Or better title “Mulan's Revenge!”
Snow White and Charming decide to announce to the kingdom that they're pregnant. The Evil Queen says they're loopy. Belle arrives and breaks the news that Neal is dead and Rumpelstiltskin is alive, but they're sharing the same body...or something like that.
Plus, the wicked witch has the dagger to control the Dark One.
And since they just spilled the beans...the wicked witch arrives and turns Aura and Phillip in to flying monkeys.
How does Mulan feel about this?
Eight months later Snow White and Charming sit around the council table still trying to come up with ideas for defeating the wicked witch. The Evil Queen wonders if Rumpelstiltskin can help them.
It took eight months for them to figure this out?
Charming suggests they break into his castle, but Regina says that's impossible because his magic is so strong. Robin Hood brags he broke in last season to steal a bow and arrow.
Robina (Regina and Robin Hood) make out in the hallway of the bed and breakfast. She promises him that once she gets her heart back it will be AH-SOME. He says, “Use my heart for the both of us.”
To do what?
Regina arrives flushed to a meeting with Mary Margaret, Emma and David. They discuss why Zalena brought them all back to Storybrooke. They ask things like:
To cast the spell you have to give up the thing you love the most.
We must already know how to defeat her, that's why they have no memories.
Since Emma broke the curse by believing in magic and kissing Henry, but she's done both of those things already.
Henry must be the one to save them all. He has to believe in magic and kiss someone...okay maybe just believe. We need the storybook!!!
Zalena has Hook duck tapped in the truck of a car. She demands he kiss Emma. If he doesn't get busy and take away her magic by the time Mary Margaret has her baby, she'll kill Henry.
This would never happen to Hook if he had a unicorn. Just sayin...
Robin Hood easily breaks into Rumpelstiltskin's castle. He and the Evil Queen squabble like all good would-be lovers do at the beginning of their love story.
They find Rumpelstiltskin inside a cage spinning gold and babbling. Remember, he has Neal inside his head as well.
Snow White asks him how to stop the wicked witch but he only answers with a rhyme.
Belle uses her Australian accent and the power of love to reach through his layers of glitter gold makeup. He tells her the answer is light. “Find the good witch of the south.”
Of course. And I bet she'll be riding a unicorn.
Mary Margaret tells the others that the 'Once Upon A Time' book appeared in her closet when Henry needed it the most. Maybe it's still there?
While Emma is running all over Storybrooke, Henry is fed up with all the lying. He's so upset his voice cracks. He takes her keys and hustles up to their room which above Granny's pub/diner/laundromat...oh my gosh, it's ALSO a bed and breakfast.
Henry takes her car keys, but before he can leave Storybrooke, Hook arrives with a better idea.
Emma, David and Mary Margaret search the apartment. Ta da! She finds the book! Regina grabs it, determined to figure out whose heart Zalena crushed to cast the curse.
Snow White and the gang hustle to the dark forest to find the white witch. They find a door that leads to nowhere.
Hmm? It's probably nothing.
Snow White and Charming enter easily and end up in a snow covered forest...Narnia?
Uh-oh. I remember the white witch being mean in this story.
The white witch says her name is Belinda. She tells them Snow White's baby is pure of heart and also has the gift of magic.
She ALSO tells them she was childhood friends with Zalena.
Pay attention, folks. Rules get thrown out faster than last week's leftovers.
Zalena was born with powerful magic. She has a pendant that keeps all her magic focused. If she loses the pendant, well...you can guess the rest.
Also, only someone who is pure of heart and a purveyor of white magic (magic made from love) can defeat Zalena.
Did you get that? Good because there will be a test at the end of the post.
Charming and Snow White realize that Emma is the only one who can defeat Zalena. But, oh no! She's in Storybrooke. They must enact the dark curse that will bring them back to her world.
Charming offers his heart so Snow White can cast the spell. The Evil Queen is like, “You guys are cray, cray.”
Emma realizes Henry is missing. Hook has taken him to the dock and is arranging for Bill Smead to take him to new York. Before you can say, “Ahoy,” a gang of flying monkeys arrive. Hook fends off the attack while Henry runs away screaming.
Henry, of course, falls. Emma and her posse arrive and throw balls of fire, vaporizing the monkeys. Emma shows Henry the 'Once Upon A Time' book and asks him to believe.
I think the flying monkeys helped.
Everyone holds their breath.
Henry takes the book and experiences three seasons of episodes in two seconds. He remembers and everyone cries. “Hurry”, Regina says. “Break the curse!”
Zalena arrives and magics Henry into a choke hold. She sneers and says that Hook is to blame for Henry's death.
Regina rushes to Henry's rescue, but Zalena easily sends her flying back, smashing into the ground.
Henry starts to turn blue. Emma uses her super power — no not the 'I can tell when someone is lying' super power — just regular magic this time.
Zalena's hands are burned! She backs off and threatens that the next time no one will survive...or something like that.
Henry falls on his knees beside Regina's crumpled form. She's not moving.
Snow White, Charming and the Evil Queen stand around a bubbling cauldron. Snow White says she can't crush his heart. He says, “No worries, we share the same heart. Every time you look at our little baby, you'll see my love for you.”
This is followed by more tearful love pledges. He tells the Evil Queen he's ready.
“This is going to hurt,” she says. Then she thrusts her hand into his chest. Snow White takes it and crushes it over the cauldron.
Charming falls to the ground, dead.
The wicked witch arrives and adds a forgetting clause to the spell. She tells Snow White and the Evil Queen, “You'll never defeat me if you can't remember who I am.”
Regina wakens and sees Henry is all right. She kisses him and says she'll always love him.
Ta-da! The curse is broken.
Mary Margaret and David let Emma know they are the ones who cast the curse so they could return and have her defeat Zalena with her pure magic powers and stuff.
“Whoa,” she says. “If you had to sacrifice the thing you love the most, why are you both still alive?”
The answer? Unicorn!
Back at the cauldron, Snow White tells the Evil Queen that she has to split her heart in half and then put the second part in Charming's chest. “I love him enough to fill both of our hearts!”
Aw. *rolls eyes*
The Evil Queen performs the Enchanted Forest's first heart division and transplant.
Charming wakes up. There's more kissing and love pledging.
Thunder cracks and the curse takes them back to Storybrooke.
Henry and Regina reminisce. He tells her all about New York. And he's pleased she's not evil anymore. Robin Hood shows up and Henry is stoked he has all these cool relatives.
Emma demands to know what Hook was up to. He says, “Zalena put a cast my lips.”
I should really do a top ten list of most ridiculous lines from this series...
Mary Margaret and David tell him that the message with the memory potion wasn't sent by them. Hook gets all defensive. “Then who did?" he asks. "Who else knew where Emma was living?”
Rumpelstiltskin watches as the wicked witch mixes a memory potion so that she'll remember when they go to Storybrooke. She gives it to Rumpelstiltskin. He's ready to guzzle the bottle to forget Neal is dead. Then Neal breaks out of Rumpelstiltskin's body. He scrawls a message, ties it to the bottle and sends it off with a pigeon to the Jolly Roger.
Loose plot hole tidied up.
A flying unicorn would have been more impressive than a pigeon.
Henry puts a rose on Neal's grave. He cries and asks Emma if it was hard to come back to Storybrooke. She tells him she knew he'd want her to because heroes never give up...or something like that. He smiles and says Operation Cobra is back on.
And just when you think things are wrapping up, Mary Margaret goes into labour.
Who was Zalena's childhood friend?
Where is all of Zalena's magic kept?
What kind of magic can defeat Zalena?
How does one become true of heart?
Why are there no unicorns in this show?
WHEN IS THE SHERIFF COMING BACK????
Need more Storybrooke? You'll find my recaps for ALL of the Once Upon A Time episodes (even from the very first season) on my Pinterest page here.