Wednesday, 5 December 2012

Top 5 Most Frightening Things Writers Think Of While Falling Asleep

Oh, Bella. You think you have worries...try writing.

We've all been there—that moment when the heaviness of sleep settles in, and you feel yourself drift off. Then BAM!!! You jolt upright like you've been attacked by a cattle prod. With eyes wide open, your heart pounds as a list of horrible possibilities run though your mind.

Here are the top 5 most frightening things writers think of while falling asleep...

#1. You attached your vacation photos to the query instead of the first ten pages of the manuscript.

#2. Your ex-boyfriend will post on Facebook that the book is really about him.

#3. You just realized that the character you killed in book one is essential to the plot in book two.

#4. You have no idea how time travel is supposed to work!!!!

#5. If you die before your book gets published, your family will use the horrible Christmas picture that you hate as your official author photo.

And here's the bonus...

BONUS. Your parents will buy your book, and then read the steamy sex scene that YOU wrote.

Sound familiar? Do you have any fears to add to the list?


Tonja Drecker said...

Ug! How did you know???? Enjoyed these - a lot :)

Arianna said...

OMG!! That last one! I get nervous having my parents read anything I write because there's always a really hot kiss scene and I'm just like O_o
"You can skip that part." My biggest fear is copyright to be honest. But I don't think my fears really count because I'm no where close to being published.

Jane Lebak said...

1) After death, your children will find all the rough drafts on your computer and publish them thinking that's how you really wrote.

2) The publisher will print half a million copies of the book, sell only five copies, and send the rest of them to you so you can "sell them to your friends and neighbors."

3) One week before publication, your publisher closes. Oh, wait, that actually happened to me. Never mind. It was a good thing -- better than if they closed one week afterward.

4) Any conversation with your agent that includes the phrase, "Wait, didn't you read that part of the contract?" (From either party.)

5) Anyone you know will read the book and assume any character in relation to the MC is supposed to be them. eg, your husband thinks the MC's husband is a reflection of him; the MC's mother is offensive to your mother, who feels super-sensitive about the peanut-butter-and-jelly incident in third grade; your mailman objects to the way you depicted the MC's mailman. And they all act cagey and weird around you forevermore because they know you really think they're twisted inside.

6) The guy behind you in line at the Post Office strikes up a conversation, finds out you're a writer, and then proceeds to tell you every plot-point of the novel he intends to write someday...or maybe you could write it for him?

6A) And it sounds vaguely similar to yours.

These are fun!!!! THanks!

BR Myers said...

Thanks, gals. Glad to know I'm not the only one.

Kathryn Rose said...

Wake up in the middle of the night CERTAIN YOU'VE SLEPT THROUGH YOUR DEADLINE.

Laila N Mysis said...


Which is why I'm not sure if I want to publish something x) I like the safety and anonymity of writing online under a pen name.

Jeff Hargett said...

LOL Number 3 is actually quite legitimate in my situation.

Mere Joyce said...

*Sigh* I read this post yesterday, and then last night I dreamt I sent a query letter, and in it I had spelled every word wrong 0_0

...So thanks. =P ...This is a great post!

BR Myers said...

Mere, welcome to the club. ;)

Cheryl Koevoet said...

Just reading this awesome post now -- I laughed at almost every single one -- all so true! Mine is: after you've sent the very last round of revisions and signed off on the book, you suddenly remember to thank the one beta reader in the Acknowledgements page! Ackkkk!!

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