The Bachelor, Season 17, "The Finale...Finally!"

Who will Sean choose?!

 

 

blogzap2it.com



 

The Host comes on and tells me that this is a historic three hour finale.

Three hours?!

 Kill. Me. Now.

Sean's family flies to Thailand so they can meet the two final contestants, ladies.

Sean's mom tells him not to worry because this may end in a proposal so he must know in his heart which girl he truly wants.

Sean grins and says, “To tell you the truth, I'm not sure. They're both great.”

Catherine is up first and she is a cute little ball of nerves. Sean's family are really tough on her. His dad says, “We love you, girl.”

During lunch, Sean's sister, Shea makes a toast to both of them as if it's the rehearsal dinner.

Sean's mom takes her aside and I bet this is when we'll see some harsh reality. Catherine talks on and on, while mom, nods and says, “Right.”

Catherine then says, “All I can think about is my future with him. He makes me feel good and true about myself.”

“A-huh.” Then Sean's mom tells her that she'd be proud to have her part of the family.

Sean's dad is too busy smiling to listen to her answers.

Catherine confides, “I'm giving myself completely to him and he's giving himself to me.”

This makes Sean's dad cries happy tears. “If Sean marries you," he says. "I will be your biggest fan.”

If Sean doesn't choose Catherine, I think his dad could step in.

Up next is Ms. Giggles. Lindsay decides to wear her dark lace mini dress. Although she brought presents, so that's something.

She giggles and leans into Sean and says, 'cool' a lot.

Sean's dad takes Lindsay aside for the really tough interview. He asks her, “How do you know you're truly in love with someone before you get married?”

Lindsay flicks her hair, and says, “I just like want to hang out with him forever. He totally gets me.” Then she adds, “Marriage is all about compromise and prayer.”

Sean's dad starts to cry happy tears again, and he tells Lindsay he couldn't be happier if Sean chose her. This in turn makes Lindsay cry happy tears.

I'm crying too, but it's for all the time I've lost on this show.

My only hope is that Mom will be tougher. Lindsay says, “It was crazy! Our first date felt like our fifth date.”

A line forms between Mom's eyebrows as she asks, “Can you get him to open up to you about serious subjects?”

Or do anything that doesn't involve giggling and rubbing each other?

Lindsay lets her know they've tackled the tough stuff.

That's funny. I remember a lot of drinking and making out, I guess the serious talks didn't make the editorial cut.

Sean tells us, “My family got to see how much she loves me.”

Like a puppy.

He confesses to the camera, “I bet I could have a long happy marriage with both Lindsay and Catherine."

Dude, I think you mean, 'either' instead of 'both'.

 

Sean asks his family to help him decide. Mom steps up to bat and tells him that it has to be the most exciting thing for him. If his heart isn't totally sure, then he shouldn't be proposing.

He kind of shrugs and asks for her support. His complacency brings her to tears. She tells him. “If you can't decide which girl, then you can't propose.”

Sean's mom seems so sensible. How did he end up on this kind of show...twice?

He's so clueless. Also, he doesn't know which girl to marry.

We get to see Sean and Lindsay on their last date on the river. She says, “I love you. I really do...so much.”

He says, “I know you do.” And then they make out.

He's so charming. NOT.

ZOMG! The date continues and the silly talk and puppy dog eyes are enough to put me in a coma. Lindsay tells him, “We have all the stuff that's important in a marriage.”

Lindsay is a teacher, remember? I bet she teaches 'stuff'.

She tells him that she's super nervous and doesn't know what she'd do if she lost him. She asks him what he's thinking.

Sean gives her the reassuring comment, “You look pretty tonight.”

She confides to the camera, “When he kisses me, it's so reassuring. That's why we're always kissing because that's how he tells me how he feels.”

Or...

Sean walks through the lush green landscape in his purple t-shirt and greets Catherine. He let's us in on the secret that he's looking for a sign.

They ride an elephant down a hillside.

I'm not sure if he's noticed, but Catherine is also wearing a purple shirt. That could be a sign.

They have drinks and he brings up what it will be like for them to be old and remembering this trip. Catherine lets us know that she isn't the kind of girl who can say, 'I love you' easily.

There's another thing you have in common with Sean.

The date carries on to Catherine's hotel room where, surprise, they start drinking.

Also, she's wearing a black lace shirt and he's wearing a black t-shirt. There's another sign.

Sean gushes about how awesome the elephant date was. Catherine monologues about being comfortable and how she's usually more guarded. Then there is talk about family, and how she knows being with him will make her life better.

Aw.

Sean gives her his usual ambiguous answer, but it seemed more genuine than when he was with Lindsay.

Finally at the end of the evening, Catherine tells Sean she loves him. He takes a deep breath, presses his forehead to hers and he says, “Thank you for today.”

She tells us, “This is painful.”

Amen, sister. I'm the one blogging, at least you get a trip.

Catherine is exasperated. “I can't get anything out of him! I'm putting everything on the line and he's giving me nothing.”

Said every contestant on this show...ever.

There are several shots of Sean wandering around with only a towel on. He tells us he's made up his mind. “There's one woman I know I can't live without.”

Cue the ring guy.

 

Sean gets on his tux and waits for his bride.

Lindsay is crying from joy because the day she's wanted forever has finally arrived.

Catherine is nervous and knows she loves Sean, but she doesn't feel the same from him.

ABC drags this one out for two more commercial breaks folks.
 

Sean waits by the water with ONE rose. Only one, you got that people?

The black car pulls up and the Host lets out Lindsay. She has a voice over, “Today is the best day of my life. Today is the day I get engaged.”

Sean starts by telling her that she's been such a surprise and he's amazed at her strength, her courage, her generosity...then he swallows and says, “This is the toughest thing I've ever had to do.”

Her face finally figures it out. She lets go of his hand. He keeps talking and she starts to blink back the tears while her eyes dart around, looking for a weapon. Then he puts salt in the wound by telling her that he does love her.

She makes him stop, then asks the worst question ever, “Is it me?”

Nothing gets resolved. She is amazingly composed for someone so giggly. “I'm happy you found love,” she says. “I don't know how to go on without you in my life, but I'll have to figure that out for myself.”

Sniffing away his tears, Sean makes his way back to the wharf. Meanwhile, Lindsay breaks down in the car. “I just want to grow old with somebody and have a family.”

The Host joins Sean and gives him an envelope from Catherine. ABC has led us to believe that this is a good-bye letter, but it's all lovely and happy. Not at all like the chick she was last night. It was signed 'you have my heart.'

I guess we know whose the romantic one in the family.

Catherine arrives gorgeous and glowing in a gold dress. Sean takes her hand and begins 'the speech'. He finally comes up with a great line, “I miss you every time we say good-bye. I don't want to say good-bye anymore.” Then he gets down on one knee and the orchestra starts to play.

He asks and she says yes. And they ride off into the sunset on an elephant.

What the heck is the rest of the show about? There's still ANOTHER HOUR!

The rest of the show is about showing off Catherine and Sean in front of a live studio audience. And ZOMG! It looks like she's wearing the same dress Lindsay wore when she met Sean's family.

The Host asks them to talk about stuff, and frankly I'm not sure how the past contestants ladies, can stand it. Sorry, folks this is good night, my work is done.

 

The Bachelor, Season 17, Episode 9, "Bugs, Bikinis, and Bye, Byes"

www.bing.com

Sean takes AshLee, Catherine and Lindsay to Thailand for the overnight dates.

He says, “It's amazing to think these are my last three girls.”

Unless he signs up for the show again.

I fast forward through the next thirteen minutes of footage from previous episodes where Sean does a voice over about the girls as having the potential to be his next wife.

Lindsay is the first to arrive. There's a lot of giggling and loud smacking kissing. Sean takes her to a market where they look at neon dyed chicks.

She giggles, “This will be just like when we go grocery shopping.”

A-huh.

Sean makes her eat a slug.

She tells the camera, “I considered not eating the bug, but once I saw how brave Sean was, I had to do it for him.”

This is me.
 

They sit on the beach and reminisce about how much her family loves him. Sean smiles back and nods.

Lindsay tells us, “Last week I told Sean I was falling in love with him, and this week I definitely am.”

Good to know you're consistent.

“But I haven't told him that I AM in love with him because I'm afraid of getting hurt.”

*reaches for Tylenol*

They have supper in front of lit up neon floats. She says, “This night can't get more romantic.”

Or cheesy.

When Sean asks her IF they get engaged would she move to Dallas.

Lindsay replies tearfully, “I have everything totally open.”

*Refrains from obvious joke*

Then Lindsay does a painful monologue trying to build up the courage to tell him the 'L' word. But just as she's about to spill the beans, dancers show up as the entertainment.

She says, “I feel like I'm in a movie.”

Nope. TV show.

Sean gives her an envelope with a key to spend the night together in the fantasy suite. She grabs Sean and runs down the path to the hotel.

Guess what kind of movie you're in now, Lindsay?

Oh dear Lord! They lounge on a bed and drink. Lindsay does another painful monologue, pauses, leans in closer, pauses...then finally she tells Sean she loves him.

And this is his super romantic reply, “I love hearing you say that.”

One down and two to go, eh, Sean?

AshLee arrives and begins to ooze her adoration for Sean. He takes her cave diving because he wants to force her to trust him into not letting her drown.

AshLee is obviously worried when Sean takes them into the pitch black cave and he gets them lost.

I hope the camera man has a map.

She says, “As much as I'm terrified, I'm willing to do this for Sean.”

 

 

Finally they make it through to the other side, and there's a private beach waiting for them. They make out because no one died. 

Now it's time for their supper ie: large glasses of wine, and Sean's envelope offering. He tells her, “I know you love the qualities that I possess and how those are the qualities you need. I love that feeling.”

Oh, you mean how everyone loves you? Gee, that's big of you.

When Sean offers AshLee the envelope, she pauses. He senses her hesitation and he spells out that there will be no special naked hugs but only a time for both of them to T.A.L.K.

She tells us, “I will do everything in my power to make sure this man is happy.”

Really? Even eat bugs?

Catherine arrives and Sean is all huggy-kissy-poo as if he hasn't been making out the past two nights. He takes her on a boat where there is drinking and snuggling.

He tells her, “I love your weirdness.”

And her mouth, apparently.

They talk about the awkward family visit from last week, but she lets him know she'd move to Dallas speedy quick.

He takes her snorkeling and they make out.

What? No bugs or blind spelunking?

Catherine tells Sean over a supper of drinks, “I didn't want to spend the night in the fantasy suite because I want to be seen as a lady. But now I realize it's not about that.”

That's right, girl! It's about getting that rose!

They spend the night in the pool and make out some more. Whatever.

Sean sits down with the Host to fill air time discuss who he'll be sending home.

“It kills me inside to send her home. She's so full of love. It almost breaks my heart.”

Did you hear that? It ALMOST breaks his heart.
 

I fast forward through the footage of Sean looking pensive at the horizon.

It's time for the rose ceremony. There are only two roses. Sean seems to be struggling...Lindsay lets out a breath and curses because the pressure of having someone give you a rose who may or may not propose to you in the future is scarier than eating bugs.

He gives Lindsay the first rose.

 

And the second rose goes to...(there is a thirty second footage of no one speaking and alternating close-ups of Sean, then Catherine, then AshLee, then back to Sean...).

 

Oh the tension! 

 

Catherine finally gets the last rose.

AshLee walks away stone faced as Sean runs after her, saying how super awesome she is.

But as bad as she feels, I feel worse. I thought this was the last episode. Dear Lord, there are two next week!

*Reaches for Tylenol*

Once Upon A Time Episode 19, "The Return" or "David Is Such A Loser"

August thrashes in his bed, getting tangled in the sheets. He then falls out and stumbles to his typewriter like Storybrooke is having an earthquake. Obviously, he's not a morning person. On the phone, he tells someone things are taking too long and he has to accelerate the plan.

He always tells the truth except when he's snooping.
photo credit, hollywoodlife.com

Henry and August hatch a scheme—I guess that's who he was talking with. Henry goes into Mr. Gold's shop, cheerily looking for a gift for his favorite teacher, Mary Margaret, to celebrate her release from jail.

Meanwhile, August sneaks in the back of the shop and begins searching the cluttered shelves. Mr. Gold catches him, but August does a song and dance about looking for maps and gets away.




Hold on—I thought he always told the truth. ABC! *shakes fist at TV*

Emma goes to the hospital and questions a recovering Catherine. She remembers the car accident, but then blacked out and came to in a basement. The Doctor, the only medical staff in Storybrooke apparently, tells Emma there were traces of drugs in Catherine's system.

Is this blood test as reliable as the DNA on her heart? *rolls eyes*

Adding to the mystery, Catherine says she didn't escape but woke up one morning in a field and walked into town. Emma does some brilliant detective work and says the DNA test must have been faked.

Gee! Ya think?

Quidditch anyone?
photo credit, unwinnable.com

The Mayor and Mr. Gold argue at his shop. He holds a leather ball that looks like a quaffle.

Ten points for a Harry Potter reference!

She's mad that he broke their deal. He glares back at her and says he's only broken one deal, and unfortunately it wasn't this one. She demands to know why he came up with the curse to bring them here if he's not helping her now?

Good question. Also, why is it so easy to break into the hospital lab?

On a muddy road, boys are playing with Mr. Gold's quaffle ball. A horse drawn waggon almost runs over them. An angry villager scolds the boy for playing on the road, then he recognizes Rumpelstiltskin's son, Bellfire. He backs away, clearly frightened. And he should be. Rumpelstiltskin hears the arguing and turns the frantically apologetic villager in to a snail, and then crushes him. WOW! Just like that.

David visits Catherine because he's a confused guy trying to remember who he's in love with. Hello? Your true love just got sprung from jail! *taps TV screen* 

Catherine forgives him for all the crap he put her through—I guess being kidnapped and held in a basement puts things in perspective. They agree to not be miserable married people anymore. He calls her amazing, and then kisses her on the forehead. But no magic happens because it's a 'true friend's kiss' not the 'true love' kind.

Emma throws Mary Margaret a party. Henry gives her a bell wrapped in a pretty silver box. Is anyone else thinking about The Polar Express? David arrives looking for more foreheads to kiss, but Emma stops him at the door. He whimpers something stupid and then leaves.

Mr. Gold watches them from the corner. Emma crosses her arms in front of her chest and accuses him of kidnapping Catherine. Emma needs to brush up on her hostess skills. Mr. Gold doesn't even flinch—he's so cool. Instead he motions toward August and asks what she knows about him. Emma realizes she's clueless about August. Mr. Gold tells her he must be using a pseudonym, which is different than an acronym but has the same suffix.

Rumpelstiltskin enters the cottage with his son, Bellfire, and begins to heal his skinned knee with magic. The boy wants none of it and gets the mid-evil first aid kit (also known as the BlackSmith Special). Bellfire confronts his father about his lust for power and how evil he's become. Rumpelstiltskin refutes that his powers ended the Ogre war, saving thousands of children from being soldiers.

But his son is adamant. Rumpelstiltskin shows him the dagger with his name etched into the blade and says he's owned by the magic for life—or until someone else kills him with the dagger.

Two hours of homework=one hour on Minecraft
photo credit, runnersworld.com

Their maid/cook/laundry girl walks in and they drop the conversation. Obviously they've been watching Downton Abbey. The first rule is to never talk about curses with the help around. Bellfire makes Rumpelstiltskin promise to figure out how to get rid of his powers, and they shake on the deal.

Mr. Gold snoops around August's room and finds a tiny wooden carving of a dog. Hmm, tiny wooden carving. Whoa! Jackpot! AND a perfect drawing of the dagger.

At the dinner/pub/laundromat Emma confronts Sydney about bugging her office. Sydney makes it clear he's on the Mayor's side. Emma looks disgusted. She stomps away with her amazing golden hair flowing behind her and promises to find the basement where Catherine was kept. She's determined to find any clue that will link him AND the Mayor to the set up.

Bellfire is sad because none of the other kids will play with him—you know 'cause his dad might turn them into a snails, too. A young girl comes out from behind a tree (the forest gets so much air time every episode!) She's kind and describes what a hero his father was the day he stopped the Ogre Wars. He tells her the power has become a curse. She offers him hope and mentions a rumor she heard on the battle field of an original magic that was more powerful than the Dark One.

Rumpelstiltskin breaks up the scene and the girl hurries away. Bellfire notices his father's bloodied boots. Rumpelstiltskin defends his actions, saying the maid was mute but she could still draw a picture of the dagger. Geez. Harsh much?

Mr. Gold follows August and watches as he meets with the Head Nun (aka Blue Fairy). It's hard to recognize her without her blue bustier and jellyfish skirt. Apparently August has found his long lost father but isn't sure how to reveal the truth...yet.

Bellfire goes into the woods and summons the original power. Instead of the huge, creepy thing I'm imagining, the Blue Fairy appears. Bellfire explains his father is the Dark One. She says her magic can't take away his powers. However, he can go to a place where magic doesn't exist, and that will save them both.

She gives him a magic bean, and tells him to use it wisely because it is the very, last magic bean. The. Very. Last.

David chases Mary Margaret down the street and tries to apologize—AGAIN! His excuse for being a spineless twit was all the mounting evidence against her. He's worse at apologizing as Emma is at hosting parties.

Mary Margaret sighs and says something powerful is trying to keep them apart. He apologizes again, saying that he loves her, and then they both end up crying. OH. MY. GOD. They've had this conversation a billion times.

Dear ABC,

Why are they even in this episode?

Rumpelstiltskin is spinning gold when Bellfire comes in and tries to sell him on the idea of leaving fairytale land to live in a place where absolutely nothing magical could ever happen—Wal-mart. Rumpelstiltskin can't refuse his son. They shake hands and make a deal. Um...didn't we just see that?

Feeling particularly chatty and helpless (never a good combination), Mr. Gold pays a visit to Dr. Hopper and talks about his long lost son and their somewhat complicated relationship. Dr. Hopper advises he should ask his son for forgiveness, because there's no other way.

I'm shocked someone actually had a real answer instead of the usual, true love's kiss idea. Yay! Dr. Hopper.

Mr. Gold meets August in the woods (hi, trees!). August calls him Papa. For proof, rearrange the letters in August Wayne Booth. You'll discover they spell out, the writer is Rumpelstiltskin's son and he had this magic bean that was the very last magic bean in fairytale land.

See? It's so obvious. I feel like such a dummy.

Bellfire plants the bean and it forms a green tornado as a porthole to Wal-mart. Rumpelstiltskin suddenly gets cold feet and tries to pull his son back, yelling that he can't give up the power. His grip slips and Bellfire disappears into the vortex. Seconds later the ground covers over. Realizing he made the wrong choice, Rumpelstiltskin claws at the dirt.

Mr. Gold admits his cowardice to August, but that every waking moment since that night he's been looking for him. He then asks for forgiveness, and I must say, David could take a few pointers. Together they unearth the dagger Mr. Gold buried shortly after Emma arrived in Storybrooke. He hands it to August telling him to destroy it—he doesn't need magic anymore now that he's found his son. August takes the dagger and points it at his father and demands control the Dark One.

*Gasp* TWIST!

Mr. Gold points a finger at his son's impostor. He overtakes the weak August and demands answers. August confesses to being from fairytale land, but he's sick and was trying to get 'the Savior' to help him—but she's such a non-believer, that Emma.

Mr. Gold sneers down at him, telling him to keep trying. And since he's spared his life, August now owes Mr. Gold a favor.

Rumpelstiltskin summons the Blue Fairy and asks how he can follow his son. The fairy says he had his chance, however (there's always a however) a powerful curse can create the same vortex. He vows to find this powerful magic and will do nothing else, and love nothing else until he gets his son back. Well, except maybe that chick who comes to clean his castle and breaks the china cup...but other than her, nothing else!

The Mayor sits in the Sheriff's office and watches as Syndey confess to setting up Mary Margaret. He says he wanted to be the one to find her and be the hero. He would write an exclusive for the paper and get his job back. Emma is absolutely not buying any of it. She takes the Mayor into the hallway and lays it all out on the table—she's had enough of the Mayor's crazy schemes. Emma vows to never stop fighting her, and finally...FINALLY declares to fight for custody of Henry.

Whoo-hoo! Cat Fight!

So, August is still a mystery, unless you haven't figured out he's really Pinocchio. Click here for details.

Will David ever get some charm? And what about the animal shelter? And please, somebody go wake up Sleeping Beauty, she's missing all the fun!

Cheers!

Once Upon A Time, The Writer Is Actually None Other Than...

Since there was no episode of Once Upon A Time this week, I had extra time to mull over Mr. August Wayne Booth. As 'the writer' he's the only character, other than Emma and Henry, who's a CFA (come from away). Everyone else is from fairytale land.

He always tells the truth and always wears that frickin' red bandana

So who is this guy, and what is his connection with Emma, Henry and Storybrooke?

Since ABC took the time to give him a middle name, I'm assuming it's important. I played around with the letters and came up with the following anagrams

Gateway to hobu. This makes no sense, unless HoBu is a new hip district in Manhattan.

A one way ubo ghost. Brilliant, if there was such a thing as an 'ubo ghost'.

A beauty sought won. Okay, it's a little clumsy but I can work with this.

Don't forget Belle is stuck in the basement of the hospital. Once someone *cough* Mr. Gold *cough* finds her, voila the spell will be broken. The Evil Queen will be defeated, and maybe *fingers crossed* Schmexy will emerge from the woods clad in his leather hunting outfit. You have to admit, he was pretty hot that last episode.

Sorry, back to August. Since the anagram is a far reach, I decided to next concentrate on his personality. He talks a lot about faith, and says he always tells the truth. And that as a writer, he's open to all kinds of possibilities. Some people wonder if he might be Pinocchio. It's possible. Geppetto built the magic tree/door. He could have sneaked him through with the book under his arm.

The writer (maybe) note the red necktie.
photo credit fanpop.com

I have two theories.

I believe August is the person who wrote the book in the first place. Not only that, but everything he writes ends up happening. While he cleaned up the book, I think he added a few extra chapters.

The next theory is a bit of a stretch. I wonder if August is Henry all grown up and visiting *cue the synthesizer* from the future!

Why not? These are the people who created Lost! A visit from the future is perfectly reasonable. Perhaps he's come back to help his Mom (Emma) fix what she messed up the first time, or something like that. Ouch. Time travel talk gives me a headache.

And what about Catherine? I'm guessing Emma will uncover that the Mayor botched the DNA results to hasten the murder charges against Mary Margaret. I'd hate that. There should be a better reason. And...somehow Schmexy should come back too.

So, who do you think August really is?

And whose heart was in the box that Ruby found?