Tuesday, 11 February 2014

The Bachelor, Season 18, Episode 6, "Geysers, Good-byes, and Gagging"


The eight remaining contestants go to New Zealand!

*Cue the sheep on the hills*

Juan Pablo says those words that are somehow part of the script of this show, “I'm ready to take this to the next level.”

Chelsie tells us, "To be in New Zealand and dating this one amazing man...?”

Yeah, who is dating seven other girls.

Kat says she wants to kick it up a notch.

I think she means the next level.

Cassandra says she feels guilty because she misses her son, but she's anxious to....yup you guessed it, take it to the next level.


Claire voices her concerns about her escapades from last week. “I thought we were good, then everything blew up in my face.”

I'm sure that wasn't a Freudian slip. *Rolls eyes*

Andi gets chosen for her first one on one date. And she's soooooo excited.

Dear Andi,

Most dates are only two people. That's how warped this show has turned your brain.

Claire says, "My emotions are bubbling. Things are building and might just erupt in New Zealand."

She likes the volcano metaphors.

Juan Pablo takes Andi power boating.

I hope she didn't spend any time on her hair.

They get into their bathing suits and jump out of the boat. Juan Pablo leads her through this narrow rock maze while treading freezing cold water.

Andi tells us, “It feel good to be taken care of.”

Dear Andi,

If you wanted to feel taken care of, he would have taken you to the spa.

They stumble and trip and eventually find the hot springs—where they make out like crazy under a waterfall.

Andi says, “The bond between us grows stronger the farther we go.”

Hmm...Freudian slip?


They have diner in front of a geyser. Juan says, “I think diner will blow her mind.”

Then the geyser goes off, soaking them both. They move to a spot that's dry. Andi asks Juan what he wants. He says he wants love and to have more children.

She says she can't wait to start a family. Juan zips open his jacket and gives her the date rose.

He tells us, “Andi is opening up her heart to me and it will be worth it in the end.”

*snort* Yeah, right, when he picks Claire.


They have a picnic on a hillside. It's also Cassandra's 22 birthday. But no one thought to bring a cake.

Then they don their bathing suits and get inside huge plastic hamster balls that roll downhill. There's lots of screaming and gratuitous bikini shots.

The cocktail party takes place in Hobbitville. Cassandra is determined to get some time with Juan. She's using her birthday wish for the date rose.

Juan tells Renee she's his special one. Renee says he sees her and her son as a package and not a burden. And that gives her hope.

Nikki uses her time with Juan to 'step outside her comfort zone'. She tells him she's scared because she's totally falling for him and she might get hurt.

Dear Nikki,

You signed up for this stupid show.

Juan runs his fingers through her hair, then eases her anxiety with his mouth.

Sharleen wants to feel more confident about their relationship so she's ready to ask Juan all kinds of questions. Juan tells her not to question things, but to make the most of out 'this'.

And by 'this' he means making out.

Cassandra tells Juan she's so excited to meet a single dad who is also a nice guy.

And by nice guy, she means, “good kisser.”

Sharleen gets the date rose.


Juan takes Cassandra aside. It's raining. He tells her its hard for him because she's one of his special ones. And she's beautiful, and she's funny, and they always have good times...but he wishes they were on the same page.

Dear Juan Pablo,

That's because she's ten years younger than you.

Anyway, he tells Cassandra he was pleased to meet her, but he doesn't see anything else happening with them. And he wants her to go back home to her son.

Happy Birthday, Cassanda!!!

Don't do it, Cassandra. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry.

Damn it.

“I just feel sick,” she weeps.

Juan walks back to Hobbitville under an umbrella while a sad piano song plays.

It's time for Claire's one on one date.


She lets us know she's ready for him to apologize to her for hurting her feelings last week. Juan starts the conversation by running his fingers through her hair. He says, “I'm sorry. It was my mistake.”

Claire replies with, “I just wanted to go in the ocean and swim. We just let things go." Then she adds, "Right now, what are our boundaries?”

Blah, blah, blah...they start making out three sentences later.

Juan takes her back to his suite. He asks if her heart is melting at all. She smiles and flips her hair and tells him about her fear of getting hurt. Then she tells him he owned it like a man and apologized. And those are the qualities she wants in the father of her children.

He tells us Claire is hot. He's even getting hot just thinking about her.


He gives her the date rose and they make out.

It's time for the rose ceremony. Which is exciting because that means this episode is almost over.

Nikki doesn't have a rose, but she's certain she has a connection with Juan that none of the other girls have.

Oh man! Seriously?

He runs his fingers through her hair, and they kiss. They do some flirty, silly talk and she lets him know she's looking for a happy ending.

Juan says, “She told me she really likes me and I'm like, wow.”

And I'm like, yawn.

Chelsie sits with Juan Pablo and lets him know she wants real, genuine love that will last forever. Juan tells her it will be okay. However, he doesn't run his fingers through her hair.
Kat tells Juan she was writing in her journal the other night about how she's reluctant to trust guys because her dad was a complete disaster in her life. Then she talks about reward and risk.

*Hits fast forward*

The first rose goes to Nikki, followed by Renee. Now it's just Kat and Chelsie that are left.

Oh my nerves, after a full minute of building music he gives the last rose to Chelsie.

Go science!

Don't cry, Kat. Don't cry. Don't cry.

Damn it.

Kat says, “I totally saw myself at the end with him.”

Dear Kat,

Don't worry. Have a good cry. The sun will come out again.

Sharleen blinks back the tears and says she feels guilty. She says the other girls would be better suited to Juan Pablo. But she'll give it another week and see if there's anything between them.

Dear Sharleen,

I feel the same way about this show. See you next week.

Juant more Bachelor recaps?

The Bachelor, Season 18, Episode 1 "Girls Just Juanna Have Fun"
The Bachelor, Season 18, Episode 2 "Boobs, Blindfolds, and Bathroom Breakdowns"
The Bachelor, Season 18, Episode 3 "Splashing, Soccer, and Poolside Sobbing"
The Bachelor, Season 18, Episode 4 "K-pop, Karaoke, and Kissing"
The Bachelor, Season 18, Episode 5 "Making Out, Freaking Out, and Backing Out"

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