Monday, 28 October 2013

Once Upon A Time, Season 3, Episode 5, "Good Form"

Or better title "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Stupid Older Brother"

Henry is bullied by some of the Lost Boys. He picks up a stick and tries to defend himself. Pan watches from the sidelines, then he convinces Henry to believe he's holding a real sword. Henry closes his eyes and magics a weapon from the stick. He fights back and has a small moment of remorse after he cuts the bully on the face.

Hey, I guess Henry is magic too. Swell how that works out at the most convenient times.

Emma and the gang continue to search Neal's cave hideaway. She voices concern that Henry has started to lose faith that anyone will rescue him.

Come on. He's supposed to be the truest believer.

Mary Margaret clasps her hands and announces she has an idea! Regina follows her out of the cave while Captain Sexy Eyes (CSE) tries to flirt with Emma. He tells her he knows what it's like to lose a loved one. She bats her incredible long eyelashes and says she's not in the mood for his flirting.

David tells Hook not to bother trying to pick up his daughter since he's nothing but a pirate. And everyone knows pirates steal and pillage.

Hold on, Neal stole and pillaged. Yeah. CSE has no chance.


We flashback into the past where CSE is a lieutenant with the King's army. His older brother happens to be the Captain. His brother gives him a sexton (a big brass compass thingy) and tells him they are about to embark on a heroes journey on a special request of the King himself.

Mary Margaret's swell idea is to set a trap by braiding vines. David takes CSE into the jungle where they discuss dating Emma, and David's imminent death. They wrestle and David passes out.

I did prefer him when he was in his coma in the first season.

CSE splashes rum in David's face. The dream shade has almost reached his heart. David only has hours to live not days.


CSE becomes nostalgic when David finds a military badge with “Jones” written on it. CSE tells the story of how he and his brother sailed to Neverland in search of treasure for their King. His brother fought Pan on top of Dead Man's Peak and died. His sexy eyes grow wide with hope as he relates how his brother's sexton may have survived all these years as well. David vows to spend his last hours searching for the sexton that can decode Neal's star map.

Yup. Sounds like an iron clad plan to me.

Lieutenant Sexy Eyes (LSE) and his brother have a battle at sea. A magical sail made from the feathers of Pegasus is unfurled and the ship is soon flying away.

Huh? Magic is so convenient!


David and CSE interrupt the vine macramé lesson and tell the others they're going to look for the sexton. David gives everyone a really long good-bye because he's dying. But they're all confused because they don't know he's dying.

Emma and Mary Margaret move into phase two of their plan which involves a pig and a Lost Boy with a spear.

*cough* Lord of the Flies *cough*


They trap the kid who bullied Henry earlier. Regina conjures up a chocolate bar, but he's not willing to be their spy. Emma is shocked when he tells her Henry is the one responsible for the cut on his cheek.

Captain Jones and his sexy brother land on a beach. They are on a mission looking for a healing plant that can heal any wound. It's dream shade.


Peter Pan arrives and lets the brothers know that dream shade is toxic, but they are unwilling to believe their King sent them to find a merciless weapon that could wipe out whole colonies. Still, Peter Pan points them to a path, giving them one last warning.

CSE slowly climbs up the mountain as David gasps, lagging behind. Peter Pan shows up and offers CSE a way off the island with one guest in return for a certain favor. He says he can take Emma and they can start a brand new happy family. He also requests that he murder David before the dream shade kills him.

Captain Jones and LSE find the dream shade. They argue since LSE worries Peter Pan is telling the truth. Captain Jones has great faith in his King and impales his own arm with one of the thorns. He falters and his last words are, “I'm sorry, brother.”

Yeah, sorry you're such a dummy.

Against Mary Margaret's pleas, Emma agrees to let Regina enchant the bullies heart, and thereby have complete control over him. Regina also gives him her compact mirror so they can see Henry.

When they reach the top of Dead Man's Peak, David turns his sword on CSE, and says he knows about his deal with Peter Pan. He demands to know where the sexton is hidden. CSE confesses he had the sexton all along and hid it on the path for David to find. He only lied to get David to the top so he could save his life. David doesn't believe him. They wrestle...again, and David passes out...again.

LSE holds his dying brother and Peter Pan arrives on the scene. He parts the vines and reveals a magical waterfall with healing properties. Peter Pan says all magic comes at a price. LSE says he'll do anything to save his brother. He pushes past him and takes the water. Soon Captain Jones is sitting up and smiling.

The bully arrives at camp with a message for Henry. He tells him his family is on the island, looking for him. He passes him the mirror so that Henry can see Emma, Mary Margaret, and Regina. Peter Pan comes around the corner and Henry throws the mirror into the bushes, cracking it.

Captain Jones and his brother sail away on their flying ship. They are determined to confront their King; using unholy weapons is dishonorable warfare.

Right. But using a magical sail is totally cool.

They land back in the water, and suddenly (as if by magic) Captain Jones falls to the floor choking, the death shadow creeping up his throat.

CSE makes his way to the magical waterfall, which is amazing since it's so frickin' dark in EVERY scene. Please, can the sun come up? CSE prepares to give David the water to save his life, but he says he will never be able to leave Neverland. David doesn't hesitate. All he wants is to save his family and be the hero.


Emma feels better now that Henry knows they're on the island. David and CSE arrive, but tell everyone the bad news that the sexton was picked up by Peter Pan. David then gives a toast to CSE since he saved his life and everything.

Wait. So did CSE really have the sexton all along? And if he did have it, why didn't he use it in the cave earlier?

Dear ABC,

Oh...never mind. 


CSE dares Emma to kiss him as a reward for saving her father. She rolls her eyes, then finally grabs him by the leather collar and lays one on him. It's a long kiss with a lot of intense slurps and gasps.


Anyway, she tells him that was a one time only thing, then she orders him to collect some firewood.

She didn't push the Sheriff away. I bet she was wishing she was kissing him instead.

*cough* outrageously obvious mention of Sheriff Graham *cough*

LSE's and the crew have a burial at sea for his brother. Filled with rage at the crooked King, LSE vows to never return to the land of liars. He torches the magic sail and pumps up the crew with talk of being their own masters on the sea without mercy. He renames the ship the Jolly Roger and takes over the ship as its new Captain ready to be a pirate.

Peter Pan finds CSE enjoying his flask of rum. He brings up Hook's big, fat...secret. Baelfire! Peter Pan says that Emma's love and Henry's father is alive and on Neverland—as his prisoner of course. “I'll let you decide to tell Emma the truth,” Peter Pan says grinning as he walks backward into the jungle.

The Lost Boys carry a drugged up Neal in his bamboo cage. Peter Pan tells them to hoist him up next to the other one.

Other one?

Neal's cage is lifted and dangles beside an exact copy.

*closes eyes tight and prays* "Please by the Sheriff. Please be the Sheriff..."

Who do you think is in the other cage?

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