Monday, 14 May 2012

Once Upon A Time, Episode 22 "A Land Without Magic" or "A Land With A Bit of Magic When It's Convenient"


Prince Charming struggles to break out of the Evil Queen's castle. He slumps to the dungeon floor, whispering Snow White's name. “I'll always find you,” he says.

He'll find her all right! After he wakes up from his coma he'll ask her out on a date, and then he'll decide to go back to his wife, and then he'll ask her out again and have an affair with her. Then he'll turn his back on her and ignore her, and then he'll want to get back together. But yeah...he'll find her.

The Queen's masked guards show up and escort him to his execution—since Snow White is permanently sleeping from the apple, the Queen has no more use for him. All seems lost until Prince Charming busts a few karate moves, but before you can say Jackie Chan, two more guards block his escape. One raises a bow and shoots his arrow, killing the other guard!

Who is this mysterious rescuer? The guard lifts his mask and it's...SCHMEXY! *Hugs TV*

Dear ABC,
He does scruffy/sexy so well. Note the arrow.
photo credit, tumblr.com

Thank you! I see you got my letters. I'll stop writing now.

Schmexy, in all his super Schmexy awesomeness, tells Prince Charming how he helped Snow White escape—although he left out the part about originally making the deal to kill her to save his wolves.

Ahem...Schmexy confesses he cannot leave the castle as he gave his heart to the Evil Queen, and is forced to be her prisoner forever. “Please don't let my sacrifice be in vain,” he says, and he urges Prince Charming to find Snow White speedy quick.

Henry is rushed into Emergency, strapped to a stretcher and unresponsive. Emma thrusts a plastic baggie of apple popover into Dr. Whale's face—the only Doctor in town. But he refutes her theory about Henry being poisoned since he's showing no signs of neural toxicity.

Wow! Amazing five second diagnosis, Dr. Whale.

Emma dumps Henry's backpack looking for any clues to what may have caused his sudden blackout. The storybook falls out and she touches it. Emma's eyes open wide and we're treated to a seizure inducing rate of fairytale land flashbacks. Ta-da! Emma suddenly believes.

What the heck? Like why now, and not all the other times she's touched the book?

Dear ABC,

Whatever.

I think this song by Carly Rae Jepsen sums up the moment nicely.

Before you came into my life, I missed you so bad. I missed you so, so bad.

Yeah, it doesn't make any sense in this story either.

Emma does her best impersonation of Jack Nicholson from The Shining and goes super crazy when the Mayor runs in to see Henry. Cat fight! How many times have these two punched it up? It's like The Bachelor.

Soon the supply closet is a mess. Emma demands answers from the Mayor. She confesses the apple was supposed to put Emma in a coma. She cries that she has no idea how to wake Henry up. The apple was the last bit of magic, and magic in this world is unpredictable.

Which is interesting because I thought NO MAGIC EXISTS IN THIS WORLD! Hello, that's actually the title of this episode.

*Rubs temples to fight off headache*

Now that everything is out in the open, the Mayor confides only person can help Henry now. The only OTHER person who knows about magic—Mr. Gold.

Um...isn't Jefferson magic? *Reaches for Tylenol*

The Evil Queen is very upset with Schmexy for letting Prince Charming get away. She tosses him up against the wall like she's auditioning for the part of Christian Grey. Except her version would be called 50 Shades of Black Dresses.

Prince Charming stumbles through the woods, running in circles. He realizes he's lost his mother's ring (she said it would help him find his true love) Rumpelstiltskin pops up from behind a log with the ring. Before Prince Charming can lunge toward him, Rumpelstiltskin puts a charm on the ring so that it will glow brightly the closer he gets to Snow White.

A sword fight ensues which is a handy trick the writers like to use to eat up air time without having to write any dialogue. Rumpelstiltskin wins the duel and tells Prince Charming his bravery, grace and gallantry is pointless. The only way out of the Infinite Forest is by magic.

David confronts Mary Margaret outside the Animal Shelter, trying to apologize. He says he tries to make the right decisions but everything gets messed up anyway. David still sucks at apologizing. This is a situation where bravery, grace and gallantry would be very useful. He tells her he's leaving Storybrooke unless she can give him a reason to stay. Mary Margaret lets out a long tired sigh and gets into her car, completely ignoring his teary face.

Rumpelstiltskin shows Prince Charming a vial with a few drops of sparkly, purple goo, and tells him it's a potion for true love—it's the only magic powerful enough to break any curse.

He locks it inside a huge Faberge egg and tosses it to Prince Charming. His task to win back his mother's ring is to keep the potion safe by putting it inside the belly of the beast.

Does he mean Ruby? And why does he need Prince Charming to do this? Can't he just use magic?


Mr. Gold, not exactly as shown.
photo credit, dailymail.co.uk

The Mayor and Emma visit Mr. Gold desperate for a way to save Henry. And now that Emma is a believer, Mr. Gold tells her matter of fact about the love potion made from both Prince Charming and Snow White's hair. He says only Emma can retrieve the potion because she's the product of their magic.

Yes, he actually said that—she's the product of their magic. Barry White should be singing this with a soft saxophone playing in the background.

Mr. Gold hands over Prince Charming's sword and tells Emma she has to use it to get the potion out of the belly of the beast.

Holy crap! Emma has to slice open Ruby?

Emma returns to Henry's bedside clutching the storybook, and vows to save him. I'm thinking it would be smart to open the book to get a few hints about the beast she has to slay.

After Emma leaves, the Mayor slinks in and apologizes to Henry. Jefferson (another hot guy cameo?! Thank you, ABC!) comes out of the shadows and demands the Mayor give him back his daughter. Remember the deal they made last episode?

But she says the deal is null and void because Emma didn't eat the apple. SNAP! Jefferson is furious and storms away.

Emma visits August's bedroom and finally sees his wood. Sorry, I couldn't help it. That's for you, Lexade. He gasps for her to break the curse. Emma begs for his help, but the grain reaches his face, and he shuts down into total puppet mode.

Emma meets the Mayor outside the abandoned shop they always walk by in the street scenes. Emma holds Prince Charming's sword and watches as the Mayor moves a few false walls to reveal an old steel elevator. The Queen hints she punished someone and trapped her in another form—and that's who's at the bottom.

Maleficient and her silly headpiece.
photo credit, twitter.com
Prince Charming charges into an abandoned castle, clutching the Faberge egg, and is met by Maleficent. She was a witch the Evil Queen fought with a super long time ago. Remeber? The Evil Queen threatened to kill her unicorn if she didn't hand over a dark curse. Somewhere in this castle is Sleeping Beauty, me thinks.

Prince Charming demands the whereabouts of the beast that guards the castle and in a page straight out of Be Careful What You Ask For, Maleficent turns into a fire breathing dragon.

Emma reaches the bottom of the shaft and searches the rocky catacombs. She stops to inspect something that looks like the glass coffin Snow White was showcased in. Before she can confirm my suspicions that Sleeping Beauty is inside, a huge eye opens up. Dragon time.

Prince Charming battles with the dragon, clutching the huge egg. What is this? The Triwizard Tournament! *Ten points for Harry Potter reference*

Like family tag-team, the scene switches back and forth with Emma and Prince Charming battling the dragon in different times. Prince Charming decides to ride the dragon like he's trying to escape Gringotts (ten more points!) He sees a space behind the ear flap and shoves it in. He escapes from the castle by jumping through a stained glass window and safely lands in the lake.

Emma gives up the sword and tries shooting at the beast, but the bullets are useless, and because she's a girl she falls down. *Rolls eyes*

Mary Margaret reads the storybook to Henry about how Prince Charming woke Snow White with true love's kiss—say it with me, "the kiss more powerful than magic."

Henry's heart rate stops and there is a frenzy of people in white rushing around. In all the confusion someone slips past the special secret code door, and down the stairs to the creepy basement. We see that it's Jefferson and he goes straight for Belle's cell. He lets her out and instructs her to find Mr. Gold and make sure to tell him that Regina locked her up.

Rumpelstiltskin gives Prince Charming the enchanted ring as promised, and decides to throw in a makeover, just 'cause he's so into fashion that way.

Emma rolls away from the dragon and grabs the sword. She throws it straight at it's belly and makes a perfect hit. The dragon explodes in a burst of fire. Emma squints through the haze and sees the Faberge egg nestled in a mound of ash.

Prince Charming finds the dwarfs surrounding a glass coffin. Thinking Snow White has died, he lifts off the lid, wanting to say good-bye. He gives her a kiss...and well you know the rest. She wakes up and a seismic wave of color washes over Fairytale land.

They walk along the lake shore with majestic mountains in the background. Canada brings out the romantic in every one. Prince Charming puts the ring on her finger and proposes. Snow White mentions the pesky problem of both their parents who are trying to kill them, but she has a solution and tells him it's time to take back the kingdom. *High fives TV*

Emma is in the elevator with the egg. When it jerks to a stop she looks up and sees Mr. Gold smiling down at her. He says the Mayor abandoned her. She can't climb and hold the egg, so she tosses it up to him, but when Emma reaches the top, she finds the Mayor gagged and tied.

Before they can plot revenge, their phones ring. They race to the hospital and find out they're too late. Dr. Whale and the Head Nun tell them Henry has died. Emma slowly approaches the bed as the Nurse takes off his oxygen mask.

Mr. Gold opens the egg and takes out the vial containing the tiny bit of purple. He hears a voice and turns to see Belle. She gives him the message about Regina, but he can't speak. He finally touches her and realizes the Mayor has been lying to him the whole time.

Really? How shocking that he can't trust her!

I command thee to rise!
photo credit, seat42f.com 
Back at the hospital cellos play in the corner as Emma leans over Henry. She cries and whispers that she loves him. Cue true love's kiss.

Henry wakes from the dead!

*cough* Saw it coming *cough*

A rainbow wave washes over Storybrooke, hitting every character, including David who almost made it to the town limits in his pickup truck. Everyone gets that weird 'deja vu' look on their face.

The Mayor makes a last ditch attempt to win Henry's heart, and then makes a run for it, since the whole town hates her. She hides in her house and cries into a pillow.

David and Mary Margaret find each other AGAIN, and finally remember their real past.

Mr. Gold and Belle walk through the forest. She stops and calls him Rumpelstiltskin and they share true love's hug. Before the celebration gets out of hand, he tells her there's something he must do first. He shows her the magic well that will return, that which you have lost. He drops in the vial.

But instead of Bellfire emerging (which was my guess), a purple fog oozes over the sides and engulfs them both.

Henry and the others watch the huge purple cloud envelope the town. Everyone looks frightened...except for the Mayor.

Mr. Gold is bringing back the magic. He holds Belle close and tells her magic is power.

And the Mayor smiles because she knows. GAME ON.

But remember everyone, magic comes with a price. I'm guessing the town will go splitsville with some siding with Rumpelstiltskin, and some siding with the Evil Queen. Prepare for outrageous costumes, everyone.

We have to wait until the fall before we know what happens next. However, over the summer I'll be composing my thesis for ABC. I've already started with a few questions.

If true love's kiss can break any curse, everyone in Storybrooke should be safe as long as Snow White and Prince Charming keep making out on a regular basis.

Is the reason we never saw Sleeping Beauty because she's been trapped underground with Maleficent?

Again Rumpelstiltskin chose magic over his son. I thought he made peace with that two episodes ago? Why change his mind?

What do you think will happen next?

13 comments:

Suzanne Furness said...

Hi Bethany, just had to say came across your blog today and think it's great. Will be popping back for more. Well done!

LateToTheParty said...

BR, as usual, I enjoy your commentary more than most TV shows.

Pictures: I love, LOVE Barry White, so, thanks for that on a Monday. Now, I see the arrow and my question is, where were they aiming? I was gonna wear that same headpiece to work tomorrow, whew, glad I saw your comment. Saved me from a fashion faux paux. As for that last picture; there's a joke there but I'm too mature and dignified to make it. And, I don't care to get banned for life from your blog page.

Bethany Myers said...

Thanks, Suzanne. Welcome aboard. I followed your blog too!

Bethany Myers said...

You're mature and dignified? Who told you that? Thanks for showing restraint, though.

Ten points for Barry White love.

Cheers!

Claude Dancourt said...

The Barry White thing just sent some stupid idea of crossover between Hawaii Five-0 and Once upon a time. Someone should write a fanfiction about that...

Anyway. Awesome recap, as always. I'm so glad someone else noticed the Harry Potter's stuff. I liked the Dragon, though. Sleeping Beauty always was my favourite Disney. First time ever the prince was unsaddled into the mud by his horse! *Cough* where was I? Ah, yes. Sleeping Beauty. Well, I don't know. And I'm very sad our Sheriff is stuck into the Castle, because the Queen TOOK his heart. I don't know what to expect next season. But I sure will watch.

Cheers,

CD

Bethany Myers said...

I was a bit surprised Schmexy phrased it that way, too. I remember the Evil Queen punched a hole through his chest and ripped out his heart, a bit different than giving it to her.

Thanks for the comment, Claude. Cheers back atcha!

Kimberlee Turley said...

Finally got to see this and was totally expecting his son to pop out. Sheesh, I really though he'd learned his lesson too.

Kathryn said...

OMG SCHMEXY IS BACK. That literally made my day. Also, Pinocchio turning back into a marionette will probably be something I'm in therapy for one day. That was disturbing as hell. Honestly, I was a little disappointed by this finale... WTF are the purple clouds for? And I kind of assumed there'd be this return to magic in Storybrooke, but I was hoping for more of a twist. Whatever Gold did wasn't enough, IMHO. My friend has the entire season saved so we're going to go back and look to see if Emma actually DID touch Henry's book at any point, or if we just thought she did or what. Because we have the time to do that. (Read: we will make the time to do that.)

I hope you continue with these summaries next season, Bethany! I love them! :) PLEASE ABC, bring back the Huntsman! Although, I'm a huge fan of Jefferson's guyliner. Mmmm...

Ash Krafton | @ashkrafton said...

Bethany, you are AWESOME AND I JUST MADE YOU A DEMIGOD. This was the most fun thing I've read all week.

ps Thanks for giving Lexcade wood. whatwhat? ;)

Bethany Myers said...

Guyliner! I love that. It will be my word of the day. I'm so glad I have access to your coolness.

And yes, I'll keep up the recap next season. I have no idea what I'll do for the summer.

Bethany Myers said...

Ha! Ash, you are my hero. I accept your nomination for Demigod with gratitude.

LateToTheParty said...

Okay, so I asked for "mature and dignified," for Christmas.

Kathryn said...

Hee hee hee... I can't take credit for guyliner, but I'm glad it contributed to your day of cool! ;)

Yeah, I guess on Sunday nights I'll have to... do something else... :/

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