How To Know If Miss Piggy Is Your Patronus

#1. You act like this for the rest of the day after getting your hair done.



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#2. You're not afraid to let a guy know you like him.

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#3. How you respond when people keep talking to you while you're reading.


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#4. You're a true romantic...about shopping.


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#5. You realize the importance of making a grand entrance.


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#6. You don't care what other people think of you, unless they think you're fabulous.

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#7. You're no damsel in distress. You are your own hero.



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#8. You're so amazing, you could have your own superhero costume.


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#9. You never underestimate the power of great hair and the ability to 'walk your own walk'.


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So...is Miss Piggy your patronus?





Once Upon A Time, Season 4, Episode 1, "A Tale of Two Sisters"

Or better title "Freezer Burn"



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The parents of Elsa and Anna are about to go down with their ship in a rough storm. The mother makes a quick note and puts it in a bottle. She says, "The girls need to know the truth."

Wow! Whatever she wrote on that note must be important. Which makes me wonder, why did the parents wait until certain death before sending this crucial tidbit to the girls? Why not have a letter in a safe back in the palace? Or entrust it with a trusted palace official? Or even one of those troll things? Or...oh never mind.   

Five years later Elsa and Anna visit their parent's grave. The two grow melancholy until Elsa brings up Anna and Kristoff's quickly approaching wedding. Elsa says she has a special present for Anna.
 

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Zipping to the present time, we see Elsa emerge from the symbol on the barn floor and enter Storybrooke. She walks along the darkened streets and almost gets run over by Grumpy's truck. She hits them with a wall of ice to prevent the accident.

Regina now has to deal with Robin Hood's newly arrived wife, Marion.

Poor Regina. It's bad enough your boyfriend's wife shows up, but when she calls you an evil witch in front of everyone...well, let's just say she's entitled to whatever diabolical plan she'll cook up later.

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Elsa excitedly shows Anna the present—their mother's wedding dress and a special snowflake pendant. Elsa starts reading their mother's diary that she just happened to find. Her eyes grow wide as she tearfully explains she's the reason their parents died.

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After Belle and Mr. Gold get married (gag), they visit Neal's grave. Mr. Gold is still keeping the dagger a secret from Belle. He privately vows to avenge Neal's death.

Psst...having secret agendas and magical weapons is the key to a long and happy marriage. 

Robin visits Regina and tells her that even though he's still hot for her, he has to stay loyal to his wife. He says he has to live by his code.

The code? You're a fairy tale character, dude.

Regina gets so mad she breaks a mirror with her hate. She picks up a shard and grins wickedly at herself. This gives her an idea. She slips into the hospital and makes her way to the psychiatric ward where they keep patients locked inside dark cells.

Um...is that right? Where are the police? Or...oh never mind.

Since there's no security or staff of any kind in this secret hospital prison, Regina peeks in on a patient in confinement and easily opens the door. It's Mr. Glass, her old mirror. And we all know Mr. Glass will do anything for his evil queen.

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Mr. Gold and Belle tour their new house. It has a huge library and comes with a ballroom, which comes in handy when they totally rip off the dance scene from Disney. It also comes with a small circular chest that's locked.

Nothing strange about that. 

Hook and Emma have one of those awkward talks when you make out with someone and then don't know what to say the next day. Grumpy interrupts them, screaming about an ice monster loose in Storybrooke.

Elsa is convinced their parents were so scared of her icy powers they tried to escape on that fateful ship.

Um...if they were so terrified why did they leave little Anna in the palace with Elsa? Or why not have Elsa shipped away to live in an igloo up north? Or why not banish her to the highest alp? Or...oh never mind. This is "Once Upon A Time" and logic rarely matters.

Emma and Hook follow a trail of ice. Elsa manages to conjure a snow monster that begins to cause chaos in the streets.

Not ready to believe Elsa's theory, Anna consults the troll king about their parent's last voyage. He says their parents were going to Misthaven, but for what reason he doesn't know. Anna is convinced they should travel there for the answer, but Elsa will not leave the kingdom.

While her snow monster roams the streets, Elsa hides in an alley where she happens to see a newspaper blow by with a wedding photo of Mr. Gold and Belle. 

That was fast, they just got married.

Regina brings Mr. Glass up to speed on what he's missed. She decides to go back in time to kill Marion before Emma can bring her back to Storybrooke.

Awesome plan. No snags there.
 

Elsa slips undetected through the streets of Storybrooke until she finds Mr. Gold's pawn shop.

 

Anna secretly takes off for Misthaven, leaving Elsa on shore with Kristoff.

The snow monster goes into the forest and happens to find Robin, Marion, Hook, Emma, and David at a campsite. Emma tries her magic, but it doesn't work. Regina shows up and destroys the beast right before it almost crushes Marion.

Regina leaves in a plume of purple smoke before anyone can thank her.

A lonely, soft flute plays in the background.

Hook tells Emma they should enjoy the quiet moments that come between fighting monsters, but she confesses she feels too guilty to make out because she ruined Regina's good times with Robin by bringing his wife back. 

Emma goes to Regina's house and tries to talk to her through the doorway. She says she's commited to giving everyone a happy ending.

So many inappropriate jokes happening in my mind right now.

Regina asks the mirror to help her change fate. She claims Henry's story book is the reason she's so unhappy. Then she announces, "It's time to find out who wrote this book and make them give the villains their happy ending."
 

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Mr. Gold looks at his sleeping bride and while he polishes his secret dagger. Sorry, that came out wrong. He uses it to open the small chest. Inside is what looks like a tiny universe.

Whoa! What the heck have the writers been drinking?

Elsa watches helplessly as Anna's ship leaves for Misthaven. Kristoff tells her Misthaven is another name for the enchanted forest. Anna stands on the deck of the ship with her eyes full of hope. She touches the snowflake pendant and smiles.
 

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Back in Storybrooke Elsa breaks into Mr. Gold's shop. She finds the snowflake pendant and whispers, "I'll find you Anna."

Dun dun dun!!!

Hey, if you liked this, check out my other Once Upon A Time recaps here.


 

Are You a Book Pirate?

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I don't mean like Captain Hook or Long John Silver. I mean the book pirate who makes copies of hard copy books and original ebooks, and either sells them or makes them available on the internet for free.

People are still confused as to why this is wrong.

The truth is not many writers are able to support themselves solely by writing, which means most writers have another job.

Why should you care?

Well, let's say you happen upon a terrific book and you're delighted that it's going to be a series. But, oh man—it ends with a cliffhanger and you'll have to WAIT for months or even the next year for the sequel.

Wouldn't it be great if your favorite author wrote faster?

I'm sure they would love that too. But when they don't make enough revenue from book sales to write full time they may only get to work on their novels on the weekend, which means the book you're waiting for will take even LONGER to get on the shelf.

So book pirating affects readers...everywhere.

Still confused? Have you ever said this...

#1. "It doesn't matter if I copy this published book on my blog/tumblr/facebook page for free because the author is super rich."

It's not only the author who is losing revenue. The publisher, the editor, the people who design book covers, and most importantly the local bookstore are all losing out too.

Pirated books don't count in sales figures.

Publishers like to use these numbers to forecast what kinds of books people are buying to help them mainstream which authors/genres they should spotlight. If you're reading pirated books, you're decreasing the chance of another author (probably someone who has written a story you'd love) from getting a book deal.

#2. "It's not illegal. I'm not making any money."

Actually it is illegal. And why should you make money from something you had no hand in creating?

#3. "It's posted for free on the author's website so it's not book pirating."

Sorry, wrong again. Anything that anyone writes is copyrighted by law. Unless you have written permission from the author to post their work on your site, then you're a book pirate.

#4. "Authors should be lucky anyone is reading their book."

If that's how you truly feel, you've missed the whole point of reading the book.

#5.  "I can't afford to buy the book and the waiting list at the library is too long."

Perhaps this would be a good time for you to join a book club. The thing about book clubs is that a lot of members OWN books. Chances are someone in your school has a copy of that very book you're dying to read.

And guess what? Maybe you'll meet someone who loves books as much as you, and then you'll start your own book review blog. And before you know it publishers are contacting you to do reviews and sending you ARCs...for FREE! Then you can have contests so that other people (just like you) can read books for free without pirating.

I know most people who pirate books won't be swayed by this post, but I'm hoping there's at least one person who gets this and will make the decision to stop pirating. I hope that person is you.

And who says you can't read an amazing book for FREE?

Check out Wattpad for oodles of genres and even previews and contests from famous authors. If you're not on there, you should go...like right now. While you're there, check out NIGHT SHIFT.

Congratulations! You made it to the end of this post. Please enjoy this memorable scene from one of my favorite pirates.