Once Upon A Time, Season 2, Episode 12 "Brothers"

Or better title, "Just A Regular Guy"

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Belle has lost her memory. A panicked Mr. Gold tires to reassure her it's totally fine that he's able to heal her gunshot wound with magic.

Mary Margaret, Emma and David arrive to find Hook bloodied and still ready to fight Mr. Gold. An ambulance arrives in the speed of light as if it was scripted or something. The paramedics flash a light into the car, but no one recognizes the dude.

Poo. I was hoping for the Sheriff.

Dr. Whale sits at Storybrooke's emergency brooding over a glass of scotch.

We're treated to a black and white flashback. Dr. Frankenstein had an overbearing father who favored his younger brother. Not only was he second choice, but dear old dad, refused to believe in his experiments with cadavers and lightening.

Cora would have understood.

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Hook and the crash victim are rushed to the hospital. Belle is put in a room and sedated, freaking out that Mr. Gold is the dude she regularly makes out with. Dr. Whale tries to calm everyone down with a glass of scotch.

Emma interrogates Hook with her fists.

Yikes!

Hook can't help but flirt, but Emma reminds him that he not only pissed off the only guy in town who can use magic, is immortal, but he also tried to kill his chick.

Emma hacks into the car accident guys iPhone; his name is Greg and he seems really boring. Mary Margaret and David worry that other regular people will start coming to Storybrooke.

Bad news for the Blue Fairy because her Head Nun disguise is not fooling anyone.

Also, the Mayor and Cora are missing.

*Rubs hands together*

Dr. Whale announces to the room that Greg, the regular guy, is bleeding internally and may die. He asks Mr. Gold to hocus pocus him back to health. Mr. Gold mentions that since Greg saw him use a little magic he'll blow the whistle on Storybrooke and their town will be in danger.

A long pointless debate ensues; let the guy die and save Storybrooke, or try and save him and see what horrible things will happen.

Really? They're afraid of a regular guy?

Rumpelstiltskin pays a visit to Dr. Frankenstein's laboratory. He's interested to know the secrets of reanimation since he only has the power of dark magic. He leaves a pile of gold to help Dr. Frankenstein continue his work.

He utters these last famous words, “Igor, we're going to need a body.”

Wow! If I had a nickel for every time I said that on a Saturday night.

Mr. Gold mopes about his shop, crying into the chipped cup. Cora arrives and offers to help find his son, if he helps her find the mayor.

She brings him a 'magical globe' that will pin point Bellfire's location. She's so sweet and they shake on the deal, and then they kiss.

ARGH! Look away! Oh God, too late. It's like watching a car accident in slow motion.

Dr. Frankenstein digs up a body but is interrupted by his brother, trying to convince him that stealing corpses for science is wrong. A shot rings out from the guy who patrols the graveyard at night...I guess. Both brothers jump into a waiting carriage and escape. Frankie soon notices that his brother isn't very talkative, and that the blood stain on his chest indicates he's been shot, like in the heart...and is now dead.

Emma is concerned when Greg's cell phone keeps ringing. The others are worried that the regular guy's girlfriend will also come to Storybrooke. That means two regular people will be in Storybrooke.

I can't imagine the wild plot lines that will develop.

*Yawn*

Emma and the gang realize Dr. Whale has left the hospital. And NOT trying to save Greg, like he promised.

Dr. Frankenstein is upset when his attempt to electrocute his brother back to life has failed. Dear dad arrives and gives a slice of terrible acting, blaming Dr. Frankenstein for killing his brother.

There's more father/son/death issues here than a Tim Burton movie.

Cora sneaks around the Mayors house looking for clues. Meanwhile, Henry sneaks around the cemetery and enters the Mayor's secret vault. She lets him into her room of mirrors. She pleads her innocence, and Henry looks unimpressed. Then Henry turns into Cora.

Busted.

Dr. Frankenstein is paid another visit by Rumpelstiltskin. He promises him an enchanted heart that will withstand the blast of lightening, all in return for pulling a prank on Regina, making her think her dear Daniel, can be brought back to life.

Cora pleads with the Mayor, that she loves her and understands why she tried to kill her...like over and over again. The Mayor demands that Cora go into town and confess to the kidnapping of Dr. Hopper. She agrees and I really hope something super awesome happens.

Ruby and her wolf nose, find Dr. Whale ready to jump to his death. She catches him in the last second.

Dr. Frankenstein uses an enchanted heart from Storybrooke and animates his brother. Dear old dad is so excited, but he gets too close with the candle. The brother freaks out and attacks the dad, killing him with his fists.
 

Dr. Whale explains to Ruby that magic always comes with a price. Ruby replies with the best line of the season so far. “I'm a werewolf, I ate my boyfriend.”

Seriously. I'm not kidding.

The Mayor and Cora drive into town. Like any good mother, Cora uses this time to point out that Henry will never be hers as long as Mary Margaret and Emma keep bringing up all the stuff she did as the Evil Queen. The Mayor dissolves into tears, knowing her mother is the only one who can help her get Henry back.

Dr. Frankenstein speaks with his zombie brother, and realizes he is a tortured monster. He brings a gun to end his life, but is unable to pull the trigger. He leaves his brother in a cell.

Gee, kind of a no win situation.

Dr. Whale returns to the hospital and saves Greg, the regular guy.

Mr. Gold brings the chipped cup to Belle, hoping it will bring her memory back. He talks about castles and is insisted it's a magical talisman. Belle, frustrated with the lack of hospital security smashes the cup and asks the ugly old guy to leave.

Emma interviews Greg, the regular guy. She's all worried that he saw some magic, even though magic doesn't exist in Storybrooke—only when it does. But her fears are put to rest when Greg confesses that he was texting and didn't see anything weird.

Mr. Gold uses the magical globe thingy and gets the location of Bellfire. Emma has breakfast with Henry who explains to everyone that Dr. Frankenstein isn't even a fairytale, so if he's in Storybrooke, well, gosh, that means anything can happen.

Mr. Gold arrives and tells Emma it's time to cash in on the favor she promised when he let Cinderella keep her baby.

Yeah, I know. Where is she these days?

Emma has to pack a bag and take him traveling. He promises everyone in the room if anything bad happens to Belle while he's away,  he'll kill them all.

Harsh much?

Meanwhile, Greg the regular guy, calls his honey and let's her know he's stuck in wackoville where magic only exists when it's convenient.

Stuff I Liked About This Episode

Mary Margaret's eye make-up

Hook's stubble.

Cora disguising herself as Henry.

Dr. Frankenstein's brother—Meow!

Stuff I Didn't Like About This Episode

How Grumpy tagged along for no reason.

Cora and Mr. Gold's kiss. *Gag*

How the Sheriff DID NOT show up....AGAIN!

 

Once Upon A Time, Episode 5, Season 2, "The Doctor"

Or better title, "Zombies Don't Cry"

Welcome home!
photo credit, welovesoaps.net

Emma and Mary Margaret trample through the forest with Mulan and Sleeping Beauty, fresh from their failed quest to reach Storybrooke through the enchanted wardrobe. But they stop short when they discover their super safe fort has been attacked. The bodies with holes in their chests tip off Mary Margaret that this isn't the work of an ogre, but none other than Barbara Hershey Cora and her puffy lips.

Among the piles of victims they find one sole survivor...Captain Hook.

photo credit, starstills.com

David struts around Storybrooke with his borrowed Sheriff's star and holster.

Personally, I have more faith in Woody from Toy Story.

Dr. Whale approaches him to discuss the serious matter of whether the Mayor's new attitude of not using magic or killing people is genuine. Instead, David sucker punches him for dating Mary Margaret that one time awhile ago when no one knew their real identity.

After that pointless display of testosterone, David tell Dr. Whale he's trying to build a portal back to fairytale land.

The Mayor visits Dr. Hopper for her therapy session about resisting magic—it's been two days! Dr. Whale bursts into the room and demands a one way trip back to fairytale land.

The Mayor spits out that she has no magic strong enough to give him what he wants, plus there's that awkward mention of a dead brother he's looking for.

Desperate, Dr. Whale storms out of another scene with no real purpose but to give the other characters an opportunity to dump information. Dr. Hopper calmly convinces Regina to tell him about her first time...um with magic.

Rumpelstiltskin and Regina are in a forest clearing playing with a unicorn. A unicorn!!! He shows her how to reach in and take it's heart, but she has a horrible flashback to when Cora did the ole' heartectomy on Daniel (her true love).

Rumpelstiltskin assures her that death only occurs when you will it. He demonstrates the proper technique showing her that even though he holds it's heart, the unicorn is still alive—however it is now controlled by him.

When you take a heart, he tells her, it becomes enchanted and you control it. When Regina resists again he can't hide his disappointment and says, “If you want magic you have to be willing to use the power.”

Here are some other tidbits he's given us; Magic comes with a price, true love is the most powerful magic of all, true love's kiss will break any spell...

The Mayor tearfully confesses to Dr. Hopper that she enchanted Daniel's body and has kept him under glass in her secret vault in the cemetery. Dr. Hopper warns her that as long as she lives in the past, she'll never find her future.

Also, keeping your dead fiance on display is waaaay sicko.

The Mayor doesn't like his advice and blasts out of his office, convinced he and his bow tie can't help her. On the drive home in the rain she thinks she sees Daniel leering at her from across the street...but a second later he's gone—poof like magic.

But that's silly because there's no magic in Storybrooke, except when there is.

David takes Henry to the stables to learn riding and horse grooming as part of his knight in training—in Storybrooke school doesn't matter.

The Mayor visits her mausoleum of love and is terrified to find Daniel's glass casket is *gasp* empty.

Regina meets Rumpelstiltskin and begs him to teach him how to bring back the dead. Rumpelstiltskin does his customary Irish jig of nonsense, and says that transcending death is even beyond his reach.

Up pops Jefferson with a crystal ball to barter. Rumpelstiltskin rolls his eyes at the overly confidant con-artist and reiterates that what he really he needs Jefferson to find is a non-magical realm.

*cough* Storybrooke *cough*

Regina eavesdrops and realizes Jefferson may have some connections that can help her bring Daniel back from the dead.

Jefferson has all the swagger of a bachelor and therefore has yet to become little Grace's loving father. Presently driven by greed, he tempts Regina with knowledge of a wizard who can help her. In exchange he wants a royal passport to move throughout the various realms without any hassle from all those enemies he's made with his shady deals.

Mulan tells Emma she recognizes Captain Hook as a black smith who visited their camp a few months ago. He acts traumatized as he recalls how he survived Cora's thoracic punch-a-thon by pretending to be dead. But Emma isn't fooled and she pulls a knife to his throat demanding the truth.

The Mayor travels to the spookiest part of the hospital basement looking for Dr. Whale.

Jefferson arrives at Regina's castle with 'the wizard' and it's...Dr. Whale! Except he's dressed like a steam punk version of Elton John. 

Light bulb moment!! He's Victor Frankenstein.

Dear ABC,

Frankenstein is NOT a fairytale.

Daniel, my brother...
photo credit, tumblr.com

Dr. Frankie examines Daniel's body. He tells Regina his experiment will require a strong heart that can sustain reanimation. Regina refuses to use one of her mother's enchanted hearts, since she is the reason Daniel is dead.

Wait...no magic? Honey, how the heck are you supposed to bring him back?

The Mayor enters a ransacked room and finds Dr. Whale under a stretcher...and missing an arm. He confesses he reanimated Daniel, but instead of the romantic stable boy, he's now a dangerous blood thirsty zombie.

Yikes! He and the Mayor are going to be Storybrooke's ultimate power couple.

Dr. Frankie assures Regina absolutely no magic is used in his reanimation. She caves and leads Jefferson and Dr. Frankie down to her mother's creepy heart vault. Dr. Frankie looks like a kid in a candy store.

Another bad day for the Mayor.
photo credit,

David arrives at the hospital and questions The Mayor about Dr. Whale's injuries. She admits Daniel has come back via Dr. Whale's gruesome medicine using one of her hearts from the vault. They worry about which heart was used?  

Well, I know it's not Schmexy's because she *sob* crushed his *sob*.

The Mayor quickly deduces Daniel will be acting on his last memories of being in her mother's stables.

Oops, I guess David shouldn't have left Prince Henry all alone.

Emma ties Captain Hook to a tree, leaving him an appetizer for the ogre. His charade cracks and spills the beans about Cora's master plot to find a way to Storybrooke. He tells them she has the enchanted ashes from the wardrobe, but she still needs his ship, and a magic compass. In exchange for his life, he promises to take them instead (since he's super eager to pay a visit to Rumpelstiltskin).

By hook or by crook...
photo credit wetpaint.com

The Mayor and David arrive just in time to save Henry. They lock Daniel in a stall and she convinces David back off with his gun and let her try and talk to him.

This makes sense because zombies always listen to reason.

Dr. Frankie takes the enchanted heart and disappears into a tent on the hillside as Regina and Jefferson stand in the rain, watching him work behind a screen. His shadow hand pierces Daniel's body just as lightening flashes. A heart beat later (sorry, bad pun) he comes out looking crestfallen and tells Regina the heart wasn't strong enough for the procedure.

Hmm...I think he saved it for his brother. You know from that classic fairytale by Mary Shelley.

*rolls eyes*

The Mayor enters the stall and Daniel approaches her slowly, making her cry with joy. Then he zooms in and starts to strangle her. She chokes out that she loves him and BAM! just like that, he's not a zombie anymore.

Dear Walking Dead,

Put down your weapons, all the zombies need is love.

Daniel collapses in severe pain, begging the Mayor to let him die.

Wow, that was quick.

He pleads with her again, urging her to love again. When she tearfully refuses, he lunges toward her, unable to fight the urge to attack. She finally uses magic and kills him instantly.

Sleepy Beauty did a lot of staring this episode.
photo credit, wetpaint.com

Captain Hook leads Emma, Mary Margaret and Mulan through the forest...oh wait, Sleeping Beauty is there too, but she only had one line this whole episode and has no real motivation for this scene. He takes them to a clearing where a bean stalk reaches into the clouds. Emma gives him a look and realizes she not only has to scale an enormous vine, but also battle a giant for the magic compass.

Regina, now smarting from Daniel's botched reanimation, visits Rumpelstiltskin with a new bad ass attitude, and a Marge Simpson inspired hair. She kills his newest apprentice without flinching, proving she's ready for power.

Jefferson and Dr. Frankie visit Rumpelstiltskin and they cackle with joy about how they tricked Regina; Dr. Frankie got to keep the heart, and Regina returned to Rumpelstiltskin super mean and ready for revenge on the world.

Dr. Frankie makes it clear his world has no magic, and that his passion goes by another name. Jefferson keeps his end of the bargain by creating the purple vortex with his hat to send Dr. Frankie back to his world—Europe, I'm guessing.

Dr. Whale arrives at Mr. Gold's shop with his severed arm, and Mr. Gold easily reattaches it, but he offers no hope on the whereabouts of his lost dead brother.

We go black and white to a castle by the sea in the middle of a lightening storm. Dr. Frakie enters his lab with the enchanted heart, pausing by the long metal table. His assistant makes the necessary adjustments to the body under the sheet. The storm rages on. He flicks the heavy power switch and the blanket twitches violently. It's not magic...it's science!

Predictions for the next episode

1. Sleeping Beauty goes missing but no one realizes until the end of the show.
2. Captain Hook and Mary Margaret trade necklaces just for fun, but she realizes her disastrous mistake when the silver key unlocks the handcuffs they slapped on Cora.
3. Granny goes on strike, upset that she's only had one line this season.

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Once Upon A Time, Episode 1, Season 2, "Broken"

Or better title, “Awkward!”

Things aren't looking good for re-election.
photo credit, ctv.ca

A line up of horses along Central Park suddenly get spooked by a dark haired stranger in a suit.

Hmm...a Sleepy Hollow connection perhaps?

We follow the 'mystery guy' as he takes the subway to his small apartment. How small is it? It's so small when he puts the key in the door, he breaks the window.

Ba-dump-bump!

A pigeon lands on the window sill and leaves him a post card beside his rotary telephone. Rotary phone! What is this, the 1970's?

But that's not important. What is important is that the postcard is from Storybrooke. Only one word is scrawled across the back in bold letters

AWKWARD.

Ha! Ha! Sorry, the word is BROKEN.

And this is a perfect example of why prologues are unnecessary. I'll explain at the end.

Two horsemen gallop across a barren plain and enter a thorn covered palace to find Sleeping Beauty.

The first horseman, a lovely chap who reminds me of Schmexy, gives her true love's kiss—completely expected, yes? She awakens and calls him Phillip, then the real kissing begins.

The second horseman, still unidentifiable under a mask and helmet, feels AWKWARD watching them make out, and sneaks off to explore the castle.

In Storybrooke the purple haze has lifted. David and Mary Margaret, now enjoying life together as the royal couple, reunite with Red and Granny and the dwarfs. I recognize Grumpy and Sneezy, but there's a guy someone put a big floppy purple knit cap on. Let's assume that dude is Dopey.

I'm starting to feel a little dopey and it's only the first five minutes of the show.

Emma shows up and things get AWKWARD as they realize they're a family. Henry runs up and calls David, Grandpa!

Remember Henry? He was on his death bed, in his pyjamas two minutes ago.

*rubs temples*

For what it's worth, if I were David, I'd go find August Wayne Booth and beat the crap out of his useless wooden butt for leaving baby Emma at the orphanage.

And since we all need reminding, the Blue Fairy shows up as the Head Nun, to warn everyone that even though magic should never be in Storybrooke, things are complicated now.

Wouldn't it be really weird to see something that's usually the size of a bug, one day show up as big as you? Think about that the next time you see a spider.

Dear ABC,

Changing the rules halfway through the story is not only unfair to the viewer it's also AWKWARD.

Emma tells her expanding family that since the spell isn't broken, meaning they haven't been transported back to fairy tale land, that the Evil Queen had nothing to do with the purple fog, and that honor probably rests with Mr. Gold.

Mr. Gold and Belle are spending some quality time in the woods by the well catching up on all the news that's been happening in the last twenty-eight years. When he learns the Evil Queen is the one responsible for her imprisonment, he's outraged.

Belle gives him an ultimatum to never kill the Queen and asks him to turn his back on magic.

He promises, but we all know where this is going.

The nameless people who make up crowd scenes, form a posse and parade toward Regina's house. Dr. Hopper, appeals to their conscience and counsels Emma and the gang to stop the angry mob.

Why? Because Rumpelstiltskin needs an adversary, of course.

At Sleeping Beauty's castle, the masked horseman discovers a hidden chamber, but mistakenly releases a wispy black demon that looks like the love child between a Jawa from Star Wars and a Dementor from Azkaban.

Jawa
photo credit, flickerfilm.net

Dementor
photo credit, harrypotterwikia.net

But the horseman is very skilled with the sword and manages cut away it's dangling amulet, sending it screaming off into the sky.

Mr. Gold takes Belle to his shop. While he pretends to be getting new clothes for her, he secretly puts on gloves, unlocks a cupboard, and retrieves a golden box. He unlocks it, and takes out *GASP* the very same amulet that the Dementor-knock-off had been wearing.

The angry mob arrives at the Mayor's house with Dr. Whale in the lead.

Remember him? He's the guy without a fairy tale identity...yet.

Regina steps out and tries to unleash some magic on the blood thirsty crowd, but nothing happens. She is powerless.

Let me repeat that, she has no magic.

Emma and her parents bust up the party and take her to the jail house. Once safely behind bars Regina tells them fairy tale land no longer exists...suckas!

They storm out, leaving the room completely empty for Mr. Gold to rush in and confront her about kidnapping Belle.

Geez, didn't they see each other in the hallway?

With lightening speed, he grabs Regina's hand in his gloved one, and presses the amulet into her palm. She recognizes it and gets super scared.

Sleeping Beauty and Phillip see the black demon fly away, he picks up the amulet. The second horseman takes off the helmet and mask and reveals herself to be Mulan—a Disney Princess, thank you very much...even though she doesn't get as much swag as Tinkerbell, who by all definitions isn't even a Princess.

photo credit, fanpop.com

Sleeping Beauty listens to how the beautiful Mulan and Phillip have become awesome pals in their adventures together, and is so grateful Phillip had a friend—actually no, she's totally jealous, and I confess I'm rooting for Mulan.

Mulan fills in the plot nicely and tells us the creature she just battled kills it's prey by sucking their souls. *cough* dementor *cough*

Sleeping Beauty is scared so Phillip gives her a big long kiss. But uh-oh, we see the amulet has left him with a black mark. Soon, the Dementor, black demon, will come for him.

That or he'll be cursed to sail on the Black Pearl and meet his death at the hands of a sea creature.

Mr. Gold takes his Rumpelstiltskin engraved dagger, and stabs the amulet, calling for the 'dark one.'

I can't keep up with all the villains on this episode.  

photo credit, filmedge.net

Regina, a split second later, sees a mark seared into her palm. Cue Jack Sparrow.

Mary Margaret and Grampa David talk to Emma about their decision to abandon her as a baby. Mary Margaret tries to tell her that they did it to save her and give her a better life.

Emma says she doesn't feel like she belongs because she's spent her whole life alone, and that she would have wanted to be cursed if it meant growing up with them. Mary Margaret can't think of anything to say.

AWKWARD.

Mulan advices Phillip and Sleeping Beauty to set up camp in the spookiest part of the forest. Phillip wastes little time, telling Sleeping Beauty how much he's missed her and gives her another big smooch. And then predictably, he leaves for firewood while secretly crying.

Emma and her awkward parents arrive at Dr. Gold's shop asking for answers.

Because he usually gives it straight up. NOT.

Mr. Gold, doesn't even flinch. He coolly lists all the good stuff that has happened: ie, Emma met her parents, and Henry is alive.

Suddenly it's dark and car alarms start going off. Grampa David and Mary Margaret rush to the window as bits of Storybrooke blow around.

I'm thinking it's the StayPuff Marshmallow man from Ghost Busters.

Mr. Gold tells them not to worry, he's summoned the one thing that can rid them of the Evil Queen. They hardly find this reassuring, and they freak out and leave.

Okay, let's recap. Mr. Gold has magic, but the Evil Queen doesn't. Good, let's move on.

Belle comes out from behind the curtain calling his bluff on his promise not to hurt the Evil Queen. “You're still a man who makes wrong choices,” she cries. She takes off, ignoring his pleas for forgiveness.

Mulan and Sleeping Beauty start to argue when they realize Phillip isn't coming back. Mulan grabs her sword determined to help him fight off the Dementor-wanna-be. Sleeping Beauty runs after, saying she's just as useful in a fight, but two seconds later, she gets lost.

Inside the jail, the power flickers and the black demon disguised as a Dementor arrives to kill Regina.

Damn! If only she had some chocolate.

Expecto Patronum!

Emma and her parents show up and scare it off with a can of hair spray and a lighter.

Mary Margaret is so smart! I'm guessing delinquent dwarf showed her that trick.

Regina says it's no use trying to save her, the beast will be back.

Grampa David is like, 'huh, well...too bad. You're evil anyway.'

But Emma raises the stakes and reminds her dad, and us, that she made a promise to Henry to protect Regina.

It seems to me that Emma makes waaaaay too many promises to the wrong people.

Regina is hopeful and tells them there's a way to get rid of the demon, but they all have to go to her house.

Wow, I hope it doesn't involve magic because she doesn't have any...remember?

Her plan is to use Jefferson's Mad Hatter Hat to create the worm hole back to fairy tale land, which no longer exists, apparently.

Mulan is deep in the forest trying to pick up Philip's tracks. She's surprised when Sleeping Beauty shows up ridding a horse, getting up in Mulan's face with her new attitude, 'I'm-strong-and-pretty-too! Yo!' She then accuses Mulan of being in love with her fella.

Hey, I do too, he reminds me of Schmexy.

Back at the Mayor's house, Regina spins the hat on the floor as the others think it's a good idea to set the house on fire.

Mulan and Sleeping Beauty find Phillip and watch in horror as he gets attacked by the black demon. His soul and the Dementor look-a-like get sucked into the amulet.

Dear ABC,

Why do you keep killing off the cute guys?

PS Where is Jefferson? 

Amazingly, Regina is able to make the hat work!

Hooray for plot inconsistencies!

The purple vortex turns the the foyer into a wind tunnel making Emma look like she's in a shampoo commercial. The ripped-garbage-bag-wearing-monster shows up, and starts to get sucked into the vortex. But wouldn't you know it, Regina gets in the way at the last second. Emma, who never backs down from a promise, pushes her out of the way, and follows the demon into the void.

Mary Margaret gives a monologue about why she can't let Emma be alone again, and jumps in after.

Grampa David waits a second too long, and he ends up doing a belly flop on the linoleum.

Sleeping Beauty lays Phillip's body on her mattress. Mulan gives her the amulet that contains his soul.

It also contains the black demon, but we'll worry about that later, I guess.

Grampa David clutches the hat and demands answers from Regina. But she's had enough. She waves her hands—as if by magic, he's thrown against the wall as vines sprout from thin air and begin to strangle him.

Magic in Storybrooke is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.

Henry arrives with Red, making Regina forget about killing his grandfather, and she puts on her happy face.

AWKWARD.

When he finds out she really, really, really, is evil, he gives her an awful ultimatum.

Bring back Emma and Mary Margaret, and until then, he's living with his Grampa David.

Burn!

Mr. Gold is spinning wool in a scene that's more ridiculous than awkward, when Belle comes walking back in. They recap that the monster has left the town and all seems peaceful again. She sees the chipped tea cup and gets all weepy. He tells her it's the only thing he truly cherishes.

Hold on, doesn't he have a son?

Then Mr. Gold tells her to leave because he's no good for her.

But Belle won't listen, she says that's the exact reason why she has to stay.

Okay, that totally flies in the face of the first reason she left, but hey, that's the way this show rolls. Besides, she's just a love sick girl newly escaped from the asylum.

Grampa David tells Henry not to be so glum because he will find them...he will always find them.

Maybe he should get Dr. Hopper's dalmatian and search the gold mine like they did in Episode 4. You know, the place that opens into fairy tale land?

Oh...never mind.

Mulan tells Sleeping Beauty that while she was asleep, the Evil Queen took everyone away to a different land, but for some reason their little corner of the kingdom remained. However, she warns her they must leave quickly. It's dangerous for them to still be so close to where the demon emerged.

Mulan moves away some of the wreckage and tells Sleeping Beauty that the thing that lies underneath is what caused all the destruction to their land. The camera pans down to show Emma and Mary Margaret lying unconscious.

Right...because they totally look like Dementors.

And this is the end where I'd like to talk about prologues. The opening sequence, while fun to watch, probably took a week to shoot and added absolutely nothing to the story. I'm sure once they introduce the mystery guy with the small apartment and the rotary phone again, we won't remember him.

Predictions for next episode.

Emma, Mary Margaret, Mulan and Sleeping Beauty will slowly assume the characteristics of the chicks from Sex and the City.

Someone will give Sleeping Beauty a nickname, probably me because I hate writing it out EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

Grampa David will do a lot of walking around and scowling while accomplishing nothing.

Dr. Wells will continue to be ambiguous while thanking the producers for keeping him around while the research 'ambiguous fairy tale characters' on Google.

The mystery guy will turn out to be Bellfire. Who is Bellfire you ask? Click here to find out.