The Bachelor Season 19, FINALE!!!

Whitney!

Becca!

ABC promises a shocking turn of events that the whole country will be talking about tomorrow.

*yawn*

They say that every time.

The host reaches a new low when he describes Becca as the virgin from San Diego, as if that's her only attribute.

Dear Women Everywhere,

Please stop signing up for this show.

The show begins with Chris' voice over about Whitney and Becca as he walks around the snow covered town of Arlington. He visits his family for some guidance.

Chris' mom says, "I would love to see him propose, but I don't think he knows what he wants."

Chris tells his family, "Just tell me which one to pick."

Okkkaaaay.

Whitney = Gosh Darn Adorable



Whitney is up first to meet the family. She wears plaid and her signature big necklace. She brings wine and flowers because she's a classy chick. "Gosh darn, am I freakin' nervous."

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 She's soooo cute. I love Whitney.

She says a lovely speech at the table about falling in love in with Chris and thanks his family for being so welcoming, and gosh darn...she made me tear up!

Stupid show...excuse me, something's in my eye.

Whitney sits down with Chris' sisters and talks about family and how she has no issues about how small Arlington is. She loves that his parents are close by and is ready to be part of the family.

Chris talk with his sisters who are now wearing "Team Whitney" T-shirts. But all he can talk about is Becca and how he's not sure why, but he really likes her.

Chris' sister sums it up best, "You're in this to find a wife, not a girlfriend."

When Whitney leaves, she tells Chris how much she loves him and his family. He kisses her back, but stays quiet.

Becca, the Enigma From San Diego

Chris is dealing with inner turmoil, folks. Whitney is a sure thing, but he can't stop mentioning Becca. She said when and if she falls in love with him, she's ready to move anywhere.

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 When or if. If.

Up next is Becca, the virgin from San Diego. Actually, Becca is listed as a Chiropractors assistant.

Becca arrives with cookies! She's wearing a denim shirt. There's another big sit down brunch with the family. They joke about how small Arlington is. The whole table is laughing.

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 Chris' sisters sit her down for the serious chat. Becca tells them if Chris picks her it will be a long distance relationship for some time before she is sure she loves him enough to move to Arlington.

Chris' sisters tell him he needs to start asking Becca tough questions. "You're not dating, you're looking for a wife."

Chris says, "How I feel is more important than anything she can tell me."

I think Chris likes Becca because she's not swoony all over him like Whitney.

Dummy. He deserves to be dumped by Becca. She'll drop his mid-west butt faster than you can say frost bite.

Becca tells his mom that she's falling in love with Chris but she's worried she'll lose him if she's not ready to move.

"You have to take risks," Chris' mom tells her. "And you're in charge of what happens with you and Chris not him, he's already there."

Becca tells the camera, "I'm not ready for a proposal."

At the kiss good-bye beside the truck, he tells her how great it was to see her and blah, blah, blah...she says nothing but kisses him back.

Whump. There it is!

Last Call

Before the last rose ceremony, Chris gets to spend more time with each girl.

He meets Becca at a swanky hotel for tough talk. Tough talk for Chris and Becca means sitting on the bed, making out and then saying stuff like, "What do you want? Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"I'm so excited to be with you," she says. "I know there's challenges. I can't make any promises about when I'll feel like I'm ready to move. Maybe it's because I've never felt like this before."

Um, no, Becca. When you love someone you want to be with them, it doesn't matter where they are.

What Chris should really be asking is, "Am I enough to make you want to move to Arlingon?"

Becca says, "All I know right now, is that I want you."

But not enough to move to Arlington, right?

I'm getting a little tired of Becca playing the 'I've never been in love before' card. I think she likes being untouchable.

Chris, dummy that he is, says, "I think we'll figure it out."

Whitney arrives for her final date!

Instead of a swanky hotel, he takes her to his farm to help him harvest.

I'm pretty sure, he never would have chosen this for Becca.

I'm already hoping Whitney will sign up for the next season of The Bachelorette.

Whitney, bless her little soon to be broken heart, is so excited to be riding in his tractor. She says he looks pretty sexy.

Chris tells us he's worked so hard to build a life that he'll be able to welcome in a wife and riase a family.

Right, that's why he think Becca is perfect. 

*rolls eyes*

Whitney goes through his house and says. "I feel like I'm home."

Chris is all polite and big smiles, but superficial.

Poor Whitney. She doesn't even know what's coming.

They have a date that night at the swanky hotel. Chris tells us he's hoping for that a-ha moment. Translation: I wish Becca loved me the way Whitney does.

Whitney then asks Chris to be completely honest with her because this is their last moment to have a real talk before the rose ceremony. He asks her, "Why are you so sure about us?"

She gives him a lovely articulate answer. "The way you make me feel when we're together tells me everything I need to know. I'm ready for a life with you."

Chris responds, "I like being with you right here."

Whitney is starting to figure it out, I think. "As good as I feel about our connection, I have no control over this whole process. But I have to have faith, so I'm taking my heart out of my chest and basically placing it in his hands."

*cries for Whitney*

The Big Day

Chris and the girls prepare for the last rose ceremony...

He mumbles about not getting any clarity. He shaves, puts on his best suit and waits inside the barn for the girls to arrive.

He says, "I'm worried about making a mistake."

Dude, no one stays together. Relax.

Becca arrives in a deep red velvet gown. He welcomes her to his barn. He begins talking about how comfortable she makes him, and how he can see them having a future together.

He stole that line from Whitney!

She smiles. Then he says, "But you're not ready. You are here because I felt it and I wanted it to happen so badly...he cries...but I'm not the guy who can give you what you need."

Captain Obvious nods in agreement.

She says, "We've been so open and honest with each other. You're going to be an incredible husband and father."

For someone else.

Then he walks her out to the limo. "It's all right," she whispers.

Chris does some lower lip biting and gazing into the sunset. He's soon a mess while she's in the limo saying calmly, "If I can't fall in love with Chris, maybe I'm never going to fall in love."

Whitney arrives in her black off the shoulder floor length gown.

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She's already nodding and saying yes before he's even said anything. Whitney is shaking, "I've never been disappointed during this entire journey with you. From the very beginning I've always know. I'm so scared right now. I love you."

If he doesn't propose I'm going to beat him up.

He says everything about this moment feels right. And how they want the same things. Then he finally says, "I love you." He gets down on one knee and proposes. Whitney almost passes out.

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 Dear ABC,

Where's the shocking twist?     

In the tradition of bad TV, ABC announced that The Bachelorette will have two women and twenty five men who get to pick who will make the better wife.

*Vomits in mouth*

And guess who is signing up? Britt and Kaitlyn. Can you say therapy?

Quizzes by Quibblo.com

The Bachelor Season 19, "The Women Tell All"

Or better title, "Cat Fight"

Grab a mojito and sit back, folks. It's The Women Tell All Episode.

*cue the big earrings and stilettos*

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ABC shows all the stuff the girls said about each other, well, just the mean stuff because everyone loves CONFLICT.

Britt Vs. Carly

Britt takes a seat with the host and confronts Carly about all the back stabbing. There's crying and yelling and no one makes a point.

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Carly says through tears, "I really could have ended up with Chris if it weren't for Carly."


Kelsey Has A Message For The Girls

The host, "Why do you think the girls dislike you so much."

Kelsey, "I've been told I'm condescending and I use big words. But I just want to be accepted and liked."

Ashley I. wears her emotions on her face. Her emotions are basically, confused, pissed off, and wtf?

Unfortunately, all the girls take turns putting Kelsey down. I have to say I'm impressed with how Kelsey expressed herself against the pack.

Jillian comes to her defence. And when you've got Jillian in your corner the odds are suddenly in your favour.

The interview ends with a lot of silence and sniffling.

Kelsey ends the interview with this. "Going on the show was my opportunity to grow and find love again."

Is Ashley S. Really Crazy?

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We're going to finally learn the reason behind Ashley's unconventionally behavior.

The big secret is that she's goofy. "While everyone else is crying and fighting, I decided to pick pomegranates."

The host asks—no he begs her—to go on Bachelor Paradise...whatever that is.

Ashely only laughs. She may be cuckoo, but she's got enough brains to turn him down.


Does Kaitlyn Regret Opening Her Heart?

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Kaitlyn says, "It's nice to know that I can love, but my heart is still aching. I think about Chris everyday since I last saw him."

Chris Gets In The Hot Seat

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Britt comes up on stage and the audience drops to a hush when they hug.

Chris crushes any dreams corrects any misgivings she might have about his decision to let her go. "I didn't base my decision on what anyone told me. I went with my gut."

Kaitlyn asks him to explain why she didn't have any indication she would be leaving and if he loved her enough, why did he put her through the rose ceremony.

Chris says, "I had no idea what I was going to do at that moment. It was the best I could do."

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Jade asks point blank if it was her Playboy photos that had influenced his decision. Plus, she was upset when she read his blog and he'd called her home town date 'disturbing'.

Dear Girls,

If your ex-boyfriend starts a blog, DO NOT READ IT!!!!

Instead, get on with your life.

Love,

Aunt Bethany

Chris stumbles through his words, Jade cries, and then they laugh...a bit.

The run the blooper reel and play a teaser for the finale next week and hint at the biggest scandal YET!

Psst...they always do that.

Quizzes by Quibblo.com

Once Upon A Time Sneak Peek Winter Premiere

Whoo-hoo!

Once Upon A Time is back, my friends with a whole new cast of fairy tale villains. The winter premiere (ominously enough, episode 13) is set to air tomorrow night on ABC. The show has been on hiatus since mid-December.

Let's do a quick recap!

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Last time we saw Mr. Gold he'd been kicked out of Storybrooke by Belle when she realized he'd never stop being the awesome evil person that he is. He of course, takes this in stride and finds Ursula working in a New York City aquarium. He manages to convince her to join him in his latest diabolical quest (break back into Storybrooke), but they need two more people.

Enter Cruella de Vil

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Now that Hook is no longer under Mr. Gold's power he can freely date and kiss Emma like the charming pirate he is. I"m guessing they're at the only place in town, Granny's pub/diner/Laundromat...

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After taking the high road by saving Marian and therefore losing Robin Hood forever, Regina thinks happy endings are stupid pants, but Henry is convinced he can find the author of the story book and have him rewrite a happy ending for his mom.

I wonder if Henry's voice has changed yet?

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And poor Belle drowns her sorrows in fruit kabobs...

 

While Regina plays third wheel.

Will you be watching tomorrow night?

Why the 'Once Upon A Time' Finale Flopped

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So the big finale was on this week. Yup, that's right, the finale. The show ABC promoted with the certain destruction of Storybrooke, including a super crazy twist, and all kinds of fairy tale fun.

It was going to be a final episode so awesome it would spellbind viewers and keep them thinking about the show over the summer break. What, I wondered, would be the cliffhanger ending or the clever twist. Would there be closure to certain story-lines in a meaningful way or would there be new ones, intended to seduce us to hold on for another season?

Once Upon A Time's big finale, Straight On Til Morning didn't exactly fulfill the above.

In fact, the very last scene was enough to make me go, "Um...huh?"

The Lost Boys bring Baelfire ashore to see the scary and powerful being only referred to as 'the shadow.'

The shadow steals boys from their bedrooms by luring them to a place called Neverland; an island with mermaids, pirates, and sword fights, but more importantly...no rules. But once the boys get on the island, they're not allowed to leave.

Ew. Yuck. Repeat. Peter Pan is NOT like that. J.M. Barrie is rolling over in his grave.

Baelfire is rejected by the shadow since he isn't the boy he's looking for. One of the Lost Boys call the shadow by the name of Peter Pan and the spooky music starts.

Wait..? That's the twist?

Anyone with half a brain or even in a coma would have figured out the shadow is Peter Pan.

But wait, there's more. One of the Lost Boys shows a picture of the boy Peter Pan has been searching for...and it's Henry.

Oh! That's the big twist.

*picks up phone and calls ABC*

Excuse me, but that makes no sense. A twelve year old version of Baelfire was cast aside because he didn't resemble the boy in the picture.

See the problem?

The Lost Boys are looking at a sketch of a kid who won't be born for another twenty years!!!

The series started out promising. So good in fact, it kept me watching this year when I should have turned off the show. But this season the rules are all over the place. The stakes are raised, only to have an easy way out.

How many times have the characters been in a crunch because they couldn't use magic only to have a forgotten spell or some kind of 'new' magic save them anyway?

A perfect example is in the finale when Emma was able to help Regina contain the trigger. The most powerful spell to disable the most powerful curse was absolved in a couple of minutes when Emma decided she was magical enough to give it a try. Lucky for Storybrooke since she only suffered a bruised knee when the spell was absorbed and the whole town was saved.

Sure. Of course.

I'm not sure how long I can stay loyal to a show that insults my intelligence by adding inconsistent elements for convenience sake. If I wrote a story that way, my agent would make me start all over again. And rightly so, it's cheating.

And let's not forget they killed off the Sheriff in season one. Now if ABC gave him a show, I'd totally tune into that.

Are you going to keep watching Once Upon A Time?

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The Bachelor Season 17, Episode 2 "Hot Tub Philosophy"

Sean, not exactly...
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The chosen girls have moved into the mansion and put on their game face—and by game face I mean a lot of mascara and lip gloss. The Host comes in and announces he can tell Sean will probably fall in love with one of them.

Um...that's the whole point right?

Sarah, okay I'll say it, the chick with one hand, was chosen to go on the first solo date with Sean. He arrives in a helicopter.

Totally stole that from Kaylan.

Sarah says, "So far, this is the biggest dream of my life come true."

Easy girl, it's not like he's taking you to Disney World.

Sean says, “We're really high, in case you haven't noticed.”

Dude, you're flying in a helicopter.

Sean has planned a free fall date. Yup, they jump off the building where champagne is waiting for them at the bottom...and hopefully a net.

What a great first date idea! Incontinence is a nice ice breaker.

They have an evening date and Sarah looks lovely in her black strapless dress. They share glasses of wine on the bed.

Yup. That's right.

Sarah tells Sean a heartfelt moment from her childhood when she was prevented from going zip-lining because she had a disability.

I like her. It took a lot of guts to make up that story. Smart chickie!

Sean says, “I think of myself as a man. And I'm a man that can protect you.”

His wit makes me speechless.

Then Sarah tells Sean about her past boyfriends, who were also men.

Sean is touched or drunk, or a little of both, and he gives her a rose. And then they have some smoochy time.

Sarah later says, “I don't know how I got so lucky.”

It's not luck, you jumped off the building.

It's time for the group date. Sean invites twelve girls for an intimate day at a mansion. They're doing cover photos for a Harlequin romance novel. One of the girl's, who is actually a model, is super excited.

Tierra, who has about three feet of cleavage, says to the hair dresser, “I don't have have hair extensions, I'm all natural.”

It's not long before the girls are all done up in their costumes/make-up, and I have to say most of them seem pretty natural in the bustiers.

Pretty strong argument for ebooks.

Shockingly, the model does the best shoot with Sean.

Now it's time for a little action by the pool. Sean takes Leslie for a private conversation, and the awkward conversation is killing me. No one makes a move. And no one is satisfied.

Except for me because I moved to press the fast forward button.

Sean takes the girls one by one to the make out room—I'm sorry the interview couch—for a lot of knee rubbing. Leslie regrets not kissing Sean when she had the chance. She finds him and gives him a few kisses.

Wow! That session pretty much proved they will NEVER be on a Harlequin book cover.

There's the girl who was on another 'The Bachelor' season. I guess this is her thing.

What do you do for a living, Kacie?

Oh, I'm a professional contestant on The Bachelor.

Kacie says, “It felt really good to go from friend zone, to girlfriend zone.”

Just as long as you know there's eighteen other girlfriends there with you.
 

One girl says, “I'm a vegetarian, but I love the beef.”

“Ha!” Sean laughs clueless. “I love that.”

Dear ABC,

Why is this show two hours long?

Tierra says, “I've never gone for a guy who has other girls going for him. It's really hard.”

You've watched The Bachelor before, right? Also, it really bothers me when the girls say, “I want Sean to keep me around for awhile.”Gross!

Katie, the yoga instructor, has started to clue in that this isn't normal. Again, I have to ask, haven't you watched the show before?

She tells Sean she needs to go home, and he pauses five seconds as it sinks in. Then he walks her to the door.

Fifty points for Katie!!!

The rest of the girls cheer.

Sean gives the date rose to Kacie.

No one cheers.

Sean takes Desire on her solo date. I think she's super cute. The host shows Sean how they've set up a fake art gallery to prank Desire.

Oh! *rubs hands* It's an experiment.

Desire steps out of a limo in a darling little black dress. She's all super smiles. Desire is left alone in the room.

It would be hilarious if she picked her nose.

A 'priceless' statue falls to the ground. The artist and the photographer show up acting all mad. Desire maintains that she didn't do anything.

This is the worst prank ever.

*Looks at watch*

Why is this show two hours long?

Sean takes her back for a dinner at his place. He makes her a floret of broccoli, a spoon full of rice and a whopping huge steak. And holy, huge wine glasses!

They talk about who has the more cute and cuddly parents. They agree they should be best friends if they want to get married.

Sean says, “She feeling me so far, and I'm definitely feeling her.”

Yeah, literally—they're in the hot tub.

They philosophize in the hot tub as the filter gurgles in the back ground.

Desire says, “I think we're on the same page!”

Well, you're in the same hot tub, so I guess that's the same.

Sean steps out in his 'Where's Waldo' swimming trunks and offers her the date rose.

She says, “I already feel like he's my boyfriend. I can tell he's feeling me, and I'm feeling him, so we started to make out.”

Hallmark should hire these two.

It's the second rose ceremony and the girls glare at each other through heavy mascara eyelashes. Sean enters the room and everyone smiles and giggles.

Sean interviews more ladies but he's all flummoxed because he wants to keep all the pretty smelling girls.

Amanda sits on the couch, ignoring everyone with her arms folded across her chest, apparently auditioning for the part of the serial killer.


I totally hope she stays.

Sean tells one of the girls, “I love this question. I don't know where it's going, but I love it.”

No you don't, do you, Sean.

It's FINALLY time for the rose ceremony. I confess, I fast forwarded to the end. Amanda the serial killer is staying!

Some girls leave. I have no idea who they are. I fast forward through their post show interviews.

They always say, “I totally put myself out there.”

Honey, you stepped out of a limo and spent a week in a mansion.


Who do you think Amanda will murder first?

The Bachelor Season 17, Episode 1 "Fifty Shades of Crazy"

So....The Bachelor started tonight. Sean Lowe, Emily Maynard's third choice for last season, is now in the spotlight and ready to fall in love with a stranger...again.

Emily, not exactly as shown.

ABC searched high and low for twenty-five contestants—yes, they're contestants.

I'm not sure if the producers emphasized that each hopeful bachelorette do something special to stand out, but holy awkwardness, each girl had a gimmick. No one seemed to know how to get out of the car, walk over to Sean and introduce themselves.

One girl did back flips. Another sang. Someone asked him to make a wish. Most took the unoriginal route of pulling different objects out of their cleavage.

One girl produced a tie and oozed about Fifty Shades of Grey. Sean looked at the tie like he was being hypnotized. He was totally clueless, and for that I gave him twenty points.

A lot of the girls mentioned how excited they were when they found out he was The Bachelor, they had signed up to fall in love with.

It sounds like a compliment, but it really isn't.

"I signed a contract to find my true love, like even before they had picked the guy. I was going to pull a tie out of my boobs no matter who showed up, but it's you! So that's like double cool."

Ah, let's move onto the interview portion of this mess.

I'm not sure, but I think the producers made sure the girls were well served. Nothing like a bit of booze to help ease everyone's nerves...and clothing, apparently.

Before you could say, "I would have picked Arie," tears were flowing, dresses were being hiked up, and eyeliner was running down checks.

Someone, *cough* Fifty Shades of Grey *cough* fell down the stairs and landed on her bottom.

Roses were handed out, and I wished Ryan was The Bachelor because he totally would have kept the drunk chick with the grey tie. Man, think of the epic debauchery we have been denied.

But don't cry for me Argentina, ABC gave a little sneak peek at the drama we have to stomach look forward to in the coming weeks.

Someone still has a boyfriend! Sean feels double crossed, but then he feels like he's met his soul mate. Girls are crying and pushing each other down the stairs. And an ambulance gets called!!!

Oh, the humanity.

I totally loved the necklace from last season!

Sadly, there is not one piece of jewelry I admired. *sniff* I miss Emily.