Monday, 7 October 2013

Once Upon A Time, Season 3, Episode 2, "The Lost Girl"

Or better title, "Fakers, Fighters, and Frickin' Darkness"

Mr. Gold stands in front of a campfire in a jungle clearing. He pulls out The Dark One's dagger and uses it to summon a mysterious shadow beast/demon thing. At his request, the creature takes the dagger and hides it where even he won't be able to find it.

Emma and the gang continue to make a path through the jungle with Captain Sexy Eyes (CSE) as their guide. They have to be careful in the perpetual darkness because there is a plant with thorns that has a deadly magic that can kill—even the Dark One.

Hmm...that was interesting.

The reach the top of the cliff, but CSE is unable to see Peter Pan's hideout. Well, that would make sense since it's so FRICKIN' dark. They have to go around the aptly name Dark Jungle. They make camp, hoping to rest up before the next big fight.  

In the Enchanted Forest (not to be confused with the Fantastical Field or Cursed Chasm) the magic mirror reveals to the Evil Queen that Prince Charming has just woken Snow White with true love's kiss.

Battle on!

Snow White starts recruiting villagers for her army. The Evil Queen arrives with a deadly ultimatum; she wants Snow White to give up her claim to the throne or else a random peasant girl will die.

*Enter random peasant girl*

The Evil Queen promises to kill one of the peasants each day until Snow White steps down.

This so lame. Haven't we been through all this before? Zzzz

Emma wakes in the jungle to crying voices. She grabs her sword and decides to investigate. She finds Peter Pan, who gloatingly tells her he's looking forward to battling her for Henry. He then hands her a magical parchment that will lead her to Henry—(and the big battle I'm guessing). But the map is blank. Emma will only be able to find Henry when she finally accepts her true identity...the savior.

Emma takes her wand and says, “I solemnly swear to be up to no good.” Sorry, just kidding.

*Ten points for Harry Potter reference*

Instead, Emma and the others bicker about what to do next. Regina wants to use her magic on the map, but Emma won't let her. Mary Margaret uselessly encourages her with, "Don't give up."

Snow White and Prince Charming have a meeting with the dwarfs. She considers taking the Evil Queen's offer so the fighting can stop and they can all live peacefully. Charming says that's crazy ridiculous, the Kingdom is hers for God's sake! Charming goes to Rumpelstiltskin because obviously only magic can fix this whole mess.

Mr. Gold is playing with his corn husk doll, which is kind of sill considering he's the Dark One and everything. A cloaked figure jumps out and grabs the doll. He chases them down and unmasks the's Belle.

How did she get there?

She leans in for a kiss, then Mr. Gold realizes Belle is only a vision.

Anyway, back to glittery Rumpelstiltskin and Prince Charming. "Magic can't make someone believe," he giggles. "Belief must come from within." But Charming won't take no for an answer.

He's learned that you just keep asking for the same thing and it will be given to you. It's called 'toddler tactic'. 

A-ha! There is a magical weapon that will help Snow White defeat the Evil Queen, by showing her who she really is.

Emma tries talking to the map. She says stuff like, "I'm Henry's Mother. My name is Emma Swan." Nothing is working. Then she tries, "I was sent through a portal to break a curse...I'm the savior." Regina gets impatient and snatches the map away. She performs the locator spell. They watch as the floating paper goes into the Dark Jungle.

Watch out for the deadly thorns!

Belle's fake hologram or whatever she is, takes Mr. Gold on a stroll through the jungle. He confesses he's a coward just like his father, and is useless to save Henry. Belle asks about the corn husk doll. It was the last thing his father gave to him. Belle tells him he has to let go of the past.

Funny, I don't remember seeing that at the shop.

In a truly metaphoric moment, he throws the doll away.

Prince Charming and Snow White journey to the top of a hill for the weapon, Excalibur. Prince Charming tries, but it won't budge. Only the kingdom's true ruler can wield...well you know the rest. Snow White effortlessly pulls the sword from the stone.

The map leads Emma and the gang to an even darker part of the jungle. Peter Pan and his Mad Max orphans surround them. A fight ensues with swords, magic fireballs and arrows. David gets a scratch. Emma tackles a kid, but she suddenly stops herself from beating him up.

Why? Maybe because he's a kid?

Anyway, Peter Pan calls off his hounds and they quickly disappear into the jungle.

The Evil Queen arrives at the village prepared to start killing random peasants, but Snow White is ready with Excalibur and runs at her like Last of the Mohicans. “This is my kingdom and I will fight for it.” She yells.

Go girl! 

Mary Margaret asks Emma why she stopped fighting one of the Lost Boys. Emma confesses she saw herself in his expression; desperate, unloved, someone who cried every night wondering why her parents gave her up. In other words, a lost girl in the foster system.

She's the LOST GIRL. Where is Pinocchio? He still needs to be beaten up for leaving her in that orphanage.

She doesn't feel like a hero or a savior, the island makes her feel orphan. Ta-da! The map reveals itself.

Snow White travels to see Rumpelstiltskin and offers to pay whatever Prince Charming promised for Excalibur. He does his little giggle and dance show and makes the sword disintegrate.

It was a fake! Prince Charming faked her out so she would have the confidence needed to fulfill. What a faker!

Just like when Harry pretended to give Ron Felix Felicis before the Quidditch match!

*Ten points for Harry Potter reference*

Snow White is super mad, but Prince Charming defends his actions, saying he only needed to remind her of how awesome she is.

I love it when the writers hit us over the head with the theme. Yeah, thanks we get it, they had to believe in their true selves. 

CSE reads Emma's orphan map and they decide to make a sneaky plan of attack worthy of Scooby Doo.

Meanwhile Mr. Gold treks through the jungle alone. Out of the night sky, the corn husk doll falls in front of him. He sets it on fire, determined to leave his past behind. Then another doll appears, but this one he keeps.


Peter Pan pays Emma a visit and boldly states she hasn't given forgiven her parents for abandoning her. And by the time she finally finds Henry, he'll feel the same way about her. Then he promises to make her an orphan again.


David waits until Mary Margaret is asleep. He lifts up his shirt to reveal his sword wound has gone from a thin scratch to a creepy gross magical infection.

Hey, too bad David's true identity isn't a healer.

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