Sunday, 18 December 2011

Once Upon A Time, Episode 6, The Shepherd and The Evil Windmill

The hair, oh dear.
photo credit,
December 5, 2011

Prince Charming (David) joins his fake wife, Catherine, in the front yard of their house. He doesn't recognize it, and she tells him they used to have an ornamental windmill that he hated...Hmm.

Inside, various town people are there to help jog his memory, or at least make it do a few push-ups. Emma and Henry are there as well because it's their job to give us a quick recap from the previous episode.

Henry insists David will remember if Emma gets Snow White (Mary Margaret) to wear her red leather jacket, or something like that. Speaking of...Emma seems to be adding to her array of skinny jeans and tight shirts. She must get all her fashion advice from the female detectives of CSI.

The Evil Mayor meets with Catherine in the kitchen. She urges her to fight for her man, mentioning that she lost a loved one once. Lost a loved one? That's a funny way to explain cutting out her father's heart.

David leaves the party and finds Mary Margaret hanging a birdhouse in her yard. What else do you do at night in Storybrook? He confesses that he has feelings for her.

We cut to a battle scene with an armour clad Prince Charming. He stabs the hulking gladiator and wins the match. Two kings step into the arena and are impressed. Prince Charming has proven he's worthy to slay a dragon that has reeked havoc with King Midas' kingdom.

The Kings squabble about payment, right in front of the dead guy lying at their feet. Feelings anyone? Apparently, Prince Charming's dad is having money troubles.

They all agree but don't shake because, duh, it's Midas. But before you can say, “Where is the shmexy Sheriff?” The Gladiator pulls a "Michael from Halloween" and makes the Prince into a shish kabob. (Had to look up spelling for shish kabob).

The King is devastated. The son he was going to send to face a dragon so he could pay off his gambling debts, got killed. Midas won't honour his deal, the peasants will revolt, and the dragon will continue to leave steaming heaps of dragon crap over the county side. What can a desperate man do? If only there was someone who could help.

Enter Rumpelstiltskin. Doing his best Jack Sparrow impersonation, Rumpelstiltskin makes a deal with the King for the whereabouts of a certain fairy godmother (file that under Cinderella's episode). The King agrees, expecting his son to be risen from the dead. But Rumpelstiltskin tells him there is another son...a twin. Isn't that convenient.
*rolls eyes*

Trying to convince her not to be a home wrecker, Emma pours Mary Margaret a drink and goes all Dr. Phil on her, telling her it's not cool to date the newly-woken-from-a-coma, married guy.

We find ourselves back in fairy tale land watching Prince Charming dressed as a Sheperd chasing a goat. I don't have to tell you how awkward that scene felt. His mother arrives, and they discuss his prospects for a wife. The farm is on hard times, and she needs to play match maker. I'm wondering if any of the parents in fairy tale land work, or do they just barter off their kids?

He gives her a speech about marrying for love, and refuses to take a wife for monetary reasons. Before I can think of another goat joke, Rumpelstiltskin shows up, and Prince Charming learns he had a twin. The bad news is that it was his mother who traded him for the farm, and now his long lost twin is dead.

A baby for a goat herd? These parents are harsh.

Rumpelstiltskin tells him he can save his farm and the kingdom by taking his twin's place. He decides to do it, since his Mom is probably going to sell him anyway.
Prince Charming travels to the dragons' layer. Scorched shields and bones litter the ground outside the cave. Then the paper bag princess shows up and tells him how she defeated a dragon just two forests over.

While the other knights get BBQ'd, Prince Charming runs around, without safety glasses, borrows a sword, and wedges himself between some rocks. What is he going to do? And where is the shmexy Sheriff?Accio firebolt! Sorry, wrong dragon fight.

Prince Charming proves Shepherds are naturally good dragon killers, and cuts off the beasts head. Sweet!

David arrives at Mary Margaret's classroom. He tries to woo her with his two day stubble growth, and plaid shirt. Again, he tells her he loves her, and asks her to meet him at the troll—sorry—toll bridge that night at eight o'clock (isn't it always midnight?). He tells her if she doesn't show up, he'll never bother her again.

Gee, I sure hope something bad doesn't happen that prevents her from getting to the bridge on time, and then he wrongly assumes she doesn't really love him. *rolls eyes*

At the police station, the Sheriff—“Hi, Sheriff! I can speak Gaelic.” *waves at TV*—convinces Deputy Emma to work the night shift while he volunteers at the animal shelter. Hello! My Big Bad Wolf theory is looking stronger every episode. Don't believe me? Click here.

Mary Margaret arrives breathless, to tell Emma that David has actually left his wife. Instead of going for a coffee to talk about their future, he wants to meet her at the place he almost died. Emma encourages her to meet him on the bridge that night.

Midas is happy with his big golden dragon head, and proposes their kingdoms will be stronger with a more official bond. Enter Catherine, the snotty daughter of King Midas. Prince Charming is told that if he doesn't agree to this marriage, his mother and the goats will be killed. I'm guessing Father's Day isn't a big celebration in fairy tale land.

As David gets lost trying to find the bridge, he runs into the Evil Mayor. She gives him directions that lead him to Mr. Golds' shop. This should go well.

I wonder if the big dragon head is in the shop? As Mary Margaret waits at the bridge (nice job with the eye make-up BTW), David goes into Mr. Gold's store. He notices the unicorn mobile that hung over Emma's crib. Will he remember his life with Snow White? Will he remember how he fought the Evil Queen's guards with baby Emma in his arms?

No, he will not. Why? Because of the evil windmill that I mentioned at the beginning.

Prince Charming returns to the goat farm and tells his mother of his forced marriage. She gives him her wedding ring and tells him that true love follows the wearer. It is the same ring that Mary Margaret is wearing while she waits at the bridge. 

Holy crap he made it! David arrives and tells her that he remembers Catherine. He says going back to her, is the right thing to do. And also, the ongoing romantic tension makes for better TV viewing.

During her night shift, Deputy Emma sees a dark figure jump out of the Mayor's window! She chases them down, and it's the Sheriff. —Hi Sheriff!— Emma finds out my TV crush is sleeping with the Mayor. The truth is, I've know this for some time, and I'm okay with it. He's probably the Big Bad Wolf after all, and maybe she gives him some serum to stay human in exchange for...oh who am I kidding, they're getting it on.

To make things worse he says, “I really do volunteer at an animal shelter.” Yeah, 'cause that makes it okay. Even if you are an animal yourself.

David returns home to Catherine, somehow fake memories are in his head. Ouch, I've got a “plot-makes-no-sense” headache. Pass the Tylenol. I should have known better. This show is from the makers of

The episode ends with Mary Margaret crying in the Diner, twirling the true love ring—but to her, of course, it's just a ring. The sleazy Doctor from the hospital, slinks in and offers to buy her a drink. She says she'll take two.

My prediction for the next episode: Prince Charming tries to get in the mood with Catherine by asking her to dress up as Little Bow Peep. Snow White has her class make more birdhouses. And Rumpelstiltskin makes it to the final round on Dancing With The Stars.

What are your theories? Who do you think the Sheriff really is? And where is Goldilocks?

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