The Bachelorette Season 8, Episode 2 "It's Time To Put On Make-Up! It's Time to Dress Up Right!"

Emily takes Ricki to the park and meets her peeps to talk about her first date with all those guys. The other mom's assure her they'll take care of Ricki's soccer practice because if it means being on TV for ten seconds...they'll do it.

Ryan, not exactly as shown.
photo credit, ickypeople.com

The Host tells the 'hopeful soulmates' this week not everyone gets to go on a date. The first date card is handed out to Ryan. He has weird hair that sticks up in the back...on purpose.

The other guys “woo” and “yeah, right on.”

Hey fellas, stop celebrating. He's going NOT the rest of you.

I was beginning to worry this episode would be boring then the show cuts to a pool scene. These 'hopeful soulmates' spend a lot of time at the gym. Emily interrupts the Abercrombie & Fitch commercial and whisks Ryan away in her SUV.

Ryan is excited to be going off with his future wife on their first date. No seriously, he said that. Emily takes him to her mansion and tells him to take in the groceries and to put on an apron because they're about to make cookies. They're are making snacks for Ricki's soccer practice and Ryan goes along with it because he's willing to do anything.

Anything? Are you kidding me! Chocolate chip cookie dough is one of the best things on the planet. Here's what he should have also done—looked in her fridge to make sure she had enough milk and then take out the garbage.

Back at the pool, the guys talk about how awesome Emily looks in everyday clothes and her everyday make-up.

Since Emily is a very protective mom, she keeps Ryan in the car as she delivers the snacks to the soccer kids. Ryan mentions how he enjoyed seeing her real life and how they bonded. Of course what he's thinking is, 'when does the making out happen?'

For the evening portion of their date, Emily changes into her night-time dress and make-up and takes Ryan to her favorite restaurant, complete with red carpet and flashbulb happy paparatzi—consisting of people who happened to be walking by.

Over wine, Emily asks Ryan about his romantic past. *leans close*

He talks about his dream girl—you know, someone hot and rich. She wants to know how he plans on keeping the magic after the show. He stammers a bit and the acoustic guitar in the background fills in the awkward silence.

Psst...Ryan! Here's a hint, mention something about rolling out red carpet each time you go out.

Ryan says he wants to put his best foot forward and show off his true self. Sounds like a round of naked dancing to me. Emily says she had a perfect date and gives him a rose. Ryan is safe.

They leave the restaurant and walk through the PTA paparazzi again. Once outside, they are treated to a live concert of her favorite band. 'Cause when you're Emily you get stuff like that.

They have a romantic dance...in front of everyone...up on a stage...in the middle of the crowd. Yes, I would say this is a perfect way for Ryan to see her normal day to day life.

The next day Emily takes thirteen of the guys to meet the Muppets. They line up and wait their turn to greet her with the usual hug and I've lost another fifteen minutes of my life. Soon they learn they'll all be performing on stage.

My vote is for the frog.
photo credit, wetpaint.com

Boombox guy should be jazzed about that.

Tony does a kickass impersonation of Kermit as Miss Piggy flirts with the guys, and for a moment I actually felt like I was being entertained.

Charlie is having some reservations about performing. He addresses this insecurity with Emily. And since she's now in her 'understanding' make-up and outfit, she uses her southern charm and gives his confidence a boost without making him feel like he's taking the easy road. Nicely done, Bachelorette.

This show seems so long, even the Muppets can't salvage the nonexistent momentum.

The guys are ready to perform on stage in front of a sold out crowd of five hundred people. Emily said she's so nervous because it was only yesterday she danced in front of a crowd.

The show begins and I quickly realize it's all about Emily. Did the people who bought the tickets for the show know this? But hold on, she brings Ricki on stage to sing with Kermit because after all this is her mom's date with thirteen guys.

Emily announces the show raised over twenty thousand dollars for the local Hospital. Huh? Five hundred seats...*runs for calculator*.

After the show Emily changes into another dress, and I have to say I'm starting to get sick of how much the guys keep saying how hot Emily looks. But Emily is smart too. She gets the guys alone and gives each of them compliments. Why is she single?!?!

Jeff has some 'alone time' with Emily and he blushes all the way up to his Rick Astley hair.

Next, Boombox and Emily dance. And even though he's lost the green shirt, I totally hate his tie. Mr. Hot Shot breaks up the private moment asking if he can cut in.

Again, Emily says a few things that are lovely and charming but are now starting to sound a bit familiar. Before Mr. Hot Shot replies, another guy interrupts.

This is tedious. When the guys are away from Emily all the do is cat fight! Or should I say, tomcat fight. Finally the date is over and Emily hands Jeff the date rose. No one claps him on the back to congratulate him. Now Ryan and Jeff are both safe for the next rose ceremony.

Emily takes Joe on a private jet, 'cause that's how single mom's like her roll. We're treated to another cute outfit and of course the red carpet. Seriously, I would love to have just five minutes in her closet.

Emily tells Joe they're going to one of her favorite places as a child. I'm guessing the zoo, or maybe a park, or the candy store...no it's a resort. A humongous, historic resort. She says it has stables and an awesome spa.

I think Somewhere In Time was filmed here. I love that movie. *daydream about movie while show continues*

The single dad and Mr. Hot Shot have a confrontation at the pool which seems almost contrived. Geez, I'm sure the producers have nothing to do with that.

Back to Joe and Emily and another wardrobe change. I think another way to raise money for the hospital is to auction off Emily's dresses. They go down an elegant hallway to dinner and I'm surprised Emily was able to walk without a red carpet.

Over wine, Emily asks Joe some specific questions, but Joe is unable to give her any specific answers. There's lots of cliches and then before things get too quiet the soft acoustic guitar starts to play. They perform a tradition of writing little wishes and leaving them in the antique love-clock.

I'm guessing Joe's note said, 'I wish my answers were more specific'. Emily puts in her note and then gets quiet and teary eyed. The acoustic guitar is replaced with sad violins and we know it's only a matter of time before the tears start.

She says she wanted things to go well tonight but cries because she realizes she should have taken the hot guy on this date instead. Survey says...no rose for you. Buzzer strike.

Dear fellas, 

What have we learnt? Sometimes it's better to NOT be taken on the solo date.

Emily talks about how emotionally draining it was to say goodbye to Joe. Thankfully having her mom dress her in another gown for another cocktail party was the best thing to pick up her spirits.

Arie, the racer, finally gets some time with Emily on the swing by the pool. I like Arie.

And since Emily is alone with one of the guys, the cat fight, sorry, tomcat fighting begins. And even though Ryan already has a rose, he gives her a love note and asks her to read it out loud.

Tony, the guy who does a killer Kermit impersonation, can't stand it and walks into the room. But he stops by the curtains and just watches. Oh, the awkwardness is crushing.

I think Tony should have sat down on Emily's other side and continued to read Ryan's letter with his Kermit voice. Now that would have been epic!!!

Also, let me take this moment to take about the size of the wine glasses. It's the size of a goldfish bowl. That would use up like half the bottle!

Tony finally gets her alone and talks about his son. I can't help but feel Emily has already narrowed the field to four guys—and Tony isn't one of them. Just sayin'

There's another interview on the swing. Cue the acoustic guitar. Emily asks some specific questions and gets a lot of cliches.

Dear fellas,

Give specific answers.

The guys tear each other apart and it seems like they've targeted Mr. Hot Shot. Two guys will go home tonight which means the rose ceremony will take two hours. This show has been so long I've had to do my roots again.

The Host tells everyone before the rose ceremony that the stakes are very serious. I agree, steaks are very serious, and delicious if prepared properly.

Emily gives the first rose to Mr. Hot Shot and you can almost hear everyones teeth grind.

And she keeps Mother Goose!?! *Honk*

Holy. Crap. The Host comes out again and tells us there's only one rose left. Oh my nerves, stay behind the curtain.

She chooses Boombox guy and I'm convinced the producers are telling her who to keep.

Interestingly, the two guys who are going home I actually thought were the same guy, sometimes with glasses sometimes without. Maybe she had the same issue.

I'm convinced now that there is a mole. One of the guys is a trusted friend of Emily's and will be her inside informant. This is a brilliant plan. And the mole is none other than...Mother Goose. *honk* What other explanation can there be for her keeping this guy around? 

Cheers!