Or better title “Racy Lacey is so Spacey"
Is this the part where Hagrid shows up?
Mr. Gold offers him anything in his shop. Henry chooses a wand.
*cough Harry Potter cough*
*cough Harry Potter cough*
Mr. Gold takes the wand and turns Henry into a statue, then smashes him with his cane. He yells something about fulfilling a prophecy about how he will be the boys undoing.
If this sounds familiar it's because the chick with no eyes told him in this episode.
Mr. Gold wakes up in a cold sweat.
Phew. No worries peeps, it was just a dream, but it reminds us Mr. Gold has some issues to still be worked out.
Henry and Neil play sword fighting as Mr. Gold watches from a safe distance. Regina shows up and he drops the bomb that Henry's biological dad is Mr. Gold's son.
She calls him out saying he rigged it from the whole start (duh!) since he's the one who brought Henry to Regina in the first place.
How did he do this? He couldn't leave Storybrooke?
Regina reminds him that he will never be the Grandpa he strives to be since he has that heart of darkness and all that.
Mr. Gold shows up at the hospital to visit Belle.
Why is the amnesiac still in the hospital?
But Belle has come to an understanding that Mr. Gold must have obviously been an important part of her life because she can tell he's been hurt.
She asks him if he can help her remember who she is...or was. Then he asks her to help bring the good out in him again. She smiles and says, “We can help each other.”
Rumpelstiltskin visits Belle in the dungeon of his castle. He complains that her constant crying is making it hard for him to spin gold. They trade snide remarks like the beginning of any good romantic comedy, but they're interrupted by the sound of shattering glass.
A man with a quiver of arrows is stealing some of his valuable possessions. Belle hides in the corner like any good prisoner and watches as the dude who is obviously Robin Hood ignores Rumpelstiltskin's warning and pockets a wand, then tries to kill him with a magical arrow.
An arrow that always finds it mark.
Remember that, okay? I think it might be important.
Remember that, okay? I think it might be important.
But Rumpelstiltskin is too smart and he tells Robin Hood all magic comes at a price.
Belle sits in her hospital bed and starts to pack her bag, eager to get her memory back. Regina shows up and introduces herself as the mayor and wanted to make sure she was okay.
Regina pretends to pick up a match book off the floor and asks Belle if she dropped it. Belle looks at it closely and her eyes light up!
“I think I remember who I am,” she says excitedly.
I'm guessing someone who is easily fooled by stupid tricks.
Greg shows Tamara a map of all the places he's seen magic in Storybrooke. They talk about a secret package that she's hidden just outside town limits, and her plan to bring it to him tonight.
*cough Shameless cliffhanger cough*
Why didn't she just bring it with her?
Mary Margaret and David promise Emma they have a big surprise for her.
I'm guessing it would have to be pretty amazing to surprise her.
They walk through an invisible barrier and she sees the magic beans are growing! It will be harvest time soon...or whenever it's convenient for the plot.
Emma is unsure, but Mary Margaret and David try to woo her with images of castles and happily ever afters.
Mr. Gold arrives at the hospital but Belle is gone. All that is left is the match book.
If the matchbook was the only clue Belle had to go on, wouldn't she have taken it with her?
Mr. Gold goes to the address on the matchbook, the local bar called The Rabbit Hole.
It would totally make my day if the Mad Hatter was the bartender.
Boo! No Mad Hatter. Instead Mr. Gold grills the dude behind the bar about Belle. The bar keep says that description only fits one girl, and her name is Lacey.
We see Belle scantily dressed in black lace and tight jeans while playing pool and doing shooters with one of the dwarfs.
Seriously, I did not make that up.
Why isn't he tending the bean stalk?
She lets Mr. Gold know that she's remembered she's Lacey, and to stop calling her Belle.
Back in Rumpelstiltskin's castle Robin Hood is suffering a gruesome torture of being skinned alive. Except when Belle helps him escape, he only looks like he was in a hockey fight. He asks her to go with him, but she declines siting a promise to serve Rumpelstiltskin so that he may keep her people and her kingdom safe.
Mr. Gold pays Regina a visit and he's super mad that she gave his only girlfriend memories of Joan Jett. She tells him the curse prevents Belle from ever being herself again.
Mr. Gold says there's always a way. How about true love's kiss? Regina reminds him he's creepy/has bad teeth/is wrinkly/skinny and short. Belle's way too cute to be in his league.
Mr. Gold goes to David and asks for romantic advice.
He convinces David to spill the secret to true love by reminding him that he will owe him a favor. And a favor from Mr. Gold is as good as landing on Free Parking in Monopoly.
David leans in close and gives up the big secret that will help Mr. Gold make Belle fall in love with him...or something like that. David says all Mr. Gold needs to do is show Belle the man she fell in love with.
Rumpelstiltskin sharpens his knife in front of Belle preparing to finish skinning Robin Hood. When he realizes the prisoner is gone Mr. Gold is so mad at Belle he makes the book she's reading disappear.
Oh! How horrible!
Mr. Gold tells Belle she was tricked and the camera pans back so that we see the wand is missing.
Rumpelstiltskin was just standing there three seconds ago. Why didn't he notice it was gone?
Belle insists she can see good in Robin Hood, and that you can't tell what's in a person's heart until you truly know them.
She didn't know Robin Hood, though.
Rumpelstiltskin forces Belle to go with him as he hunts down Robin Hood so she can watch his death and know she's responsible.
Um...actually I think the skinned alive thing would have killed him anyway, so that doesn't make sense.
Lacey (you know, Belle-Gone-Wild) is doing Tequila shots at the bar. Mr. Gold and David show up and by the time they make it to the bar, she's on rye. David tries to coach him on how to pick up chicks.
Lacey slinks up to Mr. Gold and says she's heard the whole town is afraid of him. But he says that's just silly rumors. She says okay and makes plans to meet up with him at Granny's that night.
Regina finds Emma on the waterfront and blasts her about keeping Henry's father a secret. Emma barely lifts an eyebrow and tells Regina she should keep her nose out of everyone's business and be the mother Henry wants her to be or else...nothing.
But Regina isn't buying it and she's going to find out what Emma is keeping secret.
Maybe it's a package at the edge of town?
Or, sorry that's Greg and Tamara's storyline.
Lacey meets Mr. Gold and she's surprised he's so charming for a ruthless dictator she's been hearing about. Then she drops this bomb, “You can't tell what's in a person's heart until you truly know them.” Mr. Gold is so excited, he spills his wine. Lacey laughs and runs to the bathroom to clean up.
Rumpelstiltskin and Belle are in a carriage looking for Robin Hood and basically have the same conversation they just had at Granny's. There's good in your heart...blah, blah, blah. They come across a drunken Sheriff of Nottingham.
He knows where Robin Hood is but asks to have Belle for some fun times as trade. Rumpelstiltskin decides to answer this by removing the Sheriff's tongue until he agrees to tell him the whereabouts of Robin Hood.
Mr. Gold checks his watch and notices Belle has been in the bathroom a long time. He discovers she's gone out the back and ditched him.
Robin Hood and Maid Marion, not exactly as shown.
Rumpelstiltskin and Belle come across Robin Hood. They argue about good hearts and making examples of people who steal from the Dark One. Belle insists they should let him go as they watch him use the magic wand to cure a sick woman.
He forces Belle to watch as he draws back the bow. The woman stands and we see she's pregnant. Belle pleads that he wouldn't let a child grow up without a father.
Rumpelstiltskin fires the arrow and it hits the wagon. Robin Hood and a very pregnant Maid Marion escape. Belle looks smug. He says he missed, but she reminds him the arrow is magic and it always hits it's target.
He meant to hit the wagon!
Mr. Gold limps through the darkened streets of Storybrooke and finds Lacey up against a wall reuniting with the Sheriff of Nottingham...or rather Naughty-ham.
Mr. Gold easily scares him off, but a very unsatisfied Lacey confesses that she only agreed to go out with his wrinkly, crooked toothed, limpy, skinny, stringy haired self because she was being nice.
Hey, we've all been thinking the same thing, right?
David lets out a pickup full of dwarfs right outside Granny's. Regina watches him drive away and casts a spell on the road. A green neon trail leads her to the magic bean plantation.
The Sheriff finds Mr. Gold and profusely apologizes for making out with his date. Mr. Gold is jilted and decides to skewer the Sheriff with his cane.
Rumpelstiltskin and Belle arrive back at the castle. He shows her a new room—his LIBRARY! He pretends he wants her to clean it but we all know it's because he DOES have good in his heart.
Rumpelstiltskin and Belle, not exactly as shown.
Meanwhile back in Storybrooke, Mr. Gold is beating the drunken Sheriff like he's a bowl of meringue. Lacey shows up and surprises Mr. Gold in mid-swing. And she's into it. Seeing him go all ballistic is her cup of tea. She likes the Dark One and his dark, dark ways.
Neil shows up at Emma's with a very sleepy Henry. They put him to bed and talk about how weird it is that August is now a little kid. Emma brings up the warning he tried to give before he went junior. Who was he trying to warn them about, she wonders.
Greg meets Tamara at the edge of town and she shows him the 'secret package'. She opens up the back of a U-haul and we see Hook bound and gagged.
Stuff I Liked About This Episode
#1. Hook showed up.
#2. Belle finally made it out of the hospital.
#3. David didn't have many lines.
Stuff I Didn't Like About This Episode.
#1. Mary Margaret's eyebrows were way too heavy.
#2. Why did they think the Blue Fairy's invisible shield was stronger magic than Regina's?
#3. They brought back the wrong Sheriff.