Tuesday, 27 January 2015

The Bachelor, Season 19, Episode 4 "Princesses, Bimbos, and Psychos"

Like the mythological weavers of fate, Chris's three sisters will be deciding which girl will be going on a very special one on one date.

What a twist! Actually, no one who ever cared about their family members would sign them up for this sh*t show.

Group Date Time!

Chris takes the girls to a lake.

*Cue the bikini shots*

Ashley I. says, "I need to find a way to break out of my shyness." Then she strips off her bikini top.


Not to be outdone, Kaitlyn, the dance instructor from Canada takes off her bottoms.


Kelsey "Guidance Counsellor" says, "This is a date for bimbos."

Doll, the whole show is for bimbos.

Chris tells the girls "I love being with the girls in their bikinis."

And guess what? They're staying the night.

The thought of camping gives Kelsey cramps. "This is a hole," she says. "I don't want to be here."

Chris BBQ's supper for the girls. He says he wants things to get started.

Translation, "I'm ready to make out with y'all."

Once the tequila is opened, Ashley S. begins to sing around the camp fire to music only she can hear. Mackenzie starts to ask the other girls if they believe in aliens.


Ashley I. puts on more make up and finds Chris. She says, "I feel like everything that comes out of my mouth is dumb." And then they make out.

Chris gives the date rose to Kaitlyn.

She tells the camera, "This is great. And I'm drunk."

Ashley I. decides Chris needs to know that she's a virgin. She slips into his tent and says, "I'm friggin' innocent. I just want to make sure you got that vibe."

Chris mumbles a few things and is still clues about her virginity.

She gives us the best quote of the night, "He can probe at that area later on if he likes."

Sister Act

Meanwhile, Chris's sisters arrive unannounced at the house.


Carly says to one sister, "Oh wow! What are you doing in Ireland."

"I live there."

Carly: "Wow. You live there!"

Jillian gets woken up by the pool. She enters with drool on her face in her tiny bikini.

All three sisters interview each girl.

Whitney, the fertility nurse did the best...in my opinion. Carly cries as she talks about past bad loves.

The weirdest quote of the night is from Carly, "I want Chris to be like my Grandpa."

Mostly I think the sisters want to weed out the crazy girls. Unfortunately anyone who signs up for this is crazy.
Jade "Makeup Manufacturer" gets picked by Chris's sisters and it sounds like a Cinderella makeover date complete with ball gown and diamonds.

When Ashley I. gets back to the house and finds out that Jade is going on the solo date is totally pissed because she IS THE PRINCESS!!!!

Three designer freaks arrive and take Jade into a princess makeover room.

Ashley I. cries at the unfairness of it all.

Ashley I

Chris waits for Jade to arrive. When she shows up, he's like, "Who is that?"


They talk over wine. And bond over their small town upbringing. She gets the rose and they dance while watching a clip of the new Cinderella movie.

Back at the house Ashley I. puts on her own princess dress and struts around eating corn on the cob.

That's a very unprincess thing to do, Ashley.

Dirty Dancing


For the next group date all the girls have to wear wedding dresses. Jillian feels completely out of her element. They go on a private jet, drink champagne and end up at 'muck fest'. It's an obstacle course through mud. Jillian starts to smile.

The winner gets a one on one date with Chris. To be a good sport, he does the race too.


Jillian wins by a huge amount of time. She and Chris talk about family on their date and their five year plan. Jillian really has no plans, other than to hit the gym. Then she talks about weight lifting. And talks, and talks...and talks. Drops a few f bombs. Drinks more. Talks more.


Chris gives us the third quote of the episode. He says, "As her words drift over my head I start to think about unicorns and fairies. It's quite nice."

She does NOT get the date rose!

*cue the sad piano music*

It's time for the cocktail party!

A few of the girls are obviously worried.

Megan blindfolds Chris and feeds him chocolate dipped fruit. He has to use his three senses. She can't name all five senses.

Ashley I. tells everyone AGAIN that she's a virgin. She takes Chris aside and quizzes him about their 'tent conversation'.

He's like, "Um...it was intriguing."

Translation. "I have no idea what the hell you were saying."

Then she tells him. "Yeah, I'm a virgin."

Translation. "Want to rub my belly ring and make another wish?"

Then she starts to cry to the camera because he didn't kiss her.

Then Becca says, "Oh yeah, well I'm a virgin too. It's just a choice I made."

When Britt gets Chris alone she tells him she's concerned because he's making out with other girls and she's confused as to what he wants in a wife.

Chris says, "Uh...I...um....I'm glad we had this conversation. I'm going to handle this like a man."

Yup. By walking out of the room.

It's time for the rose ceremony...and tears!

Whitney gets the first rose. Followed by Carly and Megan. Britt gets the last rose.

Oh no! Ashley S. is going home. So is Juelia.


Juelia says, "I just want someone to share my precious baby with."

Dear Juelia, go share your love with your precious baby.

Who was tonight's MVP?

#1. Kaitlyn

#2. Kelsey

#3. Britt

Leave your vote in the comment section.

Check out my other recaps here!

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