Or better title, "She's a Maneater"
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| Look out Storybrooke, it's Ruby's time of the month. hypable.com |
The dwarfs are hard at work mining for fairy dust. Grumpy finds a tunnel that reveals a wall of diamonds. The Blue Fairy arrives in her modest, Head Nun cardigan and explains that the magic has brought back the diamonds.
You mean the magic that doesn't exist anymore?
Henry and David are super excited because they still have Jefferson's dogged eared and useless hat, but
when the dwarfs pulverise the 'magic diamonds' they'll have enough fairy dust to make it work again. And then poof! They'll ride the purple vortex to fairytale land.
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| Brunettes kick butt in fairytale land. examiner.com |
Red and Snow White race through the forest away from the Evil Queen's guards. They hide but Red's magical cloak (that prevents her from turning into a killer wolf) is torn. Worried she'll have Snow White for a late night snack, she decides to head deep into the forest alone, but not before we see someone watching her with yellow eyes.
Do you know who was good at controlling wolves? Yes, that's right Schmexy. If he was still on the show, all their problems would be solved.
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| Bachelor #1 tumblr.com |
The dwarfs celebrate at the pub/dinner/laundromat and share a few pints with the Head Nun. Ruby cleans up the tables and has a nice chat with Billy, the tow truck guy—except he's also Gus, the mouse from Cinderella.
Where is she anyway?
Billy asks Ruby out on a date, but she tells him she already has plans. Her plans, it turns out, are to be locked up in the back since this is her first full moon since the curse has been broken. She's especially frantic because her magical red cloak is missing.
David acts all fatherly and tells her not to worry because he knows she's not evil, just a nice girl with a few monthly issues.
Do you know who is evil in Storybrooke? Well, yes the Mayor, but don't forget about Spencer, also known as King George, Prince Charming's less than charming dad. He tells David that the people of Storybrooke will soon figure out he's just a Shepherd not a Prince, or a Sheriff.
Well, duh. I could have told him that.
The next morning, Granny returns to the pub/dinner/laundromat, but Ruby's cage is ripped apart and full of claw marks.
Henry is locked inside a burning castle foyer with some kind of disco floor. Aurora is across the room, hunched over—probably asleep again, the useless thing. He wakes up to find the Mayor is beside him. She explains Grandpa David had to go on a mystery call since he's the only law officer in Storybrooke. He asked her to watch over Henry since he's been having bad dreams. But Henry isn't just having nightmares...there is a burn on his hand!
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| Nothing bad EVER happens in the forest. wetpaint.com |
David and Granny find Ruby sleeping under a tree in the forest. There are no entrails or bones around her, so it's all cool.
Red wakes and is relieved to see the cloak kept her human all night. But faster than you can say, “out of the blue” a guy decked out in black leather, snatches it away. Red warns him she's not safe to be around. He flashes his yellow eyes and admits he knows all about her wolf secret. He says, “I picked up on your scent last night.”
Creepy pick-up line, dude.
.
His name is Quinn, and he looks like Captain Hook's little brother.
Hmm, a hot guy in leather with sexy stubble...where have I seen this before...?
Maybe here?
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| Schmexy! wetpaint.com |
Or here?
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| August Wayne Booth, aka, Pinocchio. tumblr.com |
Or here?
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| Captain Sexy Eyes screenrant.com |
I wonder how long it will be until this latest one is killed off?
Quinn takes Red to an underground castle where other 'children of the moon' live. A statuesque woman, named Anita, comes out of the shadows fully dressed in a leather bustier and feather earrings.
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| The wolves are stylin' sharetv.org |
Looks like somebody has Black Eyed Peas tickets!
Anita hugs Red and tells her she's her mother.
Ruby and Granny join David on his emergency call for a double parked car. Oops, it's Billy, I mean Gus's, tow truck. Red screams when she finds Gus in front of the truck...and also in the dumpster.
The Mayor asks Mr. Gold to check out Henry's 'dream burn.' Of course he has the answer, he's Mr. Gold!He talks for a bit about different worlds and how your soul can travel when you're asleep.
People, don't get hung up on the specific rules, let's not forget the guys from LOST are writing this.
Mr. Gold explains that once you learn to control something you no longer fear it. He gives Henry an amulet that will allow him to control the world he visits when he's asleep.
I would have given him with a water hose since his greatest fear is being locked inside a burning room.
David vows to help Ruby as random people from Storybrooke light torches and grumble incoherently in the background.
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| Hey, it's Annabeth Gish from Mystic Pizza! fanpop.com |
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| Hint, Annabeth Gish is wearing the pink t-shirt. Mystic Pizza 1988 |
Anita tells Red the only way she can control the wolf is by accepting it's a part of her. Red sheds her magical cloak and gives Mom a big hug.
At her insistence, David locks Ruby in a cell, complete with double chains on the bars. Spencer strolls in threatening to lead the village people to storm the jail. Great! I love their music.
Anita begins wolf lessons with Red and soon she's running and prancing with the pack.
Spencer wastes no time in assembling his disgruntled mob, but instead of torches they have rifles. Yikes! He gives a quick speech about how Sheriff David is putting the safety of a killer ahead of the town's. They break in but Ruby's cell is empty.
Belle allows Ruby to hide inside the library.
I guess Storybrooke isn't full of readers.
Back at the wolf palace, Snow White sneaks in and tries to convince Red to continue on with her. But Red chooses to stay with her pack. Snow White understands and gives her a big best friend forever hug. Suddenly, the Evil Queen's guards storm the room, and badly miss Snow White, shooting an arrow into sexy Quinn instead.
Dear ABC,
Again? Seriously?
Ruby insists on being chained up, but Belle argues there is good inside her.
There may also still be parts of Billy inside her too, but whatever...
Ruby pulls a fake hug and chains Belle to the bookcase instead. Then she selfishly leaves the library to face the mob and get killed.
Granny and her faint wolf nose, leads David through Storybrooke on a hunt for the real killer. The trail ends at a car that contains rope and Ruby's magical cloak. David reads the registration and realizes this is Spencer's car, and this whole mess was an elaborate plot to turn the town against him.
Poor Gus.
Anita blames Quinn's death on Snow White. She orders the pack to tie up Snow White and they'll feast on her tonight.
Ew.
Anita gets her fangs on and lunges at Snow White, but Red jumps in the way, accidentally impaling Anita with a long decorative spike that happened to be pointing upwards.
I thought that was how you killed a vampire?
Anyway, Snow White puts the magical cloak back on Red. Crying, Red tells her dying mother that she may be a wolf, but she's not a murderer.
Well, unless you count pushing your mom into a spike.
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| Move along, nothing to see... examiner.com |
The angry mob corner Ruby, now in her fur coat. David arrives and tells the villagers that Spencer is the real murderer. Then he has a nice face to snout chat with Ruby, encouraging her to control the wolf inside.
This must be something he learned from his days with the sheep. I guess David is also a wolf whisperer.
Ruby and David take off in pursuit of Spencer. They easily find him standing in front of a bonfire on the beach. He warns David he will never see his family again, and he throws Jefferson's hat into the fire.
Red buries her mother under a full moon. She tells Snow White that she couldn't choose between the two worlds, but she now considers Snow White her family.
Aurora is back at the burning disco, but Henry is there with his amulet. He stops the fire and tells her to not be scared. Aurora wakes in a forest campsite and tells Mary Margaret and Emma about the little boy in her dream named Henry.
Predictions for next week's episode
#1. Snow White and Red find a cottage and gorge themselves on leftover porridge and break some furniture.
#2. Hansel and Gretel demand a storyline since we haven't seen them since last season.
#3. Captain Sexy Eyes decides to shave since all the clean-faced dudes last longer on the show.
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1 comment:
I couldn't help but snort every time I saw the word "schmexy." *snort* See?
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