Tuesday, 23 July 2013

The Bachelorette Season 9, Episode 9 "The Men Tell All"

Or Better Title, "The Men Are Still Boring"


This is the episode where all the dudes who have been kicked off return for their chance to pick more fights and continue to be jerks...just like on the show. 

The good news is I missed the first half of the show, the bad news is I started watching during Zak's musical tribute to being dumped.

I think it was called, “Moving On” At least that's the phrase he kept repeating.

He seemed pretty calm, I guess the new medication is working.

Apparently I missed Des having cocktails in the hot tub with former Bachelorette, Emily Maynard and a few other women who have been on this terrible show. They dissed the dudes and drank from plastic wine glasses. I'm not sure if any of them are in a happy relationship.

Ben, James and Mikey T prove that they really are dirt bags in real life and took every opportunity to smear each others reputations. There was yelling and finger pointing.

Surprise! Surprise! Just like on the show.

Jonathan, the creepy mouth kisser who kept trying to kidnap Des on the first episode, apologized and everyone felt their skin crawl.


Juan Pablo (above) speaks and all the women in the audience melt. He was kicked off in episode 6. It remains one of the greatest mysteries of the season. He talks with the host about his daughter and how hard it is for him to date.

Probably won't be an issue anymore since he's America's latest crush.

They showed the Blooper reel and the guys were even less interesting in spontaneous moments of foolhardiness...if that's possible.

The Host drops a lot of hints that this Bachelorette finale has such a shocking twist they had to film it in two shows.


They tease us with a clip involving beaches, Des in a bikini, Des crying, Des kissing Brooks, Des running into Drew's arms, Des crying in a red dress, Des kissing Chris, then Des wiping her eyes and saying she just wants to go home.

Damn! Where is her brother? He'd fix that up speedy quick.

She says she always falls in love with the wrong people.

Here's my theory, Des chooses Brooks and he tells her he's just not ready...you know like he has from the very beginning. Then she confesses to Drew and Chris she can't possibly be with them when her heart is with snot face Brooks. So everyone goes home upset and no one gets lucky.

Way to go, Brooks. Thanks for ruining everyone's free vacation. Dummy.

Dear Brooks, why did you even sign up for the show? Oh, right. The beaches...never mind.

Who do you think is the bigger dirt bag, Ben or James? And who is Des going to end up with?

1 comment:

LisaAnn said...

Hahaha, my mom is obsessed with this show--so now I am, too. Your commentary is so much funnier than the People recaps. ;)

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