Tuesday, 5 June 2012

The Bachelorette Season 8, Episode 4 "It's Smurfy To Be Rich"

Emily Maynard, not exactly as shown
photo credit, dragoart.com
Smurfette and the gang go to sunny Bermuda—oh yeah, and Ricki goes too.

SDD (Single Dad Doug) finds out he's been picked to go on a solo date. Is there any other kind, you ask. Why yes, in this show there is, but more about that later.

Before Emily swings by to pick up her latest fella, SDD and Chris have a few words about who is better daddy material. I'm guessing since Doug is already a dad and almost ten years older than Chris, he gets the nod in that direction.

But who cares? The most important thing is what is Emily going to wear on this date. Have you noticed the amount of jewelry this chick travels with?

Anywho, Emily and SDD travel around beautiful St. George. He says all the right stuff and cuddles her like a champ. BINGO! He gets the date rose.

The next day the guys are taken to the marina where they gets sailing lessons. Why? So they can race each other for more time with Emily, of course!

As a team, Arie, Jeff, Ryan and Kalen 'win' more time with Emily on a beach. Jeff and his Rick Astley hair, have some alone time with Emily, which earns him ANOTHER date rose. Yes folks, Jeff is two for two, and they still haven't kissed.

He needs to take her to the skateboard park and show her his sweet moves.

Jeff, not exactly as shown
photo credit, uptownskateschool.com
Since this is Emily's Bermuda vacation, the next date is a two-on-one, starting at the Fairmont Hamilton Princess Resort. I think it's important for Nate and John to realize they will never stay anywhere as luxurious as this for the rest of their lives.

Who cares about getting a rose? Take the bathrobes, Dudes!

Emily takes Nate and John spelunking. There is nothing more awkward than two guys and a girl having dinner at a set table inside a cave. Everyone says, “cool” about three hundred times, which, if you're wondering, is two hundred and ninety-nine times too many. I wish I was watching The Goonies instead.

photo credit, themoviesnob.net

Emily and Nate wander off and have champagne among the stalagmites and stalactites. The difference between a stalactite is that it grows from the ceiling, whereas a stalagmite grows from the ground. Meanwhile, Nate tears up as he tells Emily how amazing and cool his family and friends are.

Like I was saying, stalactite is spelled with a 'c' so remember 'ceiling'. Stalagmite is spelled with a 'g' so think 'ground'.

Now Emily and John are having drinks in another part of the cave. John confesses he hasn't pushed to get her attention and just wants to be himself around her—you know, like in a cave with copious amounts of alcohol.

Emily ends up giving the rose to John and I suspect Nate isn't 'cool' with that. She said he's mature and endearing but, seriously, she wants to hook up with a guy who can make it through a sentence without tearing up.

Bye, Nate.

Emily does ten seconds of homework with Ricki on the balcony of their hotel suite in Bermuda. Hey, Ricki, can you spell concubine?

Emily says she's serious about looking for a husband who can be a father for Ricki. That's something you should spend at least thirty days considering.

We've finally made it to the night of the rose ceremony. Congratulations we've all aged ten years.

I think Emily is using this show to showcase her jewelry and clothes. It would be very savvy of her to open her own on-line shop. Want the necklace she wore on tonight's episode? Me too! Hurry up with the on-line store already!

Did you see Jeff's knee socks?! What the heck?

While Ryan meets with Emily, the other guys tear him apart. Cat fight! Arie arrives and Emily slips away with him for some nice, happy times. Ryan chats it up with ponytail guy, and mentions maybe doing The Bachelor next season.

Wha??? Um...okay. What kind of loser would go on one show then sign up for...oh, never mind.

The guys continue to speed swoon Emily in order to get a rose. And why do they do this? So they can speed swoon her the next week. Let's hurry this up. We all know she's going to knock it down to Sean and Arie.

All the guys who haven't kissed Emily talk about how they're above the physical part of the competition, oops sorry, I mean the show.

SDD and Chris have it out by the pool side as they bare their chests to determine who is better father material. Didn't we see this already? The others watch from the windows as these two have the most confusing conversation.

Notice how Mother Goose hung around as if he was supposed to report back to someone. *cough* mole *cough*

The rose ceremony lasts for three commercial breaks. Do you remember which kind of formation grows from the ceiling of a cave? Yes, that's right! A stalactite.

Emily tells the Host she's worried because all the guys are so sweet, and she doesn't want to hurt anyones feelings. She also talks about how the two-on-one date took a lot out of her. *insert dirty joke here*

Finally, the freakin' flower show can start. Emily gives the first two roses to Arie and Sean. Shocking! *rolls eyes* And then Mother Goose. *wink*

Also picked are Mr. Hot Shot, (cue the helicopter sound effect) and the last rose goes to....Alejandro.

Chris and the guy with the long hair are gone. They do their post-dump interview and silently weep by the pool side. Come on guys! You got a trip to Bermuda. Suck it up.

Who is Smurfette going to kick out of the village next?

Will Jeff be able to grow a moustache by next week?

Also, have you noticed that Arie is Eari spelled differently?

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