Frank and Joe Hardy versus the Salvatore Brothers

kiagarriques.com

When Vampire Diaries started a few seasons ago, I was HOOKED!

Who wouldn't love the tension in each scene as the teenage love triangle between a beautiful human girl and two vampire brothers developed? Of course it helped that they were super cute and really rich.

Then after season two, around the time Caroline seamlessly slipped into vampire mode, easily managing with eating squirrels instead of humans, I grew tired of the repetitive plot of Stefan/Damon fighting the paranormal world to save Elana.

I wondered why I liked those brothers to begin with and I started to make some comparisons to another pair of siblings I once had a MAJOR crush on...I won't say what year.

hardyboysfans.com

The top five reasons why Frank and Joe Hardy are better than Stefan and Damon Salvatore.


1. Frank and Joe keep up their studies in school and also hold down part time jobs.

Damon and Stefan Salvatore...? Um...nope, neither.

2. Frank and Joe not only use their smarts and logic to figure out who the real culprit is, but they're brave enough to take down any criminal if they try to escape. These mere mortals regularly put their life on the line to see justice served.

Damon and Stefan...not so much.

3. Frank and Joe attract chicks with their awesome hair and good manners.

Damon and Stefan fight over Elana and eventually turn her into a vampire.

4. Frank is a surfing champ in Hawaii and Joe sings in a band. Plus they have motorbikes in the back of their van, just in case they need to chase down a criminal.

Damon and Stefan are in competition to kill the most ghouls to earn the right to sleep with Elana.

5. Frank and Joe assist the police on a regular basis to put criminals behind bars and keep the public safe.

Damon and Stefan eat the public...and the criminals.


BONUS!!

The Salvatore brothers NEVER had and NEVER WILL have a top forty hit on the charts.

Which brothers would you rather spend an evening with?

The Bachelor, Season 17, Episode 9, "Bugs, Bikinis, and Bye, Byes"

www.bing.com

Sean takes AshLee, Catherine and Lindsay to Thailand for the overnight dates.

He says, “It's amazing to think these are my last three girls.”

Unless he signs up for the show again.

I fast forward through the next thirteen minutes of footage from previous episodes where Sean does a voice over about the girls as having the potential to be his next wife.

Lindsay is the first to arrive. There's a lot of giggling and loud smacking kissing. Sean takes her to a market where they look at neon dyed chicks.

She giggles, “This will be just like when we go grocery shopping.”

A-huh.

Sean makes her eat a slug.

She tells the camera, “I considered not eating the bug, but once I saw how brave Sean was, I had to do it for him.”

This is me.
 

They sit on the beach and reminisce about how much her family loves him. Sean smiles back and nods.

Lindsay tells us, “Last week I told Sean I was falling in love with him, and this week I definitely am.”

Good to know you're consistent.

“But I haven't told him that I AM in love with him because I'm afraid of getting hurt.”

*reaches for Tylenol*

They have supper in front of lit up neon floats. She says, “This night can't get more romantic.”

Or cheesy.

When Sean asks her IF they get engaged would she move to Dallas.

Lindsay replies tearfully, “I have everything totally open.”

*Refrains from obvious joke*

Then Lindsay does a painful monologue trying to build up the courage to tell him the 'L' word. But just as she's about to spill the beans, dancers show up as the entertainment.

She says, “I feel like I'm in a movie.”

Nope. TV show.

Sean gives her an envelope with a key to spend the night together in the fantasy suite. She grabs Sean and runs down the path to the hotel.

Guess what kind of movie you're in now, Lindsay?

Oh dear Lord! They lounge on a bed and drink. Lindsay does another painful monologue, pauses, leans in closer, pauses...then finally she tells Sean she loves him.

And this is his super romantic reply, “I love hearing you say that.”

One down and two to go, eh, Sean?

AshLee arrives and begins to ooze her adoration for Sean. He takes her cave diving because he wants to force her to trust him into not letting her drown.

AshLee is obviously worried when Sean takes them into the pitch black cave and he gets them lost.

I hope the camera man has a map.

She says, “As much as I'm terrified, I'm willing to do this for Sean.”

 

 

Finally they make it through to the other side, and there's a private beach waiting for them. They make out because no one died. 

Now it's time for their supper ie: large glasses of wine, and Sean's envelope offering. He tells her, “I know you love the qualities that I possess and how those are the qualities you need. I love that feeling.”

Oh, you mean how everyone loves you? Gee, that's big of you.

When Sean offers AshLee the envelope, she pauses. He senses her hesitation and he spells out that there will be no special naked hugs but only a time for both of them to T.A.L.K.

She tells us, “I will do everything in my power to make sure this man is happy.”

Really? Even eat bugs?

Catherine arrives and Sean is all huggy-kissy-poo as if he hasn't been making out the past two nights. He takes her on a boat where there is drinking and snuggling.

He tells her, “I love your weirdness.”

And her mouth, apparently.

They talk about the awkward family visit from last week, but she lets him know she'd move to Dallas speedy quick.

He takes her snorkeling and they make out.

What? No bugs or blind spelunking?

Catherine tells Sean over a supper of drinks, “I didn't want to spend the night in the fantasy suite because I want to be seen as a lady. But now I realize it's not about that.”

That's right, girl! It's about getting that rose!

They spend the night in the pool and make out some more. Whatever.

Sean sits down with the Host to fill air time discuss who he'll be sending home.

“It kills me inside to send her home. She's so full of love. It almost breaks my heart.”

Did you hear that? It ALMOST breaks his heart.
 

I fast forward through the footage of Sean looking pensive at the horizon.

It's time for the rose ceremony. There are only two roses. Sean seems to be struggling...Lindsay lets out a breath and curses because the pressure of having someone give you a rose who may or may not propose to you in the future is scarier than eating bugs.

He gives Lindsay the first rose.

 

And the second rose goes to...(there is a thirty second footage of no one speaking and alternating close-ups of Sean, then Catherine, then AshLee, then back to Sean...).

 

Oh the tension! 

 

Catherine finally gets the last rose.

AshLee walks away stone faced as Sean runs after her, saying how super awesome she is.

But as bad as she feels, I feel worse. I thought this was the last episode. Dear Lord, there are two next week!

*Reaches for Tylenol*

The Three Novels That Caught Oscar's Attention

This Sunday the red carpet will be rolled out for Hollywood's elite. Three of the six nominees for Best Picture are based on novels. If you haven't had a chance to see the movies yet, this is your opportunity to dive into some fabulous stories.

And since the authors hardly ever get a mention on Oscar night, the least you can do is buy their novel.

Last year I nearly went through the television when everyone who accepted an award for HUGO, never once uttered the name, Brian Selznik. I guess an increase in sales is acknowledgement enough.

And the nominees are...

Life of Pi

The Silver Linings Playbook

Les Miserables

Personally, I'm rooting for Life of Pi, not only because Yann Martel is Canadian (hooray) but it is an amazing story with scenes that will stay with you long after you read the last page. I haven't seen the movie yet because I loved the book so much.

Do you have a favorite book you'd like to see made into a movie? Besides your own, that is ;)

The Bachelor, Season 17, Episode 8, “I Got Your Back, Bro.”

Sean is all set to meet the last four contestant's families. He tells us, “I'm anxious to give AshLee's parents a chance to know me.”

Or they could watch the show.

AshLee's Dad asks for the low down on all the stuff the two of them have been up to.

xfinity.comcast.net

I think he was just trying to make conversation, but AshLee took the opportunity to tell them EVERYTHING.

“We went polar dipping in freezing water. Then we went to St. Croix and rolled around in the sand,” she laughed. “And I told him that I loved him.”

Holy crap! Awkward alert!

AshLee's Mom takes Sean aside. “What are your intentions with my daughter? Are you going to break her heart?”

Come on, Mom. It's a contest.

She explains to Sean how fragile AshLee's heart is and the number of foster homes she was in before they adopted her when she was four.

AshLee's Dad is upfront and asks Sean if he even loves her. Sean glows red and gives a chuckle. “Well, I think she's fantastic and love is on the horizon.”

AshLee's Dad then gives a touching story of the first time he saw AshLee as her foster father.

Sean goes to Seattle to meet Catherine's family. He talks about how much fun they always have together. There's lots of giggling as they go through the farmers market.

Someone should tell them that when cameras aren't following you around, things aren't so fun.

Sean says, “I feel like she sees both sides of me.”

You mean the contestant side when you were on The Bachelorette, and now the prize side since you're well...the prize.

Catherine's sisters take her aside and try to inject some sensibility. They ask her, “What the heck are you doing?! Are you ready to marry this guy?”

She tells them, “If he proposes in the end of this, then yeah, sure I'll give this a try.”

The sister's talk with Sean and let him know that he's clueless, Catherine's clueless, and together they're just goofy.

Catherine's Mom takes him in the kitchen, and he asks for her blessing. She smiles then tells him, “Let's just see where you are after you meet the other girl's families.”

Ten points for Catherine's family.

Sean's next stop is to meet Lindsay and her family.

Psst...Lindsay's Dad is a General in the army.

She says, “I can't wait to meet Sean in the real world.”

Yup. This has REAL written all over it.

He says, “Every time I sit down with Lindsay I get a better appreciation of what kind of woman she is.”

By 'sit down' means 'make out.'

Lindsay's Mom is all giggles, but the General looks like he's having his prostate checked.

Sean asks the General if he can have his blessing—you know if he chooses Lindsay in the end—the General gives a spiel about the army, and then finally gives his blessing. Then the family gives Sean honorary dog tags.

Wow! I had no idea they were that anxious to get rid of Lindsay.

Desiree is up next. She takes him on a hike in the Los Angeles mountains.

She tells us, “If we end up together, this is what regular life will be like for us.”

Hiking with a camera crew is pretty regular.

She takes him to her place where they make supper for her parents. There's a knock on the door and a guy comes in confessing his love for Desiree.

OMG! A jealous ex-boyfriend? I'm betting it's a joke to get back at Sean for the stupid gallery prank thing he did.

Yes, thank you. Total set up.

Ten points for me.

Desiree's family comes in and both the parents are ready to marry Sean themselves. Big brother Nate though, is very protective.

He tells her, “This is stupid. I know you're ready, but I just don't want it to be for the wrong dude.”

Twenty points for Nate.

Nate quietly confronts Sean. He sees that Desiree is totally into Sean, but the feeling isn't mutual. Sean gives his favorite line, “I'm crazy about (insert name).”

Nate stares him down and says, “If you love my sister, does that mean you're ready to pick her?”

Sean turns red, “Well no, I haven't chosen yet. My heart hasn't decided.”

Nate comes back with, “I think you're just a playboy having fun with one girl, then going on to the next.”

Wow, it's like he's been watching the show.

Sean is incensed! He tells the camera, “I can't believe he called me a playboy. That's not me at all.”

That's right. You're a gigolo for ABC.

Seriously, though. There's nothing playboy about this...

 

                                              Or This...
 

 

                                               Or this...

 

 

 

 

It's time for the rose ceremony. Sean sits with the Host for a little chit chat.

Sean confesses, “I'm confused.”

Truly, I understand. How can he hook up with Desiree with her brother constantly throwing the truth in his face?

Sean is about to give out the first rose and Desiree asks to speak with him outside. She cries while trying to apologize for her brother.

Excuse me! He's your brother! He's supposed to protect you. Now you look pathetic.

My nerves! Anyway Sean gives the first rose to AshLee. Lindsay is called next, and her family cheers in the background.
 

And the last rose goes to...no one. Sean leaves the room and I hit the fast forward button. We get the voice over that he was going to send Desiree home, but now he's having second thoughts.

And the last rose goes to...Catherine.

I'm predicting Desiree is going to pound the crap out of her brother—but in the end, once she sees all the footage, she will understand that she owes him.

Desiree tells him he's making a huge mistake.

Sean gives her these comforting words, “Each time I pray for clarity, but today it didn't come.”

Sean can't even fall back on his 'I'm crazy about you,' line. Right before he puts her in the weepy limo he says, “I'm going to miss you so much.”

“Then don't let me go,” she cries in his arms.

Oh for God's sake, get in the car and get on with your life.

And what does Sarah think about all this?

What do you think of all this? Should he have given the rose to Desiree?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Once Upon A Time, Season 2, Episode 14, “Manhattan”

 

Or better title, “Who's Yo Daddy?”

Rumpelstiltskin enters his cottage and gives Mela the good news that he's been called up to fight in the ogre wars. She's afraid because well, duh, it's ogres and everything, but he convinces her his heroism will bring great honor to their little abode.

onceuponatimewikia.com

Emma, Mr. Gold and Henry arrive at Bellfire's apartment in NYC.

The Mayor and Cora have a mother/daughter chat in the bedroom. Hook shows up and the Mayor explains to him (and us) that they can't leave Storybrooke to run down Mr. Gold, but Cora tells them this is the perfect time to use the one thing that he's defenceless against—the dagger.

Emma sees a guy take off out the fire escape. She yells to Mr. Gold and Henry that this MUST be Baelfire.

Of course it is.

Emma switches into Charlie's Angels gear and manages to tackle him after three blocks.

Yes, I totally called it! It's Emma's ugly faced boyfriend.

'Neil' tells Emma that he has never forgiven Mr. Gold for abandoning him.

Emma freaks out since Henry is now officially Rumpelstiltskin's grandson. He denies knowing who she really was when they met, but only found out her true identity after August showed up and opened his wooden box of doom, and showed him one neatly typed line, “I know you are Baelfire.”

I can't believe I've been writing it wrong all this time.

She says, “You gave me up because of Pinochhio”

Man, if I had a nickel for every time I said that.

Emma decides to keep Henry's existence a secret. Then for symbolic reasons, she rips off the necklace that was part of the key chain Neil gave her, and tells him it was a reminder to never trust anyone.

But, alas she has to keep her promise to Mr. Gold and deliver Baelfire.

Rumpelstiltskin is asked to guard a prisoner that can help turn the tides of the ogre war.

I hope he doesn't mess this up.

He lifts the flap and sees a child with their eyes sewn shut.

My kids screamed at this scene.
 

 

She begs Rumpelstiltskin for water. He is resistant, but when the little girl tells him Mela is already pregnant, he is intrigued. He gives her water and she tells him his actions on the battlefield will leave his son fatherless.

He gets angry since the whole point of going to war is to prove he isn't a coward, but he didn't sign up to die before his son is even born.

Emma calls Mary Margaret for advice about Baelfire. She tries to convince Emma to tell Henry the truth, but when Emma joins Henry and Mr. Gold, she tells them Baelfire got away.

The Mayor decides to pay Belle a visit in hopes of finding the dagger with his name. She puts Belle to sleep magically and then makes all the contents of her purse whirl through the air.

For the record, Nancy Drew could have done the same thing without magic.

The Mayor finds a slip of paper with a numerical code. With help from Cora and Hook, she searches the library and finds a hand drawn map...a treasure map.
 

Despite Emma's objections, Mr. Gold breaks into Baelfire's apartment.

Rumpelstiltskin learns about the next days battle and the little girl's prophecy is coming true. Convinced he's gong to die the next day and leave his son fatherless, he purposely breaks his foot in order to be deemed unfit to fight.

In Baelfire's apartment Mr. Gold can tell Emma is lying to him. He gets all up in her face for breaking their deal when Baelfire bursts into the room.

Rumpelstiltskin limps home to find Mela holding baby Baelfire. He's overjoyed but she confronts him about hurting himself on purpose, and bringing shame on their family. He asks her what he was supposed to do.

She's disgusted with him and says, “You could have fought. You could have died.”

Man, if I had a nickel for every time I said that.
 

 

Baelfire demands Mr. Gold leave his apartment. Mr. Gold picks up on the obvious clue when she calls him 'Neil'. After a lot of shouting, Henry comes out of hiding. Baelfire does the math and asks if Henry is his son.

Emma drops the bomb shell leaving the three fellas gobsmacked.

Greg, the guy who ran Hook over with his car, is allowed to wander the hospital and take videos with his phone. While the Mayor was unnecessarily making Belle's purse hover in the air, he managed to film it and e-mail it to his wife.

 

Cora and the Mayor take give each other high fives after Hook decodes the treasure map. Once they have the dagger, they will control the Dark One, and then he can kill Emma, Mary Margaret, and anyone else they don't like. Henry will go back to live with the Mayor, la dee da, and all will be as it should.

Yup. That's iron clad.

Mr. Gold tells Baelfire that there is no greater pain than regret. He propositions Baelfire to return to Storybrooke where, surprise... there's magic! Then they can start over and forget all that Dark One nonsense.

But Baelfire isn't buying it and he reminds Mr. Gold how he let him get sucked into the vortex instead of giving up magic.

Rumpelstiltskin wanders the forest as the Dark One. He meets up with the seer, who is now a young woman. He blames her for being light on the details about her first prediction. She tells him he will find his son again, but the path won't be an easy one and it will take many years.

He gets tired of her riddles and decides to take away her power of sight so he can 'see' for himself.

Baelfire and Henry bond on the fire escape as Mr. Gold watches, reliving all his mistakes.

Before she dies, the seer tells Rumpelstiltskin that a boy will lead him to his son, but the boy will be his undoing. After hearing that Rumpelstiltskin vows to kill this 'boy'.

Well, that's unlikely now, isn't it.


Stuff I Liked About This Episode

Emma's eye make-up.

Cora's 'modern' look. Seriously, check out the lovely wavy hair.

FINALLY seeing what August was hiding inside the box.

Stuff I Didn't Like About This Episode

If Mr. Gold can magically fix Dr. Frankenstein's severed arm, why can't he fix his limp?

How I misspelled Baelfire's name in every previous recap.

How the Sheriff is still missing.

There were no unicorns.

Happily Ever After; Dating Service for Ficional Characters, Session Two

Voted as the number one dating service for fictional characters.

It doesn't matter if you're a hero or a zero on the pages, our on-line dating service will help you find your soul mate.

 

We'll have you picking out matching bookmarks before you can say, 'library late fees'.

Last week Katniss Everdeen and Victor Frankenstein had success in pairing together.

The chat room is about to get started! Let's see who's looking for love today.

Moderator: Hello, everyone. I see we have a whole new group! Splendid. Who would like to start the conversation tonight? Go ahead, don't by shy.



kpbs.org

Philip Pirrip: I suspect I should like to go first, sir. My story is a sad one, unfortunately. The girl I gave my heart to has but ripped it out of my chest and squeezed the life from it.

 

Scarlett O'Hara: How horrific, Mr. Pirrip. I can't imagine any lady worth keeping who is capable of such a massacre.

 

Philip Pirrip: Well, it wasn't a massacre...at least not literally. And please, call me Pip, everybody does.

Ponyboy Curtis: A broken heart? I've survived worse.

 



tumblr.com

 

 George Weasley: Tough break, blokes. I feels for ya. Sounds like you two are in need of a little pick me up. Maybe some 'Feel Rite Fizzy Bombs Bubblegum'... or maybe a 'Jovial Joker Jawbreaker?'

 

Lydia Bennet: I'll take ten Fizzy Bombs! The General is throwing a ball tomorrow night. And what a lark it will be!

 

Philip Pirrip: Do you need an escort, Miss Bennet?

 

George Weasley: Right, then. Ten Fizzy Bombs at ten knuts a piece...that will be one hundred knuts or three Sickles and four knuts.

 

Lydia Bennet: What's a sickle?

 

Scarlett O'Hara: It's a terrible infliction the Yankees brought with them. Since the war started all of my beaus have left Tara lonely and desolate.

 

Philip Pirrip: Is this Tara a nice girl? Is she looking for someone to love, too?

 

Ponyboy Curtis: Be careful what you wish for Pip. Sometimes certain groups just can't mix, you know? Sometimes all you got is the sun on your face and the street beneath your feet.

 

George Weasley: Whoa! Blimey, Ponyboy, you're killing the party. Tell ya what, I'll send you five Fizzy Bombs, on the house.

 

Lydia Bennet: Weasley! How generous. Wherever do you get your ideas? I suspect an evening dancing with you could have me laughing so hard I'd lose my breath.

 

George Weasley: I can think of a few things besides dancing that could leave us both breathless.
 

 Lydia Bennet: You're absolutely incorrigible! I love incorrigible young men!

 

Philip Pirrip: I'm incorrigable.

 

Scarlett O'Hara: You're also a lousy speller. But that's no matter, I like your desperation. I need more admirers. Tell me, do you ride?

 

Philip Pirrip: I mostly go on foot.

 

Scarlett O'Hara: I meant horses, silly. How about you, Ponyboy? Is that where you get your nickname?

 

Ponyboy Curtis: I'm from the wrong side of the tracks, Scarlett. I don't ride horses. I don't have fancy clothes. All I have are my two brothers.

 

Scarlett O'Hara: Fiddle dee dee! Older brothers? Are you Yankees?

 

Ponyboy Curtis: Well, we're American if that's what you mean.

 

Scarlett O'Hara: Perfect. You and your equally desperate brothers are expected at Tara next week. I'll have Mammy make sure cook does up her famous roast chicken.

 

Ponyboy Curtis: Um...okay.

 

Philip Pirrip: I'm studying! I'm going to be important some day!

 

Lydia Bennet: What are you studying?

Philip Pirrip: To be a gentleman.

 

Lydia Bennet: I see.

Scarlett O'Hara: Oh.
 

Ponyboy Curtis: Uh-huh.

 

George Weasley: I'm still in school. We have to wear uniforms and everything.

 

Lydia Bennet: I love a man in a uniform! Where is your school? Do you have dances?

 

George Weasley: I'll send an owl to you with all the particulars, my lovely...and an extra Fizzy Bomb. 

 

Lydia Bennet: *giggles*

 

Philip Pirrip: I'd appreciate an invitation too, Weasley.

 

George Weasley: Sorry, bloke. Only one Muggle per dance. Hogwarts rule.

 

Ponyboy Curtis: Muggle?

 

Phillip Pirrip: All right. Well, I guess this is good night. I've enjoyed meeting everyone and I hope we can continue this discussion in a fortnight.

 

Philip Pirrip: Good night...?

 

Lydia Bennet: Pip? I'll be visiting my uncle in Cheapsidenext week. May I call on you?

 

Philip Pirrip: YES!!!

 

Lydia Bennet: I dare suspect a few Fizzy Bombs will make for an enjoyable tea!

 

Moderator: This session is now closed. Until next time, everyone...and happily ever after.


Who would you like to see paired up next?

The Bachelor, Season 17, Episode 7 "Bikinis and Bawling"

My curiosity is killing me! Sean has taken the girls mountain climbing, roller derby skating, polar bear ice swimming...what's next, alligator wrestling?

Nope, the contestants are going to St. Croix.
 

global.christianpost.com

Sean takes AshLee out for the first solo date. She takes this opportunity to give him the low down on Tierrable.

Uh-oh. We all know what happens to girls to bad talk Tierra, right?

Ashlee and Sean enjoy a private beach party and shockingly there's lost of  wine but no food. AshLee lets out a skeleton and tells Sean she got married when she was seventeen. But it's okay because they were divorced by her senior year.

Sean is unfazed by this news and they make out. She tells him that she loves him, over and over again.

He says, “You're amazing.”
 

thebachelor2013.com

 

Sean and Tierra go shopping the next day and they have a super fun time buying jewelry and watching parades. They dance, they laugh, they make out.

Sean says, “She's a blast to be with, she has such a great personality.”

Finally Sean asks Tierra how things are going in the house.

Tierra says, “No matter how hard I try, the girls just don't accept me. But I'm not worried about them, because those girls aren't going to be around for long.”

There's another night beach party. Tierra tells him, “I feel like I'm behind in this game.”

Yup. It's a game.

Sean instantly feels guilty that he let AshLee's information dampen his regular date persona.

Tierra tells the camera, “I can't believe one of those girls threw me under the bus!”

Actually they just want to push you in front of one.

Tierra tells Sean that she's falling in love with him.

He realizes that she's having a hard time with the other girls in the house, but he's cool with it because when it's just the two of them, it's all good times.

Sean is taking Lindsay, Catherine and Desiree on their date...at 4AM. The girls barely have time to wax their bikini regions before he takes them away in his jeep. The watch the sunrise, but before anyone gets too rested, Sean piles them back into the jeep and they do a road trip. The plan is to get to the other side of the island to see the sunset.

Aw. It would be romantic if it wasn't a contest.

They finally reach the other beach. There's a blanket and pillows, and you guessed it...wine. Sean suggests they all go swimming.

Cue the bikini shots.

All the girls know it's important to have their alone time with Sean...while the other two watch from the tent.

Lindsay uses her time to talk into his mouth with her tongue...a lot.

Catherine confides to Sean that her dad suffers from depression and he now lives in China. I have to say, with all the stuff the girls throw at Sean, he always says something nice and genuine. And that maybe...oh never mind, they're making out.

Desiree tears up when she talks about how much she loves her family and how much she wants Sean to meet them.

If I were Desiree's sister, I'd never have let her go on the show.

Sean gives the rose to Lindsay.

Go team tongue.

Sean takes Leslie on the solo date to some ruins.

Leslie tells the camera, “I've watched this show for years and I've always thought those girls were fools. Well now I'm one of those fools.”

Word.

Sean says, “Leslie is nervous, I mean we haven't even kissed yet.”

Seriously. Hasn't she watched the show?

What Sean doesn't know is that Leslie is trying to figure out if she should tell him that she loves him or not. In the end, she decides to make out with him instead.

Sean's sister shows up and I think she'll be able to give him some advice until Sean tells us that she was the one who signed him up for the show.

I would never put anyone I cared about on this show. EVER.
 

 

Tierra confronts AshLee and it quickly turns into both woman talking at each other with lots of finger pointing.

Tierra's defence is, “I can't control my eyebrow!”

I predict Sean is going to have to propose to Tierra because the producers will never let him send her home.

Sean arrives to find Tierra in tears. Well... more like fake tears. “I have such a big heart," she sniffs. "This is so hard for me.”

And let's not forget about the uncontrollable eyebrow.

Sean confides to us with a heavy sigh, “This is turning into a nightmare.”

And knowing is half the battle.

Sean explains to Tierra that he was bringing his sister to meet her, but because she's so emotional...again, and having mental breakdowns every day, that perhaps it's best for her to go home now.

The producers boo in the background.

Tierra's parting words are, “I hope the girls got what they wanted.”

Yup.

She wipes away her fake tears and proudly exclaims, “And nobody will take my sparkle away.”

I bet anti-psychotic drugs could.

It's time for the rose ceremony. Sean arrives and confides to the girls that Tierra had been sent home. The Host does the tough math for us and tells us that since there are only three roses for four girls, that one of them will be going home.

Leslie does not get a rose. She leaves us with these words of wisdom, “Rejection sucks.”

What does Sarah think of all this?

 

Once Upon A Time, Season 2, Episode 13, “Tiny”

Or better title. “Who Spilled The Beans?”

Emma and Mr. Gold get ready to leave Storybrooke, oh yeah, and Henry is going with them. David lets Mr. Gold know that if anything happens to his family he will be devastated.

Wow. Big threat, David. Dude, this is The Dark one your talking to.

They cross town limits and Mr. Gold's scarf talisman thingy works.

Mary Margaret and David don't waste time, they get their arrows and guns all ready to hit the town looking for 'Cora The Dangerous'. The Mayor shows up and they give her the good news that Dr. Hopper is alive, so that nasty murder charge has been dropped. And by the way, Henry has left with Emma and her arch nemesis looking for Bellfire.



seat42f.com

Mary Margaret and David make Hook take them to his ship. Grumpy (why is he always on the fringe with these guys) is there too. Hook convinces them Cora is more diabolical than they suspect and he shows them another prisoner that happens to be on the ship.

It's the giant from episode. Except he's regular sized.

Anton, the giant, sits at a long table with his brothers celebrating the magic bean harvest that's about to happen. Apparently the oldest brother, the head giant, doesn't like humans and he keeps his younger brothers hidden above the clouds.

Anton doesn't understand his brother's prejudice and tries to convince the brothers that humans must be good if they have stuff like golden harps. The brothers tease Anton by calling him by his nickname, Tiny. He leaves the table all moody. Determined to show his brother's they're wrong about humans, he leaves his castle in the sky and climbs down the beanstalk.

Hook tells Mary Margaret he has no idea who the prisoner is and suggests she wake him up and see what he knows about Cora's plan. Mary Margaret gently wakes Anton. He looks around bleary eyed, but when he sees David, he flips out, screaming about revenge. Luckily Mary Margaret brought her bow and arrow and stops Anton from smashing David's head in. Instead he runs away, yelling stuff about horrible humans.

Geez, what did Prince Charming ever do to Anton?

Ruby visits Belle in the hospital and tries to jog her memory. Belle straight out asks her about Mr. Gold's ability to magical heal gunshot wounds with balls of fire. Ruby lies about the magic and this only infuriates Belle. Quickly a nurse with the most bizarre hairdo I've seen, comes in and gives Belle a shot. In the back ground, Greg, the outsider who ran over Hook with his car, watches from the shadows as ominous music plays.

Okay, there's only two patients in the hospital, you'd think they would know enough not to put the amnesiac fairy tale character with the suspicious outsider!

David tries to figure out why Anton hates him. We flashback to the castle where the first Prince Charming (James) is making out with someone who isn't Snow White!

Yikes! For a family show, ABC is showing a lot of skin and lingerie. What is this? The Super Bowl halftime show?

King Horrid enters the bedroom and I can't help but wonder who the heck thought this was a good scene. He tells the lovers there's a giant roaming the village. James and his chick are bad ass, and they go out, ready to take down a giant and get some magic beans.

They discover Anton easily since he's a giant and everything.

Prince James' lady friend has an awful lot of cleavage for a giant hunt.

Anyway, they convince Anton to try an enchanted piece of mushroom that will help make him smaller, and therefore be able to enjoy the dancing and drinking in the local pubs. She tells him her name is Jacqueline, but everyone calls her Jack.

As in Jack and the Beanstalk.

Mr. Gold finds airport security very uncivilized. He's forced to take off the shall. He's dazed for a few moments but once he slips it back on he's good to go.

The Mayor finds Hook and she learns Anton has escaped from the ship and has a death wish for David. The Mayor smiles since this is just the distraction Cora needs for her secret diabolical plan.

 

Prince James and Jack take Anton into the pub and they bond over pint of grog.

He loves humans!

Jack confesses to Anton that Prince James is in debt. If they don't pay off the neighboring kingdom (like say in magic beans or gold treasure) then the kingdom, including the pub, will be burned to the ground.

Anton promises Jack he can help them out—no problem.

The Mayor finds Anton sitting on a bench. She cuts to the chase pretty fast.

“I hear you're in town because you want to kill someone,” she says.

Nice ice breaker.

The Mayor and Anton make an alliance. She gives him a piece of mushroom from the Land of Hearts, and he grows back up to his giant self.

Mr. Gold gets agitated having to wait at the airport. He goes into the bathroom and teaches the paper towel dispense a lesson. He tries to heal his bleeding knuckles but his magic doesn't work.

I wonder if this inability to use magic will become important to the plot later on?

Anton visits the treasure room and starts to make a grab bag for his new pals. His oldest brother confronts him, and tries to convince him that humans are bad.

All the fairy tale characters run amok as Anton booms around Main Street. David tries to explain about Prince James and their switcheroo at birth. But Anton takes after them anyway.

Prince James and Jack storm the giant's castle demanding all the beans.

Huh? How can they fight giants?

David surrenders to Anton before Storybrooke is smashed to bits. Anton slams his body into the ground, hoping to crush David, but he only manages to get stuck in a huge crater. David and Mary Margaret, and Grumpy (why is he there?) look down and see that the magic mushroom has worn off and now Anton's a regular guy clinging to a broken sewer pipe.

Only one thing can save this mess. Yes, that's right, the Sheriff.

Call in Schmexy!!

 

The giants fall quickly because the Jack and Jason are using poisoned swords. The oldest brother tells Anton that if the humans get the magic beans, they will take their violence to every world. Anton must destroy the beans.

David rescues Anton from the crater and Grumpy rejoices from the front of the crowd.

Jack stabs the oldest brother with her poisoned sword as James fills a bag with gold loot. The oldest brother pulls out the sword and stabs Jack. They both lie dying. James barely gives her a shrug as he scoots out with his treasure.

Anton is devastated and kneels by his brother's side. And what do you know, he gives Anton a shoot of the stalk that is capable of growing more magic beans.

Everyone takes Anton to Granny's pub/diner/laundromat, and they discuss setting him up in an apartment. Mary Margaret tells him there's no portal back to fairy tale land, and that Storybrooke is his home now. Anton looks sheepishly at David and asks if there's good farmland nearby.

Who cares? I want to know if Mr. Gold has gotten kicked off the air plane yet.

David and Mary Margaret take Anton to a field. He pauses, wondering if this is the reason Cora kidnapped him. She must want him to plant a stalk to create a port hole.

David and Mary Margaret think this is probably true, but they decide they're tough enough to handle Cora. Besides Grumpy (shockingly) shows up with the other dwarfs, all carrying their axes. They give Anton his own axe and the name “Tiny” emblazons on the handle.

Grumpy leaves us with these wise words. “The axe doesn't lie.”

Belle is visited by Greg, aka, that guy who hit Hook with his car. He confides to her that she isn't crazy because he saw the old guy with the magical ball of fire, too.

David and Mary Margaret talk about how the bean stalk will change everything. He's super excited to go back to fairy tale land, but she tells him home is where Emma decides to go.

Hmm...I sense and impasse.

Mr. Gold is a nervous flier. He grips the seat rest with a white knuckles as the flight attendant announces they'll be taking off for New York City.

Hey, do you know who lives in New York City? Well, millions of people, yes, but also Emma's ugly faced boyfriend.

Ew! If he's the grown up version of Bellfire than that means Henry is his grandson.

I don't think The Mayor will be happy about that.


 

Stuff I Liked About This Episode

The dude from ER played the oldest giant. It's nice to see him working.

The hairdo on the Nurse who gave Belle her sedative shot. She could pass for O'Brien from Downton Abbey.

Hook. He's no Schmexy but he's a nice replacement.

Stuff I Didn't Like About This Episode

Grumpy keeps showing up for no reason.

The stripper outfits the costume department kept putting on Jack.

The fact none of the giants didn't just step on James and Jack.

Once again, the Sheriff failed to ride into town on a unicorn. *Sigh*