Tuesday, 20 January 2015

The Bachelor, Season 19, Episode 3 "Kissing, Crying, and Costco"


Jimmy Kimmel pays Chris Soules an early morning visit in his Bachelor pad. He says, "I'm here to help you."


Jimmy is a slim dude. He greets the girls and lets them know that each time someone says the word 'amazing' they have to pay a dollar to the 'amazing' jar fund.

Let's here it for adjectives!

Kaitlyn, the dance instructor from Canada, is on a private date with Chris that Jimmy has arranged. They arrive via limo at Costco and are given a list to work with. It includes things such as, 'enough Ketchup to fill the hot tub', plus they have to make supper for him.

Chris and Kaitlyn end up in an inflatable hamster ball and roll down the aisle. Chris says, "Kaitlyn is a real classy girl and a lot of fun."

Back at Chris' place they start to make dinner. She tells him, "You have a little girl laugh." Then they make out.


Jimmy shows up and asks, "Where are the steaks?" Then he slips in a question about the Fantasy Suite.

Kaitlyn says, "I wouldn't be mad if Chris spent time with other girls because you have to test drive the car before you buy it."

Jimmy says, "You gotta love Canadians. It doesn't get much better than this."


So far, Jimmy and Kaitlyn are hitting it off, laughing and holding hands. Chris watches and eats his steak. He says 'amazing' twice in once sentence.

Kaitlyn gets the rose and they make out in the hot tub while Jimmy Kimmel watches while eating BBQ chicken wings.

For the group date, Jimmy takes the girls to a petting zoo or something. It's some kind of farming chore obstacle course, including gathering eggs, milking goats, shoveling manure and wrestling greased pigs.

Hmm...where have I seen this before?

Jillian, the 'news director' is wearing her short, short baby shorts and t-shirt that says 'stay classy'. She's going to crush everything with her hulk muscles.

Jillian permanently has a black square over her butt to hide her cheeks.

Carly the cruise ship singer wins the obstacle course and gets ... a photo shoot with Chris.

Later, at the group dinner mainly composed of booze and pillows, Carly takes Chris aside and says, "You're a man and I'm a woman who's going to take advantage." And they make out.


Mackenzie 'dental assistant' gets him alone and instead of kissing him she asks, "Hey, remember when we kissed? Why are you kissing everyone else? I'm just curious."



Becca, 'Chiropractor's Assistant' takes a unique approach to actually talk to Chris. Becca then tells him she wants to kiss him, but she wants to take it slow like a normal date.

Nothin' normal about this, girl.

Chris says 'amazing' a few more times. Becca gets the date rose.

Carly says being roseless feels so bad.

At least she didn't say 'amazingless'.


Whitney, the fertility nurse' gets asked for the second solo date. Over a picnic of wine, Chris tells her he likes a woman who can chat up a stranger. She tells him she makes a lot of friends at the airport.

In another part of the park a wedding is going on. Whitney comes up with the idea to crash the party. He's totally in to it.

Oh dear God.

They change, have a few more bottles of wine, and slip into the wedding with a camera crew ... yup, flawless plan.

Chris stumbles with his words a few times, but Whitney has the ability to converse with random people so they didn't get kicked out.

They dance, they drink, they say amazing and they make out. She gets the date rose.

Anyone notice the cameras lurking in the trees?

Instead of the last chance cocktail party it's time for the last chance pool party!

The girls looked shocked when they only had an hour to put on their bikinis.

Ashely I. says, "I was looking forward to doing my Kardashian look, now I have to just look like ... ugh."

Juelia is worried about telling Chris about her late husband's suicide in the pool party setting. However, he's very understanding, and listens to the story, quietly nodding ... or maybe he's just distracted with her hippy headband.

I confess, I hit the fast forward button a few times. Still, I have no regrets.

Jade, the cosmetic consultant, asks for a tour of his place. They slip away and talk on a couch covered with pillows. They cuddle, they make out.


Meanwhile, Jillian and her black square make their way to his hot tub. The other girls soon perch on the wall, craning their necks like lizards spying on the couple. Then slowly, they arrive and move into
the hot tub. The booze is flowing freely. And soon, so are the tears.

Ashley I. throws down her drink. She cries to Chris later.


This is an amazing pool party so far, huh Chris?

Then she gives him a big sloppy drunken, kiss. She tells the camera later, "I feel really good now."

Now it's time for the rose ceremony!

Jade gets the first rose. Followed by Juelia, Mackenzie, a few more (including my favourite, Ashley S). The last rose goes to Ashely I. and her belly ring.

As one of the roseless, Amber 'Bartender' says, "There must be someone out there who wants to be with me?"

There is, Amber, but you won't find them on TV. Good luck, your turn will come.

Who was tonight's MVP? Vote in the comment section!

#1. Jimmy Kimmel

#2. Whitney

#3. The black square over Jillian's butt

Check out my other Bachelor recaps here!

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