Once Upon A Time, Season 2, Episode 18, "Selfless, Brave and True"

Or better title, “Pointless, Dumb, and Obtuse."

 

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August Wayne Booth wakes up beside a beautiful Asian woman to find he's grown a woody wooden leg. But what's more shocking than his international travel is the fact she doesn't see his wood (sorry) only a normal leg. 

David makes a depressed Mary Margaret breakfast in bed, but Emma says he needs to be tougher or she'll never get over her, 'I-killed-Cora-and-now-I'm-super-sad-about-my-blackened-heart' thing.

Mary Margaret gets up on her own and tells David she's going into the woods for some therapy—this makes perfect sense because only good things happen in the woods on this show.

She encourages David to start working in the fields with Tiny and the dwarfs.

Forgot about them, didn't you. They're growing bean stalks so they can return to fairy tale land.

Emma and Henry meet up with Neil to head over to Granny's pub/diner/laundromat for hot chocolate. Neil ruins the happy moment by confessing that:

1. When he went back to New York to get a few more things, he noticed Hook had escaped from the closet Emma had locked him inside.
2. His fiance will be arriving in Storybrooke later that day, but it's okay because she's bringing bagels.

Emma tells him he has to tell her the truth about his 'Baelfire' identity.

August goes to the local hospital in Hong Kong and is told be the Doctor that there is nothing wrong with his leg. August tries to escape and soon has the entire psychiatric staff chasing him. But he's helped by a mysterious man who tells him he knows someone who can help...someone called the Dragon.

Was that dumb luck?

No. Just dumb.

Mary Margaret deals with her grief by pretending to be Katniss Everdeen, and does a little target practice. She hits something in the distance and takes off, worried she may have killed an animal.

Shocking when you take a bow and arrow into the woods.

She finds a derelict trailer and is soon greeted by a sheepish and completely wooden Pinocchio. He can move and speak, but he's a dead ringer for those little people in the muscle relaxant commercial.

He tells her this existence is punishment for what he did to Emma in the past.

Does he mean:

                            1. Leaving Emma in the orphanage?

                            2. Or making Neil disappear so Emma would be sent to prison?

Mary Margaret tells him good things are happening, and that Neil is in Storybrooke. At the mention of Emma's former lover's name, Pinocchio gets all down in the grain and says he will never leave his trailer of purgatory.

“What about your Papa?” Mary Margaret asks him.

Pinocchio sadly shakes his wooden head and makes her promise not to tell anyone, especially Gepetto.

I guess he doesn't know about the black spot on her heart—there's no way she can honor a promise.

Neil, Emma and Henry chat it up with Neil's fiance over bagels. Once Emma and Henry leave, Neil drops the bomb to her about his 'Baelfire' thing. The finance thinks he's really hiding his feelings for Emma and she storms out.

August is led through the backstreets of Hong Kong—I love writing the backstreets of Hong Kong. He has to wait with other people needing help from the Dragon and we see that Neil's fiance is among them.

At Granny's pub/diner/laundromat, Regina introduces herself to Greg.

I wonder if she has any idea that he's a grown-up version of Owen?

He enjoys his apple pie without choking while she smiles and tells him to enjoy his stay in Storybrooke.

Mary Margaret rushes in and tells Gepetto about Pinocchio. He and Emma follow Mary Margaret speedy quick. Neil's finance watches them leave with shifty eyes.

Beware the shifty eyed fiance.

August meets with the mystic Dragon man, who calls him Pinocchio. He promises to help him only if he gives over an invaluable item close to his heart—something that cannot be replaced. August offers his necklace that was made from the string Ghepetto used when he was a puppet. The mystic also asks for a gatrillion dollars.

Emma, Gepetto, and Mary Margaret meet up with the Blue Fairy. She tells them Pinocchio is no longer selfless, brave and true, and therefore he has stayed wooden. She is powerless to help him. Only Pinocchio can set himself on the path of .... blah, blah, blah.

The rules don't matter since there are so many exceptions. Just know that she can't fix him. Remember that—the Blue Fairy said she CANNOT help him.

Back in Hong Kong, August leaves the mystic and winds up drinking beer with Neil's finance. She confesses that she's been diagnosed with cancer and has been travelling the world looking for a miracle cure.

She left a picture of her and her grandmother with the mystic. Her cell phone rings and she leaves the bar to carry on the conversation. August takes this opportunity to steal her purse.

There is a knock on Pinocchio's trailer, and he opens the door to see Neil's fiance looking smug.

Never trust the smug looking fiance.

August returns to the mystic with the cash. He tells him the wood is just a symptom and only he can cure himself. He hands August a potion. August quickly leaves and trips down the stairs. He's about to drink the potion, but he's cornered by Neils' finance. She takes the potion and leaves him crippled in the alley.

Back in his trailer, Pinocchio listens as Neil's finance gives him an ultimatum. She tells him she's not magical, but the potion from the mystic cured her cancer and half is left in her apartment back in New York. He can have it if he promises to leave Storybrooke forever.

He's suspicious of her motives, but she tells him it's none of his business and if he doesn't leave now, his only chance to cure himself will be gone.

Greg arrives in his hotel room and finds Regina waiting for him...with the KEY CHAIN! He demands to know where his father is, but she tells him his father left not long after he did all those years ago.

 

Mary Margaret takes Gepetto back to Pinocchio's trailer. Gepetto finally confesses that Emma didn't go through the magical wardrobe alone, but was sent with Pinocchio. Mary Margaret is upset at first since there was room for her to go with her daughter, but then she forgives him, knowing she would have done the same for her child.

Although, looking back. Mary Margaret should have gone instead of Pinocchio.

When they arrive at the trailer, Pinocchio is long gone and on his way to New York city.

Neil's fiance goes back to the mystic. They talk about magic and other worlds. He knows she's was lying about being sick and that's why she had to steel the potion from August. She confesses she's been looking for magic for a super long time, then she pulls out a taser and kills the mystic before he can turn into a real dragon.

Pinocchio finds the famous picture of Neil's fiance and her grandmother just lying on the front seat of her car.

Was that dumb luck?

No. That was pointless. He already knew she was shady.

He turns the car around and heads back to Storybrooke. He goes to the Sheriff's office, but of course it's empty since David is busy planting beans. Pinocchio calls Emma to warn her about Neil's fiance, but before he can get out her name she shows up. He gives her a long speech about not being selfish anymore and that he's willing to give up becoming a real man, to save Storybrooke from whatever diabolical plan she's cooked up.

She pulls out her lucky taser and gives him a long buzz. He convulses and collapses to the floor.

Um...he's made of wood. You can't shock wood.

Emma, Gepetto, Mary Margaret, Henry, David and Schmexy run back into town to see if Pinocchio's is okay.

I added Schmexy for fun.

Pinocchio stumbles out of the Sheriff's office and uses his dying breath to warn them. Gepetto holds his dead son, weeping over his wooden face. Then Henry reminds us all that he was being brave, truthful and something else. All they need is the Blue Fairy.

Oh, hey! There she is.

She confirms Henry is right and uses magic to turn him into a real boy. Yup, a BOY, not a hot dude who drives a motorcycle anymore.

So, she WAS able to fix him after all. The Blue Fairy is a big fat liar pants.

Emma asks little Pinocchio if he can remember what he was trying to warn them about, but he has no memory.

Neil's finance shows up and finally believes about the fairy tale stuff. She tells him Storybrooke is starting to grow on her. He says, “I'm so lucky to have you.”

In New York, August and Neil talk about how Emma has just made it back to Storybrooke. August promises to send Neil a postcard if she breaks the curse. He zips away on his motorcycle as Neil's soon to be fiance watches with shifty eyes. She bumps into Neil and so starts their courtship.

Emma has a little sit down with Henry and she apologizes for lying to him about his dad. He gives her a big hug and all is well.

Mary Margaret and David have a heart to blackened heart. She confesses that she went to Regina's house and when she ripped out her heart she saw where it had blackened because of what she'd done to Cora.

He hugs her and tells her she doesn't need redemption because she's the best, most awesome chick in the whole kingdom.

Greg answers his door and Neil's fiance is there. They start to make out as if they've been in cahoots this whole time.
 

Stuff I Liked About This Episode.

1. I got to write, 'the backstreets of Hong Kong'.
2. David only had a few lines.
3. We didn't have to watch Mr. Gold kiss anyone.

Stuff I Didn't Like About This Episode

1. The Blue Fairy just shows up.
2. August was in Hong Kong for no reason.
3. Mary Margaret only wore one outfit for the entire episode.