Monday, 30 January 2012

Once Upon A Time, Episode 11, Fruit of The Poisonous Tree or Bite From A Poisonous Viper


She's only thinking about those damn apples.
A recent storm has wrecked Henry's playground castle. Emma finds him under the structure, digging frantically. He shows her where he's hidden a rusty red box that has the story book safely inside. Henry tells Emma it's important to keep it hidden from the Evil Queen—and the viewers too, because then we'd know all the stuff and that would kill the suspense.

Emma talks with Mary Margaret in the diner/pub/laundromat. But Mary Margaret cuts the conversation short when she gets a booty text from David. Meet at our place. I'm guessing it's the Troll Bridge.

Sidney Glass (the magic mirror) shows up drunk and tells Emma he's been fired as Editor from the news paper because he uncovered a dirty secret about the Mayor. He asks if she wants to help him reveal the Mayor's master plan of destruction by breaking into her secret files. Emma refuses, knowing that as Sheriff, she has to at least appear like she's following the law.

The next time we see Sidney he's all funked out in eyeliner, gold jewelry and bright colored clothes. I guess he's going to an Adam Lambert concert. But wait! He's inside a pillow filled room.

Ah, he's the Genie. But if he's a Genie, how does he end up in the mirror? I'm guessing we'll find out.

With a puff of smoke the Genie appears on a beach in British Columbia, Canada (it's cheaper to film up here). Anyway, we see that it was a King who rubbed the lamp, and he listens patiently to all the wish rules, like no wishing for more wishes, that kind of thing.

The King is a content man, and says he already has everything he needs. Seriously? Not even an ice cream cake? Come on. Everybody loves an ice cream cake!

The King becomes concerned when the Genie tells him granting wishes for losers for thousands of years has been a real drag. The King then wishes for the Genie's freedom.

Sidney Glass, sort of.
Kind of like Disney's version of Aladdin, but backwards.

Before the King makes his last wish, the Genie warns him wishes come with a price—but no money back guarantee. The King refuses the last wish but instead grants it to the Genie. The Genie tells him his only desire is to find true love; that and a pair of shoes without pointy toes.

The King takes the Genie to his castle and introduces him to his daughter, Snow White, and his wife, the Evil Queen. Except no one knows she's evil yet, so she's just the Queen. The Genie is smitten.

Henry's castle gets torn down. Project permits move fast in Storybrooke. He's upset to find the book has been dug up and is missing. The Mayor arrives and Emma gets all defensive saying she just destroyed the thing Henry loves the most. METAPHOR WARNING. The Mayor says even though he loves it, it can still hurt him.
Emma is super mad and calls Sidney, saying she's ready to bring down the Mayor.

Mary Margaret meets David at the bridge. Toldja! He has a romantic picnic set up for her. They embrace and he tells her they'll figure something out tomorrow. Translation, he won't tell his wife. I'm starting to dislike the cowardly David.

Sidney tells Emma the Mayor stole fifty thousand dollars from the town finances. He encourages her to use her illegal bails bondsman skills, but again Emma says she has to play by the rules.

The Evil Queen watches a royal banquet as the King bestows praise to Snow White, proclaiming that she, just like her dearly departed mother, is the fairest in all the land.

Oh dear, the Evil Queen looks like Kim Kardashian the day after her wedding—pathetic and disenchanted.

She runs out to look at the moon, and of course spend time with the frickin' apple tree. The smitten Genie follows and tries to comfort her. The Queen tells him that no matter how much she does for the King, he will always love his first wife more. The Genie gives her a mirror and says she is fairest in the land.

Fair as in hot, not fair as in plays by the rules.

Emma and Sidney go over documents in Mary Margaret's apartment. She tells them it's okay to do something bad for a good reason. Like, say for instance, dating a married man who you once had a child with in a far away land.

Sidney tells Emma she has to be stopped. They confront the Mayor and she's cool as a cucumber. Sorry, but any incriminating documents got destroyed in the fire that Mr. Gold set so Emma could get elected Sheriff.

Isn't that convenient.

Emma leans over the desk and says, “Yeah, we've got nothing.” But she actually planted a bug. Now they'll get to hear whatever the Mayor does in her office. (Insert fart joke here).

The King is upset and shows the Genie the Queen's diary. He's found out she's in love with another man. Okay, does he read her diary every night? This is so weird. Why would he do that?

The King realises he can't make her happy, but he also feels betrayed. He tells the Genie that love makes people do crazy things. It also makes them write silly love songs. But what's wrong with that? I'd like to know.

He asks the Genie to find out the identity of the man in the diary. The Genie looks in the mirror. Oh! Here he is, staring back at me!

Emma and Sidney eavesdrop as the Mayor discusses a money drop off with the city's stolen funds. They follow her that night. They're right on her tail, should catch her any minute....and the brakes don't work.

Smash! One of the million thousand trees in Storybrooke dies.

Sidney checks the car and says the brakes have been tampered with. Mr. Gold hobbles out from behind a tree carrying a briefcase. He tells them everything comes with a price. Yes, even wishes.

He explains he was meeting the Mayor. She bought a piece of his land. Mr. Gold then gives them another pearl of wisdom and says that emotional entanglements lead to dangerous paths. Which is ironic for a man hobbling around the woods in the dark.

The Genie waits at the apple tree humming 'tie a yellow ribbon...' And now this song is going through my head.

The Evil Queen's father brings terrible news that she's in the dungeon. He gives the Genie a box and a creepy looking key. He tells the Genie it will give her freedom.

Emma and Sidney break into the Mayor's office setting off the alarm. She hacks into the computer and quickly copies and prints the exact files they needed.

Isn't that convenient.

Emma starts opening drawers, looking for Henry's book, but all she finds is a large key ring filled with the above mentioned creepy keys. The Mayor shows up and Emma doesn't miss a beat when she covers her skinny jeans butt by saying the alarm alerted her to the break in, and as Sheriff, she had to respond.

SMOOTH. It's almost like someone wrote it for her and she's just saying lines.

Back in the dungeon, the Evil Queen is doing hard time adorned in her jewels and gowns. She tells the Genie her love grows stronger for him. The Genie offers her the box. She uses the creepy key and lifts open the lid. Inside are two obvious computer generated snakes.

But these vipers are special. The Genie notices they are native to his homeland. They stand and calmly discuss how their deadly venom can kill within only one bite. This is her freedom? Death? I smell a rat.

The Evil Queen talks about embracing death as her freedom and slowly—no wait much slower than you're imagining—reaches her hand toward the vipers. But the Genie grabs her hand and suggests if the King happened to know hypothetically speaking, she would be released from the dungeon. Tearfully, the Evil Queen hugs him.

Henry writes down as much as he can remember from book. The stranger/writer/motorcycle guy shows up and tells Henry he's a writer. Henry questions why he's in Storybrooke and the stranger says, “for stuff.” And then he leaves.

Emma learns the Mayor has plans for some kind of building...a castle maybe? Sidney tries to convince Emma they need to alert the town. He shows her pictures he secretly took of her and Henry at the playground. The Mayor had him follow Emma's every move. She destroyed the castle on purpose because it was something they shared.

The town meeting begins and Emma charges in announcing the Mayor has been taking funds to build a mansion in the forest. The people 'oh' and 'ah' like they're watching Wheel of Fortune.

Emma calls her a thug. Snap!

The crowd of people, who are really crowd people in fairytale land, gasp and 'oh my'.

But the Mayor is prepared with a power point presentation, and shows plans of a castle playground to be built in the woods for all the children to play safely. Does that line make anyone else uncomfortable?

Ew. Dateline Predator alert.

The Genie stands at the foot of the King's bed and opens the box of deathly freedom, unleashing the snakes. And since they're from his homeland, and he still has a little bit of power left, he gives the international snake sign for 'bite the King'.

The King uses his last breath saying he should have used his last wish. No kidding, brother. Seriously, would an ice cream cake lead to this? I don't think so.

Clearly not concerned with death and dignity, the Genie confesses he's the guy the Queen is in love with but then asks the King for forgiveness. Dude, you deserve what's coming.

Mr. Gold tells Emma she'll never take down the Mayor without his help. Emma refuses then begins to trade “Oh yeahs!” with the Mayor.

“Oh yeah! I know you broke into my office that night!”

“Oh yeah! I know you messed with my brakes so I would hit a tree and die. There are frickin' trees everywhere in this town?”

The Mayor threatens Emma with a restraining order saying that Emma doesn't get to see Henry unless she okays it first.

Dear ABC, didn't we go over this during the Jiminy Cricket episode? Check it out.

We see Henry and other random kids (who are random peasant kids in fairytale land) are playing at the miraculously finished playground, far away from anything. Perfect for kidnapping. Dateline *cough* Predator. 

Emma sits in her car and uses the walkie talkie to tell Henry that she has to stay away for a bit, but promises to keep looking in Storybrooke for the story book. Henry thinks it's probably missing forever.

Gee, yeah, probably. Now what can they do?

Hmm...someone is breaking the lock of a rusty red box. Hey! It's the stranger/writer/motorcycle guy. *Yells 'Plagerism'*.

Emma meets Sidney at the diner/laundromat/pub. They clink glasses promising to keep fighting the Mayor.

When the Genie tells the Queen she is now free, she gives him the news flash that the guards identified the vipers that killed the King are from his homeland, and that he has to leave or risk death.

She got all that while still in her dungeon?

Dear ABC, oh...never mind.

The Genie realises he was set up by the Evil Queen and her father.
The Genie says she is his true love, and that they will always be together. He holds up the lamp and takes the final wish to always look upon her face.

NO!!! Well, he had it coming. Screaming, he wakes up in the mirror.

Sidney visits the Mayor and hands over a tape recorded conversation he just had with Emma. They're in cahoots. Emma is still under surveillance.

Predictions for next episode. David tells Mary Margaret he will leave his wife just as soon as they use up their airmiles points. The writer/stranger/motorcycle guy will go to the pub/diner/laundromat and say three ambiguous sentences to Ruby/Emma/Henry.

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