Let the insanity begin!
Let's meet the guy who can't meet girls in his own home town ...
The 33-year-old Midwestern farmer and self-proclaimed romantic doesn't want to settle for "good" he wants "great."
I feel the same way about pie.
At the beginning of the second episode one of the girls who didn't get a rose re-entered the party and pulled Chris aside.
Kimberly 'Yoga Instructor' says, "I can't leave without looking you in the eye ... and talking with you ... or walking away from this without talking to you."
Well, that amazing speech granted her a second chance.
The girls are so NOT excited. But they all give her hugs ... hate hugs.
The host lets them know Chris is living just down the street and then he mentions "There are no rules."
There's also no shortage of booze.
The first group date contains a bunch of girls plus Kimberly. The date card says, "Show me your country."
Ashley I. 'Freelance Journalist' says "I'm more Kardashian than Country."
Is that what he meant by show me your country?
While the group date is going on, Megan 'Make-up Artist' and some other chick break into Chris' place and sees he has a motorcycle. Megan puts on the helmet and begins head bunting stuff. Like the brick wall, the fridge, the wall ... again.
*Rings bell of shame* This is a new low on The Bachelor. I can't imagine it will get worse.
He leads them to tractors, lined up on the street, which of course they'll race in their bikinis and cowboys boots.
*Rings bell of shame* I stand corrected.
FYI, tractors don't go very fast.
Ashley I. 'Freelance Journalist' wins the race and alone time with Chris.
He says, "It's tough dating six girls at once, but I'd like to end the group date with one girl."
He chooses Mackenzie 'Dental Assistant' for the rest of the date.
The girls left behind talk about how sweet Chris is being. Tara 'Sport Fishing Enthusiast' leaves us with these words, "This sucks."
During the diner date, MacKenzie keeps the conversation going with these gems. "I'm really observant to weird stuff. I like big noses." And then she drops this. "Do you believe in aliens?"
How could someone unstable be part of this show?
Then MacKenzie tells Chris that she has a son. He says, "I admire that. You're such a tough girl."
Translation. "You don't have a chance, but I'm keeping you around because you're crazy and the producers want you to stay."
Megan 'Make-Up Artist' gets the first solo date, but she thought it was a love note.
Maybe she should have kept the helmet on.
She says, "I wish everyone could feel my insides right now."
They take a private jet...and then they take a private helicopter over the Grand Canyon. While drinking champagne, Megan tells Chris the day her dad passed away right before she left for this show.
Chris' thoughts. "Can I just go on a date with a chick and have a normal conversation?"
Not on this show, dude.
Then he says. "This is the perfect date, with the perfect person." She gets the rose. They kiss.
The next group date includes a trip to Zombie Land.
What the hell is wrong with these guys? Have they never been on dates before? This is almost as bad as Sean's goat milking obstacle course.
So the girls get outfitted with paint ball gear or something and have to fend off the zombies. There's a lot of screaming.
I'm surprised he didn't make them wear their bikinis.
Ashley S. Hair Stylist' kind of loses her mind a bit. She thinks she can see angels in the candles and then wanders off several times.
Kaitlyn 'Dance Instructor' from Canada gets some solo time with Chris on the group date.
He says, "She's smart and funny and what the hell is she doing here?"
No kidding, man. How did this normal one slip through?
Britt 'Waitress' says, "Chris makes me feel like he's treating me more special than any other girl here."
Actually, he's kissing everyone, Britt. Sorry.
Kaitlyn gets the date rose. Sorry, Britt.
And now it's time for the Last Chance Cocktail Party.
Ashely I. tells MacKenzie that she's a virgin. MacKenzie says, "Oh my God! Guys love that!"
Ashely I. says, "I want to rise to the top." Then she shows Chris her belly ring that's shaped like Aladdin's lamp. He has to rub her lamp for his wish to come true. He makes a wish and they make out.
*Rings bell of shame*
Britt starts to cry because she just realized all of the girls she's living with have the same boyfriend.
Jordan 'Student' is drunk again ... or maybe she's never sobered up from the first night. Who knows?
Britt gets the first rose. Then Ashley I. More girls I don't even remember seeing before. Ashely S and all her personalities gets the last rose.
And the producers cheer!
Sadly we say goodbye to Jordan. She was a lot of fun to watch. Kimberly the Yoga Instructor is going home, for reals this time. She tells us, "I don't know what was wrong the first time so I couldn't fix it."
Girl, nothing is broken. Go home, wash your face and things will be okay.
Tara 'Sport Fishing Enthusiast' is in tears. "I'll never be anyone's number one. I get a lot of rejection. this sucks." And then we hear the girls inside cheer. "What's wrong with me? What needs to be fixed?"
Girl, nothing is broken. Go home, wash your face and things will be okay. And what kind of occupation is 'Sport Fishing Enthusiast?'
Who was tonight's MVP?
#1. Ashely I.
#2. Ashely S.