Once Upon A Time Season 5, Episode 6 "The Bow and the Bear"

Or better title "Bare It All"

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In Storybrooke, Regina has completed the potion that will allow them to communicate with Merlin. King Arthur arrives with that stupid magic mushroom and asks the others to leave because Merlin is very fussy who he'll respond to.

Regina is suspicious, but David and Mary Margaret are all, "Sure, Art. No problemo. We'll all wait outside. Do your thing, it's not like anyone has double-crossed up before."

Belle has had enough of this tired fungus storyline and leaves to go look for Rumple.

That's the spirit!

Once everyone leaves, King Arthur tosses the mushroom into the fire, then tells them it didn't work.

Mwahahaha! How evil.

In the woods, Mr. Gold is having an awkward session with the chipped cup. When Merida leaves, he smashes the cup and uses its sharp edges to cut through his tied hands.

Emma is unfazed to find that Mr. Gold has escaped. She orders Merida to put an arrow through Belle's heart. This is the only way to force Mr. Gold into becoming a hero apparently. So it's not really a dark thing because she knows Belle won't die and Mr. Gold will finally become a hero.

Plus, when she visits Zalena in jail she gives her onion rings because Emma can empathize what it's like to be pregnant and in jail.I don't think she's fully grasping the whole Dark One philosophy. Zalena eats all the onion rings without sharing.

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Concussion Time

Back in Camelot, Belle impresses Merlin with her reading abilities after she gives him a spell to help break Lancelot and Merida out of Arthur's jail. Seeing that Belle has 'magic smarts' Merida knocks her unconscious the first chance they're alone so she can cook up a potion to help her find her kidnapped brothers.

Right, because that's super brave.

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When Belle comes to, instead of having a concussion or even being a tad upset at being kidnapped, she's totes into the plan and can't wait to use her magic cookbook.

Who is responsible for these wigs?

After Belle completes the recipe, Merida peeks into the magical caldron or something and sees the rebel clans will kill her brothers by sundown if she doesn't relinquish the crown to them. They don't want a Queen to rule them so instead of killing her and making one of her brothers King, they will kill all of her brothers.

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Merida freaks out and lets Belle know she has a magic potion that will change her fate.

In my day we called it gin.

Escape!

Back in Storybrooke's library, Belle is startled when the steampunk elevator doors open and Mr. Gold is cowering inside. I guess he came in through the mines or something...this town is full of secret passageways.

Anyway, Mr. Gold is shaking and basically incontinent at the thought of going outside. Belle is like, "Dude, suck it up. So your foot is sore from escaping. Big deal. Let's drag your arse back to the shop and magic you some personality."

But Merida shows up, sending arrows everywhere except for the target. Realizing Mr. Gold is hopeless, Belle pulls the rug out from under Merida and gives her a concussion for a change.

Pay back!

Mr. Gold rushes to his safe and grabs a pouch full of transformation power. Belle asks why they need it. He says, "It's time to get the hell out of this hole."

Across town, The Charmings realize King Arthur fooled them. Regina rolls her eyes and suggests they get Henry to try summoning Merlin since he's the next author.

Sure, whatever.

It works, but instead of any useful information, they see Merlin warning them against The Dark One.

That. Was. Useless.

Meanwhile, Mr. Gold speeds to the edge of town. Belle tries to get him to pull over and not be such a coward, but he's like, "People keep knocking you unconscious and someone is trying to kill you. We need to leave. You need to work in a library where people actually read!"

But Belle is adamant she wants to stay. Mr. Gold leaves her on the road and speeds across the town limits. Then Merida shows up. "Aye. Here to kill ya." But instead of using her arrows, she drinks her potion (the real potion this time) and turns into the bear.

Bear or Bare Chests

In another dimension, Merida and Belle hide behind a rock while a rough troop of Chippendale performers prepare to murder her brothers.

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Anyway, Merida jumps out and talks about how sorry they will be. She guzzles her potion, but nothing happens. Belle, that sneaky trickster, changed it for water. So instead of changing into a bear, she's still Merida, girl in the bad wig. Belle then whispers harshly about being brave and blah, blah, blah, Merida gets courage and all this time none of the Chippendale dancers think of killing Merida because...?

So, Merida shoots the arrow that deflects the three arrows intended to kill her brothers. The dudes all bow their heads, knowing they've just witnessed some badass archery. The clans give her their support and the brothers rush over for a big hair hug.

Seriously. Those wigs, though.

Hero Time

Merida the bear chases Belle through the forest. Then out of nowhere, Mr. Gold shows up. He throws his pouch at the bear and it turns back into Merida. 

In Emma's basement, Mr. Gold makes a deal with Emma to return Merida’s heart in exchange for his sword-pulling services. Emma agrees. He gives Belle a sweet good-bye speech in case he isn't worthy to pull the sword which makes me all misty eyed.

Thankfully, Mr. Gold is a hero. He hands the sword to Emma but also warns her that because of her greediness she made a huge mistake—she made him into a hero.

She's like, "Pfft, this town is full of heroes."

Mr. Gold smiles and it's like a bit of the old sly dog is in there. He says, "There's on hero like me."

Whoo-hoo! Bring it, Rumple.

Who was this episode's MVP?

#1. The chipped cup

#2. Merida's wig

#3. The fire proof mushroom

Once Upon A Time Season 4, Episode 14 "Enter The Dragon"

Or better title "Hook's So Smart"

Mama's Got Work To Do

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After Regina's discussion with Mary Margaret she agrees to go undercover. She finds Ursula, Cruella, and the newly reincarnated Malificent, at Granny's pub/diner/Laundromat.

They do shooters and Regina crushes her glass to prove she's still badass.

A young Queen Regina argues with Rumpelstiltskin that he's not teaching her enough magic. Regina has found Malificent's spell book from her mother's belongings and wishes she could be that amazing.

Rumpelstiltskin says Malificent has the power to turn into a dragon because she's so patient, unlike Regina who keeps whining about waiting to learn evil magic to take down little Snow White. So in order to teach her a lesson Rumpelstiltskin sends her to Malificent's castle.

Emma is upset when she learns Mary Margaret convinced Regina to go undercover. Meanwhile, the three witches take Regina for a joyride in the Rolls Royce to reek havoc on Storybrooke.

Meanwhile, Henry uses a magnifying glass on one of the pages August added to the story book. He seems particularly interested in a picture of a door.

The next morning David and Mary Margaret find Regina hanging out by a burned out Sheriff's car. After a night of drinking and property damage Regina tells them she's discovered the three witches are in possession of something very powerful.

The three witches go back to Mr. Gold's cabin. He's intrigued to find out Regina has been with them. He stokes the fires and talks about the 'war' they're going to start in Storybrooke.

Cue evil laugh.

Revenge = Motivation

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Back in the enchanted forest, Queen Regina visits a drunken Malificent. She's got nothing to live for since Princess Briar Rose got away. The only bit of magic left is a burning tree still on fire since the last time she was a dragon. She keeps giving herself tiny increments of sleeping potion to take the edge off her miserable existence.

On her way back from Malificent's castle, Regina finds out there's going to be a Royal Wedding, Briar Rose's daughter, Aurora is getting married. She rushes back to tell Malificent and they both trade stories about how rotten their lives are because they can't get revenge. Malificent then confesses she can't turn into a dragon anymore.

Regina takes Malificient to the burning tree where she inhales all that evil magic again.

Could it be that easy?

The King comes along warning her to stay away from Aurora. Malificent does all the choreography but is unable to turn into a dragon and kill them all.

Darn.

After Malificent fails, the King takes her and Regina prisoner. But Regina starts to fight with her simple fire balls. Malificent is inspired and somehow finds the magic to become a dragon again.

Convenient!

While Aurora combs her hair before her wedding, Malificent shows up, puts her to sleep and the rest they say is history.

The Quest

Back in Storybrooke, Malificent tells Regina that she's looking for the author as well. Regina is all ears since she's eager for her happy ending. Regina runs to tell Emma and the others that the diabolical plan is to use the author to give the villains their happy endings and to take away the happiness of all the heroes.

Emma says she's going to be Regina's backup no matter what they have planned tonight.

Bring it!

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While Will and Belle share some chocolate cake, Hook arrives and tells her about the three witches' plan and wants to make sure that Belle is in possession of the dagger. Hook encourages her to get it for him so he can hide it...because everyone knows pirates are great at hiding stuff.

Malificent makes Regina pay a visit to Marco and Pinnochio. She's convinced the little boy can remember something about the author and Regina has to prove she's evil enough to make him confess.

*cough* torture *cough*

After Regina magics Marco and Pinnochio to sleep, Emma shows up and tries to convince her to stop, but Regina is determined to see this through.

Belle and Hook meet. She's worried Mr. Gold might be inside town limits and the dagger is her only protection. Hook suggests that she prove it by summoning him. She does, but no one shows up. She hands over the dagger and drives away.

Hook smiles and turns into Mr. Gold.

Smoooooth.  

Hook arrives at Mr. Gold's shop and tells Belle the dagger is well hidden and they promise to never speak of what they did. He then asks about Will. She says she'll never be over Rumpelstilskin but Will makes her smile.

Malificent takes Regina (and the kidnapped puppet) to Mr. Gold's cabin, and she sees him. When all the villains proclaim to want to find the author, Mr. Gold uses his freaky magic and turns Pinocchio back into August.

Quizzes by Quibblo.com

Once Upon A Time, Season 4, Episode 10 "Heroes and Villains"

Or better title "Disney or Bust"

Elsa and Anna try to leave Storybrooke but they discover that even though the ice wall is gone, Ingrid's spell on the town line is still intact, meaning that if you leave Storybrooke you can't return. Emma suggests they find a magic bean to make another portal to get them back to Arendale.

Mr. Gold and Hook discuss his diabolical plan to cleave himself from the dagger. Hook has to make sure that Anna doesn't find her way back to the pawn shop because she can't know that he's Rumpelstiltskin since his diabolical plan hinges on fooling everyone that he's a nice guy now...or something like that.

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Back in Rumpelstiltskin's castle, Belle plays snoopy snoop with all his cool stuff. He catches her, but instead of being upset he gives her his latest stolen magical item to clean, a gauntlet: A glove of armour that will find any person's weakness.

Rumpelstiltskin says, "Using someone's weakness against them is all about manipulation and power. Sometimes greatest weakness is usually always their greatest love."

Bingo! And here's the key phrase for this episode which will be repeated until we bleed. 

Mr. Gold wakes Belle and promises to take her to New York for their honeymoon. She smiles.

Phrase one of diabolical plan went off without a hitch!

Now that the Snow Queen is dead—but happily, Regina is able to transplant her boyfriend's wife's heart. Marion wakes up and hugs Robin.

Awkward.

Darn. This is too sad. There's not way this will be handled quickly.

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Oops. Never mind. Marion meets Regina at Granny's pub/diner/laudromat and basically tells Regina she's ready to step out of the picture if she and Robin really love each other.

Sweet. That was easy

Mr. Gold takes Hook to the abandoned mansion—you know, that abandoned mansion no one knew about until this season. Anyway, the magic broomstick takes them there since the house belonged to the magician assistant. Two seconds later, a portal appears.

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Henry goes to see Belle. He lets her know the town line has a spell on it so the trip to New York shouldn't happen. Belle just shrugs and says Mr. Gold will fix that speedy quick. While looking for another suitcase, Henry causes a small avalanche. And oops...she finds the gauntlet.

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Belle does laundry outside Rumpelstiltskin's castle and is soon distracted by a cute Dalmatian puppy. She follows the little critter and is soon kidnapped.

Everyone knows cute puppies work for kidnappers. What was she thinking?

Hook lets Emma know he's found a portal to Arendale! But she's suspicious because Hook is wearing different guy jewelry. 

Belle's kidnappers send a message to Rumpelstiltskin that she'll be killed if the gauntlet isn't handed over to them.

Before Regina and Robin can pick out silverware, Marion collapses with frosted eyebrows. Regina reasons the only way for Marion to live is for her to leave Storybrooke where the curse can't affect her.

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However, her son will want to go with her and that means Robin must do the honourable thing and take care of his family in the non magical world...and never come back.

Whump! There it is. 

Mr. Gold meets with Regina and encourages her to kill Marion and therefore secure her happiness with Robin. "Begin good doesn't mean good things will happen," he tells her.

Amen to that, brother.

Then he tells her he has no idea who wrote the story book. But he doesn't  care about words and pictures, he's in charge of his own destiny.

Regina gives last minute instructions to Robin as Marion and her son cross over the town line. She's instantly cured. After a sad kiss good bye with Regina, Robin crosses over too.

Regina cries, sad 'former evil queen', 'former evil mayor tears'.

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Rumpelstiltskin returns the gauntlet to Maleficent. But he's soon outnumbered by Ursula the sea witch, Cruella de Vil...plus Sid from Toy Story is there too.

Call me stupid, but isn't this getting ridiculous? Cruella de Vil? Really? When do Chip and Dale show up? Or Jack Skeleton from Nightmare Before Christmas.

Here's the crazy show down.

#1.They threaten Belle.

#2. He gives them the gauntlet.

#3. Then they disappear.

He's the DARK ONE! A simple choke hold by the sea witch was beyond his fighting capabilities?

Emma takes everyone to the mansion to check out the portal. There are long good byes. Elsa goes first followed by Kristoff, but when it's Anna's turn she asks who the 'helpful' Mr. Gold was in the enchanted forest.

When they tell her he was Rumpelstiltskin, she's like 'whoa, not the liar pants dude'. Emma figures out that maybe she shouldn't be trusting Mr. Gold.

You think?

In the clock tower, Mr. Gold has the magic hat, the dagger, and Hook's heart. He and Hook stand there while a whole lot of magic stuff happens. Emma and Mary Margaret arrive to stop the proceedings, but he freezes them.

He starts to crush Hook's heart, but he can't. Belle shows up and she's holding the dagger...the real dagger. She commands him to take her to the town line.

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Belle explains she found the gauntlet and now realizes he'd never give up power for her. "I lost my way trying to help you find yourself. I used the gauntlet and it led me to the real dagger."

Mr. Gold begs her to understand, but she commands him to leave Storybrooke.

"I don't want to lose you," he cries.

"You already have," she answers.

Burn.

Mr. Gold crosses the line and collapses, crying out her name. Belle can see him from her side and walks away.

Cruel, man. But awesome at the same time.

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Back in Arendale, Anna and Elsa have reclaimed the memories of their two aunts. Anna is dressed for her wedding, and it's all sunshine and rainbows.

Emma performs Hook's heart transplant. He recovers quickly and gives her a big kiss.

Regina drowns her sorrows in a cup of coffee. Emma arrives and they start downing shots. Emma tells her she did the right thing by letting Robin leave. Henry arrives out of breath, saying he found something big. He takes them back to the magician's abandoned mansion. He shows them a secret room...a secret library.

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Quick, call Belle. She loves to read.

They discover all of the books are blank. Henry says these are all potential storybooks. Regina figures this is the house of the author of the original storybook and maybe, just maybe she can get a happy ending.

Six weeks later in New York City...

Mr. Gold visits an aquarium. And guess who works there? It's Ursula, the sea witch. He convinces her they should join forces and try to find someone called, the author.

Why is she in New York?

Anyway, he's convinced her to join him, plus they'll get the other two. I'm guessing Cruella de Vil will be at the animal shelter and Malificent will be at the reptile exhibit or something.

Who was the MVP for tonight's episode?

#1. Belle

#2. Henry

#3. Regina

Share your vote in the comments!

Check out all my other Once Upon A Time recaps here!

Once Upon A Time, Season 3, Episode 7, "Dark Hollow"

Or better title "Where's the Headless Horseman?"

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We finally get the answer to the question that's been burning in our hearts since last season's dismal finale...

What's Belle been up to in Storybrooke?

After Mr. Gold handed her a vial filled with a protective spell, he sealed his tearful goodbye with a cringe-worthy kiss. Then he boarded the Jolly Roger knowing he'd never see Belle again. With the scratch of his grey stubble still fresh on her rosy cheeks, she explains to Grumpy, the Blue Fairy, and Dr. Hopper about how she now has a cloaking spell to keep Storybrooke safe from other magic haters—like Greg and what's her name.

It's a confusing moment; they're excited because the town didn't blow up, but now they're worried because other magic haters are coming to destroy them...again.

Just like last season.

The dwarfs lead Belle to their mine. They feverishly chip away at a huge diamond with their special axes. Once a crack has been made, Belle tips the vial, pouring the spell into the center of the diamond. A flame shoots up, high into the sky, creating a dome over the town—but not before a red convertible sneaks over the town border with two guys who look like they stepped out of Downton Abbey.

*Googles fairy tale characters from the 1920's*

Back on the beach of Neverland, Mr. Gold gives Ariel directions to Storybrooke. He tosses her an enchanted sand dollar that only Belle will know what to do with. Regina reminds Ariel that the magical bracelet will only give her legs for twenty four hours.

Why the time frame? I mean she is going on an errand to retrieve the only weapon that can defeat Peter Pan. Why make it harder for her?

Peter Pan knows Ariel has left the island, but he's not worried because he has spies in Storybrooke.

Spies with nerdy haircuts and tie clips.

Neal comes up with the plan to capture Peter Pan's shadow. If they have his shadow they can get off the island.

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The dwarfs picnic on the beach and are the first to see Ariel walk out of the water, bursting out of her bikini top and brand new legs. Looking through binoculars, our loafer loving dudes watch the scene unimpressed. They knew a mermaid was coming and they're going to make sure she never leaves.

Really? How? By boring her to death at the flower show? Oh, scary!

Belle sulks at Granny's diner/pub/laundromat, convinced Mr. Gold doesn't think she has the guts or brains to help save Henry. That must be the reason he left her behind!

Um...or maybe he knows he's going to die and he wants her to stay safe? Just a thought. *Rolls eyes* This is what happens when chicks date old guys who used to be super evil.

Before Belle can update her facebook status with a sad face emoticon, Grumpy arrives with Ariel and news that Mr. Gold is alive and needs her help to defeat Peter Pan.

Hooray! Belle has a purpose!

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She takes Ariel to Mr. Gold's shop and lends her a mini shirt and pair of heels. They talk about the mysterious sand dollar and how Belle is the only one who can unlock the message.

But how? She has no idea how to use magic.

Hold on! Belle picks up a magnifying glass and suddenly a hologram of Mr. Gold pops up from the shell. He tells Belle that if she's smart enough and loves him enough, she can find the 'magic thing' he needs to defeat Peter Pan. Belle is excited because now she's cool enough to be loved by an old guy who used to be super evil.

Peter Pan and Henry have a heart to heart, but Henry is unwilling to yield to his request to save the island with his belief in all things magical.

Captain Sexy Eyes (CSE), Neal and Emma create an awkward love triangle while they hang out in his cave. Neal lets them know his coconut shell isn't a star map. It's a Shadow Catcher. And everyone knows all the shadows hang out in the spookiest part of the island called Dark Hollow.

Better than Sleepy Hollow, I guess. Actually that would be awesome. A headless horseman would shake things up.

Belle and Ariel search Mr. Gold's shop. Ariel finds a brass button from the jacket Prince Eric was wearing the night she saved him from drowning. She gets all misty eyed and lets Belle know he's her true love and all that.

Belle nods, but stays quiet because this scavenger hunt is NOT about Ariel. It's about Belle being a hero and saving not only everyone in Storybrooke, but everyone trapped in Neverland. All she needs to find is the thing that holds the strength of her love for Rumpelstiltskin.

I'm stumped. I usually have to hold my hand over my mouth when they kiss, but I don't think that's it.

Never mind. It's the chipped teacup.

Now what? How will she figure out what to do with it? I mean, she has no idea how to use magic?

Belle places the cup back on the saucer in the cupboard. A glowing trail leads from the cup to a trap door in the floor. Belle retrieves a small box and shivers when she recognizes what it is. Before you can say 'Pandora's Box', the two mysterious nerds show up with guns.

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They tie up the girls and take Pandora's Box. Belle manages to get the guys monologuing, which is the best way to distract a villain. I turns out they're not magic hating party poopers, but spies for Peter Pan, and it's his order to destroy the box.

Plus, they have English accents. Although Belle has an Australian accent, so...yeah.

After Henry's fight with Peter Pan, he overhears mention of a prisoner that needs checking up on. He manages to escape from camp and follows one of the Lost Boys.

Why didn't he do this earlier? Also, wouldn't that be great if it was Schmexy?

David and Mary Margaret argue about him keeping his imminent death a secret, thereby creating tension in their idyllic relationship. However, since no one cares about these two, it's totally moot.

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Emma makes sure that CSE knows their kiss STILL doesn't mean anything. He tells her he will win her heart and it won't be because he's a tricky pirate but because he's way hotter than Neal.

Sorry, that part came out of my head. But we're all thinking it, right?

Emma stammers and says she's only concerned about saving her son, and maybe kissing CSE again so she can make sure she REALLY doesn't like him.

At least that would be my plan.

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Ariel and Belle manage to untie themselves. Belle reasons the only thing strong enough to destroy Pandora's Box is a dwarf's axe. She and Ariel run down Main Street toward the mine in their heels and mini skirts like an episode of Charlie's Angels.

Mary Margaret and David finally have a big fight. There are a couple quotes about love and then blah, blah, blah. She ends up in his arms saying, “You needed to believe in us.”

Gentle Joe Jeezer! Hasn't he done enough?

Neal explains all they need to do is light the candle in the coconut trap and the flame will absorb the shadow. The dudes argue about who is manly enough to use the lighter. The dementors—oh sorry, I mean the shadows arrive and quickly trap Neal and CSE. Emma cradles the shell in one hand and brandishes her sword with the other. The guys scream for her to leave, instead she uses her magic and lights the candle.

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Oh, yeah. She's magic! But only at the most awkward and desperate times or when the script calls for an easy out.

The shadows get sucked into the shell and all is well.

Henry continues to follow the Lost Boy like a ninja.

Who is in the cage? Please be the Sheriff! *closes eyes and prays*

Belle and Ariel arrive just as the skinny dude with the glasses raises the axe over Pandora's Box. Belle ignores their English accents and activates a mine cart. It knocks the villains off their penny loafers. The spies whimper on the dirt floor, they've reached their limit. They confess their sister has been Peter Pan's prisoner for a thousand years. They wanted to use the box to save her.

*Waves to John and Michael*

Peter Pan approaches the bamboo cage. He leans in and lets Wendy Darling out of her prison.

Weird. I hate this.

Ariel puts Pandora's Box in her waterproof bag and swims back to Neverland.

Henry continues to follow the Lost Boy and instead of a prisoner he finds Wendy Darling convalescing in a tree house. She explains her illness is connected to the island. The magic is dying and so is she. Henry promises to help her. But it's a set up, of course.

Ariel finds Mr. Gold and Regina waiting for her on Neverland's beach. She hands over Pandora's Box. Impressed with her speedy assistance, Regina enchants the bracelet so that she can have legs whenever she wants.

Emma can't take the guys bickering over her. She tells them the only one she loves is Henry.

Mary Margaret and David arrive at Tinkerbell's house with the good news about their plan to capture Peter Pan's shadow. She thinks they're bluffing until Emma shows up with her lover boys and a coconut shell full of shadows.

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Henry confronts Peter Pan about Wendy. Peter Pan presses again that Henry is the only one who can save the island because he is the truest believer. Henry says he is ready to help. Peter Pan smiles and shows him where he has to restore the magic, Skull Island—the darkest place in Neverland.

Which is like the Dark Hollows, but worse...I guess.

How many more ways can this show rip off Harry Potter?