Tuesday, 29 January 2013

The Bachelor Season 17, Episode 4 "Chicken dinner, you're NOT a winner!"

Sean says, “All I need to focus on are my individual relationships with each of the girls.”

Like making out with each of them, right?

He chooses Selma for the first solo date.

“I finally get to open up to Sean,” Selma says. “And then move it to the next level, and then we can have babies.”

*Prays for their future babies*

“I just really want a date,” Leslie, the poker dealer cries.

There are other ways, Leslie.

Selma says, “I don't have clue what I'm doing today.”

Or any day...probably.

Then she adds, “There's a private jet and a red carpet. Is every date going to be like this?”

No, never again. Ever.

Sean takes Selma to the desert for rock climbing.

Selma says, “I'm not good in heat at all.”

Really? Cause you look like you've been in heat since the beginning of the show.

The long laborious climb begins, with gratuitous cleavage shots. Thank heavens for fast forward.

They celebrate with champagne at the top and Sean says, “Let's see where this night takes us.”

I'm guessing to the hot tub.

Sean likes to end every solo date on a bed with a bucket of champagne. Anyone notice no one eats on this show? There's plenty of booze, though.

Sean tell us, “I want to spend the rest of my life with one person.”

But until then, of course, he'd like to make out with all the chicks on the show.

Not Selma though, because she has a rule about NOT making out with guys on national TV.

Does ABC know this? How did she get on the show? I thought that was a prerequisite.

The group date is roller derby. What genius thought this up? I hope they have 911 on speed dial.


Sean says, “This is going to be interesting to watch because you're all such sweet girls.”

I guess he hasn't been watching the nanny cam in the mansion.

Amanda is totally showing up all the girls, because all serial killers can roller skate. Then she takes a tumble and pulls a Tierra. The medics shows up, Sean hovers, but nothing is really wrong and the contest continues.

Sean takes the girls in their micro-mini dresses to ANOTHER private rooftop restaurant that serves only booze.

Tierra has a hard time adjusting to sharing Sean. She asks the producers if she can leave.

She says, “Sean's a great guy but why am I here?”


Meanwhile Sean is heading to the hot tub with the substitute teacher. Tierra interrupts them and voices her concerns that she's losing her mind, but still wants to hang around to find out if she gets a rose. Sean channels his inner Emily, and says the right things to make her smile and giggle.

He's just a gigolo, and everywhere he goes, people know the part he's playing...

Tierra gets the rose.

Well played, freak.

Sean says, “I want to see where this goes, because I'm crazy about you.”

It's good that you like crazy, Sean.

Leslie, the poker dealer who was crying earlier, gets the next solo date. And a pair of diamond earrings are part of the clue. She squeals, "This is just like Pretty Woman! It's my favorite movie.”

Oh God! It's worse than I thought.

Sean takes Leslie shopping on Rodeo Drive. Leslie talks again about Pretty Woman. Does this mean Sean is going to pimp her out on the corner?

Leslie tries on a lot of dresses. When Sean sees the one he likes, she says, “Chicken dinner! It's a winner.”

Then they go try on diamond necklaces. But she's been set up. Sean needed to do all this fancy crap to see if there was even an inkling of romantic attraction between them. Leslie doesn't get a rose, but she gets to keep the earrings.

Chicken dinner...is what you'll be eating tomorrow night.

There was a live band but I fast forwarded that part.

It's time for the rose ceremony/make-out fest. And the lip gloss and eye shadow mean serious business.

Tierra says, “I'm just focusing on me. I came here to win this.”

And by 'this', you mean, Sean?

Sean tells the camera, “I can read Tierra and I know she's here for the right reason.”

See above.

There's more kissing with girls, and the loan guitar plays in the background.

After a make out session, one of the girls says, “It can only go up from here.”

*giggles at obvious pee-pee joke*

At the end of the rose ceremony, Amanda is the only one not holding a rose.

I blame the terrible shade of lipstick she chose.

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