Once Upon A Time, Season 5, Episode 4 "Broken Kingdom"

Or better title "Disney Princess in Peril"

My face, during most of this episode.

The writers could have had so much fun with the epic love story of Guinevere and Sir Lancelot...well, they didn't because this is Storybrooke and magical devices and out of context storylines from the past take president.

We learn that Arthur and Guinevere grew up together as orphans.

Parent abandonment is a popular theme on Once Upon A Time.

Anywho, fast forward to adulthood and Arthur is a workaholic who has no time for his lady, enter Lancelot who has an instant connection with Guinevere.

That escalated quickly.

Dagger Danger

Back six weeks ago in Camelot, Charming realized Emma's dagger is the missing piece to Excalibur. Charming wants to give it to King Arthur since they're all good buddies and all, but Snow White says, "Seriously? Then our baby daughter will be under his control and he wants to kill the Dark One. Do the math, moron!"

They argue and Regina watches in stunned delight.

Love Triangle


Five years ago Camelot (still with me?), Guinevere uses Merlin's Gauntlet (magical object for this episode) in order to locate the dagger because it's Arthur's greatest weakness. Lancelot goes with her and they uncover a giant manhole cover that's obviously the Dark One's Special Hidey Hole.

Stairs spiral downward. They look for the dagger, but the darkness starts attacking Lancelot! Guinevere saves him and from that moment on they both know they're hot for each other.

When they try to take the dagger, Rumpelstiltskin shows up and gives Guinevere a vial of magical glitter that can make anything broken look fixed.

That's not random at all. *heavy sarcasm*

Meanwhile, Hook is starting to get all ordery and jerkish to Emma. Rumpelstiltskin watches with his judgy face time.

Stupid Plan...

Okay, back in the time machine folks, six weeks ago in Camelot, Arthur followed Snow White and Charming and found them cavorting with Lancelot talking in whispers about hiding the dagger! Arthur pops out and says, "Ha! I fooled you suckers, prepare to die!" He forces Snow White to hand over the dagger but when he tries to summon Emma it doesn't work because the dagger was a fake...all along.

Lancelot is unimpressed. He says, "Seriously. We wasted so much of this episode on your stupid fight scenes."

Guinevere shows up and blows the magical 'Fix It' power (that was convenient) and erases everyone's memories or brain washes them or something like that.

Snow White and Charming talk like they're hypnotized and demand Regina to hand over the dagger to King Arthur.

She's like, "You two boobs had one job to do..."

Also, Lancelot gets dragged to the dungeons. And guess who's already there?

Then Emma takes Merida and ties her to the front of her yellow bug. I'm guessing this is the 'act of bravery' she's going to force on Mr. Gold to make him a pure hero, or something like that.

Honestly, with all the money this series is making, the wig could have been better quality than the local Halloween shop.


Who was the MVP?

#1. Rumpelstiltskin's judgy face

#2. Merida's wig

#3. The yellow VWB

Once Upon A Time Season 5, Episode 1 "Dark Swan"

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Or better title "Eyebrows Make All the Difference"

Well, here we are again, my friends. Another season of OUAT, who will we meet from the Disney franchise this time?

Prophecy

King Arthur and Sir Lancelot race on horseback in search of Excalibur. They find the legendary sword stuck in stone, but before Arthur can fulfill Merlin's prophecy, one of the knights gets greedy and despite everyone's warnings, tries to take the sword. Instead, he dies in a plume of smoke. When King Arthur successfully retrieves Excalibur, they see the end piece is missing.

*Gasp* The dagger of the Dark One is the missing piece!

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Back in Storybrooke everyone stares at the dagger. Hook grabs it tries to summon Emma, but she's gone realm hopping and is outside of the dagger's magical pull. Instead, we see her emerge from a well and is now in the enchanted forest. And there to greet her is Rumpelstiltskin.



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When Emma mentions it's impossible for him to be in front of her since he's actually in a coma in Storybrooke, he simply says, "I'm many things."

*cough* loop hole *cough*

Ignoring Rumpelstilskin's giddy prolomation that she'll give in to the powers of darkness, Emma leaves in search of Merlin so he can separate her from the dagger.

Wicked is the Way

The Apprentice gives Regina a wand to help find Emma, but it doesn't work because she's too good. Hook is all sassy and says they need a real villain—Selina, the wicked witch for example.

Good thing they've kept her locked up in the pysch ward.

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Selina puts on her best 'I'm hot and you're not' face, and tells them all they need is to find an object that is important to Emma and that will help create the portal that will lead them to Emma. But Selina wants them to take off her wrist band that blocks her magic. Regina storms off, not willing to let that happen.

And because all this crazy stuff is happening, it's only natural for Belle to be worried about Mr. Gold dying while she reads a few good books. The blue fairy magics up a rose inside a glass case for her to carry around. As long as the petals are intact, Mr. Gold is still alive.

So every time we see Belle for the rest of the season, she'll be carrying this awkward case. Way to go, blue fairy.

Bad to the Bone

Meanwhile, Emma discovers the enchanted forest is full of peasants who aren't exactly cooperative. Rumpelstiltskin keeps talking in her ear like the little devil that sits on your shoulder who rationalizes all your bad behavior.

FYI, my little devil thinks I'm awesome!

A blue wisp flits by and Rumpelstiltskin tells Emma if she can catch it, she'll find Merlin. She races after the wisp and watches as someone snatches it out of the air and traps it in a bag. Emma tackles the stranger with magic.

Oh, hello. It's the chick from BRAVE.

Instead of fighting her like Rumpelstilskin wants, Emma goes along with Merida. Once they return the wisp to its home, it will grant them the answer to any question they ask it. Merida explains the clans are fighting and her three brothers have been kidnapped, she needs the wisp to tell her where they are. Then she promises to let Emma ask a question too.

They make camp and Rumpelstiltskin sneaks around, whispering to Emma that the wisp will only help one person. She realizes the only way to find Merlin is to betray Merida and take the wisp for herself.

Hmm...not seeing a lot of darkness yet.

Portals Galore

Hook and Henry break Selina out of jail, but not before she cuts off her hand, then reattaches it once the bracelet is off. She says, "See ya, losers." And disappears into a vortex of green.

Oops. Man, she is really wicked.

Not wasting anytime, Selina takes Robin hostage in exchange for the apprentice's wand so she can return to OZ. The wand creates the portal, but Regina is so slick she slaps the bracelet back on Selina, rendering her powerless.

Regina suddenly has the ability to use the wand.

Um...why? Is she bad enough now or something?

With the help of Emma's baby blanket a vortex opens up directly over Granny's pub/diner/Laundromat. The house gets pulled up into the air.

Heartless

Merida sneaks away from Emma and uses the wisp for herself, but before she can follow the wisp to find her brothers, Emma arrives all upset because she wanted to use the wisp first.

Darn! What can she do?

With Rumpelstiltskin's encouragement, Emma decides she has to rip out Merida's heart.

Well, that escalated quickly.

Emma and Merida fight while Rumpelstiltskin manages to convince her to take out Merida's heart. Hook and the others arrive just in time to coax Emma to put the heart back like a nice girl. Emma says, "The darkness will consume everyone I care about. I need to find Merlin, so I have to kill Merida."

Um...what? There's probably more than one wisp around. Or, should could go with Merida and the wisp, then recapture the wisp after it leads Merida to her brothers. Or...oh, never mind.

Anyway, Hook manages to convince her love is the answer and she does the ole heart transplant. Merida goes on her way, ready to take the path of peace instead of the bloody fight she was planning on doing once she found her brother's kidnappers.

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Mary Margaret gives Emma the dagger, but she passes it to Regina, knowing she's the only one who can handle the burden. Without warning, out of the woods, King Arthur comes with the broken Excalibur stating Merlin sent them, according to his prophecy. They say Emma is the one who will lead them to Merlin.

Go directly to Camelot, do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

So everyone, including Granny, the dwarfs, Selina...baby Neal, go to the Camelot.

Six weeks later, Granny's pub/diner/Laundromat slams back down into Storybrooke. But no one has any memory of what happened six weeks ago. Emma walks in with white eyebrows, wearing a long black cloak rocking the Dark One's look.

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Why?

Emma answers, "Because I'm the Dark One."


Who was tonight's MVP?

#1. Emma
#2. Regina
#3. Selina