Or better title, "Zombies Don't Cry"
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| Welcome home! photo credit, welovesoaps.net |
Emma and Mary Margaret trample through the forest with Mulan and Sleeping Beauty, fresh from their failed quest to reach Storybrooke through the enchanted wardrobe. But they stop short when they discover their super safe fort has been attacked. The bodies with holes in their chests tip off Mary Margaret that this isn't the work of an ogre, but none other than Barbara Hershey Cora and her puffy lips.
Among the piles of victims they find one sole survivor...Captain Hook.
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| photo credit, starstills.com |
David struts around Storybrooke with his borrowed Sheriff's star and holster.
Personally, I have more faith in Woody from Toy Story.
Dr. Whale approaches him to discuss the serious matter of whether the Mayor's new attitude of not using magic or killing people is genuine. Instead, David sucker punches him for dating Mary Margaret that one time awhile ago when no one knew their real identity.
After that pointless display of testosterone, David tell Dr. Whale he's trying to build a portal back to fairytale land.
The Mayor visits Dr. Hopper for her therapy session about resisting magic—it's been two days! Dr. Whale bursts into the room and demands a one way trip back to fairytale land.
The Mayor spits out that she has no magic strong enough to give him what he wants, plus there's that awkward mention of a dead brother he's looking for.
Desperate, Dr. Whale storms out of another scene with no real purpose but to give the other characters an opportunity to dump information. Dr. Hopper calmly convinces Regina to tell him about her first time...um with magic.
Rumpelstiltskin and Regina are in a forest clearing playing with a unicorn. A unicorn!!! He shows her how to reach in and take it's heart, but she has a horrible flashback to when Cora did the ole' heartectomy on Daniel (her true love).
Rumpelstiltskin assures her that death only occurs when you will it. He demonstrates the proper technique showing her that even though he holds it's heart, the unicorn is still alive—however it is now controlled by him.
When you take a heart, he tells her, it becomes enchanted and you control it. When Regina resists again he can't hide his disappointment and says, “If you want magic you have to be willing to use the power.”
Here are some other tidbits he's given us; Magic comes with a price, true love is the most powerful magic of all, true love's kiss will break any spell...
The Mayor tearfully confesses to Dr. Hopper that she enchanted Daniel's body and has kept him under glass in her secret vault in the cemetery. Dr. Hopper warns her that as long as she lives in the past, she'll never find her future.
Also, keeping your dead fiance on display is waaaay sicko.
The Mayor doesn't like his advice and blasts out of his office, convinced he and his bow tie can't help her. On the drive home in the rain she thinks she sees Daniel leering at her from across the street...but a second later he's gone—poof like magic.
But that's silly because there's no magic in Storybrooke, except when there is.
David takes Henry to the stables to learn riding and horse grooming as part of his knight in training—in Storybrooke school doesn't matter.
The Mayor visits her mausoleum of love and is terrified to find Daniel's glass casket is *gasp* empty.
Regina meets Rumpelstiltskin and begs him to teach him how to bring back the dead. Rumpelstiltskin does his customary Irish jig of nonsense, and says that transcending death is even beyond his reach.
Up pops Jefferson with a crystal ball to barter. Rumpelstiltskin rolls his eyes at the overly confidant con-artist and reiterates that what he really he needs Jefferson to find is a non-magical realm.
*cough* Storybrooke *cough*
Regina eavesdrops and realizes Jefferson may have some connections that can help her bring Daniel back from the dead.
Jefferson has all the swagger of a bachelor and therefore has yet to become little Grace's loving father. Presently driven by greed, he tempts Regina with knowledge of a wizard who can help her. In exchange he wants a royal passport to move throughout the various realms without any hassle from all those enemies he's made with his shady deals.
Mulan tells Emma she recognizes Captain Hook as a black smith who visited their camp a few months ago. He acts traumatized as he recalls how he survived Cora's thoracic punch-a-thon by pretending to be dead. But Emma isn't fooled and she pulls a knife to his throat demanding the truth.
The Mayor travels to the spookiest part of the hospital basement looking for Dr. Whale.
Jefferson arrives at Regina's castle with 'the wizard' and it's...Dr. Whale! Except he's dressed like a steam punk version of Elton John.
Light bulb moment!! He's Victor Frankenstein.
Dear ABC,
Frankenstein is NOT a fairytale.
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| Daniel, my brother... photo credit, tumblr.com |
Dr. Frankie examines Daniel's body. He tells Regina his experiment will require a strong heart that can sustain reanimation. Regina refuses to use one of her mother's enchanted hearts, since she is the reason Daniel is dead.
Wait...no magic? Honey, how the heck are you supposed to bring him back?
The Mayor enters a ransacked room and finds Dr. Whale under a stretcher...and missing an arm. He confesses he reanimated Daniel, but instead of the romantic stable boy, he's now a dangerous blood thirsty zombie.
Yikes! He and the Mayor are going to be Storybrooke's ultimate power couple.
Dr. Frankie assures Regina absolutely no magic is used in his reanimation. She caves and leads Jefferson and Dr. Frankie down to her mother's creepy heart vault. Dr. Frankie looks like a kid in a candy store.
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| Another bad day for the Mayor. photo credit, |
David arrives at the hospital and questions The Mayor about Dr. Whale's injuries. She admits Daniel has come back via Dr. Whale's gruesome medicine using one of her hearts from the vault. They worry about which heart was used?
Well, I know it's not Schmexy's because she *sob* crushed his *sob*.
The Mayor quickly deduces Daniel will be acting on his last memories of being in her mother's stables.
Oops, I guess David shouldn't have left Prince Henry all alone.
Emma ties Captain Hook to a tree, leaving him an appetizer for the ogre. His charade cracks and spills the beans about Cora's master plot to find a way to Storybrooke. He tells them she has the enchanted ashes from the wardrobe, but she still needs his ship, and a magic compass. In exchange for his life, he promises to take them instead (since he's super eager to pay a visit to Rumpelstiltskin).
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| By hook or by crook... photo credit wetpaint.com |
The Mayor and David arrive just in time to save Henry. They lock Daniel in a stall and she convinces David back off with his gun and let her try and talk to him.
This makes sense because zombies always listen to reason.
Dr. Frankie takes the enchanted heart and disappears into a tent on the hillside as Regina and Jefferson stand in the rain, watching him work behind a screen. His shadow hand pierces Daniel's body just as lightening flashes. A heart beat later (sorry, bad pun) he comes out looking crestfallen and tells Regina the heart wasn't strong enough for the procedure.
Hmm...I think he saved it for his brother. You know from that classic fairytale by Mary Shelley.
*rolls eyes*
The Mayor enters the stall and Daniel approaches her slowly, making her cry with joy. Then he zooms in and starts to strangle her. She chokes out that she loves him and BAM! just like that, he's not a zombie anymore.
Dear Walking Dead,
Put down your weapons, all the zombies need is love.
Daniel collapses in severe pain, begging the Mayor to let him die.
Wow, that was quick.
He pleads with her again, urging her to love again. When she tearfully refuses, he lunges toward her, unable to fight the urge to attack. She finally uses magic and kills him instantly.
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| Sleepy Beauty did a lot of staring this episode. photo credit, wetpaint.com |
Captain Hook leads Emma, Mary Margaret and Mulan through the forest...oh wait, Sleeping Beauty is there too, but she only had one line this whole episode and has no real motivation for this scene. He takes them to a clearing where a bean stalk reaches into the clouds. Emma gives him a look and realizes she not only has to scale an enormous vine, but also battle a giant for the magic compass.
Regina, now smarting from Daniel's botched reanimation, visits Rumpelstiltskin with a new bad ass attitude, and a Marge Simpson inspired hair. She kills his newest apprentice without flinching, proving she's ready for power.
Jefferson and Dr. Frankie visit Rumpelstiltskin and they cackle with joy about how they tricked Regina; Dr. Frankie got to keep the heart, and Regina returned to Rumpelstiltskin super mean and ready for revenge on the world.
Dr. Frankie makes it clear his world has no magic, and that his passion goes by another name. Jefferson keeps his end of the bargain by creating the purple vortex with his hat to send Dr. Frankie back to his world—Europe, I'm guessing.
Dr. Whale arrives at Mr. Gold's shop with his severed arm, and Mr. Gold easily reattaches it, but he offers no hope on the whereabouts of his lost dead brother.
We go black and white to a castle by the sea in the middle of a lightening storm. Dr. Frakie enters his lab with the enchanted heart, pausing by the long metal table. His assistant makes the necessary adjustments to the body under the sheet. The storm rages on. He flicks the heavy power switch and the blanket twitches violently. It's not magic...it's science!
Predictions for the next episode
- Sleeping Beauty goes missing but no one realizes until the end of the show.
- Captain Hook and Mary Margaret trade necklaces just for fun, but she realizes her disastrous mistake when the silver key unlocks the handcuffs they slapped on Cora.
- Granny goes on strike, upset that she's only had one line this season.
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