Showing posts with label Zalena. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Zalena. Show all posts

Monday, 28 April 2014

Once Upon A Time, Season 3, Episode 19 “A Curious Thing”



Or better title “Mulan's Revenge!”

 
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Snow White and Charming decide to announce to the kingdom that they're pregnant. The Evil Queen says they're loopy. Belle arrives and breaks the news that Neal is dead and Rumpelstiltskin is alive, but they're sharing the same body...or something like that.

Plus, the wicked witch has the dagger to control the Dark One.

Prince Phillip and Aura finally get a few lines. They drop the bombshell that the wicked witch is after Snow White's baby. They didn't say anything at first because she promised to destroy them if they spilled the beans.

And since they just spilled the beans...the wicked witch arrives and turns Aura and Phillip in to flying monkeys.

How does Mulan feel about this?

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Eight months later Snow White and Charming sit around the council table still trying to come up with ideas for defeating the wicked witch. The Evil Queen wonders if Rumpelstiltskin can help them.

It took eight months for them to figure this out?

Charming suggests they break into his castle, but Regina says that's impossible because his magic is so strong. Robin Hood brags he broke in last season to steal a bow and arrow.

Robina (Regina and Robin Hood) make out in the hallway of the bed and breakfast. She promises him that once she gets her heart back it will be AH-SOME. He says, “Use my heart for the both of us.”

To do what?

Regina arrives flushed to a meeting with Mary Margaret, Emma and David. They discuss why Zalena brought them all back to Storybrooke. They ask things like:

To cast the spell you have to give up the thing you love the most.

We must already know how to defeat her, that's why they have no memories.
         
Since Emma broke the curse by believing in magic and kissing Henry, but she's done both of  those things already.  

Henry must be the one to save them all. He has to believe in magic and kiss someone...okay maybe just believe. We need the storybook!!!

Zalena has Hook duck tapped in the truck of a car. She demands he kiss Emma. If he doesn't get busy and take away her magic by the time Mary Margaret has her baby, she'll kill Henry.

This would never happen to Hook if he had a unicorn. Just sayin...

Robin Hood easily breaks into Rumpelstiltskin's castle. He and the Evil Queen squabble like all good would-be lovers do at the beginning of their love story.

They find Rumpelstiltskin inside a cage spinning gold and babbling. Remember, he has Neal inside his head as well.

Snow White asks him how to stop the wicked witch but he only answers with a rhyme.

Belle uses her Australian accent and the power of love to reach through his layers of glitter gold makeup. He tells her the answer is light. “Find the good witch of the south.”

Of course. And I bet she'll be riding a unicorn.

Mary Margaret tells the others that the 'Once Upon A Time' book appeared in her closet when Henry needed it the most. Maybe it's still there?

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While Emma is running all over Storybrooke, Henry is fed up with all the lying. He's so upset his voice cracks. He takes her keys and hustles up to their room which above Granny's pub/diner/laundromat...oh my gosh, it's ALSO a bed and breakfast.

Henry takes her car keys, but before he can leave Storybrooke, Hook arrives with a better idea.

Emma, David and Mary Margaret search the apartment. Ta da! She finds the book! Regina grabs it, determined to figure out whose heart Zalena crushed to cast the curse.

Snow White and the gang hustle to the dark forest to find the white witch. They find a door that leads to nowhere.

Hmm? It's probably nothing.

Snow White and Charming enter easily and end up in a snow covered forest...Narnia?

Uh-oh. I remember the white witch being mean in this story.

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The white witch says her name is Belinda. She tells them Snow White's baby is pure of heart and also has the gift of magic.

She ALSO tells them she was childhood friends with Zalena.

Pay attention, folks. Rules get thrown out faster than last week's leftovers.

Zalena was born with powerful magic. She has a pendant that keeps all her magic focused. If she loses the pendant, well...you can guess the rest.

Also, only someone who is pure of heart and a purveyor of white magic (magic made from love) can defeat Zalena.

Did you get that? Good because there will be a test at the end of the post.

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Charming and Snow White realize that Emma is the only one who can defeat Zalena. But, oh no! She's in Storybrooke. They must enact the dark curse that will bring them back to her world.

Charming offers his heart so Snow White can cast the spell. The Evil Queen is like, “You guys are cray, cray.”

Emma realizes Henry is missing. Hook has taken him to the dock and is arranging for Bill Smead to take him to new York. Before you can say, “Ahoy,” a gang of flying monkeys arrive. Hook fends off the attack while Henry runs away screaming.

Henry, of course, falls. Emma and her posse arrive and throw balls of fire, vaporizing the monkeys. Emma shows Henry the 'Once Upon A Time' book and asks him to believe.

I think the flying monkeys helped.

Everyone holds their breath.

Henry takes the book and experiences three seasons of episodes in two seconds. He remembers and everyone cries. “Hurry”, Regina says. “Break the curse!”

Zalena arrives and magics Henry into a choke hold. She sneers and says that Hook is to blame for Henry's death.

Regina rushes to Henry's rescue, but Zalena easily sends her flying back, smashing into the ground.

Henry starts to turn blue. Emma uses her super power — no not the 'I can tell when someone is lying' super power — just regular magic this time.

Zalena's hands are burned! She backs off and threatens that the next time no one will survive...or something like that.

Henry falls on his knees beside Regina's crumpled form. She's not moving.

Snow White, Charming and the Evil Queen stand around a bubbling cauldron. Snow White says she can't crush his heart. He says, “No worries, we share the same heart. Every time you look at our little baby, you'll see my love for you.”

This is followed by more tearful love pledges. He tells the Evil Queen he's ready.

“This is going to hurt,” she says. Then she thrusts her hand into his chest. Snow White takes it and crushes it over the cauldron.

Charming falls to the ground, dead.

The wicked witch arrives and adds a forgetting clause to the spell. She tells Snow White and the Evil Queen, “You'll never defeat me if you can't remember who I am.”

Regina wakens and sees Henry is all right. She kisses him and says she'll always love him.

Ta-da! The curse is broken.

Mary Margaret and David let Emma know they are the ones who cast the curse so they could return and have her defeat Zalena with her pure magic powers and stuff.

“Whoa,” she says. “If you had to sacrifice the thing you love the most, why are you both still alive?”

The answer? Unicorn!

Back at the cauldron, Snow White tells the Evil Queen that she has to split her heart in half and then put the second part in Charming's chest. “I love him enough to fill both of our hearts!”

Aw. *rolls eyes*

The Evil Queen performs the Enchanted Forest's first heart division and transplant.

Charming wakes up. There's more kissing and love pledging.

Thunder cracks and the curse takes them back to Storybrooke.

Henry and Regina reminisce. He tells her all about New York. And he's pleased she's not evil anymore. Robin Hood shows up and Henry is stoked he has all these cool relatives.

Emma demands to know what Hook was up to. He says, “Zalena put a cast my lips.”

I should really do a top ten list of most ridiculous lines from this series...

Mary Margaret and David tell him that the message with the memory potion wasn't sent by them. Hook gets all defensive. “Then who did?" he asks. "Who else knew where Emma was living?”

Um...duh. Zalena.

Rumpelstiltskin watches as the wicked witch mixes a memory potion so that she'll remember when they go to Storybrooke. She gives it to Rumpelstiltskin. He's ready to guzzle the bottle to forget Neal is dead. Then Neal breaks out of Rumpelstiltskin's body. He scrawls a message, ties it to the bottle and sends it off with a pigeon to the Jolly Roger.

Loose plot hole tidied up.

A flying unicorn would have been more impressive than a pigeon.

Henry puts a rose on Neal's grave. He cries and asks Emma if it was hard to come back to Storybrooke. She tells him she knew he'd want her to because heroes never give up...or something like that. He smiles and says Operation Cobra is back on.

And just when you think things are wrapping up, Mary Margaret goes into labour.

Quiz time!


Who was Zalena's childhood friend?

Where is all of Zalena's magic kept?

What kind of magic can defeat Zalena?

How does one become true of heart?

Why are there no unicorns in this show?

WHEN IS THE SHERIFF COMING BACK????


Need more Storybrooke? You'll find my recaps for ALL of the Once Upon A Time episodes (even from the very first season) on my Pinterest page here.




Monday, 21 April 2014

Once Upon A Time Season 3, Episode 18 “Bleeding Through”


Or better title, "Sins of the Mother"



 Zalena arrives at Regina's for a little sisterly chit chat.

Regina's wearing a blue dress! She never wears colour!

Zalena enjoys Regina's fancy house and they beat the, 'I'm jealous because you got all the good stuff and I got nothing' motive. Then she tells Regina she'll never know their mother's secret. Regina rolls her eyes. Then Zalena says, "Guess what The Dark One is getting in the forest right now?"

Regina's face loses its colour. "My heart!"

Working under Zalena's orders, Mr. Gold stands in the middle of Robin Hood's camp.

Aw, he's literally protecting her heart. Robin Hood + Regina = Robina


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Robin Hood threatens Mr. Gold with the arrow that always hits its mark. But gosh darn it, Robin Hood's son wanders into the camp.

Mr. Gold regretfully changes the direction of the arrow so that it's an inch from Robin Hood's son.

Robin Hood has no choice but to give Regina's heart to Mr. Gold. 

Regina arrives and confides to Robin Hood (and us) that since she's still alive, Zalena must have something totally horrible planned for her heart.

Hasn't she been saying that all along? Why would this be a surprise?

Anyway, Regina goes to Mr. Gold's shop and begins to ransack the place, desperate for something to help her uncover Cora's secret. Belle is disgusted when Regina asks for help. She says, “Why would I help you? You physically and mentally tortured me for years.”

Regina has no time to explain that she's not the villain this season, instead she says, "Hey, I'm trying to help unchain your boyfriend from Zalena. Don't you want your Rumple back?"

There are so many weird jokes going through my mind right now...

Belle says she doesn't know if she can trust her since Zalena has her heart. No problemo, Regina shrugs, it's charmed so Zalena can't control her.

Phew, that was a close plot hole.

Regina's eyes sparkle when she sees the candle Mary Margaret used to kill Cora. "Now I'll learn my mother's secret!" she says.
 
In a grimy pub we see a young Cora working to earn extra money. She's caught the eye of a young handsome man. He confesses his love for her and she's flattered. Then he lets it slip he's a Prince in disguise, searching for a woman of true heart—she captured his heart without even knowing he was royalty!

He ties a bit of straw around her finger and promises to come back in two weeks and turn that straw into gold and marry her for reals.

Gee, I hope nothing bad happens.

Then he adds shyly that two weeks without seeing her will be torture. She mentions that since they're practically married...and he has a room upstairs already paid for...you know...
 
Mary Margaret, David, Hook, and Emma go to Regina's house to do a séance in order for Regina to find out her mother's secret past.

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Zalena places Regina's heart in a trunk with Charming's sword of courage. There's another box beside the sword which I'm guessing is waiting for Mr. Gold's brain.

She greats Mr. Gold in his cage and tells him to get dressed up for a special dinner. They sneer at each other and she lets him know she has plans for Snow White's baby.

Ew.

Regina has changed from her blue dress into a white blouse.

I guess the colour change was too much for the whole day.

Everyone sits around the table. She lights both ends of the death candle. They all hold hands...well and a hook. She tells them to concentrate on Cora.

Lights flicker! There's a crack of thunder and a blue vortex opens in the ceiling. Regina demands her mother give her a sign.

Um, there's a tornado in the ceiling.

Hook hits the table while crossing his legs and everything goes back to normal. Regina is totally miffed the moment is lost. "Whatever secrets she has buried in her past, she wants to keep there."

Way to go, Hook. You ruined everything. Why can't you sit still?

Young Cora waits in the rain on the roadside with her straw ring, but the Prince does not show up. She travels through the wet forest until she reaches the palace. She finds him taking shelter in a gazebo.

He doesn't look happy to see her. She explains that she's been waiting for him for two months. She notices his boots are muddied. He's not a prince! He's the palace gardener!

He says, "Whatever, you had a good time."

Then she tells him she's pregnant and demands money to help support the baby.

He laughs at her. She calls for the guards, saying she's being attacked. He pushes her down, then runs away. Cora stays crumpled on the ground. A kind man comes along. He helps her up, and introduces himself as Prince Leopold.

FYI, Prince Leopold was Snow White's father.

Everyone leaves Regina's house post séance except for Snow White. Weird things start to happen in the house but they don't notice because they're busy sorting out their mother/daughter issues.

Prince Leopold and Cora chat and charm each other. He confesses he doesn't feel sure enough to be king. He says that once he becomes king he has to produce an heir immediately. He's betrothed to someone he's never met, someone called Princess Ava. He's clearly smitten with Cora and wishes he could marry her instead.

Mary Margaret apologizes again for killing Cora. Regina admits that it's complicated.

Yep.

Regina wonders why her mother gave up Zalena and why she never mentioned she had a sister. The house answers with a creepy sound from the upstairs. She and Mary Margaret discover the ghost of Cora. And she's super mad.
 
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Emma practices magic at Granny's pub/diner/laundromat but Hook isn't in the mood to applaud her efforts. She asks what's bothering him but he stays quiet since this episode has nothing to do with his kissing curse.

Belle bursts in, hugging a large volume. She slaps down the spell book on the table and announces she knows what Zalena is up to.

Zalena has a candle light diner with Mr. Gold. She tells him Neal is still alive and she can bring them together.

How? Where?

More like, when. Zalena explains she's unraveled the trick to time travel. Mr. Gold is amazed. She's going back to time to take what's rightfully hers and promises Mr. Gold can find his son. He gets all dreamy eyed and says he'll have a second chance to never give him up.

Cora's ghost pushes Regina out of the way, trying to avenge her killer. Regina pulls a Ghostbuster trick to keep her at bay.

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Young Cora sits in the royal gazebo admiring her engagement ring. The palace gardener shows up and demands cash and jewels for his silence about the baby. She promises to meet him in the great hall with the payment, but the conversation is overheard by Princes Ava.

Hold on. If Prince Leopold is marrying someone else why is Princess Ava even there?

Regina demands answers from her mother. Cora's ghost enters Mary Margaret and she sees what happened.

Young Cora goes to the great hall, but she finds Prince Leopold waiting for her. He tells her he's heard a rumour that she's pregnant. But he's okay with that. As long as she tells him the truth he knows he can trust her...he says he'll marry her anyway.

Well, that sounds easy. Tell him the truth about how the gardener tricked you. The gardener will get sacked and you'll live happily ever after.

Instead, Cora lies and tells him she's not pregnant.

Princess Ava comes out from the shadows. She tells Prince Leopold to check her pockets for the jewelry and gold she promised to the gardener.

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Busted!

The palace guards take her away. Princess Ava tells Prince Leopold he deserves to have a child with someone who is pure as snow.

I loath that line.

Regina uses magic to blast Cora's ghost out of Mary Margaret. Everyone is worried about the baby. Belle arrives with Emma and Hook. She tells them Zalena is collecting items to help her go back in time.

But why, they wonder.

Mary Margaret comes out of her daze and lets them know her mother, Princess Ava is the one who let out the secret of Cora's pregnancy.

onceuponatimeabc.wikia.com

Cora was forced to give up Zalena because as an unwed mother she can never be more that a Miller's daughter.

She leaves her in a basket in the woods.

*Cue the green tornado*

It's now clear to everyone that Zalena will go back in time and kill Snow White's mother BEFORE she lets out the big secret.

Mr. Gold and Zalena drink wine and toast each other on their super awesome plan to go back in time. Mr. Gold starts to make out with Zalena.

Ew. Please stop, ABC. Just, stop.

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He reaches for her dagger, but she moves too quickly. He vows to kill her. She orders him back to his cage and promises he'll never see his son again. And then she cries because she likes him?!?!

Regina and Mary Margaret clean up the mess ghost Cora made. They talk about how complicated their histories are. "Let's stop being haunted by our past."

Regina's still upset about not having a heart and having the whole town think she's still bad.

Mary Margaret glows because she loves any excuse to talk about the power of love. She tells her, "You don't need your heart, you feel everything with your soul. You still have worth."

So, what can you do with soul?

Regina goes to Robin Hood's camp in the middle of the forest. He's all alone by the fire. He promises to get her heart back. She answers him with a kiss. Then he kisses her back. Then she kisses him back. And then they lose count and just keep making out.

Whoo-hoo! Robina!

Need more Storybrooke? You'll find my recaps for ALL of the Once Upon A Time episodes (even from the very first season) on my Pinterest page here.


 


Monday, 14 April 2014

Once Upon A Time, Season 3, Episode 17 “The Jolly Roger”


Or better title, "Hooked on Love"



socialstar.com


On a darkened forest trail a man in an iron mask robs a stage coach. It's Hook and he's been reunited with Bill Smead and his crew of pirates. There's only one problem, he's lost his ship.

The celebration party at a pub includes the gang chipping in to give Hook a night with one of the bar wenches. Hook takes her out back where he pays her off and tells her he's not interested.

Oh right, he's in love with Emma.

He's soon ambushed by another women. It's Ariel and she's super mad.

Emma and David try to put together the crib for the new baby. Regina arrives and tells them she's placed a protective spell around Mary Margaret's apartment to keep them safe from Zalena.

Emma is growing tired of the defensive tactics. She asks Regina to teach her magic so they can tag team against Zalena.

Bill Smead meets up with Hook on the waterfront of Storybrooke. They argue about the missing Jolly Roger. Smead wants to leave, but Hook is determined to stay because Emma thinks he's a fun sitter for Henry. Smead stomps off.

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Emma arrives and she tells him Regina is going to help hone her magical ability. Then she drops the bomb that once she helps get rid of Zalena, she and Henry will return to New York.

Hook gives her best sad eyes, “You can't pretend this never happened," he says. "No matter how much you want to return to your old life, it's never going to happen.”

Mary Margaret and David walk along the beach. A crowd has gathered. Ariel has washed up on shore.

She's been searching the ocean for over a year for Prince Eric. Since she didn't find him, she thought he must be in Storybrooke. Mary Margaret and David bring her up to date on Zalena. They also mention how Hook is the only one who still has memories of the missing year.

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Behind the tavern, Ariel holds Hook at knife point and accuses him of kidnapping Prince Eric. He says she's mistaken. But she can prove it because one of his men escaped from the Jolly Roger. She gives him a dagger with the initials BB. Hook laughs because he knows it's Black Beard who has the Jolly Roger.

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Bill Smead is a bit scared because you know...it's Black Beard. Hook says the Jolly Roger is more than a ship. He needs his ship back, it's what makes him a pirate. He's getting tired of being in love with Emma. He's worried he's getting soft.

Um...sorry. My mind wandered there for a moment.

Right, so Ariel insists on coming along so she can help rescue Prince Eric.

At Granny's pub/diner/laundromat, Hook teaches Henry how to gamble with dice and french fries. David brings Ariel to meet Hook and she asks if he's ever heard of Prince Eric.

Hook gives her a wink of his eyeliner and says, “No. Never heard of him.”

*Gasp* He's lying!

Regina takes Emma into the secret vault below her mother's crypt for magic school. Regina teases her that she and Hook are sweet on each other. Emma rolls her eyes. Regina hands her a book and tells her to start memorizing.

Emma says it's a waste of time. She needs skills speedy quick.

Fine. You asked for it.

Regina magics them above a bottomless gorge. Emma's on a suspension bridge while she's safe on the other side. The bridge starts to fall apart. “Go ahead,” Regina calls out. “Save yourself with magic.”

Hook, Smead, and Ariel go through the forest. Ariel lets it slip that Hook has a reputation for being nice since he reunited Snow White with her daughter. He says, “I'm a pirate and I always will be.”

She continues to insist that he's a champion of true love. He gets upset and grabs her by the large golden clasp on her purple robe. She freaks out that he touched her. The sea creature emblem belonged to Eric and she wears his robe to help her remember him while he's away.

Belle and Ariel reunite in Mr. Gold's shop. Ariel explains that she's hoping to find an object of Eric's. Hook goes into the back room. He finds Eric's sea creature clasp hidden behind a curtain. Ariel squeals with delight that he has found Eric's royal robe.

Emma does nothing while the bridge collapses around her. Regina yells, “Use your instinct!”

Emma falls out of sight, then slowly hovers over on a flying raft built from bits of bridge. Regina scoffs that all she had to do was repair the frayed rope.

Okay, that was easy.

Belle pours the locator spell on Eric's robe. It levitates and flies off to be with its owner.

Hook admires the Jolly Roger from behind a barrel on the wharf. He grabs a sword and walks on board, demanding Black Beard show his face. A sword fight ensues. Ariel slips below deck looking for Eric while Smead just stands there.

Slash. Pare. Punch. Push. Insult. Slash. Pare. Insult.

Hook is about to kill Black Beard when Ariel comes deck side and tells him Eric is not on board. She begs him to spare Black Beard's life. Black Beard says he's on an isolated island, but he'll only tell if Hook lets him live, which no real pirate would ever do.

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Ariel and Hook follow Eric's flying cape through Storybrooke and down to the docks. It ends up plunging into the ocean. Unless Eric is a merman...then...he must be...oh dear.

Hook holds her while she cries.

David is tired of being the boring baby sitter compared to Hook. He decides that Henry should take a driving lesson. It takes ten seconds for them to have a car accident.

Ariel tearfully thanks Hook for helping her find Eric's robe. She knows their story is over. She also tells him he is more than a pirate, he has a true heart.

Hook looks worried about being soft...hearted.

*Giggles*

Hook makes Black Beard walk the plank because he wants the Jolly Roger back, plus he's tired of being called soft. Ariel pleads for him to reconsider his choice. He says love will only bring her wasted years and endless torment.

Much like being a Toronto Maple Leafs fan.

He's actually doing her a favour by killing her true love. He pushes Black Beard off the plank and the sharks arrive to finish him off.

Ariel slaps Hook and says he'll never know love, and THAT will bring him wasted years and endless torment.

Copycat. Can't even come up with her own insult.

She jumps into the shark infested water, determined to find Eric's mystery island.

After watching her cry at the dock all evening, Hook confesses to Ariel the true story about how he chose his ship over Eric. He tells her he'd do anything to take it back. She says she can't trust a man who doesn't believe in love.

But Hook insists that indeed, he knows all about love.

She's all, Oh yeah, then vow on your love's name.

He says, “Emma Swan.”

Ariel turns in to Zalena. She tells him Ariel found Prince Eric not long after she jumped off the Jolly Roger last year. Hook looks relieved. Then she throws a ball of green light, hitting him on the mouth.

Is that how witches kiss?

She cackles and give a long monologue with plenty of sneering.

Here's the gist of what just happened; Hook's lips are now cursed so the next time he kisses Emma all of her magic will be gone.

He says it's a ridiculous plan and that he'll tell Emma. Hook calls her bluff because if Zalena wanted to kill Emma, she would have done it long ago. Zalena leaves him with this ultimatum; kiss Emma and remove her powers or everyone she loves dies.

*Cue the green smoke bomb*

Hook arrives at David and Mary Margaret's apartment but only Emma and Regina are there. He tells them he was helping Ariel and she found Prince Eric on an island the curse didn't reach.

Regina sees this as a teaching moment for Emma. To make sure Ariel reached the island, Regina shows Emma how she can use a mirror to look into different realms.

Okay, that was easy!

Anyway, we see Ariel and Prince Eric frolicking on the beach.

Emma looks at Hook with swoony eyes. “You did this? You gave her a happy ending?”

Mary Margaret and David arrive with Henry in tow. They say the driving lesson went...um okay. When she hears the good news about Ariel, Mary Margaret says. “Let's celebrate by eating out. Should we go to Granny's?”

Um...where the 'f' else?

They invite Hook, but he declines mumbling something about having his leather pants dry cleaned.

So, Mary Margaret, David, Emma, Regina and Henry all go out to dinner.

Hook walks the dark streets alone. He stops at the corner across from Granny's spying on Emma and the gang. He watches from the shadows.

Alone.

Staring at the lips he'll never be able to kiss.

Ever.

Again.

Relax, folks. We know that's not true because every rule in this show gets broken.  

Doesn't Henry think it's weird that Hook dresses like he's from The Rocky Horror Picture Show...like every day?

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Also, wouldn't Henry start to question why the Mayor is going out with them for dinner?

Need more Storybrooke? You'll find my recaps for ALL of the Once Upon A Time episodes (even from the very first season) on my Pinterest page here.





Sunday, 6 April 2014

Once Upon A Time Season 3, Episode 16 “It's Not Easy Being Green”

 

Or better title “Ridiculous Reasons for Rivalry”



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Peasants on their way to the Emerald City find a baby after a terrible storm. But the little baby shows signs of having super powers, ie: she stops a tree from falling on them. The woman is so taken with the baby's cuteness she thinks nothing of her magical ability. However, the father is suspicious. He says, “She's not like us.”
 
Dude, she dropped out of a cyclone, unharmed.

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Storybrooke buries Neal. Everyone takes a turn putting a shovel of dirt on top of the coffin. There's no dialogue for the first three minutes.

*cough* lazy writers *cough*

A young Zalena is shaving her father. She cuts him by mistake, but magics it all better speedy quick. Instead of being grateful for the free health care he admits he's always been afraid of her power and calls her wicked. Then he drops the bombshell that she was adopted.

She begins to cry and wishes her mother was still alive.

He tells her to dry her tears and put on a good face—this guy is all about appearances.

But Zalena's had enough. She storms out of their humble hut determined to find a family who loves her. The one and only person who can help her is—the Wizard of OZ.
 
Emma grieves for Neal by fanning the fire of revenge.

Yeah, because that works out so well for everyone in this show.

Hook convinces her to cool off and he offers to take Henry sailing so he can tell him about Neal. Remember Neal spent a lot of time on Hook's ship after he escaped from Peter Pan's freaky shadow thing.

Regina and Tinkerbell hang out at Granny's pub/diner/laundromat gossiping about Robin Hood. Regina knows he's her soul mate but she's reluctant to start anything with him.

Why? Doesn't matter. The writers know it creates tension.

Zalena arrives with flourish at Granny's in full witchy garb and gives a fabulous speech. She lets everyone, including Regina, know that they're actually sisters.

Regina calls her bluff since she's a murderous witch and all that. Zalena tells her it's time she learns the truth. They'll meet on Main Street at sundown for a big showdown.

Regina says she never loses. “Oh yeah,” Zalena says, “well neither do I.”

There better be some big fireworks at this showdown because nothing has really happened yet.

David, Emma, and Mary Margaret grill Regina about Zalena, but she's just as surprised as them.

A young Zalena arrives at the castle of the Great and Power Wizard of Oz. His silhouette appears behind a curtain. He knows that she's come to find her true family. He warns her that the past may be difficult to accept.

Parental discretion is advised.

Zalena sees images of Cora abandoning her in the basket before the big storm. Why is she being abandoned?

The Wizard says it's because Cora believed she didn't have the ability to become royalty.

What? And sorry, but what? I'm sure there's more to it than that...there must be.

While I'm trying to recover from that lame excuse, Zalena watches as Regina is being taught magic by Rumpelstiltskin. Zalena grows eager to meet this man who isn't afraid of magic. The wizard gives her golden shoes that have to power to transport her to different realms. For payment, she must return with something of Rumpelstiltskin's.

He warns her again, “It is not wise to become envious of things you cannot have.”

Um, yeah. That's what envy is all about, right? I mean if you could have it, then you'd have it and you wouldn't be envious anymore. Oh, never mind.

Zalena clicks her heals and ends up in Regina's bedroom. She sees all the luxurious items and becomes furious with...you guessed it, envy. Rumpelstiltskin arrives and is surprised to see someone else in Regina's bedroom. He's upset at first, then she proves she's Cora's first born by doing some fancy magic. He's impressed and promises to teach her all that he knows.

Regina searches her secret vault under the crypt and finds a letter. She tucks it in her pocket and ignores Mary Margaret and Emma's questioning looks as she storms out.

Emma says, “What the hell was in that letter?”

Gee, I don't know. Why don't you tackle her and read it?

David locks down Main Street since there's going to be a witch rumble. Emma decides that they have to get back the dagger. Belle offers to try and reach Mr. Gold through the power of LOVE.
 
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Regina reads the letter in the forest and Robin Hood creeps out of the bushes. He pickpockets the letter from her and after a few flirty exchanges she lets him reads it.

It's a letter to Cora from Rumpelstiltskin about how her first born is a more powerful than her. All this time Regina thought the letter was about her...but it's about Zalena.

Rumpelstiltskin takes a young Zalena into the woods for a test. She lets out a jealous rant about being abandoned and Regina having everything and never having to work for it and blah, blah...
 
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Rumpelstiltskin's eyes twinkle at her greedily. He tells her he's been working on a very powerful curse but he needs a skilled witch to cast it.

After Zalena's past the anger test he asks her to think of something happy.

She's stuck so she asks him about his happy moment. I thought he was going to talk about Baelfire, instead he says it's the memory of tasting meat pies from the spinsters who took him in as a boy.

He says, “It was the only time I forgot I was a boy who wasn't wanted by his papa.”

Zalena feels a kindred connection with this glittery, speckled goblin. She tells him her happy moment is when he agreed to train her.

Aw. *barfs in mouth*

Belle rushes to Mr. Gold's cage. He tells her to run because as long as Zalena holds the dagger he is helpless to resist her orders. Belle gets him to hold her hand. Then Zalena comes out of the shadows cackling. Belle takes off with Mr. Gold screaming a warning, “The next time anyone tries to stop Zalena I'll be made to kill you all.”

And to all a goodnight!

Henry grows bored listening to Hook talk about how to navigate by using the stars...as do I. Hook is terrible at telling stories, he lets the name Baelfire slip out a few times. And Henry figures out that Hook wasn't a boyhood chum of Neal's.

Hook get misty eyed and tells Henry he knew Neal after he'd just lost his father. It was sailing and navigating that brought him comfort. Henry is touched that his dad had the same fate as him...or something like that. The soft music was playing so I assumed it was a tender moment.

A young Zalena makes a meat pie dinner for Rumpelstiltskin. She's upset to find out that he's still training Regina. She tells him that she deserves the curse since she's the better witch.

Your insides are starting to show, he warns her. All of her envy begins to leak through, turning her skin green.

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Zalena arrives to a crowded Main street with Mr. Gold. She announces that if Regina doesn't show up in five minutes everyone will die.

Everyone will die. How many times have we heard this threat? So far only one person has died. Liar!

Here's an obvious question: Why did everyone show up unarmed for the witch rumble? And where is Ruby? A werewolf would be helpful right about now.

Emma challenges Zalena. She has magic powers, plus she's the saviour—so there! Zalena pushes her away easily.

*chuckles*

A young Zalena arrives at Regina's bedroom and holds a knife to her throat. She's says she's more powerful and is the one Rumpelstiltskin will pick to place the curse. Still, she kills Regina just to improve her chances. But surprise! It's Rumpelstiltskin pretending to be Regina.

He tells Zalena this is the end of her witchy career. In order for the curse to work, she has to give up what she wants most. And Rumpelstiltskin knows it's him. She pleads with him but he still turns her down. Then she shows him the golden shoes that can take him to see the Wizard. He changes his mind, but it's too late for takesies backsies.

She clicks her golden heels and heads back to Oz.

Meanwhile, back in Main Street, Zalena beats up Regina. She says she doesn't want to kill her, only destroy her. And that means taking her heart.

But guess what?

Regina has buried her heart. Cora always told her, “Never take your heart to a witch fight.”

And wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident.

Outraged, Zalena takes off on her broomstick promising revenge.

And that was the big showdown. A few broken windows. No one died.

Mary Margaret gives us the ending monologue, "Zalena has Charming's sword of courage, she wanted Regina's heart..."

Hmm who's brain will she use? Oh, right, Mr. Gold's.

Regina knows she's collecting ingredients...but for what?

Skin brightening cream?

 

Okay, this whole plot is ridiculous. The inciting incident is Cora giving Zalena away. Why? Because Zalena couldn't give her what she wanted the most—for her daughter to grow up worthy enough for a prince. How can you tell this from a baby? Wouldn't it have made sense to just have Cora an unwed mother?

Plus, remember Cora was married to a Prince when she gave birth to Regina. So the whole plot to get Regina to marry Snow White's father was bogus ridiculous as well.

Just sayin'...


What do you think Zalena is going to do with courage, a heart, and a brain?


Need more Storybrooke? You'll find my recaps for ALL of the Once Upon A Time episodes (even from the very first season) on my Pinterest page here.

 

Saturday, 29 March 2014

Once Upon A Time, Season 3 Episode 14 "The Tower"

Or better title "Face Your Fear, Lose Your Sword"

 
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Charming searches the castle for a crying baby. He finds the nursery empty, but Emma is there fully grown and wearing a gown. She asks him to teach her to dance because her first ball is tonight and she's nervous.

They have a daddy/daughter dance and Emma tells him all of this was taken away from her because he failed her. The sky darkens and she tells him not to fail the next baby.

He wakes in a cold sweat. Snow White is by the window, super happy to be back in her castle. She tells him that she's pregnant. He's excited but Emma's lingering warning echo inside his head.
 
Emma and the others play Nancy Drew, trying to figure out which person is 3W (Wicked Witch of the West). Regina suggests someone watch out for Henry since flying monkeys are kidnapping people and a crazy witch is on the loose.
 
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Zalena taunts Rumpelstiltskin with his dagger (while it's in her possession, she can control him). She shaves him with the dagger and monologues about how it's important to hide the rotten ugliness that lingers inside their souls. She has a diabolic plan but she's keeping that a secret for now.

Darn her!

Rumpelstiltskin starts to spin gold, slowly going crazy.

Zalena enters Mr. Gold's shop and strikes up a conversation with Belle. She wants to buy a baby gift for Mary Margaret since she'll be the midwife. Belle graciously offers to find something. As soon as her back is turned, Zalena freezes her and heads straight for the safe.

She magics it open and retrieves a lump of...something?

David, Hook, and Emma search Regina's office for clues. They find a holly berry. David knows exactly where they grow, not far from the toll bridge. Mary Margaret calls, telling David he has to come back to the apartment to meet the midwife.

Really, Mary Margaret? He's looking for a witch.

Charming sneaks to the royal barn to have a few nips from his royal flask. Robin Hood shows up with his golden arrows from the Queen and they talk about how tough it is to be a dad in fairy tale land. Charming confesses he's losing confidence and can't ignore the overwhelming sense of dread.

Me too, Charming. Me too.

Robin Hood tells him of a root that will help overcome any fear, but he needs to be careful because that part of the forest is haunted.

Pfft! Haunted shmaunted.

Zalena and Mary Margaret giggle about boys until David shows up. He questions why Mary Margaret would hire a stranger to take care of their baby with a mysterious witch on the loose. Zalena makes them cups of tea with her own special blend.

Oh, that's what the lumpy thing was in Mr. Gold's safe.

How stupid are these two?

Charming finds the magic root without too much difficulty. He hears cries for help and discovers a tower with no door, only a high window. He climbs the thick brown rope. He makes it to the window and discovers the rope coils along the floor and is in fact a braid belonging to a young woman.
 
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The princess says her name is Rapunzel. Her parents rule a distant kingdom. Her older brother was supposed to be the next in line for the throne, but a terrible accident occurred and now Rapunzel will inherit the kingdom. Worried she would not be a good Queen, she sought the night root to quell her fears of inadequacy. But before she could return home a witch attacked her and chased her into the tower. And she's been trapped for years. 

*cough* info dump *cough*

Scary music tips off Charming something sinister is about to happen. The cloaked witch arrives and begins to climb up the tower.

Zalena has a Dr. Phil episode with David and Mary Margaret. She tells them it's unhealthy to keep fear bottled up.

It's also unhealthy to take a drink from a stranger.

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David finishes his tea, gives them a smile, and goes back to the woods to look for flying monkeys. 

Regina takes Henry for ice cream. They meander about Storybrooke talking about how small towns are better than a big city like New York. 

No one normal would ever say that.

Henry lets it slip that Emma is awesome, but he'd really like to have a bigger family.

Hook and Emma find the holly berries and start looking for a house. She confronts him about his lost year on the Jolly Roger. He says nothing, but she knows he's lying.

She has that super power, remember?

They talk about Emma's ex-boyfriend and Hook says he's glad she back on the market. It starts to snow and they stumble across a farm house.

David tracts their progress but he's being followed by the cloaked witch from Rapunzel's tower. Luckily he has his sword and cell phone. He leaves Emma a message that he's about to fight the wicked witch.

Back in the tower, Charming refuses to leave Rapunzel. He fights the hooded figure. At the same time, David fights the hooded figure in the woods. 

When do you think he'll realize he's fighting his fear and not an actual witch?

Hook and Emma approach the farm house. Emma notices the storm cellar is locked. Hook convinces her it's best to wait until they have magical back up in case flying monkeys come out at them. She uses her cell phone and hears David's message.

David attacks the hooded figure. The hood falls back and he sees himself. 

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Back in the tower, the hooded figure looks just like Rapunzel. Charming tells her that she is the witch, it is her own fear that is keeping her prisoner. The night root makes it happen. 

He tells her she has to defeat her fear of ruling the kingdom. She has to kill the witch in order to escape.

David tries to fight his own fear. He wins when he confesses that he's afraid he won't be a good father. He stabs the cloaked figure and it disappears...but so does his sword. 

Ta da! Spell broken. 

I guess Zalena put night root in his tea.

Rapunzel confesses that she was drowning and her brother jumped in and saved her, but he ended up dying. Her fear is that her parents will not forgive her. Charming brings Rapunzel back to the castle where her parents are waiting. He sees Snow White and confesses his fear of being a father. 

Cue the soft piano music.

Snow White tells him not to worry because they're going to do this together. 

Through the magic of conveniently written dialogue, we learn that when David faced his fear all of his courage was transferred to his sword, but unfortunately that sword is not in the possession of the mysterious witch.

Got that?

Zalena oozes with charm with Mary Margaret.

Why? Because she has a sword full of courage, that's why.

Hook, David and Emma return to the storm cellar. The lock is busted. Inside they find an empty cage full of golden straw. 

*Light bulb moment*

Need more Storybrooke? You'll find my recaps for ALL of the Once Upon A Time episodes (even from the very first season) on my Pinterest page here.








 

Monday, 24 March 2014

Once Upon A Time, Season 3, Episode 13 "Witch Hunt"

 

Or better title, “Family Feud"



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The Wicked Witch of the West (I'm going to get carpal tunnel, lets just call her 3W) goes through the Evil Queen's (EQ) jewelry and dresses enjoying her new found digs.

EQ and Snow White come up with a plan to break the protective spell and then ambush the castle. A flying monkeys tries to scare them, but EQ does some hocus pocus and turns it into a cute stuffed bunny. She gives it to Robin Hood's son, thereby earning a look of admiration and surprise from him.

Ah, the romantic subplot is taking shape.

Back in Storybrooke, which is also present time, David and Mary Margaret tell Emma right after she and Henry left town limits, Regina cast the curse and then everything went black. But instead of the enchanted forest they woke up in their beds back in Storybrooke. Everything was the same—except that Mary Margaret is very pregnant.

Hook saunters around the living room. He says they all went back to the enchanted forest at first and they all decided to go to the Queen's castle. Instead, he took off and lived happily by himself on the Jolly Roger. Then one day a bird arrived with a message to return to New York to save Emma. The vial of memory potion was wrapped inside the note. It was signed by Snow White.

This seems pretty normal to everyone and all heads nod in union.

Grumpy and another dwarf break up the family reunion to announce that another member of Storybrooke has gone missing. David tells Emma that for the last few days people have started to go missing. Among the missing is Neal.

Hook tries hard not to fist pump the air. Emma decides the only way to solve this mess is to retrieve everyone's memories to find out who cast the new curse.
 
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Charming and the rest of the gang are troubled by the existence of murderous winged monkeys. Belle tells everyone they exist in a land called OZ. Snow White doesn't believe her because that's just too crazy. I mean come on...flying monkeys?

EQ lets the fairy tale folk know that OZ is very real and if a flying monkey is in the enchanted forest, then 3W is the one who has taken up residence in her castle. She refuses help and plans to take down the protective spell on her own thereby allowing Charming and Snow will storm the castle...or something like that.

Henry is enjoying being the new kid in Storybrooke and everyone pretends not to know him. Mary Margaret comes up with the story that she and Emma were cell mates.
 
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Funny moment. I enjoyed that.

Regina sees Henry and she drops her coffee cup. Emma takes her aside quickly and explains that Henry has no memory of Storybrooke. They're both back because of a new curse and missing year's worth of plot...yada yada yada.

While Regina whines about not being able to give Henry welcome back hugs. Emma is determined to find out who cast the spell and she's going to use her super power to scan every person in Storybrooke.

Seriously? Her lie detecting super power?

Robin Hood and his merry men hunt in the woods of Storybrooke. While chasing a wild turkey, Little John comes precariously close to the town limits. Instead, he gets plucked off the trail by a flying monkey.

No! Oh wait. I have no connection to this character and therefore do not care what happens to him.

Emma deducts the flying monkeys are kidnapping people if they try to attempt to leave Storybrooke.

In a town hall meeting, Regina tries to convince everyone that she had nothing to do with the new curse, but no one is buying it. Sick of being good and not getting any credit, she decides to return to her evil ways.

One particular woman, who looks a lot like 3W without make up, smiles to herself.

Robin Hood finds EQ and thanks her for saving them from the flying monkey. There is some flirting then she tells him to back off because she has to sneak into her mother's castle for some potion ingredients to help her break 3W's protection spell. He said he can help because he breaks into stuff for a living.

Emma arrives at Regina's office. The blow up in town hall was a ruse and they're hoping to flush out the real culprit.

EQ and Robin Hood navigate a booby trap course to sneak into the dungeon of Cora's castle via the family crypt. She's concerned to find the door already open, which is impossible because it was a blood spell. He tells her about his late wife and EQ mentions she's lost a son... in a way.

Mary Margaret tries to get Henry off his Nintendo DS and invites him to take him to the library. He agrees and runs for his coat.

Why not? Because an ex-con friend of my mom's is my friend too.

Seeing that Mary Margaret is hugely preggers, the woman from the town hall starts talking about babies. She recognizes her as Snow White and explains she missed the first curse so this is her first trip to Storybrooke.
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The woman is 3W. She says her name is Zalena. Back in fairy tale land she was a midwife. Mary Margaret is so excited she hires her on the spot. Zalena gives her a creepy smile and says she'd be honoured to help with Snow White's baby.

Does anyone else think the baby is going to be a flying monkey?

David and the others find Little John unconscious in the woods.

EQ takes Robin Hood into Cora's bedroom. She rummages through drawers and starts to mix a sleeping potion. Robin Hood tries to convince her she has something to live for and that the pain of missing her son will ease with time.

She tells him the curse can only be broken by true love's kiss, and Henry is her true love. As soon as the protection shield is down, she'll let Snow White and Charming storm the castle and then she'll take her sleeping potion.

That sounds air tight to me. Well, until his shirt sleeve rips or something exposing his tattoo.

Regina's attempts at mimicking Hook's memory potion fail miserably. Emma comes up with another idea to trick the town's people. Only the guilty person would be worried that Regina was making a memory potion. They can set a trap and get that phony just like Scooby-doo.

Grumpy is the town blabber mouth. He goes to the hottest place in town, Granny's pub/diner/laundromat, to spill the fake beans. After his speech, Zalena sneaks away.

David and Robin Hood take Little John to the hospital. Dr. Whale (Frankenstein) starts to assess him but is quickly thrown back when Little John sprouts wings.

No. Not butterfly wings. Weird bat wings. He turns into a flying monkey and well...he flies away.

Emma and Regina wait in her yellow bug for the mysterious enemy to fall into their trap. Regina asks Emma what Henry's life is like in New York. Emma says he has lots of friends and is very happy, but Emma decided to return with Hook because the old Henry would have told her that heroes always come back.

True dat.

When they see someone in the window, they race to the office. Regina assures Emma that she put a blood lock spell on the door (ew) thereby trapping the culprit inside. They find the darkened office in shambles. A figure hides in the corner, but before Emma can get a good look, a plume of green smoke fills the air and they disappear.

Regina is shaking in her heels. Who could be powerful enough to break one of her spells?

EQ works her magic on the castle, confident in her black, bedazzled bustier as she takes down the protective spell. When it disappears, Grumpy gives the word and the fairy tale army surge toward the castle.

EQ grabs her sleeping potion and says a little prayer that one day Henry will wake her up. From the shadows 3W sweeps into view. She steals the sleeping potion from Regina and begins to monologue, like all villains do.

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EQ says she could care less about a witch from OZ.

3W says her name is Zalena and she doesn't want the castle. EQ asks how she managed to break the blood lock spell on her mother's crypt.

She taunts EQ about Cora then leans in and calls her sister. She explains that since Cora knew a green baby would never snag a prince for a husband, she abandoned her.

Growing up in OZ without a mother was no picnic apparantly. EQ says Cora was a terrible mother so she probably was better off. Then 3W drops the bombshell that she knew Rumpelstiltskin. She hates him as well because he abandoned her too.

Zalena has some issues and her main plan of revenge is to make her sister suffer.

Perhaps this involves being spray painted green?

But EQ isn't afraid, she's thrilled to have an enemy again.

Needing a little pick me up since their trap bombed, Emma takes Regina to meet Henry. They shake hands and smile. She hides her breaking heart well.

David and Hook arrive with news that the missing people are probably being turned into flying monkeys. They talk about green smoke and it's obvious 3W is the one who has cast the new spell. Emma asks, “Why is she in Storybrooke?”

Zalena takes a food tray out to her secret backyard prison. Rumpelstiltskin is being held in a cage. He refuses the food and tells her she shouldn't have brought him back. She only smiles and says, “Eat up, we've got work to do.”

And this is where I stomp my foot. Of all the fairy tale characters who have died she brought back Rumpelstiltskin?!!! Hey, if you're going to bring back someone from the dead, you make sure it's the hot Sheriff.

I will never give up hoping!

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Need more Storybrooke? You'll find my recaps for ALL of the Once Upon A Time episodes (even from the very first season) on my Pinterest page here.
 
 
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