Or better title, "No One Loves You, Not Even A Little"
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But Greg and Tamara push him to the open window and show him that Rumpelstiltskin not only survived but is having creepy fun times with bad girl Lacey.
Hook is furious at being denied his revenge. Tamara tells him she can help since she knows how to kill magical creatures.
Really? She zapped August and he turned into little Pinocchio.
Anyway, Hook is desperate so he agrees to help Greg capture Regina and grill her about his missing dad.
The Evil Queen looks like she's going to a Prince and the Revolution concert, instead she's on the hunt for Snow White—how original.
She gathers up the local villagers to do a little propaganda about how Snow White poisoned the King. She offers a reward for information on her whereabouts, but the villagers are lock-lipped. The Evil Queen orders a mass killing.
She must find Snow White!
Okay, let's back track, shall we? The Evil Queen is doing this for one reason—because Snow White told Cora that Regina was in love with Daniel the stable boy. Cora then killed Daniel. This is why the Evil Queen is so evil. That's it. That's the thing that has fuelled her hatred all these millions of episodes.
David and Mary Margaret discuss the repercussions of going back to fairy tale land.
The magic beans are almost ready. Squee!
Mary Margaret is worried that Henry will be upset when they leave Regina behind. David comes up with a plan to offer her a choice; come back to fairy tale land but live in Rumpelstiltskin's cell for the rest of her life, or stay in Storybrooke.
He's a genius! No wait. He's a super genius.
But what the super genius doesn't realize is that Regina has been listening to them the whole time. And guess what? She's not into the jail thing.
The Evil Queen meets with Rumpelstiltskin. She can't understand why the peasants like Snow White more than her. He points out they fear her and her mass murdering ways. The Evil Queen is convinced that once Snow White is dead all the kingdom will like her more.
Wow! She's a genius just like David.
She asks Rumpelstiltskin to teach her a shape shifting spell (part of her big plan to kill Snow White), but he tells her it's so complicated it will take weeks. Undaunted she asks him to put the spell on her.
Listen carefully everyone. While the Evil Queen is under the spell she CANNOT do any magic and only Rumpelstiltskin can remove it. She says that's cool since she only wants to get close enough to Snow White to choke her with her bare hands.
"All Snow White did was tell Cora about Daniel..." says the little voice deep inside my heart.
Oh, never mind.
In return, Rumpelstiltskin asks her to cut all ties to King George's realm—I think that has something to do with Prince Charming. She agrees and he changes her into a poor peasant girl.
Regina pays Henry a little visit and shows him the magic beans Mary Margaret and Emma have been harvesting secretly. He tells her he's hoping they will invite Regina when they're ready to go.
Regina's eyes light up at his naivete. “I want to go too,” she tells him, “but the others don't believe that I'm good, like you do.”
Henry is eager to find a way for her to come along because he still believes she's trying to be good and stuff. She tells him about a fail safe button for the curse... as if it never happened. They'll activate this self destruct thing and then run speedy quick and use the magic beans.
Henry asks what will happen to Storybooke and she says it will disappear and everyone left behind will die.
Oops. She should have saved that for AFTER they transported to fairy tale land.
Of course Henry's not going for this at all. Regina gets all desperate and starts spouting the same pathetic reasoning that if she's Henry's only choice, he'll love her most.
Henry points out that if she kills everyone she won't be a hero, she'll be a villain. And he'd never be a part of anything so horrible.
Why would she even think he would help her?
Why would she even think he would help her?
Regina waves her hand and Henry's memory is altered. She will have Henry reverse the curse without knowing the truth.
Smart.
The Evil Queen struts through a village marketplace in her disguise. But she's shocked to hear people hate the Evil Queen and love Snow White. She talks about treason and causes a scene. Soon two of the Queen's guards come along. When she insists they leave her alone because she's the Queen, they arrest her and drag her away roughly.
Hook visits Regina in her black and white Mayor's office. He asks for protection from Rumpelstiltskin, then tells her Greg and Tamara asked him to form a fake alliance with her. Instead, he's super anxious to get back with the mother/daughter tag team from hell.
Regina drops the bomb that Cora has died. Hook looks shocked and tells her that the only thing Cora ever wanted was for Regina to have her revenge. Regina then shows Hook her own little magic bean plant and lets him in on her plan of total destruction.
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Tamara picks up lunch at Granny's pub/diner/laundromat and bumps into Emma. A list of fairy tale characters and their Storybrooke names is neatly typed on a sheet of paper and conveniently falls out of her purse.
Here's a tip, if you have a master plan to fool the whole town, don't carry around evidence linking you to suspicious activity, especially evidence neatly typed in New York Times Font size 12.
There's an awkward 'past girlfriend/fiance' moment but Tamara tells Emma that she can trust her with all the fairy tale land stuff.
Emma isn't fooled and explains her theory to Mary Margaret that maybe the new chick is the 'her' August was trying to warn them about right before he died and was turned into a little puppet boy.
Phew. That was a long one. Let's take a drink break. *sip*
Mary Margaret is worried Emma is still holding a torch for Neil, and disregards the list of names. But Henry is super excited because this means operation Cobra is back on.
Regina takes Hook into the library and down the secret elevator.
I guess since Belle is now Lacey, she's at the pool hall instead.
I guess since Belle is now Lacey, she's at the pool hall instead.
The Guards take the Evil Queen up to the gallows, ready to behead her.
For impersonating the Queen? Really? Harsh much?
Just as the blade is raised, an arrow is fired into the hand of one of the guards. He drops the sword and a cloaked figure swoops into the scene beating both the guards and rescuing the Evil Queen. The crowd rejoices and the hero pulls back her hood—it's Snow White.
Regina and Hook enter the bottom lair. She notices his leather bracelet. He tells her Cora gave it to him so he could climb the beanstalk. Regina is jealous and asks him for it. She slips it on her own wrist and smiles with satisfaction.
Gee! I wonder if that completely random moment is going to be important later on?
She takes him further into the cave where the trigger is guarded.
Remember the Queen from Sleeping Beauty who turned herself into a dragon? The one Prince Charming and Emma both had to fight?
Hook soon realizes that he's the bait. Except this time the Dragon Queen is some king of zombie skeleton thing. There's a lot of running and hiding behind rocks. Meanwhile up-top, Regina finds the glass casket and retrieves the trigger (a big black diamond).
The Evil Queen wakes up to find Snow White wiping her brow. She tells Snow White her name is Wilma and that her husband Fred, works in the quarry.
As she cleans the Evil Queen's leg wound, Snow White tells the story of how a woman saved her on a run-away horse once and that woman taught her there can be a genuine love and connection between two strangers. The Evil Queen is touched and she asks what happened to that woman.
Snow White looks melancholy and says, “She's gone, but I hope someday she comes back.”
Emma and Henry wait in her yellow bug, stalking Tamara. Henry says how awesome it would be to go to fairy tale land. Emma asks if he would want that. Before you can say, 'hocus pocus' Henry guesses the giant brought back a bean and they're growing them in Storybrooke.
He's also excited because if they find out that Tamara is evil or at least up to no good, then Neil and Emma can have their own castle.
Emma successfully breaks into Tamara's room, letting Henry be her look-out. She notices one of the floor boards is loose. Before she can rip up the floor, Neil arrives and stops the search. When Emma tells him her theory and the crazy list, he tells Emma he made Tamara that list to keep all the cray-cray in one organized place.
Emma is still unconvinced and asks him to lift the suspicious floor board. They find nothing.
The Evil Queen is well enough to move along. Snow White gives her a sword and they set off deeper into the forest. The Evil Queen asks Snow White, if she had the chance, would she kill the Queen?
Snow White says no, she wants to be guided by love. She's convinced the Evil Queen has some good inside of her. The Evil Queen has a Grinch moment and her heart grows three times it's size.
She's ready to ask Snow White for forgiveness and to become a family again!!! What could possible ruin this moment?
Then they stumble upon the mass murder from the beginning of this episode. Snow White sees her wanted poster and quickly surmises the villagers lost their lives because they were protecting her. She vows to never forgive the Queen—obviously she has no good in her.
Snow White needs to stick to one idea.
The Evil Queen still wants to talk about how awesome she used to be when she rescued little Snow White on the horse. But she slips up and Snow White realizes the young peasant girl is the Evil Queen disguised by dark magic.
Snow White draws her bow. The Evil Queen has no power...and apparently has no skill with a sword. She runs off into the forest.
Regina comes up from the cave and sees Hook waiting for her all cool and lovely. She's been duped. He brings out Tamara and Greg, who apparently DO have ways for killing magical creatures, including skeleton things that live under libraries.
Regina takes a step back and proceeds to produce a fireball or something, but her magic is gone.
*cough* bracelet *cough*
David, Mary Margaret, and Leroy check on the magic bean field and see that all of the plants have been destroyed.
Mary Margaret actually says, “Who would do this?”
Seriously? She has no idea?
The Evil Queen arrives at Rumpelstiltskin's castle very angry. She finally understands the people will never love her, but that's just fine because instead of revenge she also wants to punish everyone.
Regina realizes her mother's cuff is to blame. Greg tells her inside the bracelet is the toughest metals known to man, working like little machines to stop any of her magic from working.
Okaaaay.
He also tells Regina he's not only looking for his father, but has a greater mission. A mission so great it's super secret....as in the writer's haven't figured it out yet.
Stuff I Like About This Episode.
#1. Lots of stuff happened.
#2. Hook was in a lot of scenes.
#3. We were spared a make out scene with Mr. Gold and Lacey.
Stuff I Didn't Like About This Episode
#1. Snow White's eyebrows.
#2. Henry accepts things waaay too easily.
#3. David's stupid plan.
