Tuesday, 15 January 2013

The Bachelor Season 17, Episode 2 "Hot Tub Philosophy"

Sean, not exactly...
The chosen girls have moved into the mansion and put on their game face—and by game face I mean a lot of mascara and lip gloss. The Host comes in and announces he can tell Sean will probably fall in love with one of them.

Um...that's the whole point right?

Sarah, okay I'll say it, the chick with one hand, was chosen to go on the first solo date with Sean. He arrives in a helicopter.

Totally stole that from Kaylan.

Sarah says, "So far, this is the biggest dream of my life come true."

Easy girl, it's not like he's taking you to Disney World.

Sean says, “We're really high, in case you haven't noticed.”

Dude, you're flying in a helicopter.

Sean has planned a free fall date. Yup, they jump off the building where champagne is waiting for them at the bottom...and hopefully a net.

What a great first date idea! Incontinence is a nice ice breaker.

They have an evening date and Sarah looks lovely in her black strapless dress. They share glasses of wine on the bed.

Yup. That's right.

Sarah tells Sean a heartfelt moment from her childhood when she was prevented from going zip-lining because she had a disability.

I like her. It took a lot of guts to make up that story. Smart chickie!

Sean says, “I think of myself as a man. And I'm a man that can protect you.”

His wit makes me speechless.

Then Sarah tells Sean about her past boyfriends, who were also men.

Sean is touched or drunk, or a little of both, and he gives her a rose. And then they have some smoochy time.

Sarah later says, “I don't know how I got so lucky.”

It's not luck, you jumped off the building.

It's time for the group date. Sean invites twelve girls for an intimate day at a mansion. They're doing cover photos for a Harlequin romance novel. One of the girl's, who is actually a model, is super excited.

Tierra, who has about three feet of cleavage, says to the hair dresser, “I don't have have hair extensions, I'm all natural.”

It's not long before the girls are all done up in their costumes/make-up, and I have to say most of them seem pretty natural in the bustiers.

Pretty strong argument for ebooks.

Shockingly, the model does the best shoot with Sean.

Now it's time for a little action by the pool. Sean takes Leslie for a private conversation, and the awkward conversation is killing me. No one makes a move. And no one is satisfied.

Except for me because I moved to press the fast forward button.

Sean takes the girls one by one to the make out room—I'm sorry the interview couch—for a lot of knee rubbing. Leslie regrets not kissing Sean when she had the chance. She finds him and gives him a few kisses.

Wow! That session pretty much proved they will NEVER be on a Harlequin book cover.

There's the girl who was on another 'The Bachelor' season. I guess this is her thing.

What do you do for a living, Kacie?

Oh, I'm a professional contestant on The Bachelor.

Kacie says, “It felt really good to go from friend zone, to girlfriend zone.”

Just as long as you know there's eighteen other girlfriends there with you.

One girl says, “I'm a vegetarian, but I love the beef.”

“Ha!” Sean laughs clueless. “I love that.”

Dear ABC,

Why is this show two hours long?

Tierra says, “I've never gone for a guy who has other girls going for him. It's really hard.”

You've watched The Bachelor before, right? Also, it really bothers me when the girls say, “I want Sean to keep me around for awhile.”Gross!

Katie, the yoga instructor, has started to clue in that this isn't normal. Again, I have to ask, haven't you watched the show before?

She tells Sean she needs to go home, and he pauses five seconds as it sinks in. Then he walks her to the door.

Fifty points for Katie!!!

The rest of the girls cheer.

Sean gives the date rose to Kacie.

No one cheers.

Sean takes Desire on her solo date. I think she's super cute. The host shows Sean how they've set up a fake art gallery to prank Desire.

Oh! *rubs hands* It's an experiment.

Desire steps out of a limo in a darling little black dress. She's all super smiles. Desire is left alone in the room.

It would be hilarious if she picked her nose.

A 'priceless' statue falls to the ground. The artist and the photographer show up acting all mad. Desire maintains that she didn't do anything.

This is the worst prank ever.

*Looks at watch*

Why is this show two hours long?

Sean takes her back for a dinner at his place. He makes her a floret of broccoli, a spoon full of rice and a whopping huge steak. And holy, huge wine glasses!

They talk about who has the more cute and cuddly parents. They agree they should be best friends if they want to get married.

Sean says, “She feeling me so far, and I'm definitely feeling her.”

Yeah, literally—they're in the hot tub.

They philosophize in the hot tub as the filter gurgles in the back ground.

Desire says, “I think we're on the same page!”

Well, you're in the same hot tub, so I guess that's the same.

Sean steps out in his 'Where's Waldo' swimming trunks and offers her the date rose.

She says, “I already feel like he's my boyfriend. I can tell he's feeling me, and I'm feeling him, so we started to make out.”

Hallmark should hire these two.

It's the second rose ceremony and the girls glare at each other through heavy mascara eyelashes. Sean enters the room and everyone smiles and giggles.

Sean interviews more ladies but he's all flummoxed because he wants to keep all the pretty smelling girls.

Amanda sits on the couch, ignoring everyone with her arms folded across her chest, apparently auditioning for the part of the serial killer.

I totally hope she stays.

Sean tells one of the girls, “I love this question. I don't know where it's going, but I love it.”

No you don't, do you, Sean.

It's FINALLY time for the rose ceremony. I confess, I fast forwarded to the end. Amanda the serial killer is staying!

Some girls leave. I have no idea who they are. I fast forward through their post show interviews.

They always say, “I totally put myself out there.”

Honey, you stepped out of a limo and spent a week in a mansion.

Who do you think Amanda will murder first?

1 comment:

Daisy Carter said...

I just laughed so hard I had a coughing fit. Now there's phlegm on my screen.

Ah, the beauty winter brings.


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