Once Upon A Time, Season 2, Episode 21, "Second Star To The Right"

Or better title, "Ew. Yuck. Gross."

Baelfire is being sucked into a green vortex while Rumpelstiltskin's grip slips. As we all know by now, Rumpelstiltskin loses Father Of The Year award by choosing magic over his son. Baelfire gets whisked away to a land where there is no magic...London, England.

onceuponatimeinwonderland.com

                                                               
Six months later, Baelfire is a typical orphan, looking like he's ready to audition for the musical version of Oliver Twist. He sneaks into a lavish house, and ravishes a loaf of bread. A young girl is alerted by the barking Saint Bernard, but instead of throwing him out, she offers him more food, she introduces herself as Wendy Darling.

                                                              

examiner.com

 

Tamara leaves Neil for her early morning jog/secret diabolical plan. He stays in bed but is soon woken by a screaming Dr. Whale. Mr. Gold and Lacey are having sport by bullying random towns people. Neil breaks up the fight and reminds Mr. Gold he's not being much of a role model.

 

Dear ABC,

Why does Mr. Gold not care about Neil anymore? Didn't he orchestrate the whole elaborate curse just to find Neil?

                                                                   

                                                                         wetpaint.com
 

Emma and David break into Regina's office looking for the missing magic beans. They find the plant, but, uh-oh no beans, plus no one has seen Regina. Emma can tell from the alarm that someone overrode the security system. Henry is worried. Mary Margaret and David thinks it's Mr. Gold, but Emma is still convinced Tamara is guilty of anything that goes wrong in Storybrooke.

Hook has Regina strapped down on a stretcher as Tamara and Greg watch behind glass. Tamara shows Greg the magic beans she just stole from Regina's office. Greg shows her the gold bag with the big black diamond that he found on Regina (trigger to end the curse and destroy Storbrooke). He's clueless of course.

Obsessed with finding his father, Greg begins to shock Regina, convinced torturing her will lead to information about his dad. Hook walks out, since he's only into torturing and killing Rumpelstiltskin.
 

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Wendy's parents find out that she's been hiding Baelfire in the nursery. Instead of throwing him to the nearest workhouse, Mrs. Darling adopts him.

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Emma takes her concerns about Tamara to Neil. He can't believe his fiance is a stealer of magic beans AND killer of wooden puppet men. But he goes with Emma anyway because she looks really hot with her hair down.

Wendy shows Baelfire around the nursery and excitedly tells him about the magic shadow that comes to the window sill sometimes. Baelfire grow pale and says magic always comes with a price. He begs her to NEVER open that window. Magic breaks up families.

Or in the right hands can defeat Lord Voldemort, but whatever.

Mary Margaret and David pay Lacey and Mr. Gold a visit. Since he still owes David a favor, Mr. Gold shows then a vial that contains one of Regina's tears. In order for the spell to work, he needs one of Mary Margaret's tears.

How can he expect her to cry on demand? Oh, never mind, she's crying already. Well, that was easy.

Now Mary Margaret can see and feel everything Regina is experiencing.

Remember that okay? SEE and FEEL everything.

Mary Margaret takes the potion, hoping that if she helps Regina this time, some of the light will come back in and make her good again.

Right, because it's happened all the other times Mary Margaret helped her.

Back in the Darling Nursery, Baelfire wakes up and sees Wendy sitting on the window sill, eagerly waiting to be whisked off to a magical land. The shadow comes and takes Wendy away, while Baelfire watches in horror.

Emma and Neil walk on the beach and open up old wounds while they search for clues that will link his fiance to the Mayor's disappearance. Tamara crosses their path in her running gear and Emma feels foolish.

After Tamara leaves to continue her fake run, Neil finally apologizes to Emma for being such a loser and letting her go to jail for him. Plus there's that staying away from her for the next ten years thing, too.

                                                               
 

                                                  fanpop.com

Regina tolerates the torture treatment while Greg and Tamara monologue about how evil and dirty magic is and their job is to cleanse the land.

Okaaaay.

Apparently they're not the only ones. They tell Regina there is an army of people who want to rid the world of magic.

Has anyone called Disney?

Mary Margaret is getting shocked by proxy in her apartment. This makes sense because she can FEEL AND SEE everything that's happening to Regina. Mary Margaret tells David she can feel intense pain and that it's cold and smells like sardines.

Dear ABC,

Too bad she can't remember the faces of the people towering over her, staring down at her, explaining their diabolical plan in detail.

Emma is on her cell phone with David when he gives her the super important sardines clue. She and Neil go speedy quick to Storybrooke's cannery.

Hey, they should see Cinderella's guy, Sean! He works at the cannery...or he used to. Where are they, anyway?

                                                                   

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Baelfire is woken by Wendy returning from her trip. She tells him she was away for much longer than one night. At first it was lovely with mermaids and fairies, but when night came all the children started crying and wanted their parents. But the shadow won't let anyone leave Neverland.

Wendy only managed to return because the Shadow doesn't want girls. She begins to shake and cry and tells Baelfire the shadow is coming back the next night for her little brothers.

Dear ABC,

Ew. Yuck. Gross. Extremely uncomfortable twist.

Emma and Neil sneak through the cannery only to end up running into David and Mary Margaret. Tamara can see the others on the monitor and lets Greg know that they're about to be found. He won't leave Regina until she tells him the whereabouts of  his father. After Tamara takes off, Regina buckles and tells Greg his father is dead and buried at their old campsite.

Baelfire helps the Darling children ready the nursery, but locking the window and hiding under the bed don't fool the creepy shadow. When little Michael is about to be taken, Baelfire offers to go in his place.

Greg keeps zapping Regina until she's practically dead. David rushes in and shoots at Greg who easily dodges the bullet and gets away speedy quick. Mary Margaret arrives close behind, looking and sounding full of life.

Dear ABC,

Why isn't she almost dead like Regina?

Emma and Neil block off the exit, ready to catch Greg, but Tamara comes up behind and knocks out Emma. Tamara takes her gun and pulls it on Neil. She uses this time to monologue about evil magic and how the fiance thing is just a cover. Then she shoots him in the chest to prove her point.

Emma jumps Tamara from behind and the two karate fight like it's Charles Angels. Tamara knows she can't beat Emma's hair so she throws down one of the magic beans and escapes while Emma struggles not to get sucked in.

Neil jumps to save her and somehow ends up falling in. Emma has him by the hand and begs him not to let go. Her fingers slip, and they both pledge their love for each other. He tells her she has to stay and take care of Henry so that he doesn't grow up without a parent. He lets go and Emma is alone...again.
 

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Greg frantically digs in the middle of the forest and he uncovers a skeleton.

Back at Mary Margaret's apartment the Blue Fairy performs healing magic on Regina. When she pronounces her as good as new, Emma arrives all wind blow and drops the bomb about Neil.

Baelfire is being dragged through the air by the shadow. He manages to escape by lighting a match. When the shadow drops him, he falls into the ocean below and is picked up by a ship captained by Hook.

As Mary Margaret wipes Regina's brow—just like the last episode, she is terrified to learn that both Tamara and Greg have escaped...with her black diamond (the curse trigger)!!!

Tamara meets Greg in the forest. She shows him the trigger and let's him know that their army of magic haters is ready to proceed with the next step in their diabolical plan. Hint, it deals with a big explosion.

Hey, next week is the finale!

Stuff I Liked About This Episode

#1. Emma finally got proof that Tamara was bad.

#2. We didn't have to see Lacey and Mr. Gold make out.

#3. Emma's navy peacoat.

Stuff I Didn't Like About This Episode

#1. Peter Pan is NOT a boy stealing creep!!! Yuck. Ew. Gross.

#2. Shouldn't Hook have recognized Baelfire?

#3. There were no fish in the cannery because there are no fishermen in Storybrooke, so how can the cannery smell like sardines?

Once Upon A Time, Season 2, Episode 9 “Queen of Hearts”

Or better title, "Logical Headache"

Belle isn't impressed with her rescuer.
hypable.com

Inside the castle of the Evil Queen, a hooded figure walks up the steps with a meal for the prisoner, but he's stopped by the guards. A wild sword fight breaks out and is over two seconds later. Captain Sexy Eyes throws off the cloak and bursts into the cell. He frees Belle from her shackles with his hook. But he's only there to get information about Rumpelstiltskin and how to defeat him. When he realizes Belle is still loyal to Rumpelstiltskin, he knocks her out.

Harsh much?

onceuponatime.wikia.com

The Evil Queen comes in looking like a cross between Grace Jones and Prince. She tells him about her plan to take everyone to a land without magic. When Captain Sexy Eyes gives her a shrug, she entices him with an image of his hook slicing through a powerless Rumpelstiltskin. In return, she wants him to make sure that one person doesn't follow them...Cora.

Grace Jones

Prince

 

The Mayor and Mr. Gold pace the floor while David remains in his magical coma in the back of the shop. Mr. Gold plays devil's advocate and tells the Mayor they should destroy the portal since Cora is so super bad and amazingly evil that there's no way Mary Margaret and Emma can defeat her. Plus, if they somehow DO manage to beat Cora to the portal, would it be so bad for the Mayor if Henry only had her left?

He's slick that Mr. Gold. How can the Mayor resist his logic?

Mary Margaret, Emma, Mulan, and the heartless Aurora, go to Rumpelstiltskin's cell, in search of the bottle of powerful squid ink. All they find within the cavern's cracks is a scroll with Emma's name written over and over.

Jinkies! A clue!
fanpop.com

Henry reads his only book to a sleeping David. The Mayor walks in and gives an Oscar worthy performance telling him that she and Mr. Gold are going to prepare the portal for Mary Margaret and Emma's arrival.

And by prepare the portal, she means destroy it.

She and Mr. Gold enter the mine and find all the diamonds the dwarfs just leave unguarded for anyone to take.

That makes perfect sense to me. Definitely no loop holes with that logic.

Mr. Gold takes out a wand and casually mentions a dead fairy and fills it up with the magic from the diamonds.

Remember the Cinderella episode when he killed the fairy godmother? 

The Evil Queen hexes Captain Sexy Eyes' hook so that he can remove a heart and enchant it at the same time. However, he can only do it once.

Let's file that bit of info for a later episode.

She shows Captain Sexy Eyes, Jefferson's hat and tells him he has to enter the land where her mother has been banished.

Guess who's going to Wonderland? I believe this is time to do some gloating. Click here.

Why the ear thing, anyway?
disneywikia.com

Captain Sexy Eyes arrives in Wonderland under the watchful gaze of masked courtiers and pays respect to the 'elephant-thing' that is Cora.

Thank you! *bows*

He thrusts his hook into her chest but she only laughs.

She has no heart, dumb-dumb! She's hiding it somewhere special. Hmm...like maybe in a chest in the bottom of the sea? *Cough* Davy Jones Locker *cough*

Where is her heart? Ask this dude.
rapgenius.com

Cora turns the tables and grips his cardiac muscle. Gasping, he confesses the Evil Queen was the one who ordered her death.

Emma stares at the scroll with her name as the others keep searching the cell. Mulan finds an empty ink bottle. Just when things can't get any worse, Cora and Captain Sexy Eyes arrive and close the bars, trapping the girls in the cell. Aurora grabs the compass from Emma and tosses it to Cora's waiting hand. The others are baffled until Cora gives Aurora's heart a good squeeze.

Emma tries to make a deal with Captain Sexy Eyes, but he only teases her by dangling his dried bean in her face. Sorry, I mean the last magic bean taken from the giant, which I'm assuming he'll rehydrate or something.

No matter, the chicks are totally screwed by the end of this scene.

Grumpy and Ruby discover that all the magic diamonds are gone. They alert Henry since he's the logical choice, being the only nearby ten year old who is busy reading to his comatose grandfather.

Henry is so upset that the Mayor has lied to him about trying to be good that he ALMOST slams the book shut, gosh darn it!

Emma tries to break through the bars but it's useless, so is the whining as everyone tries to take blame for the mess they're in. Emma, in particular, complains about not fulfilling her end of the prophecy. Mary Margaret will have none of it, and leads the gang in a cheer about good versus evil.

I wonder when they'll realize the magic ink is already written on the scroll. Oops, that would be logical. Better let things evolve at their own pace.

Cora and Captain Sexy Eyes head to the magical lake that restores what was once lost.

Thank God, because this plot needs to find some logic.

No worries when you've got magic.
ctv.ca

Cora doesn't even raise an eyebrow at the dried up desert. She merely raises her hand and a geyser erupts—and by the looks of those awesome special effects, the magical lake will soon be full.

Back in time in Wonderland, Cora let's Captain Sexy Eyes live. She convinces him that she's the only one who can help him kill Rumpelstiltskin. In return, he promises to get her close to the Evil Queen to rip out her daughter's heart.

Captain Sexy Eyes shows the Evil Queen Cora's body, just like he promised. She leans over the coffin and...holy spray tan!

She's supposed to be dead, not on an outlet shopping spree bus tour.

The Evil Queen weeps and apologizes to her mother. She says love is her weakness, and that she had to kill her because her love for her is too great. 

And that, of course, logically speaking, would make Cora her greatest threat...you know, because she loves her so much.

*Brain explodes*

Let's not forget this is the girl who ripped out her father's heart to complete the curse.

It's not eyeliner, it's face paint for guys.
hypable.com

Cora slips out of the coffin and explains to Captain Sexy Eyes that she no longer plans on killing her daughter. Since she still has a place in her heart, she's ready to do a little waiting. They stand on an island in their little corner of fairy tale land, protected from the curse that sends everyone else to Storybrooke.

They discuss how they'll spend the next twenty-eight years while they wait for the Savior and blah, blah, blah...and then their quest will resume. Cora knows that Regina will lose everything, and that's the time when she'll need Mommy Dearest the most.

Mr. Gold and the Mayor walk through the forest and stop at the well.

Mary Margaret finally makes the connection that the squid ink is on the scroll. She blows over the paper (just like she used to spy Regina doing) and the magic cloud opens the cell. Aurora asks Mulan to tie her up because she can't be trusted.

Whoa, things just got kinky.

Cora and Captain Sexy Eyes stand at the edge of the magical lake that Cora magically made. He sprinkles in the ashes from the magical wardrobe, and a magical whirlpool appears...as if by magic or something.

Mr. Gold uses the fairy Godmother's wand and summons a dark cloud. A bolt of lightning pierces the well. He tells the Mayor (and us), that no one, not even super smart and magical Cora, can survive coming through that web of electricity.

Cora hands Captain Sexy Eyes the compass, but an arrow slices through the air, knocking it out of his hand. Emma and Captain Sexy Eyes do a little sword fighting while Mulan and Mary Margaret deflect Cora's fireballs. She vaporizes into thin air, leaving the bag that holds Aurora's enchanted heart falling into the whirlpool.

Captain Sexy Eyes reaches out and snags the bag. Mulan manages to grab it from him. He and Emma roll around on the beach as they continue to dual. He ends up straddling her, and says, “When I jab you with my sword, you'll feel it.”

Dear ABC,

Seriously? No really...seriously?

Emma has an amazing stroke of luck and realizes she's lying on top of the compass. She distracts Captain Sexy Eyes long enough to push him off and give him the face punch the writers deserved for that last line.

*Cough* 50 Shades of Grey *cough*

Ruby and Henry arrive at the well to confront the evil doers. Mr. Gold responds by throwing Ruby across the woods, knocking her unconscious. He turns to Henry and calmly explains that Cora will kill them all if she gets through the portal.

Can't Henry see the logic?

Emma and Mary Margaret battle a newly re-appeared Cora. Cora is ready to take Mary Margaret's heart but Emma, that silly klutz, does it again and jumps in, making Cora's fist go through her own chest. But Cora can't take out her heart! Why???

Well, in Whoville they say, her heart was too good, and too full of love. Plus her blond hair totally kicked the evil Barbara Hershey with her Botox and fillers.

*cough* Harry Potter *cough*

Dear ABC,

If the key to deafeating Cora was finding the ink, why would Mary Margaret waste all of it opening the door of the cell? Shouldn't someone have yelled out, "Hey, don't use all the powerful ink! That's the only thing that will help us defeat Cora!" 

Mary Margaret and Emma hold the compass between their hands and jump into the magical whirlpool.

Their only hope is that they pronounce Diagon Alley, correctly.

Don't think too hard, just trust my logic.
wikia.com

The Mayor and Henry battle scruples. Henry reminds her that she's supposed to be good, and that she needs to have faith and blah, blah, blah. The Mayor can't take any more of his logic. She puts her hands over the well and sucks up the electricity...or something logical like that.

Emma and Mary Margaret climb out of the well and they have a tearful reunion. Mr. Gold limps off before Ruby wakes up. Henry says the Mayor saved the day.

Hooray! Wait, what? Boo! Booooooring. I want the old evil one back.

Mary Margaret hurries to Mr. Gold's shop and lays a big wet one on David. The dwarfs gather around to watch. David wakes up, and they make out even more.

Mr. Gold puts the fairy Godmother's wand away...right beside a golden ball. Emma confronts Mr. Gold about creating the curse and making her the savior. He says he had no part in creating her, she's the product of true love.

*barf*

Mulan holds the enchanted heart and presses it into Aurora's chest.

Gee, I hope it's the right heart.

Aurora excitedly tells Mulan her new plan to get Prince Phillip's soul back from the demon (Dementor knock off) and reunite it with his body. Mulan is super keen on this plan since she had the hots for Phillip as well.

Cora has a heart on for Hook's magic bean.
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Captain Sexy Eyes stands by the magical lake and shows Cora his dried up bean. He dangles it right in front of her face! She looks unimpressed until he suggests they do a little gardening with the magical waters.

Henry hugs the Mayor and says he's happy she's really changed.

And guess where they're going to celebrate? Yup, the pub/diner/laundromat. And guess who's not invited? Yup, the Mayor.

It's perfectly logical for Henry to exclude the Mayor from the celebration since she was the one who took away the deadly electrical trap that allowed his mother and grandmother to return safely.

Yup, completely logical.

Mr. Gold puts a little salt in the wound, and I have to say, that's the best way to make the Mayor want revenge.

I guess she's lost everything. Who can help her now?

Oh, look! On the horizon! It's a pirate ship.

Predictions for the next episode

#1. ABC gets sued by that 50 Shades of Grey chick for stealing all her lines.

#2. Captain Sexy Eyes tries to lure a mermaid out of the magical lake with his dangling, dried up bean.

#3. The Mayor starts wearing white and black again because colors just aren't working out for her.

#4. Rapunzel shows up demanding equal representation.

Once Upon A Time Episode 6, Season 2, “Tallahassee”

Or better title, "That Damn Puppet!"

It all started with a magic bean...
photo credit, hypable.com



Knowing they need the magic compass to get back to Storybrooke, Emma, Mary Margaret, and Mulan stare up at the sky scraping bean stalk while the ever silent, Sleeping Beauty...well, just stares.

Captain Sexy Eyes gives the girls (and us), a brief history lesson about how giants used to grow magic portal beans. Big monsters declare war on humans all the time in fairytale land, and the human army was led by a shy farmer named Jack. After an epic battle atop the famous bean stalk, one giant remains.

Really? I would've bet on the giants.

Captain Sexy Eyes shows them his special glowing bracelet that will allow him to climb the enchanted vine, but here's the twist, he only has one more bracelet since it was supposed to be used by Cora.

Um...couldn't she just fly up or something?

We see Emma with a pony tail and glasses—this is clearly, pre-Henry. She steals a yellow bug—yes that yellow bug. A guy pops up from the backseat making her scream.

Backseat driver.
photo credit, examiner.com

Hey! It's the guy from the useless prologue from the first episode. What is Bellfire doing in Emma's yellow bug? *Reaches for Tylenol* 

He starts to flirt with her, which should be the first red flag, and asks her out for drinks. It's soon apparent this guy is smitten, and not the owner of the car.

Wow! What are the odds the car you've stolen has already been stolen? Pretty basic first date so far. It also happens to be the way I met my husband.

Emma convinces Mary Margaret to let her accompany Captain Sexy Eyes up the bean stalk. Mulan gives her a sack of poppy seeds to use as a powerful sleeping potion. (Well sure, if you're going to have Frankenstein, you might as well in corporate The Wizard of Oz).

Emma makes Mulan promise to chop down the vine if she's not back in ten hours, and...psst, make sure to get Mary Margaret back to Storybrooke.

They start to climb, and I'm thinking ten hours was a generous estimate. 

Hello! You're climbing into the clouds!

Captain Sexy Eyes takes this opportunity to flirt with Emma. With his usual confident swagger, he teases she has the look of an orphan, so similar to all the Lost Boys on Neverland. He can tell she's never truly been in love.

A very pregnant Emma, and her car stealing boyfriend, enter a convenience store and practise their shoplifting skills. They run out with Emma's fake tummy full of pop and Twinkies.

What kind of criminals are they? Shouldn't they be doing something more than pocketing gum?

Anyway, the nameless boyfriend gets all sentimental and convinces Emma that it's time to settle down and start eating real food. She closes her eyes, points to the map and chooses...Tallahassee.

Mulan makes a sundial and schedules sleep shifts. Mary Margaret convinces Aurora—yes! I can finally stop typing 'Sleeping Beauty'—to catch a few winks as well, but she whines that her nightmares keep her up. That plus the fact she's been asleep for like a hundred years...

Emma and Captain Sexy Eyes finally make it to the top and find a derelict castle looming in front of them. He administers some first aid to a cut on her hand, but Emma is so head strong and tough she's immune to his charms.

He takes off his manly pirate scarf, wraps it around her hand, and then knots it off with is teeth. All the while giving her a hypnotic stare with those terribly, sexy eyes. Then he leans close...so close I can count his eyelashes and smell a faint taste of rum off his breath.

Er...sorry. Right, ahem.

It's not eyeliner, it's face paint for men.
photo credit, tvfilmnews.com

Emma sees his tattoo of Melana's name on his arm and she figures out that Mr. Gold took more than his hand. But the pirate has no desire to talk about his feelings either, instead they discuss the best way to attack the giant.

Emma's boyfriend confesses he's in hot water for a bag of stolen watches, and the cops are looking for him. He breaks the news that Tallahassee is out, and he needs to escape to Canada...alone. But Emma has been picturing days spent at the beach while pickpocketing tourists. She convinces him to let her retrieve the watches from his locker at the train station...or something like that.

It doesn't matter, we all know it's not going to end well.

This dude looks LOST.
photo credit, tumblr.com

As per some elaborate plan, Captain Sexy Eyes makes a lot of noise to summon the Giant. The big curly haired dude, from Lost shows up. While Captain Sexy Eyes distracts him, Emma throws the whole bag of poppy powder at his face. Within seconds Hurley falls.

Mulan checks her sundial and the ever helpful Aurora has a nightmare. She tells Mary Margaret she was trapped in a room with burning curtains. There was someone else with her, hiding in the corner, but all she could see were his eyes. Mary Margaret soothes her back to sleep and this scene was such an obvious info-dump it isn't even funny.

Captain Sexy Eyes keeps pocketing golden treasure while Emma impatiently prompts him to hurry up. They stumble across several booby traps and more flirting continues—Emma's 'tough girl with a heart of stone persona' is an interesting challenge for the pirate.

Emma goes to the train station and easily retrieves the stolen watches. She jumps into the yellow bug, where her guy is waiting. He puts one of the watches on her wrist, takes the rest to sell speedy quick, and then they're Tallahassee bound, baby!

Gee, I hope nothing bad happens.

Lover Boy doesn't get very far before he's attacked....by August Wayne Booth. He wastes no time in playing the magic card, and blurts out that Emma has a destiny. And here's a hint, it has nothing to do with Tallahassee. In order to convince him, August walks him over to his motorcycle and shows him something in a box.

It must be one hell of a good trick, because the boyfriend doesn't even bat an eye when August proceeds to tell him everything.

Hands up!
photo credit, theexaminer.com

Emma is arrested after being told she was set up by her lover boy.

The giant wakes up and runs into the castle, causing such a ground shaking disturbance, that Captain Sexy Eyes is trapped under falling rocks.

Dear ABC,

Please, please, please, stop killing off the hot guys.

August and lover boy meet up in Vancouver, CANADA!!! Emma will be in jail for eleven months. Lover Boy is upset that he can't have any contact with her. He hands over the keys to the yellow bug. August promises to watch over Emma.

We know how that turned out the last time, right?

Lover Boy begs August to send him word when it's safe to see her again.

Giant Hurley picks up Emma and starts to crush her, apparently he has some unresolved issues over the whole 'humans whipped out my species' thing. Emma is brilliant under pressure and she bites his huge thumb with her tiny teeth. This causes enough searing pain for him to drop her.

He runs after her and she springs one of the booby traps. With a poisoned tipped sword aimed straight for his eye, Giant Hurley gives Emma the magic compass, snarling that all humans are killers. Emma walks away without harming him, and he smashes out of the trap. But, instead of crushing her or making soup with her bones, he helps dig out Captain Sexy Eyes.

Hooray!

Emma quickly shows him the compass but refuses to let him have it. Then she handcuffs him to a post, saying she has trust issues and just needs a head start.

Zzzzz.
photo credit, examiner.com

Mulan checks her sundial, and realizes that ten hours have passed. She starts to cut down the bean stalk causing Mary Margaret to freak out and attack her. Meanwhile, Aurora stands and watches. Yup, she just stands and watches.

Emma jumps down from the air, breaking up the fight. Mary Margaret gives her a lecture about death wishes and tells her the only way they go back to Storybrooke is together.

Emma sits in prison with her positive pregnancy test.

Henry wakes from a nightmare, and is quickly consoled by David. He describes a room with burning curtains and a girl who just stands there and stares at him.

Hmm...standing and staring? Does that sound like anyone we know?

Predictions for next episode

Emma starts drinking rum and keeps Captain Sexy Eye's scarf close to her heart.

Lover Boy arrives in Storybrooke and is surprised to see that everyone, even the dwarfs, are better looking than him.

David furrows his brow, then looks longingly into the camera and once again wishes there was magic so he could make a portal to fairytale land.

Once Upon A Time Episode 19, "The Return" or "David Is Such A Loser"

August thrashes in his bed, getting tangled in the sheets. He then falls out and stumbles to his typewriter like Storybrooke is having an earthquake. Obviously, he's not a morning person. On the phone, he tells someone things are taking too long and he has to accelerate the plan.

He always tells the truth except when he's snooping.
photo credit, hollywoodlife.com

Henry and August hatch a scheme—I guess that's who he was talking with. Henry goes into Mr. Gold's shop, cheerily looking for a gift for his favorite teacher, Mary Margaret, to celebrate her release from jail.

Meanwhile, August sneaks in the back of the shop and begins searching the cluttered shelves. Mr. Gold catches him, but August does a song and dance about looking for maps and gets away.




Hold on—I thought he always told the truth. ABC! *shakes fist at TV*

Emma goes to the hospital and questions a recovering Catherine. She remembers the car accident, but then blacked out and came to in a basement. The Doctor, the only medical staff in Storybrooke apparently, tells Emma there were traces of drugs in Catherine's system.

Is this blood test as reliable as the DNA on her heart? *rolls eyes*

Adding to the mystery, Catherine says she didn't escape but woke up one morning in a field and walked into town. Emma does some brilliant detective work and says the DNA test must have been faked.

Gee! Ya think?

Quidditch anyone?
photo credit, unwinnable.com

The Mayor and Mr. Gold argue at his shop. He holds a leather ball that looks like a quaffle.

Ten points for a Harry Potter reference!

She's mad that he broke their deal. He glares back at her and says he's only broken one deal, and unfortunately it wasn't this one. She demands to know why he came up with the curse to bring them here if he's not helping her now?

Good question. Also, why is it so easy to break into the hospital lab?

On a muddy road, boys are playing with Mr. Gold's quaffle ball. A horse drawn waggon almost runs over them. An angry villager scolds the boy for playing on the road, then he recognizes Rumpelstiltskin's son, Bellfire. He backs away, clearly frightened. And he should be. Rumpelstiltskin hears the arguing and turns the frantically apologetic villager in to a snail, and then crushes him. WOW! Just like that.

David visits Catherine because he's a confused guy trying to remember who he's in love with. Hello? Your true love just got sprung from jail! *taps TV screen* 

Catherine forgives him for all the crap he put her through—I guess being kidnapped and held in a basement puts things in perspective. They agree to not be miserable married people anymore. He calls her amazing, and then kisses her on the forehead. But no magic happens because it's a 'true friend's kiss' not the 'true love' kind.

Emma throws Mary Margaret a party. Henry gives her a bell wrapped in a pretty silver box. Is anyone else thinking about The Polar Express? David arrives looking for more foreheads to kiss, but Emma stops him at the door. He whimpers something stupid and then leaves.

Mr. Gold watches them from the corner. Emma crosses her arms in front of her chest and accuses him of kidnapping Catherine. Emma needs to brush up on her hostess skills. Mr. Gold doesn't even flinch—he's so cool. Instead he motions toward August and asks what she knows about him. Emma realizes she's clueless about August. Mr. Gold tells her he must be using a pseudonym, which is different than an acronym but has the same suffix.

Rumpelstiltskin enters the cottage with his son, Bellfire, and begins to heal his skinned knee with magic. The boy wants none of it and gets the mid-evil first aid kit (also known as the BlackSmith Special). Bellfire confronts his father about his lust for power and how evil he's become. Rumpelstiltskin refutes that his powers ended the Ogre war, saving thousands of children from being soldiers.

But his son is adamant. Rumpelstiltskin shows him the dagger with his name etched into the blade and says he's owned by the magic for life—or until someone else kills him with the dagger.

Two hours of homework=one hour on Minecraft
photo credit, runnersworld.com

Their maid/cook/laundry girl walks in and they drop the conversation. Obviously they've been watching Downton Abbey. The first rule is to never talk about curses with the help around. Bellfire makes Rumpelstiltskin promise to figure out how to get rid of his powers, and they shake on the deal.

Mr. Gold snoops around August's room and finds a tiny wooden carving of a dog. Hmm, tiny wooden carving. Whoa! Jackpot! AND a perfect drawing of the dagger.

At the dinner/pub/laundromat Emma confronts Sydney about bugging her office. Sydney makes it clear he's on the Mayor's side. Emma looks disgusted. She stomps away with her amazing golden hair flowing behind her and promises to find the basement where Catherine was kept. She's determined to find any clue that will link him AND the Mayor to the set up.

Bellfire is sad because none of the other kids will play with him—you know 'cause his dad might turn them into a snails, too. A young girl comes out from behind a tree (the forest gets so much air time every episode!) She's kind and describes what a hero his father was the day he stopped the Ogre Wars. He tells her the power has become a curse. She offers him hope and mentions a rumor she heard on the battle field of an original magic that was more powerful than the Dark One.

Rumpelstiltskin breaks up the scene and the girl hurries away. Bellfire notices his father's bloodied boots. Rumpelstiltskin defends his actions, saying the maid was mute but she could still draw a picture of the dagger. Geez. Harsh much?

Mr. Gold follows August and watches as he meets with the Head Nun (aka Blue Fairy). It's hard to recognize her without her blue bustier and jellyfish skirt. Apparently August has found his long lost father but isn't sure how to reveal the truth...yet.

Bellfire goes into the woods and summons the original power. Instead of the huge, creepy thing I'm imagining, the Blue Fairy appears. Bellfire explains his father is the Dark One. She says her magic can't take away his powers. However, he can go to a place where magic doesn't exist, and that will save them both.

She gives him a magic bean, and tells him to use it wisely because it is the very, last magic bean. The. Very. Last.

David chases Mary Margaret down the street and tries to apologize—AGAIN! His excuse for being a spineless twit was all the mounting evidence against her. He's worse at apologizing as Emma is at hosting parties.

Mary Margaret sighs and says something powerful is trying to keep them apart. He apologizes again, saying that he loves her, and then they both end up crying. OH. MY. GOD. They've had this conversation a billion times.

Dear ABC,

Why are they even in this episode?

Rumpelstiltskin is spinning gold when Bellfire comes in and tries to sell him on the idea of leaving fairytale land to live in a place where absolutely nothing magical could ever happen—Wal-mart. Rumpelstiltskin can't refuse his son. They shake hands and make a deal. Um...didn't we just see that?

Feeling particularly chatty and helpless (never a good combination), Mr. Gold pays a visit to Dr. Hopper and talks about his long lost son and their somewhat complicated relationship. Dr. Hopper advises he should ask his son for forgiveness, because there's no other way.

I'm shocked someone actually had a real answer instead of the usual, true love's kiss idea. Yay! Dr. Hopper.

Mr. Gold meets August in the woods (hi, trees!). August calls him Papa. For proof, rearrange the letters in August Wayne Booth. You'll discover they spell out, the writer is Rumpelstiltskin's son and he had this magic bean that was the very last magic bean in fairytale land.

See? It's so obvious. I feel like such a dummy.

Bellfire plants the bean and it forms a green tornado as a porthole to Wal-mart. Rumpelstiltskin suddenly gets cold feet and tries to pull his son back, yelling that he can't give up the power. His grip slips and Bellfire disappears into the vortex. Seconds later the ground covers over. Realizing he made the wrong choice, Rumpelstiltskin claws at the dirt.

Mr. Gold admits his cowardice to August, but that every waking moment since that night he's been looking for him. He then asks for forgiveness, and I must say, David could take a few pointers. Together they unearth the dagger Mr. Gold buried shortly after Emma arrived in Storybrooke. He hands it to August telling him to destroy it—he doesn't need magic anymore now that he's found his son. August takes the dagger and points it at his father and demands control the Dark One.

*Gasp* TWIST!

Mr. Gold points a finger at his son's impostor. He overtakes the weak August and demands answers. August confesses to being from fairytale land, but he's sick and was trying to get 'the Savior' to help him—but she's such a non-believer, that Emma.

Mr. Gold sneers down at him, telling him to keep trying. And since he's spared his life, August now owes Mr. Gold a favor.

Rumpelstiltskin summons the Blue Fairy and asks how he can follow his son. The fairy says he had his chance, however (there's always a however) a powerful curse can create the same vortex. He vows to find this powerful magic and will do nothing else, and love nothing else until he gets his son back. Well, except maybe that chick who comes to clean his castle and breaks the china cup...but other than her, nothing else!

The Mayor sits in the Sheriff's office and watches as Syndey confess to setting up Mary Margaret. He says he wanted to be the one to find her and be the hero. He would write an exclusive for the paper and get his job back. Emma is absolutely not buying any of it. She takes the Mayor into the hallway and lays it all out on the table—she's had enough of the Mayor's crazy schemes. Emma vows to never stop fighting her, and finally...FINALLY declares to fight for custody of Henry.

Whoo-hoo! Cat Fight!

So, August is still a mystery, unless you haven't figured out he's really Pinocchio. Click here for details.

Will David ever get some charm? And what about the animal shelter? And please, somebody go wake up Sleeping Beauty, she's missing all the fun!

Cheers!