Monday, 28 March 2016

Once Upon A Time, Season 5, Episode 14 "Devil's Due"

Or better title "No Can Do VooDoo"

In the shop, Mr. Gold makes an elaborate potion and uses a crystal ball to show him who he wants the most. I think he's looking for Hook...or maybe Neil, instead an image of Belle appears.

Hey guys! Milah is back. And she's the crosswalk guard for all the dead kids ... um, what? Kids are in hell? What kind of show is this?

And you know what? They still have to go to school. Cruel. This truly is hell. 

Mr. Gold tells Milah that her former lover, Cap'n Hook, is in need of rescuing. Since she's already dead, he can use her to slip into the bowels of hell without getting noticed.

Don't ask, just go with it.

Anyway Emma is there too and that leads to this awkward moment.

Conveniently, the gate to hell is in Emma's basement. In not time they're canoeing through the river of Lost Souls, with help from Milah because everyone in hell knows all the secrets of Hades' lair.

Don't ask, just go with it.

Because Hook refused to chisel the names of his peeps into the gravestones, Hades suspended him above the river of Lost Souls as punishment/motivation.

Emma manages to easily rescue him without doing anything other than leaving the canoe and walking down the only platform.

Anyway, you'd think Hook would be happy to see the love of his life, instead he's all dark and brooding, "Let me die." He only perks up when she tells him Milah is on the scene too.

Time for a flashback. We get another glimpse into the troubled marriage of Rumpelstiltskin and Milah. It seems she never warmed to his passive nature.

When Bae goes butterfly hunting he manages to get bitten by the Enchanted forest's most poisonous snake. Luckily, since this is the Enchanted Forest, there's a voodoo healer close by who can give them the antidote for a pile of gold.

Milah leaves with a smile and then informs Rumple he has to return and kill the voodoo dude, all the while knowing her husband doesn't even like swatting flies.

If she's so blood thirsty and used to doing everything else, why doesn't Milah kill the guy herself?

Anyway, instead of spending the time with dying Bae she goes to the pub and (ta-da) runs into Hook. She's easily impressed with his alpha vibes and complete oppositeness of her husband.

Back in hell, Milah and Mr. Gold are trading insults at the dock while they wait for Emma to return with Hook. Hades turns up, and freezes Milah so he can have a chat with Mr. Gold. He wants Mr. Gold to destroy the canoe (the only way of escape) and Milah too for that matter.

Who will make sure the dead kids get back and forth to hell school safely?

Flashback Break: Rumple arrives at the voodoo hut, but of course is unable to kill guy. Instead he makes a deal to hand over his second born child in order to save the first.

What is it with parents in the Enchanted forest using offspring as collateral?

Rumple skips home to Milah (who must have just returned from the pub) and gives her the antidote. It works in a flash and while Bae is quickly recovering he tells her, "By the way, we can't have anymore kids."

Milah is like, "So...I guess no more marriage relations for us then. See ya."

In hell, Mr. Gold hardly hesitates to destroy the boat and send Milah into the River of Lost Souls. One second later, Emma and Hook appear. Mr. Gold twists his expression and says that Hades just showed up and did all the damage.

And because of this, we, as the patient audience, are robbed of the reunion scene between Hook and Milah. The writers have painstaking showed us over and over again, that Hook isn't a blood thirsty pirate, he's a broken hearted lover. He's been exacting revenge on Mr. Gold for the last twenty years for her death so when he finally has the opportunity to fall into her arms, it would has to be in front of Emma.

I almost threw something at the TV, folks. We have been robbed.

Anyway, above ground—but still in hell because everything has the red filter—Regina finds Daniel's tombstone lying flat. This indicates he's moved on to heaven. She's truly happy. On the walk home, she saves a horse and realizes she has magic again.

Hey, this means she can perform the 'heart spilt' spell on Emma, giving half of her heart to Hook so he can return to the real Storybrooke with them.

There are so many reasons why this shouldn't work. Hook's body is back in Storybrooke, what you see in hell is just his spirit...right? So how can you give a ghost a heart transplant?

Don't ask, just go with it.

Never mind, it doesn't matter because Regina is unable to perform the spell on Emma. A quick trip through the graveyard shows that the three tombstones have been etched with Emma, Snow White and Regina!!! So now they're trapped in the Underworld...I think.

Before you can figure that one out, time for one last flashback: As the Dark One, Rumple returns to the voodoo guy's hut and kills him for revenge. But Hades gleefully reunites Mr. Gold with the dead witch doctor and informs him that he, Hades, now is the owner of the contract and because they're in hell, anything goes. So Mr. Gold now owes Hades his second born child.

Big deal, thinks Mr. Gold...but hold on. Remember the crystal ball that showed an image of Belle? Hades has his own crystal ball and he informs Mr. Gold that this ball shows the future, not the present. Instead of Belle, Mr. Gold was looking at an image of his future daughter!!!

Belle is in Storybrooke, unaware she's pregnant, and Hades is already planning on stealing her baby.

When will Belle ever learn? Every time Mr. Gold goes on one of these field trips with Emma and Regina bad stuff happens!!!

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