The Bachelorette Season 8, Finale episode...FINALLY

Here's a story of a lovely lady...
photo credit, xfinity.com.net

Whoo-hoo, here we go. After ten agonizingly long episodes full of drawn out editing only made bearable by the awesome jewelry and clothes, ABC finally gives us closure on Emily's journey of love. But not before making us sit through the most agonizingly long episode evah.

Emily spends time letting us know she's still confused about who to love more, and that she hasn't decided if the guys will even meet Ricki before the final rose ceremony thingy. But let's get into the good parts. Now that Emily has whittled the pack down to Jef 'with one f' and Arie, it's their turn to meet THE MAYNARDS.

*cue the Family Feud theme*

Dear Jef,

Since you're meeting your potential future in-laws maybe jeans and a t-shirt was a bit casual?

That's all.

Love,

Your Aunt Bethany

Each family member gives their own take on the unique situation. Emily's mom, Suzy, takes him aside and asks, "Are you sure?"

"I want to marry her," Jef declares. "I'm set on it... There's not a single ounce of me that would leave her, ever."

Aw, that's nice Jef. Although, if you don't get a rose, the black SUV will come take you away regardless.

Emily's big brother, Ernie, brings the serious factor up a notch. "She's not going to settle if she doesn't feel right about it," he tells Jef. "The last man that she brought home was Ricky, and he was a perfect guy. Since then, every guy has tried to live up to who he was."

Wow! What can Jef possibly say to that? Think, man, think! "I've never been so in love with a girl," Jef says. "She's the best thing that ever happened to me."

And it works! Ernie's frosty expression melts like an ice cream cake at a birthday party in July.

Big Daddy Maynard is up next, and you can actually hear Jef swallow. But that skateboarding, poofy-haired kid has brought his game today. He looks Emily's dad in the eye and says, "I'm an old-fashioned type of guy and I definitely want to have your blessing before asking Emily to marry me...if it goes that way."

And what does Big Daddy do? "Well Jef, if you sincerely mean that, you certainly have my permission."

Geez, seriously? That's it?

Okay, bring on Arie! Zoom-zoom!

Arie tells us, "I need to make an amazing impression today. These could be my in-laws."

Yeah, that's how it works. Congrats on figuring out the confusing logistics of it all.

Dear Arie,

If you want to make a nice impression with Emily's family, just pretend you're Jef. Also, avoid speaking a different language in front of them.

Love,

Your Aunt Bethany

But Big Daddy has already cast his vote, and ABC is eager to create an illusion of conflict. "I'm not sure why we're even going through the actions of seein' another guy today," he tell us.

When Ernie and Big Daddy ask Arie about on of their favorite past-time, Arie responds awkwardly with, "I don't know much about fishing."

True. You and Emily spent most of your time making out on the boat, not actually fishing. Let's not bring that up, okay?

But just when you think the black SUV is pulling up to the door, Arie races around the corner and captures the checkered flag. He presents Emily's family with a box of dead roses. Hang on, people, it's not what you think. These are all the roses Emily has given him.

Aw, shucks.

"That just touched my heart," Suzy tells us. However, since her heart is also full of Jef 'with one f', she has no idea which one Emily should choose. "I just love them both!"

Hey, Mrs. M, don't forget about the Host. He want to be in your heart, too.

Ernie takes Arie aside and let's him know a bunch of dead flowers aren't the way to win him over.
"You're very smooth in the way you talk," he says to Arie. "And you seem very practised and good at it."

He is good at talking, Ernie, not just English but Dutch as well. And he's also good at making out with your sister on camera.

Arie says, not in Dutch thank goodness, "I've been in love before, but I've never met someone that I've just fallen so hard for." That, plus talk of enjoying dating another single mom, brings Ernie around.

Really? That's all it took? But he knows nothing about fishing for God's sake!?

Ernie admits to the camera, "I had my mind made up before I met Arie, but he was spilling his heart out to me...I'm just at a total loss as to what to tell my sister to do."

I'm hoping that Big Daddy won't let me down and grill Arie like every protective father should. He listens to Arie's pledge of love for his daughter.

Big Daddy has been listening to the producer's pleas for more drama, and he gives a nice long pause before saying, "You seem like a very nice fella and I know she thinks a lot of you...(another pause) you say she's the love of your life. That's a doggone good place to start. I'd be proud to have you in the family."

Emily walks a triumphant Arie to the door, "You killed it!" she tells him.

Arie tells us in the car, "I think if it was up to Emily's family, I'd be the one at the end, not Jef."

Hmm, I wouldn't be sure about that, Arie.

The family weigh in with their opinions, which are useless because they're as undecided as Emily.

Gee, I guess one meeting isn't enough. Perhaps if this was real life and the dating lasted more than a month. What will it take to help Emily make up her mind? Certainly not more time or a doses of reality.

"Honestly, in that split second, it made me question everything," Emily cries to the camera. "The fact that I still don't know who the guy for me is makes me wonder if any guy here is for me."

Okay, ABC, you heard her. Emily want another show. Pick twenty-five more guys, please.

Emily and Jef meet for their last date, and she confesses her confusion over letting Ricki meet him or Arie. But Jef steps up to the plate, and tells her, "Just because I haven't met her doesn't mean that I haven't been thinking about her every day...(insert dramatic pause)...but it's up to you."

Emily decides it's now or never and takes Jef to meet Ricki.

"Can you say hey? This is my friend Jef," Emily says to Ricki. Jef wastes no time and totally goes into Blue's Clues Mode.

He had me counting by twos and able to sing out the colors of the rainbow by the time the visit was over.

After 'the visit' Emily and Jef compare notes.

"She really likes you," Emily tells him.

"I really like her."

Emily smiles and says, "I feel like you really get me."

"I really get you, too."

I ask you, has Hallmark ever come close to saying it better than that?

The next day is Arie's final date with Emily, but when she opens the door it's the Host.

Ew!

Hold-on! She called him to come over because she needs some counselling. "I was so scared I was going to get to the final day and still be going back and forth between these two perfect guys," Emily says, "but this just did it for me. I know that Jef is everything I've been looking for."

*Sigh of relief* The end is near.

However, Arie is on his way for his last date with Emily—like really last, eh. *wink* Unfortunately, he makes a stop at Den Paradera botanic garden to make a love potion.

Dude, a guy with no confidence is NOT sexy...at all.

And if you thought Big Daddy was the king of long pauses, his five second silent stare is nothing compared to ABC's torturous footage of Arie picking flowers and telling us how he's going to be engaged tomorrow.

He meets Emily and quickly uncorks the bottle of love potion telling her how he has to rub it on her arms and legs.

Painful.

He's so into the moment he doesn't realize that they're NOT making out as usual. When he finally clues in to her crying he asks, "What's wrong?"

Emily drops her bomb, "I felt like it was going to be me and you. And I don't know anymore. I never thought that I would have to make a choice between you and anybody. I always thought it was just going to be me and you, honestly. And then, you know..."

Come on! That's the best Emily can do? A bit cruel I think.

Arie's face falls as the reality hits him, but Emily keeps talking. "I honestly thought it was going to be me and you, but I have more confidence with Jef, you know?"

You know? Yes, we all know! Please stop ending your sentences with questions.

"I don't know what to say," Emily says, after speaking for hours.

"Don't say anything." Arie gives her one last kiss on the cheek, and then he gets up and walks away.

"Arie...will you wait for me?"

Seriously? Let. Him. Go.

Arie whips around and gets in the last word. "Good luck. I don't think that you're going to get the goodbye that you want. I don't know what you want...Thank you for sparing me the embarrassment tomorrow, I appreciate that."

Enough yucky awkward feelings, ABC, let's get to the moment we've all been waiting for...the Proposal Platform.

I can't believe I just wrote 'proposal platform'.

Emily doesn't waste any time when Jef sheepishly arrives (thanks for ditching the jeans and t-shirt).

"I really do feel like you're my soul mate," she tells him. "I love you, so so so so much. I knew you were the one for me. You were the only one who got to meet Ricki."

Jef leaves us with these words, "God puts the right people in our lives with the timing is just right." He finally gets down on one knee and proposes.

She instigates the pregnant pause and then finally says, "Yes."

ABC follows with a live get together, which I confess, I didn't watch. Sorry, but my mind was reeling with all of these questions.

What if Ricki decides she doesn't like Jef after all?

What did Arie end up doing with that love potion?

Will Sean ever love again?

When does Ryan's reality show, "Too Sexy For TV" come out?

Will Jef ever let the sides of his hair grow?

What ever happened to Kaylan's Mr. Magoo glasses?

Meanwhile back at The Ranch, Jef's parents arrive home and ask where their little Jefie-poo is...