Once Upon A Time Season 5 Episode 10 "Broken Heart"

Or better title "Hook Becomes A Total Arse"

Let's clear the air, when Hook didn't know he was the Dark One he had zero issues with good and evil, however, since Emma spilled the beans about making him immortal so he wouldn't die, he's gone completely cruel and totally jerk face boyfriend.

Plus, he's the one who cast the 'oh my god, not again' purple curse to get everyone back to Storybrooke, murdering Hot Merlin in the process.

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Why does this show keep killing off the hot guys?

Hey, I get it, Once has a plot like a wad of hangers all tangled up at the back of the closet, but why would they make it so easy for Hook to go bad...and really bad. He has one line in this episode that made me cringe while holding back vomit—we'll get to that.

Meanwhile, Emma, despite doing magic so dark she brought two men back from the dead, has it together enough to patiently sit through her parents trying to understand why she saved Hook if it meant making him immortal.

Now that Hook is evil his first matter of business is to race over to the pawn shop and challenge Mr. Gold to a duel to the death to finally exact his revenge. Because instead of killing him on the spot, it makes more sense to orchestrate a fight for later.

When Mr. Gold finds Emma and lets her know of Hook's somewhat pathetic revenge plan, David rushes into the room announcing that all the dreamcatchers Emma hid in the shed have been stolen. Not only that, but Belle suddenly remembers there's a set of books called the Dark Chronicles in the library that no one has thought to look at, even though Storybrooke has had two Dark Ones in the last few months.

This makes no sense. That's okay, we all gave up on this show making sense. In fact, I watch it for the senselessness of it all.

Hey, where is Lily the dragon by the way?

Meanwhile back in Fairy Tale Land, a freshly resurrected Hook reunites with Emma, who is no longer wearing her white velour robe, but now the black leather Dark One ensemble we know so well. But Hook is distracted by visions of Rumplestiltskin urging him not to trust Emma.

Back in Storybrooke, Merida was left to guard Emma while Mary Margaret and David leave to save the day (as if). Hook shows up and makes it clear he's not so into Emma anymore. He makes fun of her hair, calls her an orphan and also an anchor.

Why?

Because he's a Dark One and he hates that she did this to him. Confusingly enough he also loves being a Dark One. Again, I'm dumbfounded by Hook's sudden transition into jerk-wadness based solely on becoming a Dark One.

In other news, Zelana shows up at the hospital to claim her baby where it's the same nurse who also works the psych ward and the long haired dude who is always mopping the floors. Anyway, Regina is there and tells her that even though "Baby Hood" is now with Robin, she'll let Zelena see the baby since people with legitimate abandonment issues should get snuggle therapy.

Zelena was like, "I gave birth two hours ago, don't mock me."

Meanwhile, after her fragile ego was crushed by Hook, Emma manages to track down Henry and after a heartfelt talk, he forgives her for (whatever) and takes the No Magic cuff off her wrist. They decide to go find the dreamcatchers since no one else in town is doing anything except reading books upside down at the abandoned library.

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Back in Fairy Tale Land Hook is still lamenting to Emma about how she should have let him die (yeah, I'm starting to wonder that myself) he would have much preferred to die.

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Emma is all "I am so so sorry I have control over you. But I'll never try to control you ever again. Here, take the sword. It's yours. This is how much I love and trust you. And don't forget I'm so so sorry. Can we make out now?"

Hook is all for that, but it was only a trick so they would go back to Granny's and kill Hot Merlin and cast the purple curse!

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On a personal note, I cannot believe Hot Merlin was killed off instead of bumbling Merida or useless King Arthur.

Back in Storybrooke, Mr. Gold arrives at the Jolly Roger for the above mentioned duel. Hook reminds us all this moment is strictly for the revenge of Milah, his true love and also Rumple's wife. By some miracle Mr. Gold defeats Hook. Perhaps he became all riled up when Hook referred to Milah as 'soiled'.

*cringe, barf*

Seriously? Soiled? I understand we're doing a lot of time travel each episode but this was straight out of the dark ages. Gross, OUAT.

He could have said, "...your wife would have returned to you, still in love with me and my love making skills." Or maybe "She'd go back to you, but the smile would be from memories of our nights together." Anything. ANYTHING other than, 'soiled.'

*shudders*

Light on his feet, Mr. Gold quickly goes to the well where he arranged to meet Belle if Hook didn't turn him into a kabob. He told her earlier, "I have a pure heart to offer you now. Please, give me a second chance." If she was there, it meant she was ready to love him again.

She's there!

Hooray!

Oh-uh. But then she tells him, "I have to take care of my own heart." And she leaves him broken hearted in the forest.

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Whhhat? This is more confusing than the evil Hook storyline. Now that he's the man she always wanted him to be, she's walking away?

Across town, Emma and Henry arrive with the dreamcatchers they found in the clock tower and gives them to her family, choosing to trust them. Even though she is the Dark One she makes positive choices in regards to her loved ones happiness—which Hook is incapable of.
Then we're treated to this scene. Brain sucking dream catchers.



















Emma is like, "Oh crap. I remember what Hook is planning now! He's going to open a portal to hell!"

A portal to hell?! At last.

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The camera's whisk to the lake where Hook and the Rumplestiltskin hallucination wait for the arrival of a boatload of Dark Ones. Nimue (Merlin's true love) is both the original Dark One and the ferryman to hell. She's brought all the Dark Ones back "in the flesh" to snuff out the Light.

Vague much?

Even though Hook seems to be slipping further into TAT, total asshole territory, a battle of Dark Ones against Emma, Mr. Gold, Regina and perhaps Zelena seems promising. And hopfully, Hot Merlin will be resurrected somehow.


Who was the MVP?

#1. Baby Hood

#2. Hot Merlin's heart

#3. The dude mopping the hospital floor

Once Upon A Time Season 5, Episode 2 "The Price"

Or better title "Whiplash"

Buckle your seatbelts because this episode did more time travel than Mary McFly.

Storybrooke Runs Amok

The dwarfs are a bit freaked about Emma being the Dark One. They race to the town limits desperate to escape, but when Dopey crosses the line he turns into a tree, firmly rooted in the asphalt.

There goes that plan.

In a bid to break the curse over Emma, Hook goes to Mr. Gold's shop and asks Belle why the power of true love's kiss can't help him get Emma back. Belle says something about power and darkness and whatever...and I lose focus because she's not really saying anything. Then she leaves him with this gem. "It's far easier to hate a Dark One than to love one."

*epic eye roll*

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Henry tries his best to get used to his mom's new look. Emma feels bad because he feels bad, but not bad enough to tell him why she erased everyone's memories. "Hey, it's just part of the curse," she explains.

Regina shows up and they go all 'mean girls' and Emma drops a hint that something super bad is coming to Storybrooke and only a true savior can save the town.

Regina mumbles, "Stupid savior...whatever."

Meanwhile across town, King Arthur and two of his hot knights ride horseback down Main Street. He doesn't have Excalibur anymore and is also clueless to the last six weeks. They quickly find Mary Margaret and Davie who confesses that Emma is the Dark One who caused this mess.

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King Arthur doesn't waste time and suggests, "No worries, just use the dagger against the Dark One!"

"She has the dagger."

"We're screwed."

Savior Swap

We flashback to Camelot as Emma and Regina meet Queen Gueneviere. King Arthur then escorts takes them to his courtyard where he shows them a tree in which Merlin is trapped. He says, "Step forward savior..."

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Emma is about to step forward, but Regina takes her place in order to keep Emma's true identity as the Dark One a secret. Emma knows she can't use her magic because it will be dark and she'll lose control because her inner darkness loves the power too much, baby.

Regina's like, "No problem, I've got this."


Regina's Woes

Storybrooke turns into a refugee camp for lost characters from Camelot. Regina and Robin have a heart to heart about how know no one thinks she can save the town.

I smell low self-esteem.

Meanwhile, Queen Guinevere reunites with King Arthur, and she's upset to learn that he's lost Excalibur.

David pipes up like the nosy eavesdropper he is and says, "If it's here, we'll find your sword."

Before I can change the channel, a black skeleton thing swoops in from above and takes Robin away.

Across town, Emma invites Hook to her new Dark One pad. She gives him a drink and says, "Hey, just because I'm the Dark One doesn't mean we can't still be together."

He's cool with it and they start to make out, but then he steps back and oh-uh, Emma still has weird hair and eyebrows. Geez kids, it looks like true love's kiss didn't break the curse.

He demands to know what happened in Camelot. She says, "I'm tired of talking, do you want to stay or not?"

I like this new Emma, actually. She's all badass and says it like it is.

But he turns her down. "This may be who you are, but this isn't who I am."

Oh my god, he's been hanging out with Belle too much.

There's a foot race through the forest and Regina fights the skeleton thing and loses.  Mary Margaret insists she go to the hospital and Regina immediately assumes this is a reflection on her abilities.

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"You don't think I can do this!" she whines.

Mary Margaret says, "Um, no. I think you're face is bleeding. Not everything is about your magical powers."


Busted

One of King Arthur's knights gives Regina a big ole amulet since she's the savior. But Regina is worried because firstly, she doesn't know how to dance, and secondly, she's not the real saviour. David teaches her to dance and I can't help but wonder why I'm watching this show.

Then we realize the amulet is like a magical nanny cam and the knight is watching and listening to everything!

Where's Selena during all of this?

Regina goes to Mr. Gold's bedside and monologues about how she hates being the former evil queen and how no one trusts she's good enough to save Storybrooke. Belle taps her on the shoulder and regurgitates the latest research she's unearthed about flying skeletons who kidnap lovers.

Apparently the demon is called a Fury. It's in Storybrooke because someone used black magic in Camelot and now the Fury needs to take a body to the underworld as payment...or something. Plus, they need to wait for a full moon or maybe not, I'm a little hazy on the details. However, I do know if Robin is to be saved, someone has to give their life in his place.

How about the tree at the town limits?


To the Death

Back at the ball, Henry takes a giant leap into puberty and crosses the floor to introduce himself to a young princess named, Violet.

I hope this leads to something important to the plot because this scene took five minutes off my life.

The sneaky knight who has been eavesdropping finally dances with Regina. He calls her bluff and says he was a little boy when she burned his village years ago as the Evil Queen. He draws a sword and tries to stab Regina. Robin intervenes and gets stabbed instead. Then David (who is always poking his nose in other people's business) kills the knight.

These people ruin every party.

Regina begs Emma to stop the Fury. Emma says, "The price is not mine to pay. You're the one who used dark magic in Camelot. The price to pay has to be yours."

Now I've got the theme to the Price is Right running through my mind.


Black Magic

We see Regina struggle to heal Robin's wounds, but her magic won't work because—oh my god this is such a farce—because the sword was cursed to kill her.

She begs Emma to use her magic even though there may be a risk that her magic will go dark. Emma gets a hallucinatory message from Rumpelstitskin that if she uses her dark magic there will be a price to pay, but it's Regina's to pay since she asked for it.

Got that?

Emma uses her magic, saves Robin and doesn't freak out and pull out everyone's heart. But...her hand turned kind of gross.

Big deal.


Price to Pay

Regina rushes to give up her life to save Robin's as the ferryman from the underworld comes closer. But Mary Margaret, David and few dwarfs link hands with her. Six souls were too much for the Fury and it self implodes. The ferryman disappears and Robin is safe.


Grumpy proclaims that if Regina can stand up to that monster, she can save the town.

Bingo! Regina now has confidence.



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This calls for a celebration at Granny's pub/diner/Laundromat.

Hey, where's Ruby?

Belle and Hook talk about how true love's kiss only works when it's convenient to the plot.

Henry finds Violet again, but neither of them have any memory of meeting each other.

David consoles Mary Margaret about having a Dark One as a daughter.

Emma stands across the street all alone in her black trench coat. With nothing else to do she returns to her house to find Rumpelstiltskin waiting for her. He shows her the secret in her basement—Excalibur is there, stuck in the stone.

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"You have the power to do what no Dark One has ever been able to accomplish," he says. "Make the sword whole."

Putting down the dagger, Emma tries to free the sword but is blown away by a force. Rumpelstiltskin laughs and says she can do it with magic, but she'll have to pay the price.



Who was tonight's MVP?

#1. The Fury
#2. Henry's Adam's apple
#3. The dwarf who got turned into a tree

Once Upon A Time Season 5, Episode 1 "Dark Swan"

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Or better title "Eyebrows Make All the Difference"

Well, here we are again, my friends. Another season of OUAT, who will we meet from the Disney franchise this time?

Prophecy

King Arthur and Sir Lancelot race on horseback in search of Excalibur. They find the legendary sword stuck in stone, but before Arthur can fulfill Merlin's prophecy, one of the knights gets greedy and despite everyone's warnings, tries to take the sword. Instead, he dies in a plume of smoke. When King Arthur successfully retrieves Excalibur, they see the end piece is missing.

*Gasp* The dagger of the Dark One is the missing piece!

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Back in Storybrooke everyone stares at the dagger. Hook grabs it tries to summon Emma, but she's gone realm hopping and is outside of the dagger's magical pull. Instead, we see her emerge from a well and is now in the enchanted forest. And there to greet her is Rumpelstiltskin.



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When Emma mentions it's impossible for him to be in front of her since he's actually in a coma in Storybrooke, he simply says, "I'm many things."

*cough* loop hole *cough*

Ignoring Rumpelstilskin's giddy prolomation that she'll give in to the powers of darkness, Emma leaves in search of Merlin so he can separate her from the dagger.

Wicked is the Way

The Apprentice gives Regina a wand to help find Emma, but it doesn't work because she's too good. Hook is all sassy and says they need a real villain—Selina, the wicked witch for example.

Good thing they've kept her locked up in the pysch ward.

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Selina puts on her best 'I'm hot and you're not' face, and tells them all they need is to find an object that is important to Emma and that will help create the portal that will lead them to Emma. But Selina wants them to take off her wrist band that blocks her magic. Regina storms off, not willing to let that happen.

And because all this crazy stuff is happening, it's only natural for Belle to be worried about Mr. Gold dying while she reads a few good books. The blue fairy magics up a rose inside a glass case for her to carry around. As long as the petals are intact, Mr. Gold is still alive.

So every time we see Belle for the rest of the season, she'll be carrying this awkward case. Way to go, blue fairy.

Bad to the Bone

Meanwhile, Emma discovers the enchanted forest is full of peasants who aren't exactly cooperative. Rumpelstiltskin keeps talking in her ear like the little devil that sits on your shoulder who rationalizes all your bad behavior.

FYI, my little devil thinks I'm awesome!

A blue wisp flits by and Rumpelstiltskin tells Emma if she can catch it, she'll find Merlin. She races after the wisp and watches as someone snatches it out of the air and traps it in a bag. Emma tackles the stranger with magic.

Oh, hello. It's the chick from BRAVE.

Instead of fighting her like Rumpelstilskin wants, Emma goes along with Merida. Once they return the wisp to its home, it will grant them the answer to any question they ask it. Merida explains the clans are fighting and her three brothers have been kidnapped, she needs the wisp to tell her where they are. Then she promises to let Emma ask a question too.

They make camp and Rumpelstiltskin sneaks around, whispering to Emma that the wisp will only help one person. She realizes the only way to find Merlin is to betray Merida and take the wisp for herself.

Hmm...not seeing a lot of darkness yet.

Portals Galore

Hook and Henry break Selina out of jail, but not before she cuts off her hand, then reattaches it once the bracelet is off. She says, "See ya, losers." And disappears into a vortex of green.

Oops. Man, she is really wicked.

Not wasting anytime, Selina takes Robin hostage in exchange for the apprentice's wand so she can return to OZ. The wand creates the portal, but Regina is so slick she slaps the bracelet back on Selina, rendering her powerless.

Regina suddenly has the ability to use the wand.

Um...why? Is she bad enough now or something?

With the help of Emma's baby blanket a vortex opens up directly over Granny's pub/diner/Laundromat. The house gets pulled up into the air.

Heartless

Merida sneaks away from Emma and uses the wisp for herself, but before she can follow the wisp to find her brothers, Emma arrives all upset because she wanted to use the wisp first.

Darn! What can she do?

With Rumpelstiltskin's encouragement, Emma decides she has to rip out Merida's heart.

Well, that escalated quickly.

Emma and Merida fight while Rumpelstiltskin manages to convince her to take out Merida's heart. Hook and the others arrive just in time to coax Emma to put the heart back like a nice girl. Emma says, "The darkness will consume everyone I care about. I need to find Merlin, so I have to kill Merida."

Um...what? There's probably more than one wisp around. Or, should could go with Merida and the wisp, then recapture the wisp after it leads Merida to her brothers. Or...oh, never mind.

Anyway, Hook manages to convince her love is the answer and she does the ole heart transplant. Merida goes on her way, ready to take the path of peace instead of the bloody fight she was planning on doing once she found her brother's kidnappers.

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Mary Margaret gives Emma the dagger, but she passes it to Regina, knowing she's the only one who can handle the burden. Without warning, out of the woods, King Arthur comes with the broken Excalibur stating Merlin sent them, according to his prophecy. They say Emma is the one who will lead them to Merlin.

Go directly to Camelot, do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

So everyone, including Granny, the dwarfs, Selina...baby Neal, go to the Camelot.

Six weeks later, Granny's pub/diner/Laundromat slams back down into Storybrooke. But no one has any memory of what happened six weeks ago. Emma walks in with white eyebrows, wearing a long black cloak rocking the Dark One's look.

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Why?

Emma answers, "Because I'm the Dark One."


Who was tonight's MVP?

#1. Emma
#2. Regina
#3. Selina