Tuesday, 28 January 2014

The Bachelor, Season 18, Episode 4, "Karaoke, K-pop, and Kissing"

There are thirteen girls left. And their prize for making it this far is a free trip to Seoul, South Korea! The girls squeal because they're so excited to finally visit Seoul.

I'm pretty sure twelve of them couldn't find it on a map.

They land in Seoul and run down the streets full of giddy adventure. They lay about the posh hotel, but soon tears are falling when the group date card is read out loud.

Nikki is bummed to be going on another group date.

But, but...you're in Seoul!

Juan takes the girls dancing at a K-Pop studio with 2NE1. Yes, the 2NE1. He says the girl who can dance is the girl who can steal his heart.

The girls show off their 'skills.' Kat works it like a pole dancer.

2NE1 tries to give them some choreography. Kat is practically bouncing out of her leotard. Nikki has less moves than a white dude on crutches. And Kat's over the top jazz hands make her want to stick needles in her eye.

When they learn they'll be joining 2NE1 on stage that night, Nikki looks like she's ready to curl into the fetal position.

The girls get dolled up in make-up and wardrobe. They enter the foyer of the mega mall with five floors packed with screaming fans. 2NE1 comes on stage and invite the girls to join them as their backup dancers.

Nikki doesn't fall. Kat tells us, “I'm a K-Pop star!”

The evening portion of the date begins.

I'm guessing they're going to a have a restaurant to themselves that only serves booze.

Kat gets alone time with Juan first. Nikki suggests to the other girls how much they should dislike Kat because she has awesome dance moves and they don't. Danielle, the psychiatric nurse, listens patiently, secretly gathering material for her next case study.

When Nikki gets Juan alone she talks about how she's much better at changing diapers than dancing.

Nikki gets the date rose. And they finally kiss.

Elise says, “Yuck, I would never let her around my child.”

But she changes diapers really fast.

Sharleen gets chosen for the solo date. She tells us she's still not sure if Juan is the man she wants to marry.

She sounds so normal every time she speaks. Why is she even on this show?

They go through the marketplace and sample food and do some shopping. She tells us she is pleasantly surprised that he's so interesting and worldly. He asks her to sing for him. She says she never sings for a guy this early in a relationship.

She asks him to close his eyes, then lets it rip.

My eye glasses shatter.

It works. He's enamoured. They make out.

She tells us, “I like Juan Pablo. We could make a go of it.”

They discuss their experiences about moving to different countries when they were young. She tells him she once dated someone who had a daughter and she was conflicted because she knew she'd never have that first with him. He says, “Exactly! I appreciate your honesty.”

She gets the date rose.

For the next group date, Juan takes the girls to a karaoke bar. Then they peruse the marketplace, go on paddle boats, and get pedicures with little fish nibbling on their dead skin. Claire chomps on her gum, doing whatever she can to get Juan's attention.

We move onto the evening portion which I'm guessing will include bitching, back stabbing and boozing.

Juan is determined not to kiss any of the girls tonight, even after Renee asks him.


Claire interrogates each of the girls when they return from their one on one time.

Lauren, the music composer chick, who I can't believe is still on the show, asks for a kiss and when he turns her down, she cries.

Claire uses her one on one time with Juan Pablo to tell him how when she ate the octopus, she threw up in her mouth and then swallowed it back down.

And what does he do with this information?

He kisses her.

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

Andi gets the date rose.

The girls gather for the pre-rose ceremony cocktail party.

FYI, stilettos and ancient temples don't mix.

Claire tells Juan Pablo, “Just being here...?” Then she shakes her head, “has been like more than I would have ever expected. Yeah.”

Hmm. She should work for Hallmark.

Nikki interrupts their alone time, even though she already has a rose.

How selfish!

Claire is so upset she almost eats octopus by mistake.

It's time for the rose ceremony.

Renee gets the first rose, followed by Chelsea, Kelly 'the dog lover', Danielle, Cassandra...yada, yada, yada...

Going home are Lauren, the music composer, and Elise.

Elise says, “This sucks. Who knows what's in store now?”

A twelve hour flight back home, that's what.

Lauren reflects she probably shouldn't have cried when he didn't kiss her. And then she starts to cry.

Dear girls,

Dry your tears. The sun will come out again. And don't sign up for any more reality shows. 

Juant more?

The Bachelor, Season 18, Episode 1 "Girls Just Juanna Have Fun"
The Bachelor, Season 18, Episode 2 "Boobs, Blindfolds, and Bathroom Breakdowns"
The Bachelor, Season 18, Episode 3 "Splashing, Soccer, and Poolside Sobbing"

Congratulations! You made it to the end of the post. As your reward, enjoy this Duran Duran hit from the 80's.

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