Monday, 28 March 2016

Once Upon A Time, Season 5, Episode 14 "Devil's Due"

Or better title "No Can Do VooDoo"

In the shop, Mr. Gold makes an elaborate potion and uses a crystal ball to show him who he wants the most. I think he's looking for Hook...or maybe Neil, instead an image of Belle appears.

Hey guys! Milah is back. And she's the crosswalk guard for all the dead kids ... um, what? Kids are in hell? What kind of show is this?

And you know what? They still have to go to school. Cruel. This truly is hell. 

Mr. Gold tells Milah that her former lover, Cap'n Hook, is in need of rescuing. Since she's already dead, he can use her to slip into the bowels of hell without getting noticed.

Don't ask, just go with it.

Anyway Emma is there too and that leads to this awkward moment.

Conveniently, the gate to hell is in Emma's basement. In not time they're canoeing through the river of Lost Souls, with help from Milah because everyone in hell knows all the secrets of Hades' lair.

Don't ask, just go with it.

Because Hook refused to chisel the names of his peeps into the gravestones, Hades suspended him above the river of Lost Souls as punishment/motivation.

Emma manages to easily rescue him without doing anything other than leaving the canoe and walking down the only platform.

Anyway, you'd think Hook would be happy to see the love of his life, instead he's all dark and brooding, "Let me die." He only perks up when she tells him Milah is on the scene too.

Time for a flashback. We get another glimpse into the troubled marriage of Rumpelstiltskin and Milah. It seems she never warmed to his passive nature.

When Bae goes butterfly hunting he manages to get bitten by the Enchanted forest's most poisonous snake. Luckily, since this is the Enchanted Forest, there's a voodoo healer close by who can give them the antidote for a pile of gold.

Milah leaves with a smile and then informs Rumple he has to return and kill the voodoo dude, all the while knowing her husband doesn't even like swatting flies.

If she's so blood thirsty and used to doing everything else, why doesn't Milah kill the guy herself?

Anyway, instead of spending the time with dying Bae she goes to the pub and (ta-da) runs into Hook. She's easily impressed with his alpha vibes and complete oppositeness of her husband.

Back in hell, Milah and Mr. Gold are trading insults at the dock while they wait for Emma to return with Hook. Hades turns up, and freezes Milah so he can have a chat with Mr. Gold. He wants Mr. Gold to destroy the canoe (the only way of escape) and Milah too for that matter.

Who will make sure the dead kids get back and forth to hell school safely?

Flashback Break: Rumple arrives at the voodoo hut, but of course is unable to kill guy. Instead he makes a deal to hand over his second born child in order to save the first.

What is it with parents in the Enchanted forest using offspring as collateral?

Rumple skips home to Milah (who must have just returned from the pub) and gives her the antidote. It works in a flash and while Bae is quickly recovering he tells her, "By the way, we can't have anymore kids."

Milah is like, "So...I guess no more marriage relations for us then. See ya."

In hell, Mr. Gold hardly hesitates to destroy the boat and send Milah into the River of Lost Souls. One second later, Emma and Hook appear. Mr. Gold twists his expression and says that Hades just showed up and did all the damage.

And because of this, we, as the patient audience, are robbed of the reunion scene between Hook and Milah. The writers have painstaking showed us over and over again, that Hook isn't a blood thirsty pirate, he's a broken hearted lover. He's been exacting revenge on Mr. Gold for the last twenty years for her death so when he finally has the opportunity to fall into her arms, it would has to be in front of Emma.

I almost threw something at the TV, folks. We have been robbed.

Anyway, above ground—but still in hell because everything has the red filter—Regina finds Daniel's tombstone lying flat. This indicates he's moved on to heaven. She's truly happy. On the walk home, she saves a horse and realizes she has magic again.

Hey, this means she can perform the 'heart spilt' spell on Emma, giving half of her heart to Hook so he can return to the real Storybrooke with them.

There are so many reasons why this shouldn't work. Hook's body is back in Storybrooke, what you see in hell is just his spirit...right? So how can you give a ghost a heart transplant?

Don't ask, just go with it.

Never mind, it doesn't matter because Regina is unable to perform the spell on Emma. A quick trip through the graveyard shows that the three tombstones have been etched with Emma, Snow White and Regina!!! So now they're trapped in the Underworld...I think.

Before you can figure that one out, time for one last flashback: As the Dark One, Rumple returns to the voodoo guy's hut and kills him for revenge. But Hades gleefully reunites Mr. Gold with the dead witch doctor and informs him that he, Hades, now is the owner of the contract and because they're in hell, anything goes. So Mr. Gold now owes Hades his second born child.

Big deal, thinks Mr. Gold...but hold on. Remember the crystal ball that showed an image of Belle? Hades has his own crystal ball and he informs Mr. Gold that this ball shows the future, not the present. Instead of Belle, Mr. Gold was looking at an image of his future daughter!!!

Belle is in Storybrooke, unaware she's pregnant, and Hades is already planning on stealing her baby.

When will Belle ever learn? Every time Mr. Gold goes on one of these field trips with Emma and Regina bad stuff happens!!!

Night Shift Giveaway and BookBlitz

by B.R. Myers
Release Date: March 7th 2016
Summary from Goodreads:
At Willard’s department store, none of the night security guards survive for long, and eighteen-year-old Daniel Gale is about to discover why.

Tired of living out of his backpack, he ignores the clerk’s gossip about the old building being haunted and accepts the latest vacated position of night guard. On his first shift Daniel narrowly escapes a fatal fall down an elevator shaft and is rescued by Mary—a bossy and intriguing girl far too beautiful for after hours inventory.

Anticipating every night shift as a chance to be with her, Daniel thinks his traveling days are over hoping that Manhattan is the place to call home. But as his life becomes more entwined with Willard’s, Daniel senses unnatural changes and bizarre coincidences both with Mary and the store itself. Soon he begins to suspect Willard’s is hiding something more sinister than gossip      about ghosts—something that could make him the next casualty of the NIGHT SHIFT. 

Buy Links:    
& Noble


Sunday, 27 March 2016

Once Upon A Time Season 5, Episode 13 "Labor of Love"

Or better title "Beaten, Bruised, and Badass"

We find Hook beaten up and sharing his jail time in hell with an anonymous cellmate who seems nondescript and not important at all, but as we all know, anonymous cell mates in this series always end up saving the day or revealing themselves to be a long lost heir to the throne or super wizard or something. So I'm guessing we'll see this chick again.

Through the magic of magic, Hook knows that Emma and the others have come to rescue him. And he gives a big spiel to the anonymous cellmate how much he LURVS Emma.

I can't buy into this romance, guys. Just a few days ago, as the Dark One, he took pleasure in insulting her, her family, and threatening everyone she loved. But now...?

So his plan is to send his nameless cellmate above ground to find Emma and tell her he loves her and, there's a monster set loose to kill them too.

Anyway, Mary Margaret and David take a stroll through the graveyard, like you do when you're in hell with nothing else to do, and she finds a tombstone engraved with HERCULES.

Back in the Enchanted Forest we see a teen Snow White be challenged by Evil Regina to take on a gang of bandits who are robbing the peasant folk of their kingdom. Snow White hustles from the castle and into the forest only to fall down a big hole.

Meanwhile, the nameless cellmate finds Emma and the others and warns them of the monster that has been set loose to kill them. Seconds later, the foul hellhound chases them all to Mary Margaret's apartment. They somehow chase it away, but the fact that Mary Margaret's apartment is waiting for her in hell makes them all wonder what her unfinished business is?

We flashback and discover teen Snow White was rescued by a young, muscly goof, Hercules. He tells her he has twelve brave acts to accomplish before he can get his wings or something. The last task is the hardest, to defeat the three headed hound. (Just like the one who tried to eat Emma and her family!) They bond, he teaches her to use a bow and arrow, she scares off the bandits and she makes him brave enough to go take on his last task. But before he goes, she gives him a kiss for good luck.

Realizing that her teen crush is in limbo in hell, Mary Margaret tracts down Hercules at the docks. He's still young and hot and she's like, "I'm a grandma, plus the mayor, well...I used to be. I also made out with my husband's dead twin brother..."

He tells her he died trying to accomplish the final task of killing the three headed dog.

In other news, Hook is pulled out of his cell by Hades. And they make useless threats toward each other, because duh, they're both dead.

Henry goes to Regina's office and bumps into Cruella. She has a proposition for ole' Henry. If he uses the author's quill to rewrite her back to life, then Emma will not be considered a murderer anymore.

Why is the quill in hell? It's a living entity, obviously and when Henry broke it in two it came straight to hell.

Don't ask, just accept...

Henry thinks this is a good enough reason to keep his deal with Cruella a secret.

Mary Margaret, Emma and Regina go into the mines and run into Hades. This scene is basically Hades proving that he has cable TV and has been watching everything that's been happening in Storybrooke. Bummed out that they have no answers, Mary Margaret sulks back to her Underworld apartment. Regina makes it real by reminding her that she was totally badass as Snow White.

To which Mary Margaret is suddenly channeling her inner Snowiness. She finds Hercules, tells him he has to defeat the monster who killed him, it's the only way he can ascend to heaven. They run into the nameless cellmate and together the three of them (quite easily) poke the three headed dog in the eyes with pencils or something and suddenly everyone is a hero.

And Mary Margaret has a revelation.

Sadly, this means that the cutie patootie Hercules has to leave. I was kind of hoping he'd stick around for a few episodes. Also, the nameless cellmate is Magara (duh).

While everyone is celebrating Hook and Hades continue to have their meaningless debate, until...Hades reveals the twist. For every soul that our heroes free from the Underworld, one of them will have to take that soul's place. And Hook has to choose who by carving their names on the gravestones!

Please, please, please, don't let there be a stupid loop hole to this brilliant plot twist.

Friday, 25 March 2016

How to Deal with Jealousy

Does this sound familiar?

You're about to go to bed, but you decide to check your email one more time to see if the agent you queried has responded.


It's okay, you rally your sprits, there's still hope. Just for kicks, you check out Twitter...and there it is.
Someone has just signed a three book deal *gasp* at auction.

Someone who isn't you.

You scroll down your Twitter feed a bit more, and wowzers, someone has been nominated for a book award in your genre.

Someone who isn't you.

And then—and this is the killer—someone announces a movie deal.

Someone who isn't...okay, I think you know where I'm going with this. You lean back from the computer and swallow your tears whispering, "Why not me?"

But that's okay. Jealousy is normal. It means you're still hungry for your dream, and that you're willing to keep working at it because you think about it every day. Still, you don't want to crumble every time you read your Twitter feed, so...

How can you deal with jealousy?

First: Forgive yourself for wishing it was you making that announcement. Wishing is awesome! You're hopeful! You still have that burning desire...keep that shit lit, man.

Second: Take a break from social media to concentrate on other awesome aspects of your world; like dancing in the kitchen, eating Lucky Charms for supper, and how your friends will always have your back and bring you chicken soup when you're sick.

Writing is part of your life, but it shouldn't be your ENTIRE life.

Third: Now that you've connected with the other things in your daily life that bring you happiness think about the news on Twitter that made you feel jealous; a major book deal, an award nomination, a movie adaptation.

These announcements should always be celebrated because the writer has probably worked their fingertips to the bone for years and had their heart broken a thousand times to make this happen. Plus, all of these accomplishments benefit the publishing industry.
 DING! DING! DING! *light bulb moment* And um...dude, you're a writer so this is big important stuff. This means the publishing industry is ALIVE and well. (Just like yogurt) Holy heck, it's flourishing!

Fourth: After you've counted your blessings and realized that good news for one author is good news for ALL writers, get back on social media. Send a big congratulations to the people who are basking in their happy news. Everyone loves a big party and the writing community is outstanding at supporting one another. So remember...

Success by others in this industry doesn't diminish your chances, it increases them.

I hope this helps you on your own writing journey. Positive thoughts and high word counts, my friends.

If you enjoyed this post please share!

Tuesday, 15 March 2016

Once Upon A Time Season 5, Episode 12 "Souls of the Departed"

Or better title, "Your Questions Are Pointless"

The mid-season premiere opens with Emma waking up in her yellow bug. Neal pops up from the backseat and explains this is his happily ever after and he's totally content to live in the abandoned amusement park by himself.

Instead of embracing her former true love she tells Neal she's going to the Underworld to rescue Hook. There's a little awkward stepping around the fact she didn't consider doing the same with Neal.

Anyway, he warns her not to go.

Emma, her parents, Regina, Mr. Gold, and Henry arrive in the Underworld and it looks just like Storybrooke...except everything is filmed through a red lens and everyone has shifty eyes.

Emma is full and questions and so am I? Why does the Underworld look exactly like Storybrooke?

But Mr. Gold says, "Your questions are pointless."

True, dat. This is OUAT after all. 

In a flashback to the Enchanted forest, the Evil Queen confronts a group of villages who won't give away the hiding place of Snow White. Then she returns to her castle and complains to her dad about how her birthday stinks bigtime.

Back in the Underworld we learn that Cora is in charge.

Although, didn't Regina take out all the darkness of her heart and give it back to her? Why hasn't she moved on like Neal?

Meanwhile at Underworld Granny's, Mary Margaret is kissed passionately by David, except it turns out it's his twin, James.

This is AWESOME!!! I can only imagine the twists and shenanigans we'll be enjoying now that rascally, James is in town. But instead of building up that fun story line, we have to listen to Cora painfully explain to Regina that she has to high tail it out of the Underworld or Cora will be forced to start burning people to death.

Um...what? Why? How can you burn people who are already dead?

Back at the Underworld Pawn Shop, Mr. Gold runs into Peter Pan. This is great news because I loved these two battling it out. And now that Henry is a bit older since the last time they met, the dynamics will be interesting to watch.

Instead, Pan hands over a random vial of potion to Mr. Gold that lets people talk to the dead once it's poured over their graves.

Why would people have graves in the Underworld if they're walking around the Underworld?

Speaking of graves, Mr. Gold meets Emma at Hook's tombstone. Apparently the Underworld is no match for a famous pirate who used to be the Dark One. And of course, the potion doesn't completely work and they can only see Hook, not speak with him.

Don't look too long at this gif, it will cause seizures.

However, Regina has better luck over her dad's grave...

How come the potion worked for him?

For a character that's had hardly any mention in the last four seasons, Henry Senior gets several monologues! He tells Regina not to leave the Underworld, but to stay and help her friends.

Meanwhile in the flashback, Cora has somehow out magicked herself from Wonderland and steals Snow White's heart. She then gives this token to Regina as a birthday present. But when Regina watches Snow White through the magic mirror, she doesn't die while Regina squeezes the enchanted heart, instead one of the guards collapses.

It seems Henry switched enchanted hearts.

Okay, WTF, people? Henry also has the ability to rip out hearts?!?

Miffed that her only birthday present turned out to be a dud, Evil Regina shrinks her dad and puts him in a box. Then she banishes Cora back to Wonderland, maybe for good this time, who knows? However, Cora grabs the little box containing little Henry.

But then, when Regina banished Cora back to Wonderland, Cora took Regina's dad with her.

Back in the Underworld, even though Regina's parents are giving her opposite advice, they keep explaining what will happen although I'm not entirely sure what is going on. Why will Cora be forced to burn people?

I wonder what Neal is doing in the abandoned amusement park?

Anyway, when Regina decides to stay in the Underworld, the fire around her dad disappears and a bridge to heaven appears for Henry senior to ascend. There was a touching moment when Henry junior meets Henry senior. But this whole point felt forced and I didn't enjoy it as much as the usual
'Regina epiphany' moments.

And then we're left with this cliffhanger...

Darn. New villain for Mr. Gold and Emma and Regina to make a temporary alliance to defend. Just like last season...and the season before that...and the season before...

Which villain are you hoping to see the next episode?

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