Once Upon A Time, Season 2, Episode 16, "The Miller's Daughter"

Or Better Title, "It's Miller Time."

The village miller is a layabout who relies heavily on his teenage daughter to run the family business. She's supposed to look poor, but there's about three hundred dollars worth of filler in those lips.

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Anyway, the poor but glamorous miller's daughter delivers flour to the castle where she is tripped by a snotty royal. They all laugh as the King makes her bow and apologize. She tells the King her name is Cora.

Faster than magic, Emma, Baefire, Henry and Mr. Gold have stolen Hook's ship and are sailing from New York back to Storybrooke.

The ridiculousness of this makes me want to drink. "Hey, it's Miller time!" 

Because they've used a phone tap, the Mayor and Cora listen in as David relays the above mentioned gang to Mary Margaret.
 

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As Rumpelstiltskin's name slowly fades from the dagger, Cora realizes that he's dying and if he dies all the power of the Dark One vanishes. She comes up with a plan to stab Mr. Gold so she can be the next Dark One.

The Mayor gets the shivers and brings up the fact Henry may not want to have the Dark One as a grandmother. Finally she asks Cora, “What was is all the point of this?”

I ask myself that every episode. *takes a sip of beer*

Cora vows to never bow down to anyone again.

There is a masked ball at the castle, and young Cora sneaks in. She quickly finds the Prince and charms him with her puffy lips. Before he can fall in love, the King takes her aside and calls her out as the Miller's daughter. He picks a piece of straw from her gown to prove his point.

Everyone knows that straw makes flour. *takes another sip*

She quickly tells him she can spin straw to gold....and well, you know the rest. If she can produce gold after one night while locked in the high tower, the King promises her the Prince's hand in marriage.

David and Mary Margaret meet Mr. Gold and the gang on the docks. She takes the opportunity to let everyone know she plans on killing Cora. David reminds her that she can't commit murder since she has the purest heart.
 

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Cora stands in a room full of straw trying to come up with a plan. A giggle from the corner announces Rumpelstiltskin. She argues with the little flecked dude until he spins her some gold. He tempts her with a contract to hand over her first born child. But Cora senses an opportunity and she asks him to teach her his dark magic instead.

Mr. Gold is back at his shop instructing everyone on how to keep the shop magically protected. Mary Margaret finds the 'death candle' that can save someones life if another dies. He tells her it's for a rainy day. He proposes that she use the candle to save him and kill Cora.

But it's not that easy, she has to say it over Cora's heart (which isn't in her chest but hidden somewhere) and then the heart has to be thrust back into her cavity, so she can slowly die.

Okay. Got that? Me neither. *takes a sip*

Mary Margaret rebuts back that she could take Cora's heart and thereby control her to do good things while she lets Mr. Gold die. He chuckles and says she'd never let Henry's grandfather die.

Why not? David is his other grandfather. *takes a sip*

Gold convinces Emma she has the ability to cast a spell and protect the shop. And yup, just like that she does it.

Back in the tower, Rumpelstiltskin shows young Cora how to spill straw into gold by harnessing all her hatred for the royal family and how they made her bow down. The next morning, the King is amazed by Cora's ability. The Prince proposes and she accepts while Rumpelstiltskin watches from the crowd.
 

Inside Mr. Gold's shop things start to get rocky when Cora and the Mayor stand outside doing their best flame throwing. They burst through the front door, like the evil tag team champs they are. Mary Margaret takes this opportunity to sneak out the back.

A battle of tossing people through the air and purple smoke ensue for a few minutes. David is tossed out of the shop. Emma and Baefire manage to battle them off and put up a barrier. Cora starts to feel weak. She tells the Mayor to get to her vault of hearts speedy quick.

Young Cora is dressed in her wedding finery. Rumpelstiltskin arrives and they kiss (ew) and make a deal. She wants to learn all the dark magic and promises to run away with him and give him his own son.

Mary Margaret finds Cora's heart among dozens of other chests. How does she know it's hers?

Not important. *takes a sip*

She lights the death candle over the heart and...and...whispers, "Cora".

Princess Cora meets with the King who is busy counting all his new gold.

The King was in the parlor counting all his money.

She tells him she doesn't love his son. He says, “Love is weakness. You have a choice. Run off with the dark imp, or stay with my son and wear a crown on your head with the kingdom at your feet.”

Things that make you go, 'hmm?'

Emma and Baefire can see that Mr. Gold is dying. He begs Emma for her cell phone and calls Belle (still in the mental ward) to let her know he's dying. He gushes for awhile about how awesome she is and how she made him a changed man.

The love is all around the room as Mr. Gold apologizes to Baefire and Emma holds back the tears. Finally the dudes hug.

The Mayor catches Mary Margaret with Cora's heart. Mary Margaret offers it to the Mayor saying Cora will love her properly if she has her heart back. “The choice is yours," she tells the Mayor. "You'll have a mother that can love you with her whole heart, or you can have Cora become the Dark One.”

Rumpelstiltskin meets Princess Cora in the moonlight. He senses things have changed. She tells him she didn't rip out the Kings heart and has decided to marry the Prince instead of running away with him.

Instead, she took out her own heart and now carries it around in a box, 'cause that's the way she rolls now.

Rumpelstiltskin is aghast (I love that word).

David finds Mary Margaret outside the tomb with her head in her hands mumbling about how horrible she has become.

Cora finally breaks through the barrier and rushes to the back of Mr. Gold's shop. She whisks Emma and Baefire to the woods and sits with him for a chat about love and ripping out hearts. She looks at him longingly and says, “You're the only man I've only ever truly loved.”

She raises the dagger to stab him, but then crumples to the floor. There is a gasp, then she starts to smile. Laughing, she looks at the Mayor who is blushing in the corner from the surprise heart transplant attack.

Princess Cora presents her baby daughter, Regina to the court and watches with satisfaction as the court bows down. Kind of reminds of The Lion King...
 

Cora collapses into the Mayor's arms and dies. Mary Margaret rushes in with a warning but it's too late. Mr. Gold stands up fully healed, the dagger now emblazoned with his name again. The Mayor does the math and realizes Mary Margaret tricked her.

Cue the revenge music.

Oh, the humanity. *finishes beer*