Or better title "Hands Off!"
|Crying real pirate tears because this episode gave him cramps. |
A long time ago...
A withered sorcerer's apprentice guards a dish of caviar—sorry, its a golden box that looks like a dish of caviar. Anyway, a cloaked figure brandishing the dagger of the dark one tries to steal the box, but a powerful spell makes it impossible to retrieve.
The apprentice says, "Every dark one has tried to steal this box, but none have ever succeeded."
Flash forward to present day. Mr. Gold studies the exact same box. He uses the dagger to open the box to reveal...the sorting hat from Harry Potter.
Big deal, he did that last episode.
Henry encourages Emma to hang out with Hook so she asks him out on a date. You know, like most teenage boys who find their adoptive mother after reading a magic storybook.
Hook's totally into the idea. He gives Emma a smouldering grin and tells her to leave the planning up to him.
Maybe a BBQ? That way he can use his hook as a kabob.
Faster than you can say, give me five, Hook runs over to Mr. Gold's shop and blackmails him into giving him his hand back—Mr. Gold has had kept it in a jar all these years.
Ignoring Mr. Gold's warning that his old hand may turn him into the unscrupulous pirate he used to be, Hook insists he's a changed man.
Emma puts on a pink dress and wears her hair up in a ponytail for her date with Hook. He arrives in a short leather jacket and jeans.
Oh my God! It's Sandy and Danny from Grease.
Back in the enchanted forest, Anna makes her way into Rumpelstiltskin's castle. He tells Anna her parents paid him a visit asking for help. She's intrigued and agrees to do anything to learn the truth.
He twirls and giggles, then gives her a small glass bottle. Anna is to visit an old man at the base of the mountain and slip the potion into his tea. When Anna visits the man, it's the apprentice. But instead of pouring the potion in the tea, she throws it in the fire.
Danny and Sandy go to a restaurant, and here's the shocking part—it's not Granny's pub/diner/laundromat. Emma tries to bring up the problem of the missing Snow Queen, but Hook is intent on keeping things romantic.
The thief from the ice cream shop is there (yes, I just wrote that). He sees Emma and freaks out because she's the Sheriff and he needs to keep a low profile. He does this by walking directly to her table, and bumping into a waiter who then spills all the things but none of it stains her dress.
Hook viciously grabs the dude. The guy runs off, but Hook looks at his evil hand worried that Mr. Gold was right.
Bad hand. Bad, bad hand.
Henry and Regina go through her magical supplies trying to think of a potion to help Marion (the wife of her boyfriend, Robin). Henry tells her she should be happy that Robin's kiss didn't work because that proves he doesn't love Marion.
Wow. Henry is way too concerned with his mothers' love lives.
Where is Dr. Hopper? I think I need therapy.
Hook and Emma share a good night kiss, but the bad hand keeps distracting Hook.
There are so many inappropriate jokes going through my mind right now.
While Emma convinces her parents she's not pregnant yet, Hook roams the dark streets. He finds the thief trying to break into the library. Hook starts to beat him up—yes, that's right, with his BAD hand.
Anna cries when he convinces her she'll never see her sister again. He pushes her to the brink, but she refuses to stab him. He takes his dagger and captures her tears—the only thing that will let him gain access to the gold box (the tears of someone who faced their inner darkness and turned away.)
Blah, blah, blah. Who cares? What's Hook's bad hand up to?
Hook goes to Mr. Gold and asks to have his Hook back. Mr. Gold tells him he's already switched the real dagger so if Hook wants to make a deal, he'll have to pay with a favour.
Emma's car slips on a patch of ice. She sees the Snow Queen and chases her on foot, but tracking a woman in a long white sparking dress in the middle of a maritime town is super hard. Emma loses her after two seconds.
Belle calls Emma and tells her someone has broken into the library and he's passed out drunk with a copy of Alice In Wonderland.
I see what you're doing. I won't start watching another fairy tale show.
Mr. Gold finds Hook and asks him to follow a magic broom which will lead him to an old friend.
With the power of Anna's tears, Rumpelstiltskin gets the gold box. He then tells Anna her parents came to him asking for help with Elsa's powers. The gold box contains a magic hat that has the power to absorb magic, making it more powerful than his own abilities.
But Anna has made friends with the mouse/apprentice. It jumps from the rafters and bites Rumpelstiltskin's hand. He drops the dagger and Anna picks it up. She soon realizes that as long as she holds the dagger, she has power over him. She takes the gold box and orders Rumpelstiltskin to send her back home.
The magic broom leads Hook and Mr. Gold to the house of
Anna returns home to Kristoff's arms, but the reunion turns sad when Anna tells him that her parents left on the ship because they were afraid of Elsa's power.
Mr. Gold gives Hook back his well...his hook. They have this looooong conversation about who is the worst and who can blackmail whom. It turns out Mr. Gold video taped Hook helping him dispose of the old man, and even though he STILL has the real dagger, Hook is now being blackmailed by Mr. Gold.
And by the way, the hand wasn't evil, it was just Mr. Gold messing with Hook's head.
I need a drink.
Emma and David learn the Snow Queen didn't come to Storybrooke because of the curse. So how did she get there? And what does she want with Emma? And why does it matter that the thief was making out and partying with a book in the library?
Henry tries to convince Regina that they can't give up on operation Mongoose. He reasons Mr. Gold knows who wrote the Storybook. He goes to the pawn shop and asks to help out as an after school job, but *wink wink* he's really working undercover.
Sweet. This show is always better with Regina.
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