Sunday, 20 July 2014

Embarrassing Confessions of a Bibliophile

It's time to come clean.

I like to classify stuff, you know, organize and label. And this rings true for my bookshelves as well. Some books are great for rainy days, and others are perfect murder mysteries to read on that long flight or a weekend at the cottage.

But I have other labels too *lowers voice* ones I'm not proud of. These are my book confessions.

Confession #1. The Book I Stole From The Library

Frog and Toad Are Friends

Okay, I know stealing is wrong and this is no excuse, but I was in grade two and it was raining heavily that day. I dropped the book in the puddle where it sucked up a gallon of water. The thing swelled like Harry Potter's Aunt Marge.

I stashed the thick mess under my bed, hoping it would somehow magically fix itself before it was due back at the library.

It didn't.

However, back then (1978) I guess the librarian at my school was so distracted by the approaching summer vacation and its promises of tanned cabana boys or whatever she did in the off season—that she never came looking for that book. Frog and Toad Are Friends is still mine to this day.

Confession #2. The Book I Pretend To Have Read

The Hobbit

I was thirteen. The first three paragraphs were about a gnarled tree stump. I haven't picked it up since.

Confession #3. The Book I've Read The Most

This is kind of two confessions in one, because my artsy fartsy answer is Pride and Prejudice (read eight times), but the real answer is Harry Potter and The Philosopher's Stone (read ten times).

Confession #4. The Book I Never Finished

Mr. Churchill's Secretary

Okay, there are several titles that fit this category, but this mystery novel is the most recent I haven't been able to finish. I kept falling asleep. I stuck it out until page 110, but I couldn't get any farther. I'm going to try again someday, you know when a bout of insomnia hits.

Confession #5. The Book In Which I'm Totally In Love With One of the Characters

Pride and Prejudice

Mr. Darcy. Mr. Darcy. Mr. Darcy.

Confession #6. Book I Bought Purely Because Of The Cover

Hush, Hush

This was when angels falling from the sky wearing only tight jeans was something of a novelty. Now you can't go for a walk without getting hit by one of those suckers.

Confession #7. The Book I Will Never Read

Fifty Shades of Grey

Life is too short. I read a few paragraphs composed mainly of the main character asking herself questions and biting her lower lip. That was enough for me.

Confession #8. The Book I Will Never Recommend

Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell

It's on my bookshelf as a testament to how stubborn a reader I can be. That sucker weighed in at 782 pages. Although there is one memorable scene, that only accounts for two of those 782 pages. I heard that it's been optioned for a movie. Good, choose that option instead.

Sorry, I hate being a critic, but confession is good for the soul. Let me know your answers!

1 comment:

Laila N Mysis said...

Hey Bethany - I'm baaaack.

Kind of. As back as I can be. And I love this post ^_^ I can relate to Confession #1, but my story was more along the lines of I kept my book late, then felt embarrassed to bring it back late. Also, lettuce just say it wasn't the one book... I have many stolen library books '_'

I don't think I have a Confession #2, but Confession #3 for me is To Kill A Mockingbird. Can't count how many times I've read it. I'm with you on Confession #7, but I'm too tired to think of the others.

I see you've been writing a lot of books...? o.O I'm impressed...

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