Tuesday, 10 March 2015

The Bachelor Season 19, FINALE!!!



ABC promises a shocking turn of events that the whole country will be talking about tomorrow.


They say that every time.

The host reaches a new low when he describes Becca as the virgin from San Diego, as if that's her only attribute.

Dear Women Everywhere,

Please stop signing up for this show.

The show begins with Chris' voice over about Whitney and Becca as he walks around the snow covered town of Arlington. He visits his family for some guidance.

Chris' mom says, "I would love to see him propose, but I don't think he knows what he wants."

Chris tells his family, "Just tell me which one to pick."


Whitney = Gosh Darn Adorable

Whitney is up first to meet the family. She wears plaid and her signature big necklace. She brings wine and flowers because she's a classy chick. "Gosh darn, am I freakin' nervous."

 She's soooo cute. I love Whitney.

She says a lovely speech at the table about falling in love in with Chris and thanks his family for being so welcoming, and gosh darn...she made me tear up!

Stupid show...excuse me, something's in my eye.

Whitney sits down with Chris' sisters and talks about family and how she has no issues about how small Arlington is. She loves that his parents are close by and is ready to be part of the family.

Chris talk with his sisters who are now wearing "Team Whitney" T-shirts. But all he can talk about is Becca and how he's not sure why, but he really likes her.

Chris' sister sums it up best, "You're in this to find a wife, not a girlfriend."

When Whitney leaves, she tells Chris how much she loves him and his family. He kisses her back, but stays quiet.

Becca, the Enigma From San Diego

Chris is dealing with inner turmoil, folks. Whitney is a sure thing, but he can't stop mentioning Becca. She said when and if she falls in love with him, she's ready to move anywhere.


 When or if. If.

Up next is Becca, the virgin from San Diego. Actually, Becca is listed as a Chiropractors assistant.

Becca arrives with cookies! She's wearing a denim shirt. There's another big sit down brunch with the family. They joke about how small Arlington is. The whole table is laughing.


 Chris' sisters sit her down for the serious chat. Becca tells them if Chris picks her it will be a long distance relationship for some time before she is sure she loves him enough to move to Arlington.

Chris' sisters tell him he needs to start asking Becca tough questions. "You're not dating, you're looking for a wife."

Chris says, "How I feel is more important than anything she can tell me."

I think Chris likes Becca because she's not swoony all over him like Whitney.

Dummy. He deserves to be dumped by Becca. She'll drop his mid-west butt faster than you can say frost bite.

Becca tells his mom that she's falling in love with Chris but she's worried she'll lose him if she's not ready to move.

"You have to take risks," Chris' mom tells her. "And you're in charge of what happens with you and Chris not him, he's already there."

Becca tells the camera, "I'm not ready for a proposal."

At the kiss good-bye beside the truck, he tells her how great it was to see her and blah, blah, blah...she says nothing but kisses him back.

Whump. There it is!

Last Call

Before the last rose ceremony, Chris gets to spend more time with each girl.

He meets Becca at a swanky hotel for tough talk. Tough talk for Chris and Becca means sitting on the bed, making out and then saying stuff like, "What do you want? Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"I'm so excited to be with you," she says. "I know there's challenges. I can't make any promises about when I'll feel like I'm ready to move. Maybe it's because I've never felt like this before."

Um, no, Becca. When you love someone you want to be with them, it doesn't matter where they are.

What Chris should really be asking is, "Am I enough to make you want to move to Arlingon?"

Becca says, "All I know right now, is that I want you."

But not enough to move to Arlington, right?

I'm getting a little tired of Becca playing the 'I've never been in love before' card. I think she likes being untouchable.

Chris, dummy that he is, says, "I think we'll figure it out."

Whitney arrives for her final date!

Instead of a swanky hotel, he takes her to his farm to help him harvest.

I'm pretty sure, he never would have chosen this for Becca.

I'm already hoping Whitney will sign up for the next season of The Bachelorette.

Whitney, bless her little soon to be broken heart, is so excited to be riding in his tractor. She says he looks pretty sexy.

Chris tells us he's worked so hard to build a life that he'll be able to welcome in a wife and riase a family.

Right, that's why he think Becca is perfect. 

*rolls eyes*

Whitney goes through his house and says. "I feel like I'm home."

Chris is all polite and big smiles, but superficial.

Poor Whitney. She doesn't even know what's coming.

They have a date that night at the swanky hotel. Chris tells us he's hoping for that a-ha moment. Translation: I wish Becca loved me the way Whitney does.

Whitney then asks Chris to be completely honest with her because this is their last moment to have a real talk before the rose ceremony. He asks her, "Why are you so sure about us?"

She gives him a lovely articulate answer. "The way you make me feel when we're together tells me everything I need to know. I'm ready for a life with you."

Chris responds, "I like being with you right here."

Whitney is starting to figure it out, I think. "As good as I feel about our connection, I have no control over this whole process. But I have to have faith, so I'm taking my heart out of my chest and basically placing it in his hands."

*cries for Whitney*

The Big Day

Chris and the girls prepare for the last rose ceremony...

He mumbles about not getting any clarity. He shaves, puts on his best suit and waits inside the barn for the girls to arrive.

He says, "I'm worried about making a mistake."

Dude, no one stays together. Relax.

Becca arrives in a deep red velvet gown. He welcomes her to his barn. He begins talking about how comfortable she makes him, and how he can see them having a future together.

He stole that line from Whitney!

She smiles. Then he says, "But you're not ready. You are here because I felt it and I wanted it to happen so badly...he cries...but I'm not the guy who can give you what you need."

Captain Obvious nods in agreement.

She says, "We've been so open and honest with each other. You're going to be an incredible husband and father."

For someone else.

Then he walks her out to the limo. "It's all right," she whispers.

Chris does some lower lip biting and gazing into the sunset. He's soon a mess while she's in the limo saying calmly, "If I can't fall in love with Chris, maybe I'm never going to fall in love."

Whitney arrives in her black off the shoulder floor length gown.


She's already nodding and saying yes before he's even said anything. Whitney is shaking, "I've never been disappointed during this entire journey with you. From the very beginning I've always know. I'm so scared right now. I love you."

If he doesn't propose I'm going to beat him up.

He says everything about this moment feels right. And how they want the same things. Then he finally says, "I love you." He gets down on one knee and proposes. Whitney almost passes out.


 Dear ABC,

Where's the shocking twist?     

In the tradition of bad TV, ABC announced that The Bachelorette will have two women and twenty five men who get to pick who will make the better wife.

*Vomits in mouth*

And guess who is signing up? Britt and Kaitlyn. Can you say therapy?

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