This was a list complied by Sophia (*cough* marketing team *cough*) for a make-up manufacturer trying to sell its new brand of mascara. Besides buying the mascara, here are Sophia's other rules about being sexy.
Sophia.veragara.biography.org
Sophia: #1. Wear heels! Flats are for the unflirtatious.
Me: Cleopatra wore flats, so there.
Sophia: #2. Mess up your hair just a little. It's sexier that way.
Me: Awesome! Think of the time I'll save in the morning by not brushing my hair.
Sophia: #3. Sexy is a state of mind. Believe you're sexy, and you are.
Me: What if I'm believing that I'm sexy, but I'm wearing flats and I've brushed my hair.
Sophia: #4. If you've got it, flaunt it! Have nice legs? Wear short skirts.
Me: I've got asthma.
Sophia: #5. Be silly, not serious. It's sexier.
Me: This is the fourth time 'sexy' is used in this list. Oh, sorry! *shoves seriousness to the side and giggles instead*
Sophia: #6. A push-up bra never hurts.
Me: If the underwire pokes out the end and digs into your flesh, then yeah, it does hurt.
Sophia: #7. Talk with a husky voice and keep it just above a whisper.
Me: How can I be silly with a husky voice that's just above a whisper? Everyone will think I have a cold or that I'm doing a bad Christopher Waken impersonation.
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Which rule is your favorite? Mine, not Sophia's...
I was tagged by my writerly buddy, Jane LeBak to be part of a writing process blog tour. I should totally ace this test.
1. What am I working on?
I recently finished the last edits for my YA coming of age novel, BUTTERFLIES DON'T LIE. Hey, it comes out in a month! *muppet hand flailing*
Presently, I'm buckling down with revision for my YA paranormal mystery, THE ASP. It's Veronica Mars meets Indiana Jones. You can check it out on Goodreads here.
Then I'll return to Willard's Department Store, continuing to write BLACK FRIDAY, the second book in the NIGHT SHIFT series. You can read that YA paranormal mystery for FREE on Wattpad. Go ahead...don't be shy.
2. How is my work different from others of its genre?
NIGHT SHIFT is FREE! Plus, the MC is a dude. Not rare of course, but most paranormal romances are in the first person with a female lead. And I dig the creepy yet stylish mystery of the old department store. I hope you'll give it a chance.
3. Why do I write what I do?
I write because I have to. I write the stories I want to read. Actually, I write to stop the voices in my head.
4. How does my writing process work?
I sit in the chair and make myself keep writing sentences until I have enough of a mess to edit. I'm a fan of sticky notes. I have a simple outline of the major events. Before I write a scene, I list all the things that have to happen before the end of that chapter.
I'm a fan of cliffhangers too, but not too many in a row. Also, if your 'pickle of a situation' keeps ending with an easy solution, the cliffhangers will lose their effect. Readers want conflict!
Now I encourage you to check out the blogs of these other splendid people...
Megan Whitmer is a breath of fresh air on twitter my friends. And she vlogs like a pro. Plus, she makes these cute scrunched up faces that Katie Holmes would die for. Her debut YA paranormal mystery, BETWEEN is out now.
Meet the sassy and always in fashion, Heather Marie. Her YA debut novel, THE GATE THROUGH WHICH THEY CAME, comes out this month. She's all that and a bag of chips. Plus, she's really cool. And since she follows me on twitter, that makes me cool too.
One finger hovers over the mouse, ready to click open the e-mail that just popped up in your inbox from an agent you've queried. Your heart is hammering against your ribs.
Maybe it's a partial request! Maybe it's full request! Maybe it's an invitation to set up a call!!!
Or maybe *sad violin music* it's a rejection.
And when someone tells you they don't like your heart and soul, and all the blood, sweat and tears that go with it, you want a good reason, don't you?
unleashyourcalling.com
Dude, I feel you pain. I'm somewhat of an expert on rejections. Suffice to say, I've racked up my fair share. And with that experience comes wisdom.
Here are some actual rejections I've received over the years and what they really mean.
I loved the setting and the pacing of the story, but I didn't fall in love with the main character to my satisfaction. Thanks for thinking of me and please keep me in mind for future projects.
What it means: Keep writing. Keep sending out queries.
A YA paranormal from a male POV isn't selling well in this genre. Most readers are girls and want to live the experience through the protagonist. If you consider changing the POV to a girl, I'd be willing to take a look at the first three chapters.
What it means: Keep writing. Keep send out queries. Also, HARRY POTTER and PERCY JACKSON.
This is a unique premise and I love the unexpected twist, but unfortunately my client case load is such that I'm no longer looking for YA writers at this time.
What it means: Keep writing. Keep sending out queries.
Sorry, but your work isn't the right fit for our agency. Please forgive the impersonal nature of this email, but it is necessary to send a form rejection if we strive to respond to every query.
What it means: Keep writing. Keep sending out queries.
Hm...it looks like they're all saying the same thing, keep writing, keep sending out queries. And here's a bonus. DON'T GIVE UP!!!
I like to classify stuff, you know, organize and label. And this rings true for my bookshelves as well. Some books are great for rainy days, and others are perfect murder mysteries to read on that long flight or a weekend at the cottage.
But I have other labels too *lowers voice* ones I'm not proud of. These are my book confessions.
Confession #1. The Book I Stole From The Library
Frog and Toad Are Friends
scholastic.com
Okay, I know stealing is wrong and this is no excuse, but I was in grade two and it was raining heavily that day. I dropped the book in the puddle where it sucked up a gallon of water. The thing swelled like Harry Potter's Aunt Marge.
I stashed the thick mess under my bed, hoping it would somehow magically fix itself before it was due back at the library.
It didn't.
However, back then (1978) I guess the librarian at my school was so distracted by the approaching summer vacation and its promises of tanned cabana boys or whatever she did in the off season—that she never came looking for that book. Frog and Toad Are Friends is still mine to this day.
Confession #2. The Book I Pretend To Have Read
The Hobbit
I was thirteen. The first three paragraphs were about a gnarled tree stump. I haven't picked it up since.
Confession #3. The Book I've Read The Most
Wikipedia.com
This is kind of two confessions in one, because my artsy fartsy answer is Pride and Prejudice (read eight times), but the real answer is Harry Potter and The Philosopher's Stone (read ten times).
Confession #4. The Book I Never Finished
Mr. Churchill's Secretary
Okay, there are several titles that fit this category, but this mystery novel is the most recent I haven't been able to finish. I kept falling asleep. I stuck it out until page 110, but I couldn't get any farther. I'm going to try again someday, you know when a bout of insomnia hits.
Confession #5. The Book In Which I'm Totally In Love With One of the Characters
Pride and Prejudice
Mr. Darcy. Mr. Darcy. Mr. Darcy.
Confession #6. Book I Bought Purely Because Of The Cover
Hush, Hush
Wikipedia.com
This was when angels falling from the sky wearing only tight jeans was something of a novelty. Now you can't go for a walk without getting hit by one of those suckers.
Confession #7. The Book I Will Never Read
Fifty Shades of Grey
Life is too short. I read a few paragraphs composed mainly of the main character asking herself questions and biting her lower lip. That was enough for me.
Confession #8. The Book I Will Never Recommend
Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell
It's on my bookshelf as a testament to how stubborn a reader I can be. That sucker weighed in at 782 pages. Although there is one memorable scene, that only accounts for two of those 782 pages. I heard that it's been optioned for a movie. Good, choose that option instead.
Sorry, I hate being a critic, but confession is good for the soul. Let me know your answers!
I don't mean like Captain Hook or Long John Silver. I mean the book pirate who makes copies of hard copy books and original ebooks, and either sells them or makes them available on the internet for free.
People are still confused as to why this is wrong.
The truth is not many writers are able to support themselves solely by writing, which means most writers have another job.
Why should you care?
Well, let's say you happen upon a terrific book and you're delighted that it's going to be a series. But, oh man—it ends with a cliffhanger and you'll have to WAIT for months or even the next year for the sequel.
Wouldn't it be great if your favorite author wrote faster?
I'm sure they would love that too. But when they don't make enough revenue from book sales to write full time they may only get to work on their novels on the weekend, which means the book you're waiting for will take even LONGER to get on the shelf.
So book pirating affects readers...everywhere.
Still confused? Have you ever said this...
#1. "It doesn't matter if I copy this published book on my blog/tumblr/facebook page for free because the author is super rich."
It's not only the author who is losing revenue. The publisher, the editor, the people who design book covers, and most importantly the local bookstore are all losing out too.
Pirated books don't count in sales figures.
Publishers like to use these numbers to forecast what kinds of books people are buying to help them mainstream which authors/genres they should spotlight. If you're reading pirated books, you're decreasing the chance of another author (probably someone who has written a story you'd love) from getting a book deal.
#2. "It's not illegal. I'm not making any money."
Actually it is illegal. And why should you make money from something you had no hand in creating?
#3. "It's posted for free on the author's website so it's not book pirating."
Sorry, wrong again. Anything that anyone writes is copyrighted by law. Unless you have written permission from the author to post their work on your site, then you're a book pirate.
#4. "Authors should be lucky anyone is reading their book."
If that's how you truly feel, you've missed the whole point of reading the book.
#5. "I can't afford to buy the book and the waiting list at the library is too long."
Perhaps this would be a good time for you to join a book club. The thing about book clubs is that a lot of members OWN books. Chances are someone in your school has a copy of that very book you're dying to read.
And guess what? Maybe you'll meet someone who loves books as much as you, and then you'll start your own book review blog. And before you know it publishers are contacting you to do reviews and sending you ARCs...for FREE! Then you can have contests so that other people (just like you) can read books for free without pirating.
I know most people who pirate books won't be swayed by this post, but I'm hoping there's at least one person who gets this and will make the decision to stop pirating. I hope that person is you.
And who says you can't read an amazing book for FREE?
Check out Wattpad for oodles of genres and even previews and contests from famous authors. If you're not on there, you should go...like right now. While you're there, check out NIGHT SHIFT.
Congratulations! You made it to the end of this post. Please enjoy this memorable scene from one of my favorite pirates.
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