Wednesday, 7 May 2014

Why Are Guys Growing Massive Beards?

I've noticed lately that facial hair seems to be making a comeback. And I don't mean just Grandpas either. Young dudes are neglecting the razor in droves.

Listen, I'm not talking about the sexy two day stubble that some *cough* Alex Pettyfer *cough* guys can pull off. I'm talking about full blown "Mr. Edwards from Little House on the Prairie" facial hair.

And not just on TV, but even in my home of Halifax, Nova Scotia.

Why is this happening? And more importantly, how can this be stopped?

Dear Men,

Beards are gross. Only high school science teachers who wear cardigans and crippled wizards should have big beards.


Your Aunt Bethany

Oh, I can hear you now.

But Aunt Bethany,

'So and so' looks good in a beard.

Guess what? They'd look better without it—just like all those models in the eyeglass catalogue.

I blame Duck Dynasty and the Toronto Blue Jays for this foray into follicular festivities.

Exhibit A

  Exhibit B

I'm not sure if dudes are hoping someone will mistake them for camouflaged millionaires or professional athletes, but whatever the reason it's not good enough.

Unless you're one of the above mentioned millionaires, the big beard is not for you. You see, a beard like this says, "I've left the mountain to troll the streets of your city for a wife to take back with me."

And this makes women want to reach for their can of mace.

So, guys, please reach for the razor. Unless of course you're the Head Master...

Why do you think guys are growing massive beards?

1 comment:

Unknown said...


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...