Monday, 23 April 2012

Once Upon A Time Episode 19, "The Return" or "David Is Such A Loser"

August thrashes in his bed, getting tangled in the sheets. He then falls out and stumbles to his typewriter like Storybrooke is having an earthquake. Obviously, he's not a morning person. On the phone, he tells someone things are taking too long and he has to accelerate the plan.

He always tells the truth except when he's snooping.
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Henry and August hatch a scheme—I guess that's who he was talking with. Henry goes into Mr. Gold's shop, cheerily looking for a gift for his favorite teacher, Mary Margaret, to celebrate her release from jail.

Meanwhile, August sneaks in the back of the shop and begins searching the cluttered shelves. Mr. Gold catches him, but August does a song and dance about looking for maps and gets away.

Hold on—I thought he always told the truth. ABC! *shakes fist at TV*

Emma goes to the hospital and questions a recovering Catherine. She remembers the car accident, but then blacked out and came to in a basement. The Doctor, the only medical staff in Storybrooke apparently, tells Emma there were traces of drugs in Catherine's system.

Is this blood test as reliable as the DNA on her heart? *rolls eyes*

Adding to the mystery, Catherine says she didn't escape but woke up one morning in a field and walked into town. Emma does some brilliant detective work and says the DNA test must have been faked.

Gee! Ya think?

Quidditch anyone?
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The Mayor and Mr. Gold argue at his shop. He holds a leather ball that looks like a quaffle.

Ten points for a Harry Potter reference!

She's mad that he broke their deal. He glares back at her and says he's only broken one deal, and unfortunately it wasn't this one. She demands to know why he came up with the curse to bring them here if he's not helping her now?

Good question. Also, why is it so easy to break into the hospital lab?

On a muddy road, boys are playing with Mr. Gold's quaffle ball. A horse drawn waggon almost runs over them. An angry villager scolds the boy for playing on the road, then he recognizes Rumpelstiltskin's son, Bellfire. He backs away, clearly frightened. And he should be. Rumpelstiltskin hears the arguing and turns the frantically apologetic villager in to a snail, and then crushes him. WOW! Just like that.

David visits Catherine because he's a confused guy trying to remember who he's in love with. Hello? Your true love just got sprung from jail! *taps TV screen* 

Catherine forgives him for all the crap he put her through—I guess being kidnapped and held in a basement puts things in perspective. They agree to not be miserable married people anymore. He calls her amazing, and then kisses her on the forehead. But no magic happens because it's a 'true friend's kiss' not the 'true love' kind.

Emma throws Mary Margaret a party. Henry gives her a bell wrapped in a pretty silver box. Is anyone else thinking about The Polar Express? David arrives looking for more foreheads to kiss, but Emma stops him at the door. He whimpers something stupid and then leaves.

Mr. Gold watches them from the corner. Emma crosses her arms in front of her chest and accuses him of kidnapping Catherine. Emma needs to brush up on her hostess skills. Mr. Gold doesn't even flinch—he's so cool. Instead he motions toward August and asks what she knows about him. Emma realizes she's clueless about August. Mr. Gold tells her he must be using a pseudonym, which is different than an acronym but has the same suffix.

Rumpelstiltskin enters the cottage with his son, Bellfire, and begins to heal his skinned knee with magic. The boy wants none of it and gets the mid-evil first aid kit (also known as the BlackSmith Special). Bellfire confronts his father about his lust for power and how evil he's become. Rumpelstiltskin refutes that his powers ended the Ogre war, saving thousands of children from being soldiers.

But his son is adamant. Rumpelstiltskin shows him the dagger with his name etched into the blade and says he's owned by the magic for life—or until someone else kills him with the dagger.

Two hours of homework=one hour on Minecraft
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Their maid/cook/laundry girl walks in and they drop the conversation. Obviously they've been watching Downton Abbey. The first rule is to never talk about curses with the help around. Bellfire makes Rumpelstiltskin promise to figure out how to get rid of his powers, and they shake on the deal.

Mr. Gold snoops around August's room and finds a tiny wooden carving of a dog. Hmm, tiny wooden carving. Whoa! Jackpot! AND a perfect drawing of the dagger.

At the dinner/pub/laundromat Emma confronts Sydney about bugging her office. Sydney makes it clear he's on the Mayor's side. Emma looks disgusted. She stomps away with her amazing golden hair flowing behind her and promises to find the basement where Catherine was kept. She's determined to find any clue that will link him AND the Mayor to the set up.

Bellfire is sad because none of the other kids will play with him—you know 'cause his dad might turn them into a snails, too. A young girl comes out from behind a tree (the forest gets so much air time every episode!) She's kind and describes what a hero his father was the day he stopped the Ogre Wars. He tells her the power has become a curse. She offers him hope and mentions a rumor she heard on the battle field of an original magic that was more powerful than the Dark One.

Rumpelstiltskin breaks up the scene and the girl hurries away. Bellfire notices his father's bloodied boots. Rumpelstiltskin defends his actions, saying the maid was mute but she could still draw a picture of the dagger. Geez. Harsh much?

Mr. Gold follows August and watches as he meets with the Head Nun (aka Blue Fairy). It's hard to recognize her without her blue bustier and jellyfish skirt. Apparently August has found his long lost father but isn't sure how to reveal the truth...yet.

Bellfire goes into the woods and summons the original power. Instead of the huge, creepy thing I'm imagining, the Blue Fairy appears. Bellfire explains his father is the Dark One. She says her magic can't take away his powers. However, he can go to a place where magic doesn't exist, and that will save them both.

She gives him a magic bean, and tells him to use it wisely because it is the very, last magic bean. The. Very. Last.

David chases Mary Margaret down the street and tries to apologize—AGAIN! His excuse for being a spineless twit was all the mounting evidence against her. He's worse at apologizing as Emma is at hosting parties.

Mary Margaret sighs and says something powerful is trying to keep them apart. He apologizes again, saying that he loves her, and then they both end up crying. OH. MY. GOD. They've had this conversation a billion times.

Dear ABC,

Why are they even in this episode?

Rumpelstiltskin is spinning gold when Bellfire comes in and tries to sell him on the idea of leaving fairytale land to live in a place where absolutely nothing magical could ever happen—Wal-mart. Rumpelstiltskin can't refuse his son. They shake hands and make a deal. Um...didn't we just see that?

Feeling particularly chatty and helpless (never a good combination), Mr. Gold pays a visit to Dr. Hopper and talks about his long lost son and their somewhat complicated relationship. Dr. Hopper advises he should ask his son for forgiveness, because there's no other way.

I'm shocked someone actually had a real answer instead of the usual, true love's kiss idea. Yay! Dr. Hopper.

Mr. Gold meets August in the woods (hi, trees!). August calls him Papa. For proof, rearrange the letters in August Wayne Booth. You'll discover they spell out, the writer is Rumpelstiltskin's son and he had this magic bean that was the very last magic bean in fairytale land.

See? It's so obvious. I feel like such a dummy.

Bellfire plants the bean and it forms a green tornado as a porthole to Wal-mart. Rumpelstiltskin suddenly gets cold feet and tries to pull his son back, yelling that he can't give up the power. His grip slips and Bellfire disappears into the vortex. Seconds later the ground covers over. Realizing he made the wrong choice, Rumpelstiltskin claws at the dirt.

Mr. Gold admits his cowardice to August, but that every waking moment since that night he's been looking for him. He then asks for forgiveness, and I must say, David could take a few pointers. Together they unearth the dagger Mr. Gold buried shortly after Emma arrived in Storybrooke. He hands it to August telling him to destroy it—he doesn't need magic anymore now that he's found his son. August takes the dagger and points it at his father and demands control the Dark One.

*Gasp* TWIST!

Mr. Gold points a finger at his son's impostor. He overtakes the weak August and demands answers. August confesses to being from fairytale land, but he's sick and was trying to get 'the Savior' to help him—but she's such a non-believer, that Emma.

Mr. Gold sneers down at him, telling him to keep trying. And since he's spared his life, August now owes Mr. Gold a favor.

Rumpelstiltskin summons the Blue Fairy and asks how he can follow his son. The fairy says he had his chance, however (there's always a however) a powerful curse can create the same vortex. He vows to find this powerful magic and will do nothing else, and love nothing else until he gets his son back. Well, except maybe that chick who comes to clean his castle and breaks the china cup...but other than her, nothing else!

The Mayor sits in the Sheriff's office and watches as Syndey confess to setting up Mary Margaret. He says he wanted to be the one to find her and be the hero. He would write an exclusive for the paper and get his job back. Emma is absolutely not buying any of it. She takes the Mayor into the hallway and lays it all out on the table—she's had enough of the Mayor's crazy schemes. Emma vows to never stop fighting her, and finally...FINALLY declares to fight for custody of Henry.

Whoo-hoo! Cat Fight!

So, August is still a mystery, unless you haven't figured out he's really Pinocchio. Click here for details.

Will David ever get some charm? And what about the animal shelter? And please, somebody go wake up Sleeping Beauty, she's missing all the fun!


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