Tuesday, 13 October 2015

Once Upon A Time Season 5, Episode 3 "Siege Perilous"

Or better title "Charming Finds A Mushroom"

Going on a Quest

While searching Merlin's lab, Regina finds a book and concludes that a magic mushroom (yes, that's right) will help them talk with the tree version of the wizard.

Why don't they just look for a spell that will turn Merlin back into a man?

Prince Charming volunteers to find the mushroom because he's been a side character for so long and basically has no conflict with anyone Zzzzz...huh? Oh, sorry I drifted off writing about Prince Charming.

King Arthur joins him on this quest and takes no time in spilling the beans about Sir Lancelot and Queen Guinevere's affair. Then Charming drops the bomb that Sir Lancelot (the knight of the fairest heart) is dead.

Remember that episode when Charming's evil dad tricked Snow White into drinking a potion that made her unable to have babies?

Then this random knight arrives with King Arthur's 'trunk of wonder' which is full of magical stuff they've stolen collected on their travels...including the Eternal Flame that helps light the way through the forest.

Charming sets off with King Arthur, they find the mushroom and Charming has to battle a few headless knights, but alas, during the battle—which King Arthur did nothing—Charming loses the mushroom.


No worries, though because when they return to Camelot, King Arthur makes Charming a knight because "the quest is what really matters, not the finding."

Huh? Tell that to the tree waiting for its magic mushroom.

At this point Snow White takes a break from Charming getting all the attention and wanders into the hallway. She is surprised to see Sir Lancelot since he died a few seasons ago. Lancelot tells her the Dark One isn't the one to be feared—it is King Arthur who poses the greatest threat.

How to Love 'The Dark One'

Meanwhile in Storybrooke, Belle wanders the pawn shop looking for something that once belonged to Mr. Gold BEFORE he was the Dark One (it's needed for a super duper healing spell).

Across the street Hook wanders into Granny's pub/diner/laundromat like most characters do and chats up Robin a bit. Granny then plunks down a bag of take out and tells him Emma wants to meet him on his ship.

He's like "What, I'm just at her beck and call or something? I was a pirate for frig's sake."

Granny said, "Dude, what choice do you have? She's the Dark One. That'll be $20 for the lunch, by the way."


When he arrives on his ship, Emma magically appears with the pretense that they could 'just talk.' Hook sits down at their little picnic, grimacing at her 'Sandy' from Grease outfit from their first date.

Personally, I prefer the powered wig version with dark magic.

There's a lot of talk about Dark Ones and loving Dark Ones and how Belle loves Mr. Gold...blah, blah, blah...where is this going? Hook talks about how Mr. Gold was a coward before he was the Dark One and that he, Hook, was the villain in that case when he put his sword to his throat and threatened his life.

Tired of this trip down memory lane, Emma finally says, "Do you love me or what?"

"I loved you," he says, emphasizing the past tense.

Hmm...guess who feels threatened by a strong woman? Plus, who is sailing the ship??

Pickup Truck Death Match

Through bizarre coincidental random police work, David finds the magic mushroom in the camp the medieval characters have set up in the forest. King Arthur tells him a magic bean is missing from his  'trunk of wonders'.  This results in a pick-up truck/horseback riding chase scene that should have resulted in a messy death for the dud on the horseback.

Instead he's knocked unconscious and ends up in the jail cell of the ALWAYS empty Sheriff's office.

Why do these people keep leaving prisoner's un guarded?

King Arthur comes in and it's clear the random knight stole the mushroom under his instructions. Not only that, but he swallows a deadly poison that King Arthur brought all in the name of saving Camelot.

If that's not confusing enough, Belle realizes the rose in her jar is thriving. That must mean Mr. Gold is getting better. When she rushes to the store, he's not there.

I guess she should have stayed at his bedside since he was dying instead of going out for Granny's pie.

It turns out Emma has Mr. Gold in her basement! She has the sword from Hook's ship he used against Mr. Gold when he was wimpy Mr. Rumpelstiltskin. She uses it to bring Mr. Gold out of his coma.

A-ha! That's what she wanted from the ship, not lasagna.

When he wakes, she tells him she's going to turn him into the purest hero ever so he can pull Excalibur out of the stone.



Okay, this last two minutes was the best part of this episode.

Who was tonight's MVP?

#1. Random knight who only got three lines before he died

#2. Magic Mushroom

#3. Granny's lasagna

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