Once Upon A Time, Season 4, Episode 5 "Breaking Glass"

Or better title "Breaking Wind"

Because this episode stank so much!

David and Mary Margaret entrust Belle with baby Neal as they make plans to go on their first date since giving birth!

I see nothing going wrong with this at all. 

Elsa hangs out at the Sheriff's office going through photos of Emma and the Snow Queen, which Emma has no memory of almost as if her memories have been ERASED magically!

*snore*

Also, has anyone offered a change of clothes for Elsa?

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Emma takes the photos to Regina because it's obvious that her arch nemesis will help her while she's looking for a cure to save her true love's wife. Regina rolls her eyes and tells Emma they will never be friends and that includes doing favors like using magic to help her remember how she knows the Snow Queen.

Um...wouldn't that be a good thing to do since the Snow Queen is pretty powerful and everything?

Anyway, we flashback to Emma's past where we see her make friends during the turbulent teenage years with another shoplifter—Lily of the light handed.

Lily and Emma bound over stolen luncheon meat and their own stories of miserable orphanage upbringing. Lily comes up with the super idea that she and Emma should break into a big ole summer mansion, now empty for the fall.

While waiting for Emma, Elsa gets lured into a foggy graveyard by the sound of Anna's voice.

And this is totally logical because characters have a way of popping up from different dimensions when you're not looking for them.

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The magic mirror (love sick, Sydney Glass) lets Regina know that he's found the Snow Queen and he leads her (via her compact) through above mentioned foggy forest. She bumps into Emma who is looking for Elsa.

How does Emma know Elsa went wandering into the forest?

David and Mary Margaret drop in on the Sheriff's office to grab a walkie talkie and they notice the cell is empty!

How on earth did Will Scarlet (the ice cream shop thief) escape while left alone for hours?

Elsa runs through the darkened forest in her sparkling cape, following the sound of Anna's voice.

For the love of God, can someone give the girl a pair of sweat pants and sneakers?

She sees Anna dangling precariously above a chasm so Elsa builds an ice bridge. Psst...this is useless since we all know this the Snow Queen tricking Elsa.

Also, if Anna really was Anna, wouldn't Elsa find it weird that her sister is running away from her?

David convinces Mary Margaret they should try and track down Will. She thinks he's stupid pants and if they're going to be away from the baby they should be hitting the all night disco instead. So he tells her to head home and he'll do the police stuff on his own.

Two seconds later, Mary Margaret sees a guy shoveling holes on the beach.

This episode is so bad my head hurts. Why did I start watching this show? Oh, wait. Now I remember.

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Lilly and Emma break into a mansion and do what any delinquent would do; play video games and take selfies. Emma notices Lilly has a star birthmark in the inside of her wrist. To prove they're besties Lily marks Emma's wrist and they promise to always stay besties...for like real...for like always.

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 Elsa finds Anna and they hug. The Snow Queen slips out from the trees in her long white sparkly dress and the vision of Anna disappears. She then traps Elsa with handcuffs of ice and begins a monologue about using power to its full potential and how she can control Elsa with fear.

Um...if you magically bind someone you should probably NOT tell them how to break the spell.

Mary Margaret questions Will who is trying to find a bag he buried in the sand. She discovers he was only arrested for breaking into the library while drunk. She figures David let him out of jail so she'd have a little adventure on her own. And since she's the mayor she pardons him.

This C story was kind of pointless.

Emma and Regina end up stuck on the ice bridge and Regina figures the magic mirror has set her up. The bridge starts to collapse and they rush off in time.

Lilly and Emma are discovered by Lilly's dad. Uh-oh. Lilly has been lying to poor orphaned Emma. It turns out Lilly has a mom and dad and regular spaghetti Mondays. Lilly tries to convince Emma they're still alike and once she runs away again, they'll hit the road in Thelma and Louise style, but Emma's not buying it and she wipes off her water color star tattoo.

Elsa breaks her chains by conquering her fears. Actually she says, "I'm not afraid." And ta-da, she's free.

Regina and Emma battle a transformer monster thing that's made of ice. They use their magic in a combined effort—like every other time they have to battle. The Snow Queen appears and takes Regina's compact. Elsa moves in on the scene and throws a few icicle spears.

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The Snow Queen congratulates Elsa on losing her fears. Then she disappears in a vortex of snow.

Regina tells Emma she will never forgive her for bringing back Marion, even if Elsa tells them they should be buds because the Snow Queen will whip them all dead speedy quick if they don't stand together.

The Snow Queen helps Sydney Glass escape from the magical compact and she monologues (again) that the black magic in the compact will help her get what she's deserved for too long.

Hey, another villain bent on revenge because of not feeling loved by the right person at the right time. Isn't that original?

The Snow Queen uses the last piece of glass to complete a master mirror...the mirror of evil doing. And she whispers that it will help her get a family that's always loved her.

Called it.

Emma goes to Regina and explains that she turned her back on Lily because she was hurt and she doesn't want the same thing to happen between her and Regina...or something like that. You know, since they have the whole 'I struggle with commitment issues' thing.

Regina rolls her eyes and says, "Um...okay. Let's try to be friends."

David returns home and Mary Margaret tells him she pardoned Will. She's all happy and feels like her old crime fighting self. David says he didn't help Will escape but since this is the C plot, no one really cares.

Emma sits at the Sheriff's office and pulls out the old photos of herself and the Snow Queen. Hook shows up and she shares her miserable memories because that turns guys on. She finds the old video recorder and starts to watch pictures of her and Lily. The tape keeps rolling and we see new footage of Emma's next foster home, but she doesn't remember any of it.

No memory? Weird.

And guess who's in the tape? Yup, the Snow Queen.

What did you think of tonight's episode? Check out my other Once Upon A Time Recaps here!


 

Once Upon A Time Season 3, Episode 3, "Quite A Common Fairy"

Or better title "It Sucks to be Mulan"



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Emma and the gang follow her magical orphan map, but Peter Pan's camp keeps moving, making them roam around in circles.

Back at Rumpelstiltskin castle, Neil searches the magic cupboard to find something to make a portal so he can get to Neverland. Robin Hood puts a wet blanket on the situation by saying it's a crazy pants idea. Mulan rolls her eyes at the guys, wishing she was fighting a dragon somewhere. The Merry Men come into the room. Robin's son, Rolland, rushes into his father's arms. Neil lights up with an idea.

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Robin Hood, much better looking than the last guy.

Captain Sexy Eyes (CSE) mentions Tinkerbell can help them find the camp, plus she has pixie dust, which everyone knows is way more powerful than regular fairy dust. David is encouraged by this because his wound from the previous night's sword fight is getting worse. CSE tells him it's poisoned and he'll probably be dead soon. Regina warns them Tinkerbell is no ordinary fairy.

A newly wed, Queen Regina quarrels with Rumpelstiltskin—she's sick of her dark magic lessons and hates her life with the King and his insipid daughter, little Snow White. She's still bitter about the stable boy being killed by her mother, which she totally blames on Snow White.

*cough* plot hole *cough*

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She's desperate to escape her life, and ends up half jumping/half falling off her balcony. But before she hits the stones below, Tinkerbell flies out from nowhere and saves her. The next logical step is for the two of them to bond over a couple of pints in an outdoor tavern. Tinkerbell feels sorry for Regina and her loveless marriage. She offers up the power of pixie dust to help her fall in love again.

While CSE leads the others to Tinkerbell's lair, Regina tries to convince Emma that they can combine their magic to defeat Peter Pan. Emma doesn't take her up on it because all magic comes at a price.

Why didn't they try that the very first night. Or when they were fighting the Lost Boys. Or when... oh never mind.

Peter Pan shows Henry a poisoned bow and arrow and orders him to shoot an apple off the head of one of the Lost Boys. Henry is shaking in his boots. Instead, he aims at Peter Pan who manages to catch the arrow in mid-air because he's so badass and dark and powerful.


I can't help but notice that Henry has grown a lot over the summer. He's supposed to be ten but he's getting closer to like fourteen.

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Tinkerbell travels to the land of giant tulips. The Blue Fairy reprimands her for trying to help Regina, who everyone knows has been taking lessons with The Dark One. She refuses Tinkerbell any pixie dust and forbids her from helping Regina—but Tinkerbell steals some anyway.
 
Neil tries to convince Robin Hood that his son, Rolland can summon the Dark Shadow that steals little boys from their bedroom windows. That way Neil can grab on for a free ride to Neverland. Robin Hood will not budge until Neil reminds him Rumpelstiltskin once saved his wife's life, and he relents.
 
That's the magic of the logic of Once Upon A Time.

Regina stays behind, not wanting to see Tinkerbell. The others go on without her, but this proves not to be a great idea, when Tinkerbell comes out from behind a huge paper mache rock and blows unconscious dust in her face.

Tinkerbell visits Queen Regina and they take a ride with the stolen pixie dust.

Yee-haw!

The dust makes a trail to a village where apparently Regina's happiness is waiting for her. They peek through the tavern window and zero in on the luminescent dude with a lion tattoo on his forearm. That's the guy who will make her happy. That's the guy she is destined to be with. Regina opens the door...then runs away.

Oh man! The commercial for the Toy Story Halloween special looks AWESOME.

Sorry, I digress.

CSE and the others find Tinkerbell's tree house is empty. They channel Scooby Doo and quickly figure out Tinkerbell has been tracking them and has probably captured Regina.

Regina realizes Tinkerbell doesn't have magic and is therefore not a threat. But Tinkerbell grabs a deadly thorn from the deadly thorn bush that's maybe called shadow bane—I'm not sure and I was too lazy to rewind. Anyway, Regina doesn't even flinch. She rips out her own heart and thrusts it in Tinkerbell's hand, calling her bluff.

Say what you will, but that move took balls.

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 Queen Regina lies to Tinkerbell and says the man with the lion tattoo was not her true love, in fact he was horrible. But Tinkerbell sees through her act. Regina then confesses she was in love before, but doesn't want to be hurt again. Tinkerbell is upset because she stole for Regina!

What the heck will she do now?!

The Blue Fairy catches up to Tinkerbell and gets all Mother Superior in her face for betraying her trust; she no longer believes in her. Tinkerbell loses her wings and falls to the ground.

While Tinkerbell clutches her heart, Regina said she left without seeing her true love because she was afraid to be happy. She thought without her anger she'd be weak. So she chose revenge over hope, and it made her heart black.

Tinkerbell gives Regina her heart back, but says it's took late to save Henry because he's been with Peter Pan for too long.

Peter Pan tells Henry that Neverland runs on magic. People have stopped believing around the world and considering he's the truest believer, it's his job to make the world believe again. He is the only one who can save Neverland. Henry isn't convinced.

Hmm...wouldn't that make him a non-believer?

While Rolland is situated to go up as bait Neil gives everyone a lesson about making sure you tell the one you love how you truly feel. Mulan nods knowingly because she's hot for Prince Phillip, Aurora's fella.

Rolland stands up against the bedroom window and says, “I believe.” The window bangs open, and the shadow flies in. Mulan does some sword work to make sure Rolland isn't dragged off. Neil grabs hold and he's off to Neverland.

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Seeing how fantastic she is with a sword, Robin Hood offers Mulan a place among his Merry Men, but she declines his offer and rushes off to see Phillip, ready to lay her heart at his feet. She arrives to see Aurora glowing with news that she and Phillip are preggers. Mulan is visible crushed. She tells Aurora she's joining Robin Hood after all.

Good to have a back up plan.

The others find Regina and Tinkerbell, they offer her a ride back to the Enchanted forest if she helps them find Peter Pan's camp. She breaks it to them she has no pixie dust, but she can still convince Peter Pan to let her into his hideaway.

David tries to put on a brave face while he imagines the clock ticking down. No fairy dust, no cure.

Too bad no one believes in her because that's where all her magic comes from. I bet that's not going to come up again.

Neil gets dropped by the Dark Shadow and is immediately met by one of the Lost Boys.

Tinkerbell asks Regina about the man with the lion tattoo and tells her it was selfish she didn't go in to meet him because she ended up ruining his life as well.

 Mulan enters the camp and shakes Robin Hood's hand accepting his offer, and what do you know....lion tattoo.

So this means Mulan will probably fall in love with this dude, only to lose him to Regina when they all eventually end up meeting in a vortex. Like I said, it sucks to be Mulan.

Once Upon A Time, Episode 3, Season 2, "Lady Of The Lake"

Or better title, “How To Abandon Your Kid...In Style”

This is how the horror movie starts...
photo credit, popcitylife.com

Snow White and Prince Charming lean over a crude map, discussing the latest tactics in their war against the Evil Queen. Red arrives and tells them of an approaching beast called the 'Leviathan'— the Dementor knock off from several episodes ago.

The rebels spread out to find the Leviathan. Prince Charming and Snow White split up and plan to meet in two days time at his Mother's cottage.

Psst...this will be Snow White's first time meeting her future mother-in-law—loosely based on the movie Cabin In The Woods.

In two seconds Snow White manages to get kidnapped by Sir Lancelot.

Emma and Cora have a heart to heart in the dungeon, discussing how much they miss their families. Soon, Mary Margaret wakes and recognizes Cora as Regina's evil Mom.

Henry tells David (aka Grandpa) about operation Cobra, hoping they can use magic from Jefferson's hat to enter fairy tale land and save Emma and Mary Margaret. David looks all sad and confides that Jefferson is useless due to the fact that he's loony and his hat is no longer magic.

Henry is convinced the magic only needs to be restored but David reminds him that magic comes with a price. For his own safety he should go to school and leave all the hard stuff to Grandpa to fix. Henry agrees but skips school anyway.

Mary Margaret gives Emma the heads up that in fairy tale land being a Sheriff with a gun isn't such a big deal. They're taken to be questioned by one of the camp leaders.

It's Lancelot and he knows Snow White! He rushes over and greets Mary Margaret warmly; the short hair hasn't fooled him (like it has everyone else). This is super lucky because if you're cool with Lancelot, then the whole camp thinks you're totally rad.

Lancelot and Mulan secretly make fun of stupid Princesses
photo credit, fanpop.com

However, Sleeping Beauty watches with disgust. She views Mary Margaret as the reason her lover's soul is now permanently trapped inside the Leviathan's medallion...or something like that, click here. Mulan chastises her and says it's dangerous to confuse vengeance with justice—especially if you have a lisp and can't spell correctly.

Lancelot tells Mary Margaret that their island is the only safe place in fairy tale land since the ogres have taken over the enchanted forest.

Does anyone else notice the silver key around Mary Margaret's neck? Sorry, moving on...

Mary Margaret pleads with Lancelot and explains they need to reach another porthole. Lancelot orders Mulan to be their protector, causing Emma to role her eyes and say, “OMG, Mom! I own a frickin' gun!”

Lancelot takes Snow White to Prince Charming's old castle for a little drinky poo and chit chat with The King (aka Charming Senior). Except he's not actually his dad because he bought the twins from Rumpelstiltskin, who in turn got them from a woman who lived in the woods...never mind click here for all the details.

The King has a huge royal chip on his shoulder, and has somehow deduced that since his first son died,

Prince Charming must be made to suffer a loss as well.

Dear ABC,

This logic makes my head hurt.

Snow White looks at her cup fearing she's been poisoned. But Charming Senior is more sinister than that and he drops the bomb that she's been cursed, and therefore unable to give Prince Charming any heirs.

Henry finds Jefferson sitting alone on a bench clutching a missing person's poster from his daughter, Grace.

*waves* Hi, Jefferson! Love the scarf.

He's wrought with guilt at leaving her with the neighbors, while he helped the Evil Queen journey to the land of hearts where she retrieved her father's heart and tricked him into staying trapped...oh never mind, click here for the details.

Looking good, Jefferson...looking good.
photo credit, fanpop.com

All hope is lost because there's no magic to fix the hat. Jefferson mumbles at Henry to ask his mother about her vault. Then he runs away—like he always does.

The Mayor is packing up her office...and she's wearing a blue shirt! Color? Could this be the start of a nicer Mayor?

Let's hope not.

Henry calls and invites her to lunch. The Mayor is super excited and rushes out to meet him at Granny's pub/diner/laundromat. But as soon as she's out the door, he sneaks in and steals her ring of skeleton keys.

Emma feels useless compared to Mary Margaret's re-emerging battle skills, and Mulan's impressive knowledge about ogres and general enchanted forest trivia.

Lancelot confesses to Snow White that he had no idea the King was going to curse her. Trying to atone for his mistake, he warns her that Prince Charming's mother, Ruth, is about to ambused by the King's Guards.

Quite frankly I can't keep all the evil Kings and Queens straight.

Prince Charming makes it to the cabin first and enjoys his mother's company for ten seconds before the King's Guards arrive in long capes. He still manages to fight off a dozen of these guys with Jackie Chan like choreography. Soon the ground is littered with bodies.

If this were The Hunger Games I would totally bet on him.

But Ruth isn't so lucky, she stumbles from behind a bush, clutching an arrow to her chest.

Dear ABC,

None of the King's Guards carried a bow and arrow.

Sleeping Beauty tries to attack Mary Margaret but she flips her over, and has her pinned faster than Hulk Hogan. Emma fires her pistol in the air to stop the fight. Mary Margaret scolds her silly daughter; apparently ogres have great hearing. An ogre bursts through the tress hungry for some pretty lady kabob. In a scene straight out of Jurassic Park, Emma is forced to freeze while the blind Ogre roars so loud, her golden tresses are blown straight back.

Mary Margaret puts an end to the mucus shower by shooting an arrow into it's eye. She gives Emma a 'next time listen to your mother' kind of look.

Speaking of mothers...where's Cora?

Prince Charming decides the best way to help Ruth is to venture back to the lake where he can get healing waters...click here for all of those details.

Snow White journeys beside Ruth, trying to keep her comfortable. Ruth starts to talk about grandchildren and pulls out a pendant that can supposedly predict the sex of Snow White's child, even before she's pregnant.

This is pretty typical chit chat for a first meeting with your future inlaw.

The pendant is motionless and Snow White cries that she can never have children. But Ruth doesn't even bat an eye! 'Hey, dummy,' she says to Snow White, 'we're on our way to the healing waters, right?'

What can go wrong? Oops, the lake has dried up. I guess when Prince Charming killed the siren that lived there, the water dried up.

Holy crap, I can almost hear Mr. Gold remind us that 'magic always comes with a price'.

Henry enters the vault hidden under the tomb, and uses the skeleton key to open a dusty old chest. Two cobras spring out—these guys look like the ones who bit Snow White's dad.

David suddenly slams the top shut, saving Henry. He convinces him he'll let him help save Emma and Mary Margaret, but they need to do it together. And since David has accomplished nothing so far, he can use all the help he can get.

Lancelot manages to find a snail shell full of water. Ruth tries to convince Snow White to take it, but she refuses.

And honestly, I can't blame her, it would come up every Thanksgiving.

Emma, Mary Margaret, Sleeping Beauty and Mulan enter Hogwarts castle and find Emma's nursery that where she never got to spend any time. Mary Margaret gets all melancholy at missing out on Emma's childhood, but Emma blocks her out, only caring about returning to Henry. They examine the wardrobe that Gepetto made and wonder if it has enought magic to get them back to Storybrooke.

Ruth takes a drink but she doesn't recover. She knows she's dying and wishes she could only live long enough to see Snow White marry her son. Everyone agrees a wedding should take place speedy quick.

Not only does Lancelot have time to erect an arbor and an inpressive wild flower bouquet in the middle of a barren desert, but he also has wine for the marriage cup which both Snow White and Prince Charming drink from.

Lancelot suddenly arrives in the nursery, surprising Mary Margaret. He looks at the wardrobe with fascination. Mary Margaret realizes he knows too much, including Henry's name. She pulls a sword and he melts into Cora.

A battle ensures and Emma sets the wardrobe on fire, preventing Cora from getting to Storybrooke and thereby canceling out any chance this episode had of becoming EPIC.

Snow White and Prince Charming bury Ruth. He tells her his mother wanted to pass on her pendant. Snow White starts to protest but then the necklace starts to move! Prince Charming is so happy, he's inspired to get all the rebels together and take back the kingdom from the Evil Queen..."in style".

Snow White confronts Lancelot with her suspitions. He confides that Ruth insist he put the magic water into the marriage cup.

In the middle of the ransacked nursery, Mulan proposses thet form an all girl posse and go after Cora...in style.

Emma sees how much Mary Margaret gave up to save her—just like she gave up her chance to be with Henry by burning the wardrobe. Emma cries real tears.

Humf! She didn't cry when Schmexy died.

Cora waits until the posse leaves, then she rematerializes from thin air, and takes a beaker of ash from the wardrobe.

*Insert evil laugh*

Jefferson waits by the school bus and calls out to his daughter. Instead of throwing apples and being angry with him, Grace runs into his arms.

Hi Jefferson! You can totally pull off eyeliner!

photo credit, ksitetv.com

Henry watches the reunion from Emma's yellow bug feeling a little jealous. But David shows up with wooden swords and tells him it's time for his Princely fighting lessons to start.

But Henry isn't the only one hiding in cars and spying on families, from across the street, the baby buying, Princess kidnapping, cursed potion giver—Charming Senior watches...in style.

Predictions for next week...

1. Sleeping Beauty finally gets a real name.

2. David gets a splinter from the wooden sword and spends the whole episode looking for tweezers.

3. The Mayor gets cray and adds a teal blazer to her wardrobe.

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