Top Five Movies You Should Watch With Your Teenage Kids

...Or anyone else for that matter.

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#5. The Goonies

Why? This isn't about kids going on a treasure hunt. It's about kids having to cross over from their carefree childhood to the real life problems of the adult world. Plus there's cool clues, kissing, sword fights and pirates. Oh yeah, and Rocky Road ice cream.

Best Line: "This one, this one right here this was my dream, my wish. And it didn't come true. So I'm taking it back. I'm taking them all back."

#4. Lucas

Why? There's nothing like having your heart broken for the first time. The kids are realistic and make bad choices, yet, even though most of the characters are flawed, you still like them.

Best Line: "I'll never quit. EVER!"

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#3. The Breakfast Club

Why? Makes you abandon your prejudice about every kid you'll ever see. And let's not forget the hilarious escape scene and awesome soundtrack.

Best Line: "We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all."

#2. Say Anything

Why? Love story that doesn't depend on cliches. Seeing John Cusack holding the boom box over his head is worth hitting the rewind button a few times.

Best Line: "I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen."

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#1. Stand By Me

Why? Four friends trying to hold on to their childhood with one last adventure, but are forced to face the ugly side of growing up.

Best Line: "I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?"

BONUS!

Dirty Dancing

Why? Realizing that your parents are regular people who can't fix the world is the scariest part of growing up. Plus, watching Patrick Swayze dance in tight black pants is a good way to spend two hours.

Best Line: "Nobody puts Baby in the corner."


What are some of your favorite teen movies?

Book Deal!!!

Yes, it's true, I'm going to be an author.

I have a two book deal with Nimbus Publishing.

BUSGIRL BLUES will be published in the Fall 2014 and JUST JESSE will follow in 2015.

Oh my, where to begin. Well, certainly not at the beginning because that's way too boring.

Here are the dirty details...

JUST JESSE was on submission with two different agents for a combined total of sixteen months.

I received over twenty rejections from publishers.

I had two editors ask for a revise and resubmit (neither led to the above deal).

I had one YES!

If you feel like you've been on submission forever and you think no one is ever going to like your work, I'm here to tell you it will happen. IT WILL HAPPEN.

Keep writing. Join a critique group. Keep writing. Enter contests. Keep writing. Send your work out into the world. Keep writing.

It's okay to get rejections. It's okay for editors not to fall in love with your work. It's okay to feel crappy about it sometimes. It only means that your book hasn't met the right editor yet. There is a lid for every jar, my friend. 

My recent success with BUSGIRL BLUES on Wattpad was a turning point. It gave me the confidence I needed to actually try and get myself published.

I sent BUSGIRL BLUES to Nimbus, hoping a small publisher who focuses on Atlantic Canada might be interested in my coming of age novella set in my home town of Chester, Nova Scotia.

A view of the front harbour in Chester. Isn't it gorgeous!
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Penelope J., an editor from Nimbus (and my new bff) called me the end of May (on my niece's fifteenth birthday to be exact). She'd spent the day reading BUSGIRL BLUES and had just finished. She then proceeded to talk about the characters like they were real people who lived down the street and sometimes popped in to borrow sugar. She used words like; thrilled, excited, loved...

Then she made an offer to publish! I almost dropped the phone into the soapy sink full of dishes. Next we talked about JUST JESSE, so she asked for that too.

The next week I had a two book offer staring at me in the face.

That's right, people, my jar had found its lid.

Thank you so much to everyone who has ever read this blog, or read one of my stories on wattpad, or favorited one of my tweets, or smiled at me, or shared their Oreos at recess when my mom sent me with yogurt, or breathed oxygen...I think you see where I'm going with this.

Yes, I'm in love with the world.

Keep writing. Keep hoping. Keep dreaming. 

IT WILL HAPPEN!

And for God's sake, buy my books when they come out.

Enough talk, time to celebrate!

Jumpy Hugs All Around

                                


                                 This is me. Right now.

 

 

More details tomorrow...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Bachelorette Season 9, Episode 5, "Polka, Pouts, and Mountain Peaks"

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The fellas get a free trip to Munich, Germany! They arrive in matching zip up hoodies.

Here's some of their comments while walking through the historic city.

“That's a cool building.”

“This is so cool.”

They boys can't believe how awesome their hotel room is and they jump for joy in their matching hoodies.

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Chris, (Henry Cavill's twin) explore Munich with a phrase book, and a team of camera men.

Back at the hotel, Bryden takes time to do an interview about how lonely he feels. He talks with the other guys about how he's not getting to second base with Des.

James says, “Yeah, man.” And then looks around the room for help.

Bryden is find Des, and let her know he's needy.

I think she already knows, champ.

Chris is so handsome in his pea coat! He and Des sample all the vendors and try on lederhosen, and take loads of selfies. They dance the polka and charm everyone watching. Even the doves fly down from the sky.

Chris says, “Nothing can go wrong.”

Bryden goes into the streets with a camera crew asking random people if they've seen and camera crew near by.

Um, yes, behind you, idiot.

Bryden says, “I hope Des isn't too upset when she finds out I want to leave.”

Amazingly, Bryden finds Chris and Des.

What are the odds? It's as if the producers have cell phones or something.

Bryden apologizes for interrupting the perfect date and he takes her off to the side, camera crew in tow.

*Cue the creepy piano music*

Bryden gives Des the news that he wants to go home. She replies, “Are you going home now, then?” Then she says, “Good-bye, Bryden.”

Meanwhile, Chris is preparing to alleviate her pain.

Des is a bit weepy because she's tired of being dumped. Chris is there with a big hug and handsome shoulder. He tells her that he's in for the long run, until the end...until that last rose.

Then they kiss and drink double pints of beer.

Right on, Des!

Michael and Ben are chosen to go on the two on one date. Michael says, “Great. I'm on a date with the one guy I detest.”

Michael, you're not dating Ben.

Then Michael vows to slay Ben like a gladiator.

Mercy!
 

Des and Chris have an elegant dinner under chandeliers. She says, “It feels so natural to be with him, nothing is forced.”

They bond, they laugh, and she imagines him pulling off his dress shirt revealing a big red S on a blue t-shirt.

He tells Des that he's ready to have a relationship and start a family.

She tells him she likes a man who can compliment her and let her know how he's feeling.

Right on cue, Chris whips out another poem he wrote for her on the red eye trip from the states. Des cries and before you can say, 'Bryden who?' She reaches for the rose.

Hooray! The Man of Steel, Stole Her Heart!

Then a musician suddenly appears and they have a private concert.

Time for the Group Date!



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Des takes them into the mountains and she's wearing a Canada Goose Down Filled Jacket!

Yay! Canada.

They take a gondola up the mountain. Here's some of the comments...

“This is so cool.”

“Oh, wow!”

“Wow, no way.”

“That is so awesome.”

When they reach the top each of the guys take a turn yodeling.

I could have lived without that.

Then they sled down the hill, and crash over and over again.

Zak reminds us, “We're here for love and sometimes you just have to let go.”

There is a snowball fight and one doorknob hits Des in the face. She laughs, but seriously, guys, don't ever, ever do that.

Des and the guys tour an ice hotel. They lounge on furs and eat pretzels and wine. Des lets the guys know that if they're feeling like Bryden the-sookie-baby, they should ship out speedy quick.

They guys waste no time in letting her know, she's THE ONE.

Des blinks her doe eyes back at all the compliments. She and Brooks make out and she secretly hopes Bryden watches the reruns in his boxers while eating cereal... all alone.

Mikey and Des make little snowmen and talk about how many kids they will have, then Zak perches on a nearby rock and practices his yodeling.

Zak tells Des he once wanted to be a priest. He said he came to Europe, climbed a mountain and decided he wasn't ready to be a priest after all.

Des says, “Wow.”

James sulks under the fur blanket's and says, “It's hard to be on a date with seven other guys.”

Des finally gives the rose to 'the person who brings out the best in her, even she's having a bad day'...and that person is Brooks.

James can't believe it, since Brooks looks nothing like him and is only half as interesting.

Now it's time for Ben and Michael to kill each other to go on their two on one date with Des.

Michael is going to use his trial tactics (he's a lawyer) to expose evil Ben. Des planned this date on purpose to see how long it takes Michael's heart to explode if the guys can get over their intolerance of each other.

Des takes the guys on a motor boat hot tub that they can maneuver around the lake. She asks them relationship questions. Michael is clearly pissed off with ANY answer Ben gives.

Des looks longingly at the coastline.

Meanwhile back at the hotel, Drew and Kasey tell Brooks and Chris that they overheard Mikey and James talk about all the hot chicks they will be able to date when the show is over because they're going to be super amazing celebrities.

Men are stupid.

And now I'm worried, since I know the names of all the guys.

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Des, Ben and Michael have dinner with an order of Pepto Bismol. Michael asks Ben why he doesn't have any friends in the house. Ben gives an answer, and Des chuckles awkwardly and takes a sip of wine.

Michael pushes the issue and poor Des brings up the question of family traditions. Ben talks about going to Church with his family, then Michael pipes in...again.

Didn't he watch The Bachelor? It didn't work with Tierra and it won't work now. I wonder how most of Michael's trials go?

Ben works hard not to reach across the table and choke Michael. Des considers not giving the rose to either of them since she really only wants to be in her hotel room drinking by herself at this point.

Des gives the date rose to...Michael.

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Ben walks out, clearly upset. He uses his time in the limo to plot Michael's downfall.

When Michael returns to the hotel, the boys rejoice—not because Ben's gone, but because Michael isn't really competition.

It's time for the rose ceremony!

Des looks lovely and is dressed to crush someone's heart. She and the host have a little talk and I fast forward. She then announces there will not be a cocktail party, instead they'll go straight to the rose ceremony.

Drat! Now Kasey and Drew can't tell her about James and Mikey's plan to score with hot babes after the show.

I fast forward until one rose remains on the tray. It's between Mikey and James! The last rose goes to...James.

Mikey, the plumber is going home.

This is a contest to find a husband! Why is she getting rid of the plumber?

Mikey is totally surprised. He says, “I have a lot of offer. I think she missed out on a guy like me.”

Yeah, I think that's the point.

Trends In Writing And Why They Shouldn't Matter

Lately there's been buzz in the YA literary world that paranormal is out and contemporary is in. Good news for me since I'm shopping around a YA contemporary coming of age series.

However, imagine you've just finished the best, and I mean THE BEST YA paranormal novel. Wouldn't the above news flash strike the fear of death in your heart? I can hear the sobs now as millions of writers clutch their hair and scream, "Why...why now?"

Deep breaths, my friends.

The truth is, readers fuel this industry, not publishers.

No one could have forecast the phenomenon of Fifty Shades of Grey. The success of that series is important because it PROVES that nothing in publishing is predictable.

So, dry your eyes, get off the bathroom floor, and for God's sake, keep writing.

And if you don't believe me, here's some advice from someone who knows their way around a bookstore.

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The Bachelorette Season 9, Episode 4, "Tiaras, Speedos and Levels"

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It's now down to thirteen fellas and it's time for the world tour of dating to begin.

First stop for the hopeful dopes is Atlantic City!

Ben, 'the hot dad' says it will be a chance to get to know Des on a totally different level.

Right.

Des is enjoying all the free trips and attention. “It's all worth it if I end up with the right guy, plus I get to see thirteen hot guys in this beautiful city.”

Man, Shakespeare couldn't have said it any better.

Drew forgot to button up his shirt again.
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Drew tells us, “Traveling with the one you love is like taking the relationship to the next level.”

Level. Level. WTH? Are we playing Super Mario Brothers?

Brad, 'the shy dad' is chosen to go on a solo date.

When Des arrives to pick him up, all the guys stay sitting on the couch.

Dear Fellas,

Real gentlemen stand when a lady enters the room...or even a bachelorette.

Love,

Aunt Bethany

Des and Brad spend the afternoon on the boardwalk playing carnival games and eating junk food. They raid a chocolate factory and eat gobs of treats right off the treadmill. I'm sure the hairnet wearing workers are really enjoying the gluttony.

While they enjoy their bottled picnic in the sand, she tries to take things a little deeper and asks him what he's looking for in a partner.

Brad tells her, “I'm looking for someone who is sweet and would be a good mom.” Then he looks at the sand, and then back up at the sky. “Today was fun.”

She goes, “Yeah.”

Dinner has about as much chemistry as a grade ten English class.

She tries to get him to open up again. He pokes at his chicken and white wine sauce and says, “I'm looking for someone who is sweet. You're sweet.” Then he mumbles something about how fun it was to go on all the rides earlier.

“Yeah,” Des says through a smile with no teeth. “Cool.”

Shockingly, Brad does not get a rose. Des tells the camera she needs a love that can light the dark, and even though she likes Brad, she doesn't see them staying together forever.

Exactly, Des. Because we all know that the final choice on this show is ALWAYS the one that lasts forever.

Brad is crushed. I hope he finds a librarian to improve his vocabulary.

It's time for the group date! Egads, I'm almost too scared to watch. At least it can't be worse than the rap video.

They guys meet Des at a theatre and the Host explains that they will be competing in a Mr. America pageant.

Michael, the diabetic says, “When I was a little boy, all I dreamed about was being Mr. America.”

Yup. He said, Mr. America, not Captain America. Hey, don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with being gay, but there's something wrong with being gay and signing up for a reality show where you compete with other guys for the affection of one girl.

FYI, the next ten minutes I spent watching the guys get ready for the pageant is something I will regret on my death bed.

The guys pick out various 'items' for their 'talent.'

There are high heels, hula hoops, a ukulele, and ...God! The eyes are burning out of my head. This is so stupid!

Unfortunately, there is also a bathing suit portion of the competition.

They bring in the audience and if I'm not mistaken I believe I see Tierra and Ashlee in the audience. Oh my nerves. Cut the cord, ladies.

 

During the 'question and answer' session, Chris, my Henry Cavill look alike, is charmingly dumb. But Juan drops a bomb shell and mentions his daughter.

What the heck? Did we know this? What's up with all the single dads?

Mikey T gives us some incredible insight into the male brain, he says, “From personal experience, all woman see is the body, the meat-head, the guy who likes to workout. They can't see our insides. They don't know we cry inside. We like long walks on the beach...you really need to understand someone inside and out.”

To understand Mikey T better, I've included an MRI of his intestines.
 

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The talent portion didn't go much better.

Mikey T has clearly been watching Magic Mike waaaay too much and does his own strip tease. Brooks is horrible on the ukulele, but he smashes it on the stage and gets a lot of laughs. Christ twirls hula hoops in high heels. Bryden, cro-magnon man, basically picks up where Mikey T left off and pelvic thrusts his way into the audience's hearts.

Ick. Yuck. Repeat.

The swimsuit competition is next and these guys spend A LOT of time at the gym...OMG! Just like Mikey T said. I wonder how their intestines look?

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And the winner is...Kacey!

Who cares?

After the pageant it's time for a pool party. Yup. Another pool party.

Des says, “I'm excited to see the guys and see where their heads are at.”

*Insert obvious obnoxious joke here*

After taking off his high heels, Chris wants to show his serious side. He takes Des aside and reads her a poem he wrote about their first kiss.

I wrote about their first kiss too. I used the word, awkward.

Bryden tells the camera he's so sick of Ben and his sneaky ways. The guys take turns cutting up Ben up like a pack of gossip girls.

News Flash! Ben is this season's Tierra...minus the sparkle.

Zak gets out his guitar again and finishes the song he started during the talent show. It goes on for awhile. Des looks like she misses Brad.

I miss the time I'll never get back.

Des gives the date rose to...Zak.

Bryden doesn't understand how his public pelvic thrusting could have let him down.

Yeah, 'cause that usually fixes every other situation in life.

James gels up his hair and gets super excited for his solo date with Des. Again, she enters the room and no one stands up.

Obviously, none of the guys are taking my advice.

For the solo date they take a helicopter over the most devastated areas of New Jersey because of hurricane Sandy. They walk around some of the streets and get a chance to meet a couple who lived through the storm. Manny and Jan give them a tour of their completely gutted home.

I can't think of a more romantic date.

James says, “I feel sorry for these people who have gone through this major, major disaster.”

What he's thinking, “Am I getting a rose at the end of this frickin' thing?”

Des decides to give her solo Atlantic City date to the couple because it's The Bachelorette and the cameras are rolling.

And she's probably nice, too.

After the couple leave in the limo, James tells us, “Experiencing this with Des has brought our relationship to a whole new level.”

Level...where have I heard that before?

We watch Manny and Jan's date and we get a lesson on how people are supposed to talk during dinner. They use complete sentences and ask each other questions, while the other listens and replies with words longer than one syllable. No one says the word 'level'.

Des figures out that you don't need a lot of money to be happy or to be in love. James is overwhelmed by her philosophy and confesses that he cheated on his girlfriend in college.

He says, “A man can't love until his heart has been broken.”

“Has your heart been broken?” she asks him.

He tears up and nods.

Meanwhile, Manny and Jan find out that Des has photo shopped and worked on their soggy wedding photo album that was destroyed by the storm.

Wow! That was fast. I thought she was having beer and pizza with James.

Manny and Jan continue with their date and get a private concert with Hootie and the Blowfish. At least I think it was them.

When is the hot tub scene?

Des gives the rose to James and they join the concert. They make out while dancing as Manny and Jan watch.

Uncomfortable. *Whistles at sky*

The guys get ready for the rose ceremony by having cocktails. Bryden is having doubts and is wearing his lemon face.

Michael takes Des aside and spells out her name while giving each letter a quality that personifies her. It works, they kiss.

She and Chris talk about being friends and they kiss like friends DON'T kiss.

Bryden lets her know that he's feeling kind of left out and he wonders if she wants to kiss him like a friend. Des tells him that she wants him to stay, but they don't make out.

Hmm...

*Fast forward*

There's only one rose left. Who will go home, Mikey T, or some guy who I don't even recognize? It's the guy I don't recognize.

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Oh, it's Zach...the publisher. The publisher got rejected! He says, “I'm shocked. Something that I thought was great, actually isn't great and won't work.”

Why do I have the feeling that's his standard rejection letter to writers?

He weeps in the limo and rejected writers everywhere celebrate.

How To Make Art

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I saw this quote the other day on Pinterest and fireworks went off in my head...and my heart.

It reminded me of finger painting in kindergarten. As a kid, I could care less about structure or balancing the color wheel, I just went for it—globs and all. I used to mix every color together, ending up with swirls of greyish green, like a tornado that just hit a green pepper farm.

As a non-published writer (or as I like to say, 'pre-published' writer) the hardest thing about writing is wondering if what I've created is any good.

Are the characters believable?

Is the plot moving forward?

Will anyone care if I kill off the love interest?

Self doubt is the killer of all joy...no wait, that's comparison. Self doubt is the enemy of creativity.

I'm not going to say it's easy to write without caring about how you're work will be received, especially when the tower of rejections grows steadily higher. I think self doubt will always creep into a writer's conscience (even the post-published ones)!

What I'm suggesting is that you read this quote every time you're about to write.

Imagine the freedom to create when you don't care about landing an agent or a publishing deal.

Go ahead, use all the colors you want—make your tornadoes.

Write without fear.

If you're looking for some more inspirational quotes, check out my Pinterest boards!

The Bachelorette, Season 9, Episode 3, "Cheaters, Criers, and Liars"

realitytea.com

 

Last week it was a rap video. What on earth does ABC have planned for this group date?

Des meets the guys in front of a garage. She watches her fellas come out of the limo and smiles. She says, “The men are just amazing.”

I'm sad to see that Brandon, the flesh colored underwear guy from last episode, has chosen to wear an orange sweatband around his head.

Vote for Pedro!

Sorry, wrong show.

Des reveals their group date is with a group of angry looking guys who are the national dodgeball team...but I suspect it may be the group of guys who didn't make it past the audition for the show.

Let's be clear, this isn't dodgeball from high school, this is dodgeball that can snap the head off your neck. The pretty boys get nervous because an emergency rhinoplasty could be in their immediate future.

Des says she can't wait to see the guys in their natural environment.

Then why aren't they all sitting on a couch playing Nintendo?

When the national team get tired of pummeling the guys, the host shows up and tells them they're splitting into two teams and the winner gets to continue their date with Des.


As if last week's rap video wasn't worse enough, the guys are dressed in blue and red shorty shorts, tank tops, knee high socks, and God help me, matching sweat bands.
 

This shouldn't be called The Bachelorette, it should be called, How To Make White Guys Do Stupid Things On TV.

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Mikey T, the plumber says, “It was extremely intense.”

Drew, the marketing consultant on the blue team tells us, “This was so intense.”

Dear ABC,

Maybe the next date can be a trip to the library.

Things get 'intense' when Brooks drops to the ground, clutching his hand. He's taken to the hospital for an x-ray. Des applies lip gloss and the game continues.

The blue team wins. Zack, a book publisher wins the game...WAIT!!! Book publisher! How did I miss that?

Zack is my new favorite.

Des calls everyone in for a group hug and announces they're all invited to the dinner party.

WHA??

Remember in "Montana is Tierrable" how pissed Des was when Sean invited the losers to the party after she helped her team win the stupid challenge by chugging goat's milk?

Brooks will be so happy that not only has he broken his finger for nothing, but that he's also missing a dinner party.

Des says, “I'm so worried about Brooks. Today was supposed to be a fun day of dodgeball.

New flash, sister! No one has ever used 'fun' and 'dodgeball' in the same sentence.

During the dinner, mainly of booze, Brad, an accountant lets Des know he used to be a woman. Just kidding, he told her her has a three year old son. Des melts and coos as he talks about being a single dad and that he's here to find love.

Chris, the mortgage broker is worried because he hasn't had anytime with Des. He takes her to the rooftop helicopter pad and she's super stoked.

I can't help but notice how Chris kind of reminds me of Henry Cavill.

Chris, wetpaint.com                                                                                                                                   Henry Cavill. tvgoups.yahoo.com

 

Des tells him she saw him smiling at her all day, and says, “It's the small things that make a difference.”

I'm guessing Chris doesn't want to be remembered as the guy with small things.

Brooks shows up in his 1970's workout gear and wrapped up finger. I think he still might have some pain killer in his system. They make-out under a blanket.

Des gives the rose to Chris.

Yay! Man of Steel My Heart!!!

She takes Chris for a private concert in the garden. They begin to dance, but the kissing is awkward.

I fast forward through the next song as well.

Brandon watches from his perch from above and pouts. Um...just like he did last episode.

Dear Brandon,

Enough with the creepy.

Love,

Aunt Bethany

Des gets ready for her date with Kasey and says, “I really hope one of my potential husbands are in this group because all these guys are amazing.”

This episode is neither amazing or intense.

The host calls and lets Des know of some delicious gossip about one of the guys.

Who is it? Which of the fellas has a girlfriend?

Des jumps in her convertible and heads over to the mansion. She looks around the room and asks Brian to talk with her for a moment.

Hold on! Brian was the only normal guy from last week's episode!

While they talk about past relationships, the host walks in with another woman and you can almost hear the producers lick their chops.

The guys rush to the window to watch Brian's 'girlfriend' have a breakdown.

Yikes, things get stupid really fast. I cringe while they spill their pathetic relationship history. Des tells Brian to leave.

I bet Larry, the dancing doctor looks pretty good now huh, Des?

I fast forward through the packing scene and the girlfriend's limo departure.

Kasey goes on the solo date with Des and has an opportunity to help her forget all about what's-his-name.

Brandon is particularly bothered that Brian's girlfriend was a single mom. He gets shirtless in the kitchen and weeps saying, “I don't want to fall in love and have someone leave me.”

*whistles and looks everywhere but at the TV*

What does Des have planned for her date with Kasey? Mini golf? Maybe lunch by the beach? A movie?

Nope.

Dancing on the side of a building.

*Rolls eyes*

They get tethered to ropes and scale a building. Amazingly, it wasn't the best idea. They cut it short and have a candle light picnic by the pool, but then the wind picks up. They forgo the drinks and put on their bathing suits and jump into the pool. It's freezing.

Poor Des. What a terrible day!

But Kasey is still pretty slick and he manages to get in some kissing. Des gives him the date rose.

It's time for the next group date!

*Shudders*

Instead of a limo, a stage coach is waiting for them.

Oh dear God...

*prayers for guys*

Des is dressed like Miss Kitty from Gunsmoke. It's soon apparent the guys are doing stunts—Hollywood style.

Dear ABC,

Heard of Mini golf? Apple picking? Go-cart racing? Hot Yoga?

                                                    examiner.com
 

Anyway, all the guys get dressed up like cowboys ready to be Des's hero. They learn how to lasso, quick draw their pistols, and play fight. Now the guys have to do all that stuff on a horse to win some alone time with Des.

Juan did the whole scene speaking Spanish and he was freakin' hilarious. He wins the date with Des and they walk off into the sunset...or rather the barn where they watch The Lone Ranger.

Juan says, “I try my best.”

Dear ABC,

Finally, a movie. See, was that so hard?

They make out and the kissing is NOT awkward.

Ten points for Juan.

Des says, “Watching a movie with Juan is so fun!”

I bet.

They all relax around the camp fire enjoying a liquid supper. Then Des spends solo time with each of the guys. Every guy is in love with Des, and she's in love with every guy loving her. The cuteness is almost unbearable.

James is worried about his dad who is sick back home. He comes out and asks Des if she can see the two of them together in the future. She wants to reassure him and so she gives him the rose.

Well played, James.

Instead of a cocktail party, there's a pool party.

*Cue the chest shots*

Ben leaves the mansion and meets Des as she pulls up in her powder blue convertible. He talks her into going on a private drive and woos her some more. When they return, a few of the guys watch them kiss in the driveway.

Mikey T is so mad at Ben!

The dude with diabetes holds up a hand and says, “You cannot scramble that egg.”

Tough talk. My ears are burning.

Brandon gets Des alone and lets her know how much Brian leaving a single Mom bothered him. He tells her, “I'm never going to take you for granted. I'm falling in love with you and we've barely even talked.”

Des smiles and pats his arm awkwardly.

I predict an emotional good-bye interview coming up for Brandon.

It's time for the rose ceremony.

Fast forward.

Going home are Brandon, and some dude that may have gone on the ranch date, but I'm not sure.

Brandon tells her she's making a huge mistake. She runs after him and tells him she doesn't feel any chemistry and didn't want to keep him around knowing that he wasn't the one.

Brandon says, “I can't even cry, I'm out of tears.”

                                        

                                                   abcbachelorette.com
 

Dear Brandon,

You're a very cute guy. It sucks you had such a hard time growing up. Instead of signing up for reality shows, concentrate on your business, spend time with friends, take up yoga, take cooking classes, go get healthy and the right girl will find you.

Love,

Aunt Bethany

Who thinks Chris looks like Henry Cavill?

I Am Currently...

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Loving: The warmer weather. My garden kicks ass.
Reading: THE HYPNOTIST by Lars Kepler. Holy hebbie gebbies! I'm freaked out already and I'm only on page 65.  Next up is JOYLAND by Stephen King. Who needs sleep?
Watching: Kill me now, I'm watching The Bachelorette. And to counteract any neuron damage, I've decided to start watching Game Of Thrones...that is as soon as I finish THE HYPNOTIST. 

Thinking about: Alex Pettyfer, and how I should really learn to play the ukulele this summer. This is how I imagine Alex would react if I played the ukulele for him.

 

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Anticipating: Finishing my YA mystery novella, THE ASP. It's Veronica Mars meets Indiana Jones. Check it out for free! Plus there's a Pinterest board that your eyeballs may enjoy as well.

Wishing: For more wishes ;)
Making me happy: Knowing that summer and all its glorious 'french fries and ice cream eating at the beach' days are on the way. Plus there's writing and watching my tomato plants inch along each day. 

 

How about you?

The Bachelorette Season 9, Episode 2 “Tears, Tongues, and Tough Guys"

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The fellas enjoy roaming through their mansion, and then the host shows up and ruins their fun. The envelope is opened and Brooks is chosen to go on the first solo date with Des.

I call her Des now because it saves time.

Des picks up Brooks in her aquamarine convertible.

The car gets more whistles than Des.

Brooks compliments her right away.

Dear Brooks,

Good job.

Love,

Aunt Bethany

Des takes Brooks to a place where every guy wants to go...a bridal boutique. She tries on dresses while tries on suits.

hollywoodgossip.com

Brooks is a good sport about it and carries her off to the car. I think he was hoping for a game of bikini beach volleyball.

They make a stop at a cupcake truck (still in their wedding attire), then they drive up to see the HOLLYWOOD sign where they have a glorious view of the smog.

Since this is The Bachelorette, an impromptu picnic composed of pillows and bottles of wine suddenly appear. They bond by sharing stories of their past breakups. Then they make out!

He says, “This could be the first kiss with the person I spend the rest of my life with.”

Dude, this is TV.

And if he doesn't believe me, Des takes him to a private dinner on an abandoned bridge, complete with chandelier and candles. Des tells Brooks her parents are soul mates. The brother doesn't come up, though.

Brooks gets tongued tied when he talks about his parents' divorce. Then he lays out all of his family dirt history for her...and us.

Dude, this is TV!

He gets weepy and talks about how his future kids will always have his attention. Des reaches for the rose before he can say, “Love you to the moon and back.”

Sadly, this isn't the end of their date. They enjoy a private concert and do some awkward white people dancing. Only surpassed by their off-key singing.

He tells us, “Desiree is a girl I could really fall in love with. She knows what she wants and she's sexy.”

She's sexy until she doesn't want you anymore.

The next day, fourteen of the fellas go on a group date. Des tells them they'll be starring in their own rap video. The guys clap like a bunch of seals.

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They're all wearing t-shirts and jeans. I can't tell anyone apart. They get into costumes that make no sense. Brandon is only in a shirt and flesh colored underwear.

Wha???

They each take turns rapping in front of a screen. Ben, the hot dad, is a cowboy.

Brandon's turn is next—he has to sing to Des while she reclines on a sheepskin blanket.

I go blind watching this scene.

Note, please do NOT look this video up on YouTube. My blindness will be in vain.

The OREO commercial that followed held my interest more.

After the group date, it's time for another cocktail party. The guys are all in button down collared shirts and blazers. I can't tell anyone apart.

The shirtless dude from last episode, Zack W, gives her the gift of an antique diary.

Dear Zack,

Glad to see you're taking your medication.

Love,

Aunt Bethany

Ben, the hot dad, comes on strong and the other guys are circling the wagons, sensing he's pulling into the lead.

Didn't Brooks brag about his French kissing on the bridge?

Ben mentions how his cowboy hat got in the way earlier, and he leans in for a kiss.

Brandon watches from his perch above with a big pout, wondering why he did all that embarrassing rap video stuff.

Mikey T is a plumber and has muscles that would get him kicked out of the Olympics. He calls Ben out for the phony that he is!

Um...what?

But that Ben is so smooth, he has Mikey T laughing in five minutes.

Brandon finally gets some time alone with Des. He tells her his dad left when he was young, and his mom was a drug addict that would leave for days at a time, leaving him the only one to take care of his younger siblings.

My nerves, Charles Dickens would cry.

In the end, it doesn't matter though, because Des gives the rose to Ben.

No one high fives him.

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Bryden, the cro magnon dude, gets picked for the next solo date. They take a road trip. And the first stop is to get snacks.

Yay!

Next they hang out at the beach, and then have tacos and beer.

So far, this date kicks Brooks' by far.

A picnic in an orange orchard is followed by dinner at a fancy shmancy resort for dinner.

Hmm...if Des isn't feeling the happy butterflies after this date...no rose for Bryden.

He opens up and tell her about a horrific crash he survived when he was nineteen. He told her the reason he joined the army a year later was a testament to how much her overcame. He is one tough guy.

LIAR!

In the first episode, he told us he joined the army right after his long time girlfriend broke up with him.

Des gives him a rose.

*Cue the hot tub scene*

“This is awesome,” he tells her. “We had such a fun time today. It was awesome to have so much fun with you.” He repeats this about five times, until she says, “Just kiss me already.”

And the tough guy does exactly as he's told.

It's time for the pre rose ceremony cocktail party.

One fella takes Des aside and gives a dramatic build up and says he has Type I diabetes.

*Gasp*

Before Des can coo and give him a rose, Ben swoops in and takes her away.

Mikey T is so mad he flexes his muscles and rips a shirt sleeve!

Ben jokes with her and says none of the other guys know she's a great a kisser. Des laughs and so do we because Ben has no clue.

The fellas are super peeved and leave Ben sitting on the couch all be himself.

There, take that, hot dad!

The diabetic takes Ben aside and he gets so worked up I'm worried about his blood sugar. Mikey T says, “Hey, give the kid a chance to talk to her.”

The fellas deduce that Ben is using the show to improve his business portfolio.

Brian, a financial advisor, takes Des aside and they talk about their families and expectations for the future. Then he gets up so she can talk with some of the other men.

He seems normal. Why is he on the show?

It's time for the rose ceremony.

*Hits FF button*

The last rose goes to...Brandon.

Going home are Will, Robert, and some guy I don't even remember from the first episode.

Robert says, “This is just a nightmare.”

No, Robert, watching that rap video was a nightmare.

All right. Who thinks Ben will make it to the final two? *raises hand*