Monday, 24 September 2012

Top Six Best Things About Being On Crutches

I broke my foot a few weeks ago—nothing exciting, I missed a step, came down on the side of my foot and snapped the fifth metatarsal. It hasn't been too painful, but being dependant on crutches to get around has notably changed certain things.

Besides getting A LOT of writing done, there are some other unseen and pleasant advantages to hobbling around.

Me and my new best friends, Righty and Lefty. It's important to make sure your toe nail polish matches the color of your cast.

Top Six Best Things About Being On Crutches

1. People find me 62% more interesting, especially strangers and little kids.

2. In regards to the airport, I no longer have to wait with the able bodied schmucks. It's front of the line for me!

3. Everyone I come across suddenly turns into Carson from Downton Abbey, eager to wait on me by offering me drinks and a lap blanket.

Mr. Carson.
photo credit,
4. I can't help but build up my upper body strength. This not only increases my chances of landing that deodorant commercial, but finally I stand a chance at the arm wrestling competition coming up at the Fall Fair.

5. People congratulate me for completing mundane tasks, making me feel like a frickin' genius. "Wow, you handled those stairs so well. You're really good with those crutches."

6. Each time someone asks how I hurt myself, is an opportunity to make up a fantastic story thereby increasing my 'genius potential' (see #4). So far I've taken down a purse snatcher, tumbled out of a sweet trick in the skate park, been the victim of sabotage from a jealous competitor during auditions for Dancing With The Stars, and of course the classic, 'banana peel on the sidewalk'.

Hopefully, I'll be hobbling around soon without Righty and Lefty, but until that day I guess I'll keep enjoying the perks.

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Jane Lebak said...


Whenever my kids get hurt, they respond with either "Skydiving isn't as easy as it looks" or "I'm afraid I can't tell you what I did, only that we're all just a little bit safer because I did it."

Arianna said...

When I got my foot infected freshman year I was on crutches and I completely hated them. And no one helped me do anything. My friends still ran up the stairs, leaving me at the bottom to fend for myself. No one held a door open for me. Everyone stared and whispered. No one carried my lunch tray for me. I had to learn to operate without one foot and basically no hands. And my mom had the new baby at the time so I didn't get any help at home either. It sucked so badly. I hated freshman year...

Suzi said...

Makes me want to run out and break my foot... or maybe not. :)

Anonymous said...

Very interesting post. Can't say I'd want to break my foot, but the attention does sound lovely. Um, excuse me while I go knock on a piece of wood real quick. :)

Laila N Mysis said...

#7: You get to beat people up like Grover in the Percy Jackson movie. ;)

Loving your 'increasing my genius potential' stories! It's an awesome idea. I'm considering breaking my.. um... fifth metatarsal... when I figure out exactly where it is... o.O

Tonja Drecker said...

Love number 5. I wonder if my kids would notice what I do if I broke something . . hmmmmm.... Hope you're jumping around soon!

Ink in the Book said...

I know how you feel:( I broke my foot three different times. yes, I said 3! I'm sorry for you wonderful opportunity to write all the time! hehe! I seriously hope you get better soon:)
I left you a little award on my blog!

Sus said...

I found your blog from Ink in the Book's site. Your blog is hilarious!

I broke my foot the day before Keri Strug did during the '96 Olympics. Unfortunately, her epic break diminished mine in everyone else's eyes.

Glad you're able to use your break to your advantage! Keep up the genius.

PS - I'm following you now!

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