Tuesday, 4 March 2014

The Bachelor, Season 18, Episode 9 "The Women Tell All"

Or better title "The Women Whine A lot"


The worst thing about reality shows is that prior stars participants keep showing up, trying to mooch some camera time. We have to listen to the host probe ask Catherine about her wedding night with Sean. I'll spare you the witty banter because there was none.

Now it's time for the only reason people tune into this show; to see the women dish dirt.

Let the complaining begin...

First, there are the usual shots of Juan Pablo's chest and various other muscles. Yeah, we get it, he's hot. However, ABC seems like it's taking a page from Andi's playbook and begins to hint that maybe Juan is too hot and therefore must be superficial.

Most of the girls (some I don't even recognize) must have been talking with Andi backstage, and they use their last precious seconds of fame to call out Juan and his lack of interest in anything that wasn't related to his hotness.

Hmm...it's like ABC is trying to create drama to fill the hour and a half show.

Kelly, the dog lover, says the show doesn't portray what really happened and editing is to blame.

It's reality TV, not real life, dummy.

Andi pipes up hoping to get another close up and says Juan wasn't looking for a wife, he was looking for a girl friend.


Of course. What kind of psycho signs up for a show thinking they'll fall in love with a complete stranger after a month? Oh...never mind.

It sounds to me like Andi is still pretty miffed that he didn't beg her to stay when she decided to leave the show. But she's a lawyer, so whatever she says must be true, right?

Actually, coming on the show to find a girlfriend or boyfriend would make much more sense. Maybe he's the only sane one of this bunch. Well, except Sharleen and Renee.

Kat turns up the heat a notch and calls Juan out for his ever changing rules on kissing and making out in the ocean with Clare.

Remember that debacle?


Sharleen sits with the host and defends her reasons for leaving the show. Most importantly she knew a proposal was on the line and she wasn't ready to commit to that yet.

She must have some sort of connection still with him because she ended up defending him when the losers non-rose receiving contestants, complained he was never curious about their lives.

Renee is next but I fell asleep during her video montage. But, guess what? She's engaged!

Hooray! Is it the little league coach?

Andi is up next and she holds no punches. Her main complaint, other than Juan not asking about her favorite ice cream flavor, is that he told her she barely made it into the top three.

Well, she was the one who dumped him, so I don't blame him for trying to save face. Plus, she's a lawyer and they're totally into telling the truth.


After that painful ordeal, it's time for Juan Pablo to sit and take his medicine. 

He says from the very beginning he wouldn't change anything and was just trying to be honest. He explained why he took things slow with Renee, but then he wandered off into weird kissing rules and I started to nod off again.

When I woke up Cassandra was all red faced and calling him out for being unfair to Renee's son, Ben.

Um...I think someone's still bitter about getting dumped on her birthday.

There's a boring discussion about being fair and equal and I really think if these women were concerned about those issues they wouldn't have signed up for the show anyway.

Moving on...Andi is still hoping for Juan to cry and admit that he should never have let her go. She brings up the whole 'you're looking for a girlfriend not a wife' argument.

Sharleen attests that he asked a lot of questions about herself.

Gee, maybe he only asked those kinds of questions to women he saw as potential wives.

Kelly the dog lover, is tired of the audience clapping at everything Sharleen says. She brings up Juan Pablo's remarks about how there shouldn't be a gay Bachelor. As the daughter of a gay parent, she was really offended.

Juan requests to ask to speak with Kelly privately after the show to better explain what he meant. Victoria pipes up from the back row and says she's tired of him using his poor English as an excuse.

Remember Victoria? She got loaded and proved to the whole world she's a mean drunk.

Sharleen parachutes in and rescues Juan again by saying in a particular conversation they had about that topic, he was open-minded.

                                                                            Lucy Goosey ;)

Lucy, 'the free spirit' ends the whole thing brilliantly. She says, "We're not in a game, we're in a relationship and all we wanted was to be treated equal by you."

Um...it is a contest. And you lost.

The host dangles the carrot by saying the final episode is something we've never seen before and to prove it, ABC shows us a teaser trailer.

There's bikinis, making out, beaches, and girls crying by themselves on hotel beds.

Yup, that sounds brand spanking new.

Here's what will happen next week. He'll pick Nikki. Clare will cry her 'tender heart' out. The End.

Actually, I'll be shocked if they're still together. I'm kind of wondering if Sharleen might change her mind.

Anyhoo, rumour has it that Andi will be the next Bachelorette. I hope the guys bring their bullet proof vests.

Juant more episode recaps?

The Bachelor, Season 18, Episode 1 "Girls Just Juanna Have Fun"
The Bachelor, Season 18, Episode 2 "Boobs, Blindfolds, and Bathroom Breakdowns"
The Bachelor, Season 18, Episode 3 "Splashing, Soccer, and Poolside Sobbing"
The Bachelor, Season 18, Episode 4 "K-pop, Karaoke, and Kissing"
The Bachelor, Season 18, Episode 5 "Making Out, Freaking Out, and Backing Out"
The Bachelor, Season 18, Episode 6 "Geysers, Good-byes, and Gagging"
The Bachelor, Season 18, Episode 7 "Reality Bites, Miami Nights, and Cat Fights"
The Bachelor, Season 18, Episode 8 "Bull Riding, Bullseyes, and Bullying Big Sisters
The Bachelor, Season 18, Episode 9 "Overnight, Overcome, and Overboard"

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