name and frees them both.

Mary Margaret falls down the side of a cliff leaving the dove trapped in the cage, forever. Way to go, dumb-dumb, now you're both going to die.

But Stealthy isn't the only one saving the day. Through the miracle of predictable plot sequence, David shows up, rescues her, and leads her to shelter.

Back in the catacombs of he castle, Snow White and the two dwarfs split up, resulting in Stealthy being killed by a castle guard.

And then there were seven.

The King orders Grumpy's death, but Snow White runs into the scene and offers herself in his place.

David and Mary Margaret find an abandoned cabin with three bowls of porridge waiting on the table.

Bears! Run!

Soon he has a fire going, but she's still shivering, and rebuffing any effort he makes to warm her up, know what I mean. He stupidly asks what's bothering her.

Mary Margaret confesses her feelings for him haven't changed. David tells her he only gets coffee at 7:15 because she's always there reading her book. They stare at each other, lean close...and almost kiss.

Mary Margaret pulls back and tells him about Catherine buying the 'pee on a stick test'. David is clearly shocked.

Emma questions the new mysterious man about his box. Unfazed, he tells her he's going to make her wait and gives her a speech about carrying it to strange and mysterious places. This guy is like the Ring Master at a flea circus. I bet that frickin' box is empty.

Emma agrees to let him buy her a drink, and he opens up the box and shows her a typewriter.

He's a writer. Poor bugger. I can only imagine the amount of form rejections that are in his future. He leaves the pub/diner/laundromat, giving Emma a rain check on the drink.

His name should be Slick.

Mary Margaret sees the rain has stopped and takes the dove outside as David follows behind trying to get a few words in. Amazingly, the flock is waiting. Mary Margaret releases the dove and she flies into the sky, reunited with her family.

Without warning, Katniss fires an arrow into the flock taking down several doves for a nice shish kabob. If they were Mockingjays she would have let they them fly to Florida.

David tells Mary Margaret that even though his wife might be preggers, he's still in love with her.

We cool? Good. Let's make out.


Mary Margaret pushes him away and takes the high road—literally, the rain washed out the lower pathway. She tells him they have to forget each other.

The King has Snow White in his clutches and talks about the 'love disease' (otherwise known as herpes). He tells her she has to lie to Prince Charming about her true feelings or the King will have Prince Charming killed.

Let's not forget this is the dad who sent his first son to a death fight with a dragon.

Snow White shows up in his bed chamber in order to tell him personally she doesn't love him.

Like me, he finds it hard to believe she came all the way and broke into the castle only to tell him, no thanks, let's just be friends. Especially done up in her leather pants and fur jacket, if she's not goign to a Black Eyed Peas concert, she's looking for love. He takes her by the shoulders, leans in...and nothing. These two have had so many 'almost kisses'.

Catherine confides to David her test was negative. She wants them to see Dr. Hopper for marriage counselling. He agrees and I'm super confused.

David again stays with his wife, and instead of going out every morning, he decides to make his own damn coffee.

Snow White leaves the castle crying. She's joined by Grumpy and...well, you know the others. Together, they mourn the Smurf that no one knew about. She shows them the elixir that will take away her pain. Grumpy advices her not to take it, even though he's lost someone too.

He doesn't want his pain erased. He needs pain. It makes him who he is. It makes him Grumpy.

Hmm, I wonder what makes Happy, happy?

Grumpy convinces her to put the bottle away for another day, and to just whistle while you work.

Mary Margaret is staring at the clock in her apartment... 7:15. Emma is there holding her hand. Be strong, girl.

Beyonce enters and sings, "To the left, to the left... "

Prince Charming rides on a horse and finds a little cottage. Red comes out of the thrushes like she's been combing the area for baby Moses. She tells him Snow White is shacking up with a bunch of little dudes. Prince Charming leaps back on his horse, determined to find her.

Grumpy enters the cottage with the great news that Prince Charming called off his wedding. Snow White is laying on her birch tree, queen size bed looking more like a pampered goddess than the housekeeper. She stares back confused. Grumpy sees the empty bottle of elixir.

Mary Margaret and David still end up getting coffee at the same time. What can he possible say to make her kiss him? He's already told her he loves her, and that they're meant to be together. Everything in his life feels fake except when he's with her. But she's always pushed him away!!

David finally tells her the four words every girl wants to hear her true love say.

My wife isn't pregnant.

Hallmark couldn't have phrased it any better.

Mary Margaret and David start making out in the middle of Storybrooke. Um...hello, Prince Cheating.

The Mayor glares at the couple from her car, and I have a feeling Mary Margaret is going to get an apple pie bomb in the mail.

Predictions for next episode: The stranger sells his typewriter to Mr. Gold for a lock of Snow White's hair. Henry walks around with his backpack but skips school anyway. The Mayor considers wearing pink, but then decides to keep going with the gray/black/white thing.

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